Gamers Reveal The Strangest Thing They've Ever Heard Over An Open Mic.
Gamers of Reddit were asked: "What are the strangest things you've heard over an open mic?" These are some of the best answers.
2/30 I joined a game and straight away heard: "the flesh was raw pink." I asked what flesh and got an almost instant reply: "none of your business." Haven't touched Black Ops since.
3/30 I have legitimately heard someone on my team break up with a girl during a game of dota on voice. He was using open mic and she was like "Get off that stupid game, take me out to dinner" in this horribly entitled voice. After around 10 minutes of him being calm and saying things like "It's okay baby just let me finish this game, I will get punished if I leave" and her just not understanding that she issued an ultimatum "If you don't turn that game off right now and take me to dinner I am leaving" and he just typed in chat "pause please, need to break up with my GF."
Everyone lol'd and paused and the dude just went BALLISTIC like "THIS IS MY APARTMENT, YOU STAY HERE ON MY DIME, I BUY YOU ALL YOUR FOOD, I GIVE YOU MONEY TO GO SHOPPING. YOU DON'T GET TO ISSUE ULTIMATUMS TO ME WHEN YOU DON'T HAVE [ANYTHING] WITHOUT ME. GET OUT OF MY APARTMENT THIS RELATIONSHIP IS OVER." Then it was lots of her crying and yelling and bringing up all this [stuff] he did wrong in the past as if that was going to help and eventually he just said "Sorry, relationship is over. I don't care. Bring a truck and one of those douchebag bar guys you love to [screw] so much to get your stuff tomorrow. See if any of them are willing to clothe, feed, house and [screw] you" and everyone on voice chat just went "OOOOOOOOH" and we were typing everything that was happening to the enemy team.
He eventually got her out of the apartment and boy did it sound like the guy had a world of pressure off his shoulders. After the game I friended him. We still talk on steam sometimes. He really ended the relationship and ended up just putting all her [stuff] in a storage locker when she didn't come get it for a week. He has a new girl now who apparently isn't as awful.
4/30 Playing GTA V and some kids dad comes in and starts telling the kid to go to his room. Kid refuses and dad gets a little yelly. Finally dad says, "Fine you don't have to leave." Then yells, "Honey, he's not gonna leave." Then I hear the unmistakable sounds of a couple having very loud sex. I thought it was hilarious until I heard, "What are you looking at. Just play your game." I muted that right away. Kid would rather be in a room with his parents [having sex] than quit GTA V.
5/30 Playing with a PUG in Destiny, we had just finished a raid and we were taking a 15 minute smoke break before jumping into the next one. It was winter and one of the guys had stepped outside for a quick smoke and still had his headset on. A few minutes into the break we hear an "Oh [crap]...." then the sound of someone banging on doors and windows as he tried to get back inside his house. Apparently he has locked himself out and didn't have a way back in. Realizing he still had his headset he put the earphones back on and was like "Guys, I need help. I'm locked out of my house without a jacket, and I don't have my phone."
I asked if there was anyone that I could call, dude couldn't recall his mother/dad/sister/ etc phone numbers off the top of his head. I asked where he lived and started to pull up the non emergency police contact for his area. Then he had a bright idea.
"Dude, call the Arby's in State X, Town Y off Z road and ask for Sarah, that's my sister. Tell here to call my mom so she can bring the spare set of keys over.
So that's what I did. I called and she was the one to actually answer the phone.
phone is answered
Me: "Hey, is the assistant manager named Sarah there?"
Her: "Yeah, that's me! What can I do for you?"
Me: "This is a bit odd, but I'm playing an online game with your brother Andrew, he stepped out for a smoke and locked himself out without a jacket... He doesn't have his phone, so he told me to call you so you could call your mom to see if she can bring the spare keys over."
Her: "Oh no, yeah I can do that. Are you one of my brothers friends?"
Me: "Nope, just met him online today. I live about 1,500 miles from your location."
Her: "Oh, okay well thanks for calling and letting me know. I'll call mom and let her know."
We say bye and phone call ends
About 5 minutes later I get a call from the same area code, different number though and it's dudes mom in a slight panic asking if her son was okay and having me let him know she was on her way right now. I played operator for about 20 minutes until she got to his place. One of the most interesting online gaming moments for me.
6/30 Was playing league while talking to some guys over Teamspeak.
Dude says he'll be right back, but leaves his mic on. Out of nowhere, you hear him and his dad getting into a massive fight. When the fight was nearly over, we heard the dad scream "AND WHY DOES YOUR ROOM SMELL LIKE [CRAP]?", and the kid replied "CAUSE I [CRAPPED] IN IT".
Dude hasn't been back on that TS since.
7/30 "I will eat you and [poop] you out, so I may fertilize my garden with your soul."
8/30 Playing Call of Duty a few years back, heard a woman having a really
viscous vicious rant towards her husband who was in our team.
[Penis] size was mentioned, mothers were berated and infidelity was confessed.
The guy just played on.
9/30 My gf used to play WoW a lot and was playing with her guild and during a break she started playing with her dog and baby talking to it. She accidentally hadn't muted her mic so her whole guild was listening and they kept quiet and recorded it. The audio track was on the guild website for a while.
