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Frustrating Laws That Would Definitely Be Passed If We Used 'Kid Logic'

As we get older, the things that seemed like common sense prove illogical. What would happen if cooties were real and pinky swears were binding legal contracts?


Reddit user sznelly31 asked:

Kid logic is now law. What becomes extremely frustrating as a result of this?

User responses come together to form a list that would frustrate the heck out of anyone over the age of 8.

One.

Punishment for breaking any law is a prison sentence of no less than one million bajillion years.

-noplzstop

Two

Instead of swears there is now just doodoo head, dumb bunny, buttface, meanie head, spaz, dork brain, booger face, crybaby, and tattler.

-SaffirNSimpsonUnite

Three.

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There would absolutely be a cooties epidemic.

-TotallyGeekage

Four.

Imagine going to court and you're appealing to something small like a speeding ticket and the cop who issued it is just like: "NUH UH I SAW IT YOU DID IT" and then you get a ticket.

-ohhoneyno_

Five.

The practice of filibustering is replaced with holding one's breath. Congress becomes marginally more effective as a result.

-solo_a_mano

Six.

Whoever gets to their place of employment first, and climbs to the highest point in that workplace, is in charge.

-8337

Seven.

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Any wound can be healed with a caress or a band aid.

-shenronz

Eight.

Money now grows on trees, crashing the world economy as Pokemon cards are the new currency and are traded with no real logic rules.

-ogre14t

Nine.

There are many small monarchies around the world because everyone gets to the top of a small incline or hill and declared him/herself king/queen of the world, but as there can be only one, there are small countries everywhere. Currency exchange and difference in laws is a b*tch.

-SaffirNSimpsonUnite

Ten.

Chocolate milk comes from brown cows, while milk comes from white / black and white cows.

-SaffirNSimpsonUnite

Eleven.

Who ever smelt it, dealt it. Pretty much everyone sits in a room awkwardly, not wanting to bring up someone farted in fear of being blamed.

-Kenkae30

Twelve.

You touched it last. It's your problem now. This would solve so many disputes.

-happyhour4til6

Thirteen.

"Sir, you're under arrest."

"I know you are, but what am I?"

-lolgutana

Fourteen.

There will be a small, underprivileged part of the population that are permanently It, no take backs, and they will be discriminated against heavily.

-TopHatMikey

Fifteen.

Crime becomes rampant as all criminals evade police by shutting their eyes, as the law states that "if I can't see you, you can't see me." Everyone stays inside as much as possible to stay away from all of the crime. This causes a massive cootie epidemic forcing over a third of the population into exile via silent treatment. The massive drop in the labor force results in stocks plummeting and companies failing, so everyone loses their allowance and dies of hunger.

-nascraytia

Sixteen.

Presidents will be chosen by an elaborate game of "Eenie, Meenie, Miney, Mo"

-brystalicious

Seventeen.

Every time you are first somewhere or do something first, you get a dunce cap that says "the worst", when you get somewhere second you get a crown that says "the best", when you are third, you get inexplicable amounts of hair on your chest.

-SaffirNSimpsonUnite

Eighteen.

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Lying becomes impossible when your pants immediate are set ablaze.

-Trizizzle

Nineteen.

Walking on the floor instead of furniture results in you dying in lava.

-fsamir

Twenty.

If you say you love something, a marriage license is drawn up immediately.

-PartTimeMisanthrope

Twenty-One.

Rock, Paper, Scissors will now be used to settle all international disputes. Wars will be ended as paper ensnares rock. There will be no takebacks or do-overs.

-CMcGiggles

Twenty-Two.

Minecraft is now an Olympic sport.

-korny12345

"It wasn't me!"

There's not much you can do when the righteous fist of the law comes down on you. Call it a mix-up, or call it a mistake, if someone's pegged you at the scene of a crime there's not much you can do but trust the justice system to prove you innocent. However, that's a gamble, and just because you've been given a "not guilty" doesn't mean the effects won't follow you for the rest of your life.

Reddit user, u/danbrownskin, wanted to hear about the times when it wasn't you, seriously, it was someone else, when they asked:

Redditors who were once considered suspect of a crime they did not commit, what's it like being held under suspicion and how did it affect your life?

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