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Former Employees Reveal Why They Quit Their Jobs On The First Day


Sometimes you land in the perfect job with the perfect people and perfect company and sometimes... you land in the 7th circle of Hell! More often than not it's the latter.

Sometimes you know within five minutes it's time to run like you're on fire out of the building! You won't even need red flags, the situation is a Crimson scene.

Redditor J-Bradley1 asked for everyone's best stories about the first job nightmares that led to an instant "Peace Out!"



25. ALWAYS COUNT FINGERS FIRST!

Giphy

It was a shop that refurbished train suspension hydraulics. 40% of the guys were missing at least part of a finger, maintenance guy was missing 4 on one hand and 1.5 on another. The guy training me stormed out half way through the second day.

I was like yeeaaah, I'm just going to dip out now...

-IamtheBiscuit

24. NOT GONNA HAPPEN! NEXT!

Many years ago I worked at a popular sports bar as a line cook. First day they had me train with a guy who didn't speak English for 2 hours. Not a huge deal. Mostly you observe people in a kitchen and that's how you learn. Owner came back and said she was scheduling me to be alone the next day.... which was super bowl Sunday.

Noped out of there so fast. Left right then and there.

-Feralmedic

23. YOU CAN'T HAVE MY SOUL

Giphy

One week. It was 1985, and a collections agency was looking for an IT guy. It was basically desktop support on some IBM PCs. It took me a week to realize what a soul-deadening place that was and I bolted. It was mutual, actually -- they saw how I was reacting to some of the techniques the collectors used. The targets were mostly old people who were encouraged to sell family heirlooms and the like to pay off debts.

-dramboxf

22. DOOR TO DOOR? WHAT IS THIS 1950?

I left halfway through the orientation when I found out it was a job selling those expensive vacuum cleaners door to door.

-yourmomknowswhatsup

21. WHO IS THIS? STOP CALLING ME?!

Three days after my two week training. I was supposed to be a seasonal temp worker for a national propane company. The job distribution and training consisted of taking calls off-hours for people who wanted refills and acting as a messenger service, referring their contact info their local "store" when they opened the next day. Easy-Peasey.

When I got out onto the floor, I found I was actually expected to be a dispatcher for drivers AND ALSO FIRST POINT OF CONTACT FOR ALL EMERGENCY SITUATIONS. Things I had never been so much as briefed on in training. My first shift I had to field a call from a local police officer who was on site to a horrific propane truck crash. I got to wake the guy's district manager in the dead of night, tell him his worker passed, and the overturned truck was blocking a few lines of the freeway and the police were trying to get a hold of him.

That was just the start: A customer got the smell of garlic and eggs in the house? I got the call. (What do I do next, Miss Dispatcher? "Get out of the house ASAP?") CO detector is going off? I got the call. (Instead of 911 for some reason?!) I had ZERO interest in being a underpaid, not-trained emergency dispatcher. It's the only job I took off on without giving a 2 week notice. I was nice enough to finish out my shift on the third day, but that was it.

-AvocadoVoodoo

20. NEVER GET IN THE VAN!

Giphy

I went in to an office for an interview. They said they had several positions available and I wanted to do some admin stuff... Welp, after the interview they told me to get in a van to do the next part of the process. Turns out we drove an hour away so I could shadow one of their door to door sales people. They would ask residents to go into their basement to check their hot water heaters to see if they were eligible to replace them with their companies own... I felt pretty uncomfortable about this and pretty mad my whole day was gone doing this. The worst part was the girl I was shadowing spent half the day sitting around in the truck reading magazines and waiting for people to come home from work... I was sort of asking questions about the job and she got defensive and said, well I decide if you get this job or not, to which I replied, yeah I don't know if I want to do this.. But she kept insisting that it was her who decided if I worked... Don't think she understood I meant that I didn't want to do this... Waste of a day.

