Gay And Lesbian People Share When They Realized They Weren't Attracted To The Opposite Sex.

Sometimes the person who knows us least is the one looking at us in the mirror, and it can be an amazing experience when the last puzzle piece just fits and you uncover something deep about yourself.

Here are people's stories of how they realized they weren't attracted to the opposite sex.

Many thanks to the Reddit user who posed this question and to those who responded. You can check out more answers from the source at the end of this article!

1/19. I realized it later than most, and it was a really sudden thing. I was 15, watching a porno, and getting increasingly annoyed that they were barely showing the guy, just this woman bouncing around.

All of a sudden it was like I took a Mental step back and really looked at what I was thinking and was all like "oh wow, I'm gay." (literally my thought.) Then I went and found something more suited to my taste.

It really messed me up for a while, I was legitimately angry, I felt like it was unfair that my life was going to be permanently complicated by something I couldn't control.


2/19. It was a gradual thing.

Being raised in a conservative environment, I thought homosexuality was a choice. Since I knew I hadn't chosen to be gay, it never even crossed my mind that it might be.

During middle and high school years, I never developed crushes on any boys. I thought, "Well, boys mature super slowly, so maybe when I go to college and meet mature boys I'll like them." Basically, I focused on the brain in order to distract myself from the fact that I had no desire for the body.

When I had 'thoughts' about other girls, I thought, "Damn, temptation at it again, God's testing me," yada yada, and quashed them as quickly as possible.

Actually coming to terms with realizing I've never been attracted to a male, only to females, has been a long process that began in senior year of high school and 'ended' a few months ago.


3/19. I'm moving in with my same-sex girlfriend today actually. I'm straight.


I've dated men all my life. But I met her and I just wanted to be with her. Love at first sight kind of thing. I still haven't told my parents that we're dating. I'm 32 and never thought I'd have to "come out".

"Mom, dad? I'm not gay but you know my best friend that I spend every waking hour with? Well, I'm in love with her in THAT way." If we ever break up, I'd go back to men. But I hope we never break up.


4/19. I guess around high school when the idea of sex became a staple of discussion around friends. We would always talk about "How hot this chick was", or, "Did you know Katie was DTF?" and stuff like that.


I would always contribute and laugh in jest, but really all I wanted to think about sexually was this cute boy in my class named Teddy.

I guess as I grew up I realized it wasn't just a phase, and fortunately I had great parents who wholeheartedly supported me when I came out.


5/19. I guess I always sort of knew I was gay ever since I knew that it existed - I was always that really tomboyish girl who always hung out with guys. When I started to make female friends, I was not very entertained by the gossips or games but rather JUST my friends themselves. The activities were rather just a way for me to be with them more. But I think it just completely hit me when I befriended this girl from college and I was just like "OH WOW. This is what those love songs talked about." The idea of dating a guy is rather silly ever since. --

Too bad my family is ultra religious and wants to disown me. Oh yeah. The girl I like is also religiously against gays. Life is a challenge.


6/19. It was overall a gradual process, but I can recall the specific moment I somewhat accepted my affection to men as a fact (I'm a bisexual man, just to clarify).

I was home alone, binge watching True Blood on my bed slightly hung-over and cuddly. Caught myself imagining fooling around and being all cosy with a male friend (who in a very short time had became very close to me) - not my girlfriend of two years at the time.

It was so absurd, once I had admitted those thoughts to myself it was like a plug was removed and suddenly Alexander Skarsgrd was just so fudging hot I wanted to scream.

I eventually came to realise I had a mad crush on mentioned male friend, and broke up with my girlfriend. And yes, I pleasured myself to Eric Northman making out with Talbot (trying to ignore the killing), somewhat thinking "is this what I do now - gay vampire stuff?"


7/19. Somehow, it was 4 or 5 years after I realized male Sims could be Bros, but also kiss, and stopped ever making female Sims because I thought that was neat.

It didn't... Really mean anything. It was just boys kissing. I didn't realize it meant anything or was anything strange.

Later, it actually clicked after a period of denial. I have a fetish, see, that involves wearing something.

"it just looks better on the guys" I told myself. After a while I figured out it was the guys I liked, the fetish was just icing. Now I'm a bit too into it, but not cripplingly so.


8/19. After years full of daydreams involving me kissing the other girls in my school classes. After a few sexual encounters with guys (because that's what girls are supposed to do, right?) After I spent a good amount of time looking up tv shows that involved lesbians so I could imagine being one of the two. After I suffered through the rest of high school, when I had started thinking I was bi, and was surrounded by homophobic friends. After a year of college, where I thought I'd be able to embrace myself, only to find my friends there also didn't like gay people.

Then finally one night I just had a breakdown where I realized that I had (basically) no interest in guys and that it was okay and I didn't need to keep pretending while at college. So it was gradual and immediate at the same time.


9/19. I can't really remember. I do remember watching October Sky in grade six and being ENAMORED by Jake Gyllenhaal.

I also remember finally being allowed to watch the sex scene in Titanic, since I was 7 when it came out so I wasn't allowed to watch that part yet. I was probably 10 when I saw that scene.

The boobies didn't do much for me. I came out at 13.


