Trivia

'Fannypacks and Jorts'—People Imagine What'd They'd Ban If They Were The Fashion Police

I wrote an article recently about a little boy who called the police because he got snow pants for Christmas, and it started a conversation full of jokes about fashion emergencies and the fashion police. As many of you know, I'm short. Very short. Like not even five feet tall kind of short. So when people started asking about the kinds of things I would consider fashion emergencies, my mind went immediately to my lifelong nemesis. The maxi skirt. I'm just out here tryna look Boho-Chic like the rest of you, but instead I look like what would happen if a potato dressed up as Moana for Halloween.


Not only is it not a good look, it's a safety hazard! Do you have any idea how many times I've nearly killed myself and/or those around me trying to rock a maxi skirt? I went to high school in the late 90's when maxi skirts and enormous chunky heels were the trend. I nearly died. Daily. So imagine my inner sense of vindication when this Reddit question crossed my desk :

You're the fashion police! What do you ban?

No, not everyone has a thing against maxi skirts. But it seems like everyone has a thing against something - and that made me feel a little better. So whether you hate maxis, or you're mad about capris (because really, that's full length on quite a few people) or your internal cringe-meter is spiking off the charts now that all things 90's have come back around and everyone is rocking overalls and low rise jeans again - it will be comforting to know that other people hate "fashion" just as much as you do. And that's kind of beautiful.

Here are some of the best worst responses, edited for language when needed. Some people are really passionate about this. lol.


My Baby Is Not A Predator

I have a 6 month old and the obscene shirts I see for infants... (had to look some up because I couldn't think of the exact quotes but) things like:

"Your wife keeps checking me out!"

"Pick me up darlin' I dig older chicks"

"Mr. steal your girl"

etc. really just make me come unglued. I HATE that crap. I told all my relatives if if they got me stuff like that it would go straight in the bin so they shouldn't waste their money.

Also I saw a shirt once that said "lock up your daughters"... so my baby is a predator in this scenario? Who is writing these things??

- waIrusgumbo

Do Not Google

Man-kinis. Google it.

- HazmatGames

More Than Words, Less Than Fashionable

Giphy

I watched the Freddie Mercury tribute concert the other day and spotted the singer from Extreme wearing a combo of parachute pants and socks-with-sandals. I'm aware this was a quarter century ago, but still, that's horrifying by even early 90s standards.

In summary, I would like to ban the singer from Extreme.

- signalstonoise88

Surely You Jest

Pointy Italian shoes for men, paired with skinny jeans.

I know it's trendy but you look like a jester.

- tandoori_taco_cat

Achilles

Those pants that are just past 3/4 but don't reach the the ankle. If you are wearing pants I shouldn't be able to see your Achilles.

- daibz

Yeti Legs

I don't ban anything because i'm not a fascist.

However those boots certain women wear that look like you sawed the legs of a yeti and hollowed them out will be strongly discouraged.

- BigD1970

Jorts

So many people answered "jorts" that we can't actually list them all. So just trust us on this one. No jorts. It's the one thing all citizens of internet can agree on.

But Dancing Dogs Are Awesome... 

Wearing pajamas pants in public. Not only does wearing pajamas communicate to the people around you that you don't care how you present, but it also implies that you as a human are innately lazier than average because you can't do the simple task of replacing your sleep pants with day pants. Besides, there are plenty of comfy sweatpants that are public-worthy that don't have sh*tty fleece patterned with plaid interrupted by dancing dogs on them.

- kryssi_v

Fanny Packs

Giphy

Fanny packs are awful, but functional. Too much for pockets but not enough for a real bag? Fanny pack. I'm thinking about starting to rock a fanny pack because I'm almost 32 and am passed the point of giving a f*ck if I look like a tool.

- CiaranDotCom

POCKET EQUALITY NOW

I would ban fake pockets and useless pockets on womens clothes.

- TjenaTjomme


My 13 year old daughter wanted to go to the park to play with her toboggan in the snow. I told her to take her phone, assuming that she'd have at least 1 pocket to put it in. Not a damned one, not in her coat, her jeans, nowhere. It's ridiculous. There's no way she was going to take a bag with her either. Why can't girls and women have pockets??

- Skiamakhos


I'm banning pants without useful pockets. My girlfriend has a pair of pants that have a pocket pattern sewn in purely for decoration. Like, they went to the effort to make it look like it has pockets but didn't include a f*cking cloth flap inside to hold your damn phone or keys. What's the point of that ?

- YourUnusedFloss


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Here are a some people admitting strong opinions they no longer have, and what it took to change those views. Redditor u/segafarm asks:

What is the strongest opinion you once held but no longer hold, and what make you change your mind?

Jade-Colored Glasses

I used to think that being cynical/negative was realistic and somehow smarter than being positive. I've since realized that a "be prepared for the worst but expect the best" is far better. We can't control the outcome of anything in life. Being negative makes you miserable rather than protected from bad things happening.

nanaimo

Cant' Have A Conversation With A Parrot

I used to be a conspiracy theorist. Believed that 9/11 was committed by the US government and that we never landed on the moon.