-jojomayer

19. NOTHING GOOD EVER HAPPENED AT BLOCKBUSTER

Mine had to be when I was 18 and working at Blockbuster. I was helping the manager during the before open shift getting new items stocked on the shelves that came in that morning. My mom called me and told me that my dad was having a heart attack and she was panicking while waiting for the ambulance. Why did she call me at work to tell me this? The Blockbuster I worked at was in a strip mall type area behind my cul-de-sac, my house and the Blockbuster was separated by a small alley and a 3 min walk. I told my manager what was happening and asked if I could leave to help my mom while they waited for the ambulance. She said no. I just stood there looking at her thinking she couldn't be serious I would be gone for all of 10 mins and back helping her if needed. She stressed how important it was to get the things done that needed to be done and I could only leave if I called around to the other workers and found someone to come in and cover for me while I was gone. I took off my name tag slammed it on the counter and walked out. I never went back for any reason. For any who might wonder; my dad came out fine was in the hospital for a few days.

-UnicornQueenFaye

18. HOW ABOUT I JUST BE A MIND READER?

Giphy

I worked for a newspaper for most of a week. I was expected to use my own laptop and software, no IT and I'd have to share logins and passwords with 3 other people and guess when they would need them.

-DarrenEdwards

17. MISLEADING

They said I was being hired for a content writing position but on the first day it turned out fifteen other people were also hired and the position was to make outbound calls to businesses to convince them to pay us to make websites for them.

Noped out along with ten other people during lunch.

Meinschendtler

16. PYRAMIDS ARE FOR PHARAOHS

Giphy

I've worked in dozens of different positions over the years, usually just to stay busy in between contracts or creative projects. Many of those odd jobs were short-lived, but there was only one from which I actually quitafter only a day.

From what I had been told, I would essentially be acting as a clothing model who could make conversation with party attendees. It sounded like a fun way to spend a few evenings, and the advertised pay rate was more than generous. The one caveat was that I'd be required to attend a "rehearsal" of sorts, which was scheduled to take place about a week before the first official event. It seemed like a reasonable commitment, so I cleared my schedule and put in an appearance.

Upon arriving, I realized that I'd become involved in something very strange.

The first thing that I noticed was the eclectic collection of clothes - if you could call them that - draped over a makeshift rack in one corner of the room. At first glance, they looked to be little more than large squares of brightly colored fabric, but the presence of neck-holes made it clear that I would probably be expected to wear one in the near future. Furthermore, all of the other models (who covered an incredible range of ages, genders, and weights) were positively gushing about some business venture or another, which sounded amazingly like a pyramid scheme.

Unsurprisingly, that's exactly what it turned out to be. Oh, sure, there was a certain amount of "base pay" involved, but I quickly discovered that my actual role would involve finding a method of selling a hundred or so tickets for the events at which I'd be "modeling." If I failed to meet that quota, the remaining total value would be deducted from my salary. On the other hand - and this was drilled into me - if I wanted to buy (and presumably sell) even more tickets, I could stand to make hundreds or even thousands of dollars, all on my own time!

I was almost ready to head for the door by that point, and the last straw came when the "musical guest" arrived for the rehearsal. This was a woman lugging a large handmade drum with her, which soon became an object of fascination for one of the six-year-old girls in attendance. (Did I forget to mention that? Yeah, some of the models had brought their kids along.) This alleged musician was rather pleased with the attention, too, which is probably what prompted her to engage with her admirers.

"I'm a 'rhythmic poet!'" the woman declared. "Do you know what that is?"

"Um..." one of the girls replied. "Something you made up?"

The look on the woman's face was more than enough payment for the time I had wasted there... but after considering the bizarre assemblage of deluded "models," the shady business scheme, the clothing, and the so-called musical accompaniment, I decided that I was better off escaping while I could.

On the plus side, now I can say that I once turned down a modeling gig.

TL;DR: A modeling gig turns out to be a hippie pyramid scheme (with "musical" accompaniment).

RamsesThePigeon

15. I SEE YOU SHADY! DON'T TRY ME!

Found out that the educational assistance they touted in their advertisement applied only to full time employees and that they both defined full time as no fewer than 40 hours and kept anyone who would apply for that assistance from ever being qualified for it. None of this was advertised and the people I interviewed with assured me, a college student, that working 21 hours a week would get me the benefits. Too bad I read my contract before signing it and called them out. Don't lie to your employees, especially during an interview on something that can be easily and swiftly disproven. If you're willing to lie to me about this, what else are you willing to lie to me about?

