Employees That've Been Fired On The Spot Reveal What Happened

Losing your job is embarrassing. Being fired is extremely so. Some people make mistakes, but some people face consequences completely disproportionate to whatever it was they did. These are their stories.

u/imnutothis asked Reddit:

People who have been straight up fired on the spot. What happened?

Here were some of those answers.

Dodged A Ribeye


Chef here. Got fired because I sent a steak out that "had char on it".

The only "char" on it was grill marks.

Ok lady, you probably just saved me a huge mess.


Played Yourself

I handed my boss my two week notice and she ripped it in half and said "Don't bother, you're done today."

HQ wasn't too thrilled with her decision as they had to pay me a severance because of her hatred towards me.


Haha, I once had the exact opposite happen - I submitted my resignation and my boss refused it. The next day, I received a meeting invite from my VP on my client site - very rare for him to come to me - and when I walked in, the VP, HR, Senior Manager, and Manager were on one side of a long table and there was one chair on the other side for me. They insisted that, despite my moving two states away, we would make it work. It was awkward, as I didn't particularly like working from home (I'm a social creature and if left at home alone, I will play video games all day), but we made it work for another year before we amicably ended my employment.



I came back to my summer job at an amusement park from missing 3 days with strep throat, handed in my doctors excuse, and was fired for missing work. Apparently to call off you couldn't just talk to a manager, you had to talk to the department head, a person I had never met with a phone number that had never been made available to me. Because I missed more than 2 days, it didn't matter that I had a note because I was considered a no call/no show. The assistant manager I gave my excuse to handed me a letter back that said I had 10 minutes to clean out my locker and vacate the premises or they'd call the cops for trespassing.

I was 16, in a state with very liberal employment laws, and my mom retained a lawyer. I didn't win any money but they ended up having to list me as rehire-able in their system and they paid a huge fine for essentially making it impossible for employees to call in sick.



I was told Friday out of nowhere "we won't be needing your services anymore" after being told in November I would have a position into next year at the minimum. So that's a fun holiday gift.


Same. Let go day before Thanksgiving after 5 years at a company and negotiated my new raise with substantial documentation of my worth to the company.

I was replaced almost immediately and suspect my raise was given to that individual....


Nah, It Was Real


Me and my friend were two young Irish lads working on rebuilding the Canary Wharf tower in London (which had been blown up by some other Irish lads a year earlier, but that's another story.) It was like the Nakatomi Plaza. There were so many floors, if you didn't feel like working, you could just go to some random floor and hide out for a while.

So me and my friend, both 18 years old, were hungover one morning. We went to the 23rd floor where there was a comfortable couch and we lay there smoking weed. Suddenly the English foreman appears and fires us on the spot. As he was walking away, he says "That was taking the piss, lads."

Unfortunately, there was somewhat of a misunderstanding here. What he meant was that our behavior was so bad we had crossed a line. However, in Ireland at that time, "that was taking the piss" meant I'm only joking. So we continued working for another three or four hours before he came back and said "I fired you this morning, what the hell are you still doing here?"


Too Much Of A Threat

I was working for a small family owned restaurant. All the wait staff, and most of the kitchen staff was family or friends with the owner. I was hired as a waitress, and I did okay, not great, not terrible, it was my first time being a waitress.

One day, one of their regular customers came in, who is a bit of a local celebrity. He apparently came in once or twice a week, and tipped very well. Normally the owners daughter would take the taAble, but she was out sick so I took them. I got an amazing tip from him, and he told the owner that he would like me to wait on them if I am available in the future. The second he left I was fired.


I'm Quaking In My Hairnet

I told my manager at a fast food place that I was going to be looking for a new job, and to not schedule me after this pay period. The next week, I see my name on the schedule and ask her what the deal is.

"I told you I was going to get a new job and not to schedule me"

"Well, did you get a new job yet?"

"No. But I'm still not sticking around this one."

"Well you know what, you can just not come back here now with that attitude."

She sure showed me.