10/30 I tend to stay pretty quiet when I'm playing online games, but there was a memorable moment that occurred about a year ago, while I was playing Team Fortress 2.
The honest truth of the matter is that I'm absolutely terrible at most first-person shooters. If I'm lucky, I'll manage to score a single kill - maybe two - before being offed by an opponent that I didn't notice. This fact was apparently unforgivable, and a young man who was offended by my skills (or lack thereof) wasted no time or breath in informing me of my failures.
"Oh my god," he shouted, "You suck. Seriously, you suck. I can't believe how much you suck."
At first, I ignored the tirade. As time went on, though, I realized that the fellow didn't appear able to say anything beyond "Oh my god, I seriously can't believe how much you suck." His entire vocabulary could seemingly be derived from those twelve words.
I took it as a challenge.
After fumbling a bit to figure out which key activated my microphone, I responded back with a tirade of my own... while imitating Kermit the Frog's voice.
"Hey, man," I finally replied, "I heard you got kicked out of military school for being too boring." (Don't ask me what I meant by that. It was a nonsensical insult that was intended to provoke the fellow.)
"[Screw] you!" my conversational opponent shouted. It seemed like my verbal jab had done the trick, as there was suddenly a tone of real rage in his voice. "You... you suck! God!"
I did my best to suppress a laugh, then switched to imitating Cookie Monster. "Me no think you be having good grasp of English. Me think you only know words like 'suck.' Me think you should learn words like 'cookie!'"
"You... you are seriously the biggest loser."
"Whoa!" I replied (still as Cookie Monster). "You used some new words! Now say 'cookie!'"
The young man's frustration was audibly increasing as he shouted back at me... and was that a tinge of fear that I detected?
"Cooookie?" I replied.
"Stop! You're creepy and you suck!" There was definitely some sort of mounting discomfort in the guy's voice. Had I discovered, I wondered, the one individual on the planet with a phobia about Muppets?
"Stop! Stop [messing] around!"
I went silent for about five seconds. Then, starting in a low, ominous growl and moving up into a tone of manic, I went for the kill:
As much as I'd love to say that the young man burst into tears, disconnected, and left the world of online gaming forever, the truth of the matter is more mundane.... though not by much. Midway through my long-winded bellow, the guy flipped out and started screaming in near-gibberish. The occasional [swear] and so on was still audible, but it seemed like he had been reduced to offering wordless exclamations while his voice cracked.
This went on for the rest of the match. The guy didn't stop until the very end, when he managed to squeak out a final "You suck!" before disconnecting.
My team lost the match, but I like to think that I won the war.
11/30 Some friends and I were playing Call of Duty the day Bernie Mac died. We were talking about it and a Black guy on our team thought we were making it up. When we finally convinced him he was quiet for a few seconds then, in a very distraught tone, said "Man, I gotta call my mama" and left the game.
12/30 I was on a co-op mission on a WW2 flight sim, there was around 16 of us playing and one guy was pretty wasted. We were cruising along on the way to the target area when suddenly we started hearing snoring, loud snoring...
Some guys started yelling WAKE UP but to no avail, and shortly after we hear a loud crashing and rattling over comms, followed by a "Aww I'm bleeding!" Guy passed out and smashed his head on the floor. Couldn't finish the mission cause we all were laughing so hard.
13/30 There was a guy who got on the microphone while his friend was playing and told us "Okay time to get some culture you illiterate [bunch]" and then proceeded to start reading The Brothers Karamazov out loud.
14/30 Raided with a gal during Blackwing Lair who had 2 kids around the same age. It'd be around 11pm and we'd hear these elementary school aged kids say stuff like "Mommy we're hungry" and she'd respond with "Not now mommy's raiding".
We booted her after a month though because she was an awful healer.
15/30 Older lady told me I had a sexy voice and wanted me to recite the alphabet slowly.
16/30 Was playing dawn of war on teamspeak and this guy got in a loud, heated argument accusing his wife of having an affair because she walked in the door at like midnight. We were going to kick him from the channel but it got really juicy. Then it got scary. Then it got sad. I think he was playing to distract himself.
17/30 I got stuck with a clan on COD MW that said "white power" almost every minute.
18/30 A few years ago, I was in a Rift guild with the strangest California desert hicks. This couple lived in the hills outside San Diego on some big piece of property with their kids and the guy's parents. They were actually decent enough of players - he was an especially solid tank - but damn if they didn't interrupt raid for the [weirdest] of reasons. One week it was kid with a broken arm, the next, the in-law's roof was on fire. The frequency and kind of incident were always enough to make the rest of us wildly speculate about what the hell kind of living situation these people had. The best time they interrupted raid?
"Guys, we gotta take 20, the kangaroo is loose again."
19/30 My raid group was pretty diverse, two guys from the bronx, myself and another from the UK and a few from Norway, Finland and one from Ukraine. We were pretty new to the game and hadn't cleared the final boss of a very tough raid yet - but we were coming close. One of the Bronx guys died straight away (lag issues constantly but we'll never kick him) but proceeded to do a live freestyle rap about what each person was doing in the raid in lieu of a commentary - [it] was amazing - wish we had recording software back then.