(I did their training before being offered my contract, so I count it as having worked there, btw.)

-greyhound1211

14. DANGER

Giphy

First time, I accepted a job as a carpenter. When I got to the job site the next morning, the rest of the crew told me that the owner was one of those nitwits (libertarian) who believe that OSHA is a conspiracy against him. He had removed all of the safety guards from all powered equipment. I was gone before he got to the job site.

longagofaraway2

13. IT'S JUST FOOD! NOBODY'S CURING CANCER WITH AN APPETIZER!

Many years ago I was managing a fast food restaurant for a local franchise. Shortly before lunch, one of my employees got a phone call that their grandmother had been taken to the hospital with a possible heart attack. They lived with their grandmother, from what I understood their parents were not in the picture.

I told him to go to the hospital and I would find coverage. About 15 minutes later my district manager showed up and asked why I was short handed. (Fast food restaurants run on razor thin margins, so one missing body is easily noticed). I told him what happened and that employee was on his way to the hospital. His response was "What is he going to do, save her? He's not a doctor, we have a business to run."

That was the last straw for me with that company. It was part of a larger pattern of that attitude, and I refused to treat employees like that. I gave my notice shortly after and moved to a better job.

demopat

12. ZERO PERCENT OF ZERO IS.... 0? NO THANKS.

Giphy

I was interviewing for a contract position at a very small game development company, and they told me they were looking for someone to help finish up an existing project.

Literally, the game looked like it was made in MS Paint. As if they had just hired some random guy off the street and asked them to make some art for them. Granted it's a mobile game and sold for the standard 0.99, so maybe that's not the worst, but the game itself doesn't look engaging at all either. But I figure, worst comes to worst I could make some money on the side with some low-effort work.

Then they told me that my pay would be a percentage of the sales. Noped right out of that one.

-LibertyJorj

11. MAYBE WE SHOULD ALL BE HEALTH INSPECTORS?!

Worked in a bakery, it was my first day so I get there in the morning to meet everyone. Then they have me grease up baking trays for the others to fill... I lift up the first tray and like 10-15 cockroaches just scatter everywhere from under the tray. I tell the guy showing me the work that there were cockroaches and he just shrugged... This was all in the backstore, customers were about 10 feet away.

So i tell the guy that I'm not feeling too well after about an hour of doing that and i head to the bathroom.

When I came out I told him I couldn't do that job and he told me to get a real job then, so I left and got myself a proper job.

-Zielko

10. WELL THAT IS SOME INTERESTING ATTIRE

I had an interview at what I thought was a regular steakhouse in a new town I had just moved to. The interview went well, it was just before the restaurant opened so it was pretty empty. At the end, a waitress starting her shift walked by in chaps and a thong. Turns out that was their uniform. The manager called like 30 mins later saying I got the job. I had to politely decline that one.

-LoIIip0p

9. HANDY, MAN

Giphy

I was hired as an "IT guy". Employer said she was wanting to upgrade her systems and needed someone to do it.

Upon arriving I spent the morning looking for dead skunks she ran over the night before and learning how to feed the llamas. There was a cat walking all over the office area (I'm allergic). She asked me to mow the grass. I set up a deer feeder..

All work I'm fine with doing but definitely not what she advertised. I told her after the first day I wouldn't be returning.

Okie_light

8. DON'T MESS WITH MY COIN!

Graphic design from home job. Nailed the interview - had absolute confidence I could provide this dude what he was asking for.

Got the job, and the first thing he said was to take a rather large check that would be mailed to me and buy my equipment. It was supposed to be from a special vendor that was to engrave the laptop and provide software. It was a scam. I looked up his business on Google, rather than through the link he sent me. I found the exact same website with dozens of different CEOs.

Told him to not send me a check and that I was not longer interested. The check was going to be fake, and the money I would be sending to the vendor would end up being my own once the bank found out.