Jerk Bosses Who Played Themselves

I was fresh out of College at an IT contract-to-hire job. I came in on a Tuesday, sat down at my desk, the boss/owner came up behind me and told me I was fired. I sat there, mouth open, and then asked, "Why?" He said that I was not a good fit for the company and that I had to leave. So I gathered my things and he stood there watching me (probably making sure I did not steal anything) and escorted me out of the office. I found out later that because of the size of the company, at the time, they were looking for a tier III worker, but I was a tier I; I told them this in the interview, but apparently they did not have the resources to train me. Well jokes on them, I went through a month of unemployment and I found an even better IT job where I make a lot of money and work only half as hard as that job.


Blessings In Disguise

My first job out of college was for a very small dental insurance claims clearing house. The company had recently split from another company, whose name was on the software that all the Dentist offices used, so that was the name they recognized. The two companies were basically fighting over their client base. So, my job was to call up all of their clients to remove the old software from the former partner and install the new janky-*ss sh*t they'd cobbled together since the split.

My job alternated between:

  • Calling up customers to install the new software and train them on it
  • Troubleshoot the problems with the software and come up with work-arounds, typically during training calls.

Clients typically were finding out from me that the software was changing and I was supposed to insist that it was the same company, just different software.

After almost a year of this, I was getting to a point where it just felt so awful to trudge my way into work because I knew I'd spend the day getting yelled at by clients who were upset that their routines were changing. I spent a lot of my downtime complaining to my friends over my personal email about how awful it was. Probably not the best thing to do, but I was young.

Well, one day I come back from lunch and find the door to my office closed and my boss standing there waiting for me. He showed me the emails he'd printed out from my personal email account with portions of conversations highlighted that he didn't like. I never used any names or revealed company information - just my emotions while working there. He shoved the papers in my hands and said "Explain this to me." I basically said I was just having trouble with the day to day grind, but he just responded with, "I think it's time for you to find something else. Get out of here."

Fine by me. I probably should have left before it got to that point, but hindsight is 20/20 and all that.


What Did You Expect To Happen?


I was 15 I think. I was a lifeguard at a subdivision pool. Being the "new guy" and the "young kid" I worked every weekend. Friday night, Saturday night, Sunday day. I had already missed going to my grandparents a couple of times, and my parents were taking a vacation. I asked off and was told that I couldn't go. My dad basically said, "you are going, I don't care." I told the boss this and she said, you still have to work. I left with my parents, and when I got back there were a dozen messages on my parents answering machine saying that they couldn't open the pool because I wasn't there. She fired me 3 or 4 times that weekend.

She was a bored housewife hired by the HOA to schedule the lifeguards who were mostly high school kids. She fired another for wearing a bikini. They didn't use her the next year, but by that point in time I was 16 and had a better job.


No Dime For A Jerk

Mom, brother and I were at Olive Garden about 20 years ago. We had the worst waiter in the history of the world. He was outrageously rude to the point of being abusive to us. At the end of the dinner my mom left him a dime for a tip and as we were leaving the waiter threw the dime at my mom (I was a little kid otherwise I would have probably at least attempted to defend her). Waiter's boss saw the dime throw and fired the waiter on the spot. Everyone has a bad day, but that guy was just a prick.


Not Doing Your Work For Ya, Bucko

A colleague (from another department, always borderline hostile) had emailed my boss that I no-showed a call while on the job. Terminated immediately.

This wasn't possible though, as I had documentation that I showed to the call. And it's also not possible to no-show a call. Like, people literally die. If one can't go, you call your partner to go for you. But in my case I had gone there. All my documentation proved I had been there.

Theirs on the other hand, did not. But my manager skipped the investigation on this. No checking call logs, no checking notes (legally binding documents), no even hearing my side. Came in in the morning, asked me if I had gone to a call 5 days ago, I asked what the documentation said and he said we're ending your employment. Good manager!


Don't Ride An Engineer


I was an engineer at a company. Glorified term for the guy who designs construction projects and orders the material on smaller scale telecom projects. The owner of the company would take a big group of installers to install the projects. He was always riding us engineers to use up smaller pieces of inventory from the warehouse instead of ordering brand new stuff (for example do not order the 10' piece of steel if you can have the warehouse pull a 4' from our stock).

Well I would design the projects and only order the longer pieces if it was part of my design requiring and I would bid the project based on that design. Never failed the owner would go to site with his rag tag group, tear apart my design, build it completely different than my design, and then bitch at me for ordering too much material (he would send me nasty emails copying everyone). Keep in mind that he would install the job with a much different design than we bid for which means our quotes should have been reduced per our contract with our client.