Once I started looking outside of the echo chamber I was in and started looking at alternate explanations, theories and listening to different viewpoints I soon realized how ridiculous those notions were.

Not-A-Real-Subreddit

A Big, Mysterious Universe

I used to be a strict, hardline atheist. I was the kind of bastard that would bring the subject up for no reason, just to argue. I don't know what the hell my problem was. Now I feel like, the universe is big, I don't know what all might be out there, I don't really care. I live as if there is no afterlife, because that makes sense to me. But if you don't, and you believe in one, that's perfectly fine, and maybe you're right. Who knows?

CDC_

Portrait Of An Artist As A Young Man

I used to believe anyone can be a successful artist if they just put the time and effort into it. There is no such thing as talent, only hard work.

What changed my mind: Art school. There were quite a few people that tried hard, but just weren't able to achieve professional level art.

berfica

You're Not Your Emotions

For the longest time, I thought my emotions were in a sense the most "real" part of me. I was always a very emotional person and I didn't make a real effort to control it as I thought it was a good thing, that I was just being honest with myself. Over time though, I started to become very depressed and the negative emotions just keep adding on and on. I thought "this is just how I am I guess". Unfortunately it started hurting other relationships I had, and everything changed when my girlfriend broke up with me. After a lot of reading I found that emotions are not who we are at all. They're just reactions and there's nothing that requires us to act on them or feed them. I'm learning to let it go through me instead of hanging on like I used to.

inca829

Don't Forget Big Willie Style

I used to think that hip hop was bland, repetitive, and all about clubbing and sh*t. Then one of my friends pointed me towards people like Kendrick Lamar, Eminem, Nas and Run The Jewels, who all have great songs and clever lyrics, and I realized that Hip Hop is pretty great.

6quid

The A**holes Will Always Find A Way

I used to think that the catholic church was responsible for all of the hateful people in it. I gave people the chance to challenge my opinion and someone explained it very nicely to me. Basically, the hateful people use the church as an excuse, if you remove the church they will gladly find another excuse.

TianaLeFong

High Times

Giphy

I used to tell myself that I would never stop smoking weed, and that I'd be happy if my kids grew up to be pot smokers... Now I have a kid, don't smoke, and realize what an idiot I was when all I did was smoke all day. I could probably be in a much better position if I hadn't smoked all through college.

But I mean, I still think pot's okay... Just in moderation.

edgar__allan__bro

The Road Less Traveled

"All taxation is theft, man! I made my money without any help from public institutions or the infrastructure they support, I should be able to keep every last dime of it!"

Naturally that was when I was 18, living at home rent free, and working at Pizza Hut as a delivery driver who relied upon public roads for pretty much every cent I made.

ExtremelyLongButtock

All Those PSA's Didn't Do Much

The whole D.A.R.E anti-drugs. Yes crack and heroin is bad, but they over dramatized what happens when you do smaller drugs. Weed isn't even a gateway drug, alcohol is more of a gateway drug. When I saw weed for the first time I thought it was tobacco (This was after all the D.A.R.E training too). Letting the government teach you your morales and philosophy is a thing that sheep do. Don't be a sheep.

PlantTreesForToday

Where Would We Be Without The Kindness Of Strangers

I used to think people on welfare and state assistance just weren't trying hard enough. I grew up spoiled and entitled and it seemed like any kind of charity was a stigma.

Then, my husband became chronically ill, and the economy took a shit. My family has been close to homelessness more than once, and have relied on state insurance and assistance off and on throughout the past few years. There are definitely people out there who abuse the system, but some just get stuck in a horrible cycle of poverty.

I also work in a school that has a high number low income and refugee families. It has really opened my eyes to the struggles that some people face.

BuffyandtheHellcats

He's Still There For You, The Best He Can Be

I could go through life and could seek meaningful advice from my Dad who has always been there for me.

Now he has been reduced to a feeble condition, I am starting to understand I'm out there on my own, and even what he's sure of is suspect given his mental and physical facilities have been rapidly deteriorating in his late seventies. I feel horrible that I have noticed this long before he did - or at least admitted as much.

june606

Clear Your Mind

This was before I received an ADHD diagnosis. When my doctor referred me to an ADHD specialist, first of all I refused to believe him and was kind of slighted that he even suggested that I could possibly have ADHD.

I had a very strong opinion that if I get a diagnosis that I would refuse to take prescribed amphetamines because they are "bad" and "addictive" and that they would ruin my life.

Then I actually tried the prescription and it was like magic.

Xingua92

Going Through The Whole Spectrum

Used to be fairly open with my views on immigration policy. Then I worked for a while down near Corpus Christie doing immigration work. I'd say one out if every hundred people that came through our office was going to somebody who actually wanted to work and try to make a living here. So many people simply wanted to exist enough to get welfare. Many were young men who we would later defend against exportation as a result of their criminal activity. I began to despise the work of defending these men and wished they would be deported.

Now, I'm dating a foreign girl and we are in the legal immigration process. She has advanced degrees and skills, so that makes things a little easier. But it does make me resent people who just bypass the system. We can't bypass the system because I imagine my participation in immigration fraud could get me disbarred.

RogerDeanVenture



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