-fr0z3nf1r3

7. Telemarking Woes

Giphy

Worked a lot of telemarketing in college. Nice companies and shady companies. In the area i lived in there were a bunch of companies getting shut down for shady practices and telemarketers themselves were getting locked up. So i tried to spot the more shady spots as quick a possible. Walked into one office after being hired and seen ashtrays on the desk. This was 2002. Yup, some shady shit is going down here. No day 2 for me.

hunchpunch1

6. IT ONLY TAKES A MINUTE....

Cold calling people about injury claims. "Have you been injured in the past 3 years?" That kind of thing.

The thing that really irked me was that all of the people I called in those 20 minutes were polite, said they're not interested, and they were just sitting down for dinner. I realized it was a horrible job and I was in no way cut out for it. I left after 20 minutes and just walked out the door without a word.

-legendofbaggervance

5. JUST RUN!

Giphy

I was unemployed for a couple months, and started applying for pretty much any job I could do. This one was a basic small-biz IT support contractor. The employee the interviewer introduced to me mouthed "run" when he turned his back.

arcsine

4. RACIST

Took a job doing payroll for an independent heating and air company. I was about an hour into my first day, and the boss sends me off to the gas station to buy him a pack of cigarettes. He gave me a sticky note with exactly what he wanted me to get for him, Marlboro Ultra Lights in a soft pack. (I remember it so vividly).

I get the cigarettes, come back to work, and my boss immediately begins screaming at me because I got them from the gas station that he "refuses to do business with because of the goddamn illiterate Indians working there."

I never came back after my lunch break.

[deleted]

3. THANKS FOR THE HEADS UP!

Giphy

This Quarter you guys have really achieved a lot for the company and surpassed our expectations...Just a reminder, we will be having to lay some more people off soon...

Peace out, I'll find something else before you make me leave

cookie_400

2. THESE BOOTS WERE MADE FOR WALKING!

I went to my orientation at a boot factory. They're government contracted and so pay minimum wage, so I figured I'd work there awhile and look for something better.

After we do the usual paperwork signing and such, we're taken as a group onto the factory floor for a tour. It's hot, it's crowded, it stinks, and everyone working looks annoyed by our presence... Okay, I guess not everyone loves their job right? No biggie, I'm sure this won't be so bad.

Then our guide informs us in no uncertain terms that our coworkers quite often give new people bad information to get them in trouble or make them mess up. They'd even be the ones to rat you out. Then we're told that our foreman is the type to yell for no reason, ask people if they're drunk in an accusatory way for no reason, and is generally a giant fool.

I took a few moments to think after these last revelations, said "Nah." And walked out of the building without a word to anyone. Forget that crap, Captain. I'm not putting up with all of that for 8 bucks and some change an hour.

Narapoia

1. UMMM... OH HELL NO FELICIA!

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When I was 16 I had an interview at a local pizza place in a not so good part of town. I was hired and as I was walking out 2 guys came in and robbed the place. The manager gave them the money in the register and they ran out. I looked at him and he said "You get used to it". I never went back.

-ob1page

I'm not exactly prone to winning things - but I do have one glorious moment of winnerhood that really is all I need in life. As a child, my church would throw Halloween parties every year. One year, I was handed a raffle ticket along with my trick-or-treat candy. At the end of the night, ticket numbers were called - mine was the last one called. I still didn't know what the prize was. Once I made it up to the stage to collect it, I was presented with a box of puppies and prompty LOST MY TEN YEAR OLD MIND. I thought I was just going to cuddle them, but nope! I got to pick out my brother and I's best friend for the next decade. We named out litlte box puppy Bear not knowing he would grow up to be a massive doberman who weighed triple digits.

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Listen to me, if you never take another piece of advice in your life, take this one: take any advice anyone gives you with a grain of salt. Yes, I'm fully aware of the irony happening in this article right now.

I've been on the receiving end of TERRIBLE advice. Example: I was explaining to an acquaintance how frustrating it can sometimes feel to be so short - not just because I can't reach things or because of my spinal pain, but because people often treat me like a child. They unintentionally treat me like I'm dumb, naive or otherwise incapable. That's when this person hatched their master criminal plot for my life.