I finally had enough of him berating me and sent a nasty email response to one of his belittling emails he sent and copied the entire world like he always does. I show up to work and my direct line supervisor laid me off. I knew very well that my email would probably get me fired and that I was burning a bridge but I already had another job lined up and it felt so good to tell that guy to f*ck off. My manager was laughing about the email as he was telling me that he had to lay me off.

3 months after all of this the owners wife was calling me and asking if there was anyway in would return. I declined for obvious reasons.


All That For Nothing

It was my first job, I think I was 16 or 17 at the time. I worked at a local grocery store a couple days a week as a cashier.

One morning my dad had just dropped me off at work and it was a slow Sunday morning. A couple hours into my shift a girl comes in and buys a pack of cigarettes. I forgot to ID her and turns out she was underage and it was one of those sting things. (which when I worked there I did not know that was even a thing that happened.) Well a guy comes in with the same girl and talks to the manager. Tells him what happened. After the two leave he pulls me to the side and tells me that I am fired. I was devastated because I was a really good kid and followed by the rules and hated getting in trouble.

I then go outside call my dad and the minute he answered I burst into tears. I tell him that I need him to pick me up because I was fired. He comes picks me up I tell him what happened and he calms me down. Then my mom comes home from church and tell her what happened. She was fuming. My mom was saying that I should not have been selling cigarettes or alcohol in the first place because it is illegal for a minor to do so. Then my mom and I go back to the store and my mom is talking to the manager how it is wrong. That I was not supposed to be selling them in the first place and etc. After all that the manager says that I can have my job back I just cannot be a cashier anymore, but my mom refused to let me work there anymore.


Do I Need A Hall Pass?

I was 3 months in my job and I was getting harassed by my manager constantly for several weeks. Every day they'd follow me to the bathroom and make comments the whole time I needed to be in there.

I felt uncomfortable with this and reported it to HR, the next day the president of the company came to the office, and summoned me and the HR rep.

He brought up my concerns, and asked me what I wanted. I said I just wanted him to be professional and not follow me to the bathroom every time I have to go.

After I finished, he said, "Okay... well. Here's the thing. I've read the reports, and it just doesn't look like you're a good fit here. It's within 90 days, so we're just going to terminate your employment immediately. You'll be escorted out."

And that was it. I hated myself for opening that can of worms, but at the same time f*ck that guy.


Sayonara, Bye-bye

Sears used to pay their electronics folks commission on top of base pay for big items. It was a pretty nice rate for commission. Anyways, we would "price match" compared to Frys or Best Buy (this was '05). Sometimes we made up Best Buy prices and would just say it was a promo weekend there.

I wasn't a great salesman and would incentivize customers to buy out of desperation. I'd take off like $400 sometimes.

One time a customer and I really hit it off. Super nice folks, came in around the holidays. I got on first name basis with em by the end. Anyways, lost prevention called me in and showed me on camera making the sale, I slipped up and said oh that's "Ed and his family." They thought I knew them on a real friend or family basis and gave them a $2900 tv for $2400. Fired on the spot.

Pay your workers more than $7/hour base and you won't see shit like that. People will sort out a way to cheat the system on you if you pay pennies. I got away with price matching probably 20 times before I got called on it.

That Sears is dead and gone now, I say good riddance.


Have you ever found yourself in an argument so stupid and/or pointless that you were sure you were being punked? Like you keep looking away from the other person to check your surroundings for places Ashton Kutcher and a camera crew could come popping out of?

You're not the only one.

u/Anti-hollowkid asked: What is the dumbest argument you've ever been in?

Brace yourselves, folks. Some of these arguments are breathtakingly bonkers. The sheer number of people who are willing to argue with someone over provable facts and what that other person likes or doesn't like is just ... stunning. It's stunning, you guys. Just not in a good way.

I Know What I Like


My wife and I once argued over whether or not I liked mustard on my hot dog. I was for me liking mustard, she was against me liking mustard.

The argument lasted way longer that you could ever imagine it would.

- AardvarkAndy

A Stair Step

My brother and I argued if our staircase had 13 or 14 steps, based on an argument about if the floor of the second floor counts as a stair-step or not. We still have no solution.