Second was the Ukraine guy. Just signs onto TS one day and says "War has broken out, I won't be on for the raid" laughs, signs out and repeats the same message in game to the guildies who weren't on TS. Kinda worried for a few weeks but he eventually managed to contact one of us via our forum to say all was well and he'd moved to a new / safer city with family while things die down. Can't wait for him to get back - his DPS was straight up demonic.
20/30 Heard a full grown man cry when our WoW guild disbanded.
21/30 A kid didn't want to drop from the game, so he went and took a crap... while still talking on live!
UNO games are intense!
22/30 A couple years back on psn I believe I heard the last argument one couple ever had. Playing GTA 4, [messing] around at the airport I overhear some lady scream "I've been working all day and all you've been doing is playing that stupid game". It developed into a huge fight, they were screaming back and forth for at least 15 minutes until his mic went quiet and his account logged off.
23/30 Several years ago I was doing a 40 person raid in WoW - many people in the guild were from CA, at the time I lived in Oakland. We hear one guy around Napa call out, "Whoa!" then a few seconds later I feel a pretty substantial earthquake and announce it over Vent. A few seconds a couple people around San Jose chime in their surprise too. It was pretty cool to hear how the quake rippled south in real time.
24/30 My WoW raid leader's wife masturbating and having a screaming orgasm while we were raiding Black Temple... He took his headset off and cued it up just as she got off next to him.
It was a weird guild.
25/30 I once happily overheard a friend of mine online answer the door for a delivery package. (He had his PC set up in the living room apparently and kept his mic open) Why was this unique? Because after about three whole seconds I then got to happily overhear my friends dog come crashing into the scene and valiantly defend his owner from this delivery man. Much swearing and panicking was heard.
26/30 There was this player, JoshWarrior, who had joined our guild. He was, as one can easily deduce, a warrior. He was as terrible as terrible can be. Didn't know what a rotation was. Couldn't gear properly. He was only like 11 so we let it slide, but his general inability to learn or even try to learn made his life as a guildmate short.
The story: It was near the end of BC, and my druid tank wasn't very geared, relative to end game, so I would use him to help out new, fresh guilds get through Kara, as I could sleep through any encounter and still maintain aggro and not really worry. I decide to help out this one guild, and who shows up? JoshWarrior. I lolled and continued on. My bear was indestructible. Vent was a fun conversation, everyone was chill and thankful of my help.
I don't really remember where we were in the raid, when suddenly JoshWarrior flatly proclaims "My dad just had a heart attack, I think he's dead." Progress comes to a stop. Holy. Did he need to go help him? Did he want to leave? We'd get a replacement. "No, the ambulance is here and my dog is really big, if I go out of my room, he'll definitely get out and attack the paramedics."
The most awkward silence ever ensued, and we continued on through a few trash packs. Finally, their guild leader stops the raid, and starts asking Josh how he's doing. "Fine. I think he's dead. We can keep going though, I just want some loot."
We finished the rest of the raid in near complete silence except for me coordinating the encounters. I've never felt so awkward over vent. Nobody else uttered a word. Every person from the guild whispered apologies and gave resounding thanks. That was, by far, the most memorable and [messed] up raid ever.
27/30 "Push the objective like you're delivering a baby, just get that thing outta there."
I play with some interesting people.
28/30 Once when I was a teenager, one of the guys in my party chat started yelling at his friend in the room with him. Apparently the friend brought a baby tiger in the room (they lived in Las Vegas) and the tiger ripped his pillow up. He then sent us pictures of the tiger and his ducked up pillow. It was very much a what the [hell] moment.
29/30 Last week I was playing GTA Online, in a heist, with some kids. Youngest one was maybe 12 or 13 max. During a setup mission his mom entered the room and told him to get off the Xbox, all he does is play games, etc. He told her he couldn't because he was almost done with an online mission and he would quit after. We finish the mission, and start to queue up the finale. Someone asks if he needs to log off, he says "nah I'll just tell her it's still the same mission."
Mid finale mission, static starts to come over the mic and it sounds like a scuffle, then you hear him pleading "Nooo. Please don't, don't turn it off you can't do this, there are other players I can't quit. It will end their game too."
In a no [cares] given dead serious angry mom voice, I hear "You're dad is in Jail because of you. We're going to lose our house because of you."
A few minutes later he was back in party chat. "Sorry guys we're having family problems and my mom gets like that. She's a salty cunt."
30/30 I was playing GTA Online, and some Dad was on and I heard "Daddy can you help me with my homework?" He just said "Sure" and helped her out with adding fractions while still kicking everyone's [butt]. It was just weird, that he was taking on swat with airstrikes and RPG's will helping his daughter. Even some people in the game helped out.
Whoops. That snip was just a hair too far....
Your first bad haircut probably made you want to die a little when you looked in the mirror. Imagine how the person cutting your hair must have felt. Although, maybe they didn't care at all, as evidenced by the bs excuse they gave you when you finished in the barber chair.