I should just go ahead and park in handicapped spots and ignore any tickets I got for it. According to them, since I have occasional spinal problems I should probably have a tag anyway. I could just ignore tickets until I had to go to court, then show up in court and play naive and nobody would ever really punish me for it. Dude. No.

One Reddit user asked:

What's the worst piece of advice you've received?


Believe it or not, it gets worse. Here are some responses:

No Mom, No. 

Giphy

My mom told me that if I like a girl I should just follow her everywhere she went and give her gifts, like a vial of my blood (actually said that).

No mom. No.

- huazzy

Sleep.

"Never go to bed angry."

This was written in lots of wedding cards! We totally ignored this advice. Because if you're tired and getting more cranky you're more likely say something you will regret. We just sleep on it and in the morning, if its still worth discussing, you can go in with a clear head - or sometimes its not worth bringing up and you can both move on with your day.

- _northernlights

Never Trust The Roommate

Dating a girl in Uni, her roommate told me she "loves an*l, but is shy about saying it."

I learned:

A) Always discuss an*l in advance

B) Never trust the roommate

- billbapapa

No Effort Needed

To not put any effort into finding a partner. Just sit back and it will happen.

That might have worked once when people were more social and went to church regularly and things like that. Also it was common in the past for older people to make an effort to introduce single people to each other. Society just isn't like that anymore.

When I was single, my way of life put me into contact with very few people who were actually single and eligible and interested in me in return. If I hadn't put the effort in to meet someone I would have remained single.

- Waitingforadragon

Your Parents Don't Know Everything

My parents encouraged me to go to a University that costs $63,000 with no financial aid when I had no idea what I wanted to do with my life. "You'll figure it out" they said. They also had me deny the federal student loans I was granted through FAFSA as it wasn't worth it.

I transferred, graduate in May, and that 1 year in school is 45% of my 4 year aggregate debt. Declared a Finance major so I can make informed decisions and not rely on their shitty advice. I'm trying to get into one of the best Macc programs in the country and that debt level is seriously inhibiting my ability to go if I get in.

Your parents don't know everything.

- kingbrownied1

Change Him

"Marrying him will make him change."

Followed by...

"Having a kid with him will make him change."

Followed by.....

"Having a second kid with him will make him change."

Followed by....

divorce papers and child support.

- ghost0427

Because Other Men...

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I was once taking my buddy's girlfriend for a walk because he asked me to keep her busy while he was at work. While we were walking, I stumbled upon an old high school classmate of mine who gave me that look of "damn, what you got there?"

I didn't pay any attention to it and just kept walking. After a while he sends me a message on my phone, asking me if that's my girlfriend. I told him she wasn't, I told him she was only my buddy's girlfriend who I was keeping busy. He told me to "steal" the girl and I obviously told him that's ridiculous and that I would never do something that disgusting.

His advice to me was: "Just do it because other men will always do it to you." The most ridiculous piece of advice I have ever had the displeasure of hearing.

- SirOberon

Just Do It Fast

I was learning to drive and kept nosing out to turn but couldn't see if a car was coming (I am turning they would be going straight). My friend that was teaching me simply said, 'Just do it fast'.

- Bodymindisoneword

Not Allowed

Both the worst and best advice... I'd just finished my first day of work for a company who'd hired me to work as a DB admin. Instead of doing anything related to the job title, they had me doing data entry all day in excel. I was alright with it, believing that it was just a temporary introduction type thing. Certainly wasn't what I wanted to do.

Brother asked, "So how was your first day?", "Eh, kind of lame. Data entry in excel is boring and I don't get anything out of it."

To which he responded, "Word of advice, you're not allowed to not like any part of your job. You can like some things more, but never dislike something."

I quit the next morning after having a complete nervous breakdown resulting from thoughts like:

"Is this what working is? What's the point of even existing if I'm not allowed to dislike (and subsequently try to avoid) jobs? Why would I ever want to go through life doing what I hate and trying to smile about it like it's alright?"