- RazerWolf04

My dad is a stairbuilder and I spent many summers working at his warehouse, so I can clear this up. 14.

- Apples9308


My husband and I have this thing where we only say "I love you" on Saturdays. Every other day it's "I love you, but only on Saturdays." I don't know how it started, but it's been going for 11 years now.

We're both shiftworkers, so sometimes we have to stop and think what day it actually is. We had an argument recently over whether it was Saturday or not. I said it was Saturday, he said it was Friday. It was Monday.

- FormalMango


I remember when I was about 13 my parents had an hour-long shouting match that ended with them almost getting divorced. The issue? Whether or not the nation of Iraq has a coastline.

My mother arguing that Iraq had a coastline, while my stepdad argued that it did not. This was back in 2004, and they are still quite happily married to this day. That incident is something they look back on and laugh about, and both of them admit it was really a pretty stupid thing to argue over.

- dontcryformegiratina


With an ex:

"I owe you $80 for the bills of ours that you pay, and you owe me $40 for the bills of ours that I paid. Here's $40 in cash; we're even."

She did not understand this.

I literally had to go get another $40 out of the ATM, and hand the $80 to her. Then I had her hand me the $40 she owed me.

"Now how much do you have in your hand?"

She still didn't understand.

She somehow has a college degree.

- Speedly

Mini Wheats

When we were kids my brother and I got in a physical fight because he said I like mini wheats and I insisted I didn't. His argument was that I always sang the mini wheats song and I was deeply offended that he wasn't aware that it was just stuck in my head but I hated the cereal. I actually did like the cereal I'm not sure why I was arguing with him about it but I remember how genuinely angry I was.

- shicole3



I'll tell you about the only legal trouble I've ever been in, the fight that got me arrested. It started over whether we should return a box of crayons or not, and to this day I don't have any idea how it escalated to the point of the cops being called, but they were and I was the one taken in.

- CorrectionalChard

That's Unfair

My boyfriend insisted that when two people are in an argument and one makes a point so reasonable and logical the other one can't disagree with it - it's unfair. I tried, logically and reasonably, to explain several times why that is just winning the argument, proving your point thoroughly and is completely fair.

His answer was that I was being unfair.

- ShyAcorn

Pure Masochism

How the ch in masochism is pronounced. My friend caught me saying "masoKism" while he would say "masoSYism."

To be fair, he grew up speaking French, in which the ch in masochism is pronounced in "his" way. But he insisted that I was the wrong one here and that was just infuriating.

- argofire

Emailing NASA

A woman was adamant that looking at the big solar eclipse on the television was unsafe unless you were wearing glasses. She wouldn't believe us and insisted on emailing NASA to check.

- derawin07

A Non-Standard Ruler? 

I worked for a company that made signs. We had a customer ask for signs that were 7mm wide that were to go on a door. Our sign makers figured the order meant inches because 7mm is pretty small, so made them 7 inches. I got a phone call from the customer who went mad at me for making them the wrong size. So I put a reorder through for 7 mm.

Argued with the sign makers over it but they eventually agreed to do it after I shown them the order in writing. I even had the customer put her complaint in writing, reiterating the size they wanted.

7mm signs went out and a day later I get the customer on the phone literally screaming at me.

Cue the dumb argument - we ended up having an argument over how big a millimetre is, and obviously everyone in the office were laughing, but this customer just wouldn't accept it and said we must be using a non-standard ruler to measure.

Ended up being escalating to the sales department manager who refused to issue a refund. We still don't know what they actually meant.

- Lovelocke

This Unusual Vegan Argument

Was in a pub with a few friends, and some random Dude dropped an ear, and somehow figured I'm vegan. Well, people like him are the reason I usually avoid mentioning it. He came up to me and insisted on starting a discussion about veganism. He claimed that by the end of it, I would be eating meat again.

He listed some stupid arguments, I told him I was not convinced and then tried to keep on drinking beer with my friends. He followed me, and wanted me to "try to convert him to a vegan." I stupidly listed some of my reasons thinking it would make him go away. He told me he still was not convinced, so I was like whatever. Again, I really just wanted to drink beer with my friends.

That dude followed me all night and expected me to try make him vegan. Doesn't matter what I said, and all the reasons that for me are obviously good enough to be vegan. He'd be just like "No, that doesn't convince me, therefore your argument and how you life is stupid."

Didn't matter how often I told him that I honestly don't care; 5 minutes later he would come up to me again "I'm still not vegan, so veganism is stupid, all your arguments were stupid, now give me a good reason to become vegan!" At one point, I was literally yelling at him that I don't give a single flying f about what he eats and why, that it's in no way my responsibility to "turn somebody vegan" and in no way his business what I eat.

Honestly, for that dude, I would have bought a whole ham, just to shove it up his stupid annoying face.

- onlytruebertos

Monty Python

In college my roommate and I argued about a line in Monty Python & the Holy Grail. The scene with the Black Knight where the line "Alright, we'll call it a draw" is uttered. We argued about who said that line, whether it was King Arthur or the Black Knight.

It went on for hours longer than it should have because I was stubborn and refused to admit I was wrong.

- Skrivus

Albert or Arnold


Whether Albert Einstein or Arnold Schwarzenegger would be more useful to have around during a Zombie apocalypse. How on earth would Albert Einstein come in handy!?

- Gerrard1995

Below Sea Level

I live on an island and when you go upland and you look out the sea looks like it's higher than or on the same level as the land. It's just a weird perspective thing because of the horizon. One day some kid says that it's because the island is under sea level.

I'm like wtf bro all of us would be with the fishes. He argues that no that's not true and if I just go upland I'll see. We then spend a good 5 minutes of my time arguing about it until I decided to leave this kid in his stupidity. He even said we shouldn't believe everything adults tell us and sometimes we need to think for ourselves.

This kid was older than me and was going to a good school. Lost my respect for him ever since then.

- -justforclout-


Someone tried to fight with me over how to spell my name.

Now, my name is in a lot of languages with slightly different spellings. I would have accepted any of those spellings, but this one was just... Not even close. It didn't make any logical sense.

An analogous example is if my name was Thomas and someone was insisting it was spelled Tomash. And not just the name Thomas in general, but that me specifically, on my birth certificate, was named Tomash. I know how to spell my own name.

I swear to god, it went on for like an hour.

- TK-DuVeraun

Whales Are Mammals

I was in an online chat room one day, and we were talking about whales. I commented on how whales are mammals and the next thing you know, someone was arguing with me and trying to convince me that a whale was a fish.

- kawaii_psycho451


Stupid microwaves. Having a man child talk down to me about how microwaves work only for him to google it and prove me right. He slept on the sofa that night.

- sun_phobic

Shower Schedule

My friend keeps telling me that the norm is that a person should shower once a week. This has been going on for years. I'm almost convinced he's trolling me.

- LibrarianGovernment

No Balloons For Grandma

My cousin and I argued over a balloon going to Heaven. We were at his big sisters prom send off and he let a balloon go and it went high into the sky.

He then said this balloon will go up past space and go to Heaven and reach grandma (God rest her soul). And I was like no it's not and it's probably not even gonna reach space. Releasing balloons is terrible for the environment and kills/harms so much wildlife.

He got really mad and defensive and started telling me to google it and do my research and I'm like I don't have to google it you idiot. He was mad at me for a good week.

- Dskee02

Spontaneous Dolphin Existence


How dolphins reproduced. It took me a few solid minutes of explaining to her that dolphins have reproductive organs and that they did not just pop into existence. The argument began with her saying she wanted to work with sea creatures.

Personally, I hope she was messing with me cause I lost a little faith in humanity that day.

- thebeststory

Male Chickens

I repeatedly had the argument with a friend over whether roosters were chickens. She was convinced that only the females were chickens (hens). We were 18 at the time.

- bee_zah

Lightning McQueen

Me and my friend were drinking underage, we ended up in an argument of whether lightning McQueen's eyes were blue or green. Somehow throughout the whole thing both of us never thought to straight up google a picture.

- 23071115

But ... Ice Floats

Waiter/Host here.

Woman wanted ice on the bottom of her drink.

Now read that sentence again and try to imagine arguing with that particular brand of stupid.

- FarWoods

Time Zones Exist

Coworker claimed that it was the same time of day and the same season on the whole globe. Had to get 4 coworkers to confirm to him that time zones do in fact exist.

- JustARegularToaster


My brother is colorblind. And he CONSTANTLY tries to correct me on what color things are.