I certainly reacted more poorly to that experience than I had to any before in my life, but it made me realize that I would rather be homeless or dead than live working a job I hate for someone I've never even met in a company that doesn't care about me.

I work for myself now, and sure there are still things I have to do for my own business that I may not like... and I may not be all that successful, but everything I do now is for me. I love what I do and wouldn't trade it for any amount of financial security.

- cascade_olympus

Break Up Because You're Happy

Some of my high school friends told me to break up with my boyfriend because we didn't fight. Apparently that meant there was no passion in our relationship. We didn't fight because we discussed problems in a rational manner, rather than screaming at each other in public displays (which were common among this group of friends).

Fifteen years later, I'm happily married to said boyfriend, and haven't talked to those 'passionate' friends since high school ended.

-othybear

So what's the worst piece of advice you've ever gotten? Tell us your stories.

H/T: Reddit

I object! Where is the open bar?!

There are a few requirements that are a must at every wedding, or at least they should be a must! It's a no brainer... a couple in love, music and a cake. Seems simple enough! It's suppose to be a celebration, not a prelude to a funeral. If your guests are having to put the wedding together for you during the ceremony, or fainting from starvation, or bored out of their skulls because you've allowed family and friends to relish in their fifteen minutes of fame threw self-indulgent speeches... YOU HAVE FAILED!

Redditor u/RedxSmoke was wondering what almost brought them to an "I Object" reaction by asking... What is the worst wedding you've ever been to? What made it bad? Now toss the bouquet!

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We should know our worth when we are working. This goes for anyplace: school, our jobs, our home life. And we know when we can stare somebody in the face when they're challenging our worth.

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They say revenge is a dish best served cold, and I guess that's true for major stuff. Like if someone assasinates your lord, leaving you and 46 of your homies as ronin samurai and then dude takes your girl, too then OBVIOUSLY you devote yourself entirely to plotting and exacting your revenge. Don't even get me started on the merciless vengeance that you can expect if you mess with John Wick's dog. If Hollywood has taught us anything, it's not to anger Keanu Reeves. He's just out here trying to live his life in peace, so he may seem like an easy target, but he WILL end you without even breaking a sweat. There's no sweat in revenge this cold.

But what about the minor annoyances life has to offer? Do they really deserve cold revenge? What about petty lukewarm revenge? Can it be just as delicious? Short answer: YUP. One Twitter user asked:

What is your most memorable story of petty revenge?

Honestly, these don't need a major introduction. It's a parade of pettiness that made several people cackle wickedly. James, whoever you are and wherever your doughnut fingers may be right now, we hope you're happy with yourself, sir. Yours was perhaps the deepest betrayal.

Concrete Pumpkin

I have a friend whose pumpkin\fall display at the end of his driveway would be run over by the neighborhood jerk. It happened every year. Friend decided to put a stop to it.

He withdrew money from his savings account so he would have enough to buy the largest pumpkin he could find, along with several large bags of Quikcrete. filled that puppy up and made a real pretty display.

The jackass broke the axle of his sh*tty car when he hit that pumpkin and could not drive away. My friend had his car towed away, too.

- cuddlenazifckmonstr

Lunchwars

My coworker throws out her lunch in the garbage can at my desk instead of her own, because she claims she can't stand the smell of old ketchup that's been sitting out for a couple hours. I've asked her several times to stop, but she will then just wait until I get up to go to the bathroom and do it, and hide my garbage can under my desk so she thinks I won't see it. There's no reason for it. The cafeteria offers lids for the ketchup cups, so she could just put the lid on it and throw it away - but she refuses to get lids and insists on leaving her food garbage to stink up my area.

Now, when she does it, I wait until she goes to the bathroom, take out the little plastic container that she had ketchup in, and put it way in the back of her bottom desk drawer. There's 6 in there now, the oldest is over a month old. So far, she hasn't noticed the smell. Gonna keep doing it and see how long it takes her to notice.