"Hey could you hand me that red _____?"

"that's orange"

"no, it's red"



It is the base of our most common and heated arguments.

- droneb2hive

Andre 2000?


I'm late, but I saw this question and instantly remembered that I was booted from a Facebook group because I called someone out on a lie that was not only bull, but extremely pointless. She was friends with the moderator and they made the case that my argument over such a little lie was more of a problem than the lie itself (though they didn't refer to it as a lie.)

The woman said that she used to babysit for Andre 3000 and that his name was Andre 2000 - but he changed it after the year 2000 had passed. This was so easily disproven it was ridiculous. Their debut album came out in 1994 and he was already going by Andre 3000 at that time.

The argument wasn't a huge long drawn out thing, but the fact that either of us were on Facebook at separate times meant that the responses were over a long period of time so this argument lasted a few days.

It was stupid.

- P1ST0L_Wh1PP3D

Stars Like Our Sun

I was arguing with my grandpa about stars he didn't believe that there are other stars like our sun. Basically he thought there is only the sun, the moon and the earth.


Richard Nixon

I have a degree in history. I mostly focused on nationalism. Wrote a 50 page paper on it and Richard Nixon with around 50 100 sources. Looked at micro film for hours on end. Part of the paper focused on how Nixon being chair of the house committee of Unamerican Activities was used as a powerful weapon to use against political enemies. It also inspired Joe McCarthy. Have had people tell me I was wrong and Nixon was never elected to a position besides the president and Joe McCarthy came before Nixon. I stopped trying to talk history to people.

I also know quite a bit about the history of the Balkans its amazing how many Serbs refuse to believe Tito did anything wrong.

Wrote 100 page paper on nationalism in Israel. Its frustrating to talk about because for some reason a lot of people think Palestinian firing rockets randomly into Israel is ok but if Israel retaliates the people get up in arms over a targeted air strike that kills 3 people.


Balloon to Heaven

My cousin and I argued over a balloon going to Heaven. We were at his big sisters prom send off and he let a balloon go and it went high into the sky. He then said this balloon will go up past space and go to Heaven and reach grandma (God rest her soul). And I was like no it's not and it's probably not even gonna reach space.

And he got really mad and defensive and started telling me to google it and do my research and I'm like I don't have to google it you idiot. He was mad at me for a good week.


Binder Clips

I got into an argument with a co-worker over how we were attaching two pages of a letter together: small binder clips or paper clips.

He felt that paper clips would leave a "dent" in the paper when removed, but binder clips won't. He refused to staple them together. I felt that binder clips would also leave a "dent", so we might as well just use the paper clips.

It ended with him saying: "Do what you want [me], I don't care!" and storming off.



Once got accused of faking being Jewish. Why? I have no clue. We argued over the course of a month, any time I'd bring it up and she heard about it, she'd begin going after me for "faking it".

My mother's side is ethnically Jewish. Grandparents were practicing.




3 friends and I once got into an argument about how to pronounce Nutella. It lasted for about 3-4 months. It was hilarious how serious we took it, it'd get heated but never for real serious.

I think someone even called the company that made it to check, or that may have been for the Cheetos company. We were really bored in high school.


Lingerie Boxes

Late to the party, but there it is.

I'm a manager at a small store. We're only 4 working there, so my team and I grew very close and we joke around a lot. Once during a slow shift, my employee and I had an argument because we were looking at the lingerie boxes, and I thought that two specific boxes had the same woman on it, but she was 100% positive they weren't the same person.

Looking back, I don't know why it was such a big deal to us at the time, but we even called another employee who lives across the street to come and tell us what the heck was up with that. Turns out I was right, and she was pretty salty about it. It was a great night.


Wicked Witch of the West

I almost got into an argument with an old girlfriend over Glinda the good witch from Oz. She insisted that Glinda was manipulating Dorothy to assassinate the Wicked Witch of the West and convince the Wizard to leave to create a political void she could fill.

I conceded the issue when I heard the whole premise because I thought it was too damn stupid to get worked up over.


Keep Your Hands to Yourself

Just the other day I legit got in an argument with my co-workers on why I don't like my butt being grabbed by anyone (I'm a guy). Seriously.

They went on about "I don't mind it. Mike and I do it all the time and we don't care." Yeah, that's nice dude, but I'm not you, and there's something called "Keep your hands to yourself" (which was taught to a good portion of us growing up). Just like how Karen wouldn't like it if I touched her boobs or her grabbing your crotch or frankly ANY area you wouldn't like being grabbed, keep away. In general, you should not be touching me in any areas after I've told you not to several times before.

So unless you're sleeping me or dating me, keep your damn hands off my toosh.



My best friend and I argued over whether or not telekinesis was possible. Her argument was that humans don't yet know what the human brain at 100% usage was capable of, and that telekinesis was inside the possibilities.

I said the brain does use 100%, just at different times.

We didn't speak to each other for four days.



How dolphins reproduced and whether or not ghost existed (back to back with the same person). It took me a few solid minutes of explaining to her that dolphins have reproductive organs and that they did not just pop into existence (the argument began with her saying she wanted to work with sea creatures).

How it shifted to the existence of ghosts is a solid and reasonable question to ask (I don't remember why). I had to then proceed to tell her that ghost hunting TV shows do not constitute as undeniable evidence.

Personally, I hope she was messing with me cause I lost a little faith in humanity that day. This was in high school SO... hopefully she was kidding.


Dogs and Chocolate


I told this stupid woman that chocolate is toxic to dogs. She went on to tell me how a little bit will just make them hyper and then they will calm down. I told her to google it. Her and her bf shut right up. Now they have a kid. Good luck, Jeremy and Andrea. morons.

I should also add that this argument started because Jeremy was giving his tiny dog chocolate and I told him it was toxic.


Is water wet?

My roommate and I have a recurring argument over whether or not water is wet l, and whether or not a person is considered wet underwater.

For the record, it is no to both questions.


Mission Trip

A kid a church telling me about the mission trip I went on. Not only was I not on that trip, but I had never been on any mission trip. We were good friends, so it's not like he would've mistaken someone else for me.

He insisted I was there as if an entire week long trip would just fall out of my memory. He even had stories of things we'd done together. I'm not sure if he thought I was lying, joking, stupid, or crazy, but I was pretty sure he was some combination thereof.


Dragon Tales

One time I got into a shouting match with my mom and little brother in the car. The issue? The names of the two-headed dragon from the PBS kids afternoon show Dragon Tales. I swore it was Zack and Macie.

It was actually Zak and Wheezie. I don't even remember why we were yelling about it.


Green Or Yellow?

When I was about 15 or so my mother and I spent about 20-30 minutes arguing about the color of a shirt. We agreed it was blue/green, but to me it was just a shade more blue, while to her it was just a bit more green.

Turns out, your eyeballs yellow as you age and hers were 24 years yellower than mine, so I think that skewed her color vision.


Stars In Their Multitude


I once got in an argument over whether or not a line from the song "Stars" in Les Mis says "...but mine is the way of the lord" or "mine is the way of the law".

I didn't even really care what he thought but he was so adamant and cocky that it got me heated. By the end of it we were shouting at each other and I had to apologize, which I think is what he wanted the whole time.



My brother is colorblind. And he CONSTANTLY tries to correct me on what color things are.

"Hey could you hand me that red _____?" "that's orange" "no, it's red" "orange" "YOU CANT EVEN KNOW".

It is the base of our most common and heated arguments.


Hot Water

About five years ago, my girlfriend (now wife) once had a very intense argument about whether or not hot water cleaned things better than cold water.

She genuinely believed that water temperature didn't matter. This is someone who has not one, but two masters degrees.

We argued for something like 2 hours, and we seriously almost broke up over the whole thing.


Biology Class

I had an argument with a girl IN THE MIDDLE OF A BIOLOGY CLASS in high school about how humans are not mammals. She thought a human was a human and we are not mammals because "mammals are animals and humans are not animals"

I tried explaining to her the difference between reptiles and mammals and how humans fall under the mammal category to try and educate her... but she just wouldn't listen.

I still have no idea why the BIOLOGY teacher did not get involved...


Solid Or Liquid?

Some classmates and I got into a heated debate as to whether or not the human body could count as a soup, salad, or sandwich. The teacher got mad at us, but hey! All we were doing was watching a movie.

For the record, my logic lays with soup- Liquid contained within a solid, at a hot temperature.