- Brunurb1

Ring The Alarm

Giphy

In response to an (admittedly pretty good) practical joke, I hid seven battery powered alarm clocks in the perpetrators room. Set them to go off one by one roughly every 40 minutes between 2 and 6 AM. Last one was hid in the ceiling.

- pancakesareyummy

Pay The IT Guy

Someone owed me $50 and refused to pay, so being in IT I reduced their Mailbox size so they could only hold around 10 e-mails, removed them from distro groups so they missed important group e-mails, and every day for like 3 months I went to their account and checked the little box "Must change password at next login"(We used an elaborate pw scheme).

- roguemerc96

The Austin Powers 20-Point Turn

There's a new truck in my apartment's parking lot. Whoever owns it always parks it taking up multiple spots, ALWAYS. Weird angles, close to the stairs, all over the place (no assigned parking unfortunately). Months of this.

I drive a much smaller car than that, and I'm petty/passive aggressive, I've been waiting for my chance. A few days ago was my shot.

I got home quite late and there were zero spots open in my lot. Big truck is parked across 2 spaces again, but there's juuust enough room on their driver side for me to sneak in there with my little clown car. I carefully pull in, making sure not to touch anything, no damage, no nothing. My passenger side mirror is half and inch from their driver side door. I giggled to myself all the way back to my apartment and set an alarm and waited. The following morning I wake up before the alarm to loud door slamming and stomping around. I check out my window and I see the double parking culprit walking around both vehicles, taking pictures, texting someone, taking more pictures, I'm shaking with glee. They then swallow their pride, let out a visual sigh, and climb in the passenger side, clamber over the center console, and Austin Powers 20 point turn their butts out of the spot.

I've never been so proud of myself and my sh!tty, petty, passive aggressive ways.

- Here2Lol

No Labels

My brother did something to his annoy his then-girlfriend. So she took the labels off all his canned food/tins in the cupboards. Are you opening a tin of beans? Or a tin of tomato sauce? Or cat food?

Kinda hilarious.

- WhoriaEstafan

Don't Mess With My Dogs

I found out my then boyfriend was cheating on me. And he threw my dog across the room when we were discussing what he had done. I moved out immediately. More for hurting my dog than anything. So as I was moving out I took his entire porn collection and microwaved them one by one. It only takes 3 second each. Took me about an hour to go thru them all. I put them back in the case, then back where they belonged. Not sure if the microwave was still usable, did not really care. He was also a manager at a restaurant and would bring home tons of food. They had really nice coolers that the food came in so I called the GM and explained I had moved out and that I wanted to return the boxes. He lost his job. Then I was getting collection calls for him, so I gave them the new girls work and personal number so they could find him. He's her problem now.

Don't mess with my dogs.

- Phoneprincess

James Has Doughnut Fingers

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Back in the late 90s I worked at Best Buy and one Saturday a month we had to come in 3 hours before the store opened (so 7am) for a mandatory all store meeting where we watch the video from corporate, give out employee of the month awards, go over department goals, and the like.

Well, there was a guy in our department James who was a pretty crappy worker and showed up to the meeting an hour late and the manager took him aside and fired him. Apparently the manager didn't watch him on his way out of the store and he went into the break room and stuck his finger in every single doughnut they brought in for our break. So literally the only mild positive of getting up at 6 on Saturday was ruined.

20 years later and I still miss that doughnut.

- profJesusfish

Brake Check

My friend in high school was such a drama queen but it worked out hilariously sometimes. He was cut off by a driver who had no brake lights and it pissed him off so badly that he followed until a cop was behind, merged around the guy and then brake checked him so the cop would see that he had no brake lights. The holler he let out when the cop pulled the other guy over is still one of the funniest moments of my life.

- ohheyitsshanaj

"Broken" 

When my wife and brother in law were younger, she got the best petty revenge on him for something they don't even remember. My brother in law did something to irritate my wife back when they were in high school.

My wife turned off the TV, wrote "broken" on a piece of paper taped to the TV, shut off the power strip, and flipped the batteries around in the remote. Took my brother in law several days to figure it out.

- SteevyT

H/T: Reddit