10/19. I realized I wasn't into girls when I was very young, maybe 6 or 7yo. And it's weird because even later, I didn't understand the fact that I was gay.

I was pretty "manly", as a kid and as a teenager, I used to play videogames, sports, etc... (and I still do), and the image I had of gay people where just stereotypes of feminine guys etc... Which was the opposite of what I was.

It took me time to realize you can be gay and still be yourself, I mean it has nothing to do with stereotypes. I think the fact that more and more "cool" celebrities come out today is helping. When I was a kid, the only famous gay guy I knew was from a french reality show, and it was an obnoxious clich. That was really confusing.


11/19. Sometimes I watch gay porn and I like it sometimes I watch it and I don't like it. Sometimes I think woah this guy is really hot (which few and far between-like they have to look like a god and not be an arrogant prick) and the majority of the time I don't bat an eyelid. I wouldn't class myself as gay, or even bisexual?


12/19. My friend brought a Playboy magazine in to school when we were 10 or 11, and I wondered why he wanted to look at something like that. It was a couple of years before I really understood, but that's my earliest memory concerning it.


13/19. I was 11, and sleeping over at my friend's house. He shared a room with his older brother, who was about 17. We'd gone to bed at about 11pm, so when his brother crept in at midnight and got into bed, I wasn't supposed to be awake. But I was, and I popped an amazing erection when he started masturbating.


14/19. I was a high school freshman having my usual nightly masturbation session. For reasons that I still do not fully understand to this day, I had reruns of Will & Grace playing in the background. Mid-wank I get the notion that most straight guys probably do not get off the idea of Grace Adler's well decorated apartment or Eric McCormack in tight fitting t-shirts.


15/19. Honestly, the first time I had sex with a dude. I had only ever slept with girls beforehand and it was frustrating. It was never bad or anything, but it just frankly wasn't that exciting. Once I finally tried sleeping with a guy, it just felt "right" and I never went back to seeing women.

So, if you're ever curious about experimenting with your sexuality you should totally do it. Once I realized I was gay my life started making a whole lot more sense. I hate to think of what I'd be like today if I had gone on suppressing those feelings. I probably would have just met some nice girl, settled down, had a decent life, but all without ever being truly happy.


16/19. Eighteen, about. I'd known I was into boys long before, and I was really intent on repressing my desire. When I was a kid, I thought that my desire to kiss boys was the devil speaking in me. As I grew up, I thought it was just my brain being random and that these thoughts were something that everyone had. I tried to be into girls, I really did. Eventually I realized that they just weren't attractive.


17/19. When I saw a good looking kid then realized it was a girl I would be disappointed, think "she would be a good-looking boy" and lose interest.


18/19. Sixteen here.

When I really really realized? Last year October when I developed a crush on a good friend. But looking back I already 'knew' it (just never realized) from quite a young age. I even recall coming out to a friend of mine when I was 9. I still haven't accepted it 100%, but it's going the right way!


19/19. I am a queer trans woman, but up until age 19 I understood myself as a boy and was only attracted to boys.

I thought I was straight. I was raised Mass-every-Sunday Catholic, K-8 Catholic school, and I was antisocial enough that I didn't have friends or whathaveyou to corrupt the Church's influence on me. I didn't even realize it was possible I was gay. I was never sexually attracted to women, which I attributed to being a good Catholic: I wasn't married, why would I want to have sex (which I also didn't know about until 7th grade or so, I think). I admired and appreciated girls, so I assumed I wanted to date them. I was also staunchly pro-life (which I am staunchly not now) because I did NOT understand why people couldn't just Not Have Sex if they weren't ready to have a child.


In tenth grade I barely paid attention in the sex-ed portion of health class, specifically, contraception. I didn't need that. I was Catholic. Natural Family Planning, baby. Of course, I was 15 by that point, so I'd already been masturbating for 3 or 4 years, exclusively to gay male porn. I'd also frequently had sexual fantasies about my male classmates. This did not tip me off that I was gay. Brainwashing is some hardcore stuff. I think, by this point, I'd probably already made the plan to go to college, be with a man (to see what it was like), then go to confession and continue with life as usual. This was my Big Goal. I did not know I was gay. It wasn't something I was just like "naw that stuff can't be for me, no homo." I had no idea.

In 9th grade I dated my best girl friend for 5 months (the first two months of which we did nothing, the next three we made out a whole lot, and nothing more). I dated her again for a month at the start of 11th grade, but I never wanted to make out with her, while she really, really did, which was awkward.

I don't know when the switch flipped in my head, but at some point that year, I knew. At the end of the year, a male friend of mine (who had been my older sister's date to prom), a graduating senior, apparently had this thing where he would convince all of his friends to exchange a secret with him before the end of the school year. After a lot of trepidation, I told him on AIM that I was bisexual. After a lot of "when are you gonna tell me YOUR secret?" he gave me the mix CD which he made and distributed to all of his friends, and inside the paper sleeve's flap he'd written "me too..."

So then I was bi. That summer I completely 180'ed on the Catholic Church and got really invested in queer politics and social justice. Over the course of 12th grade, I realized that, no, I really wasn't bi at all. I did NOT want to have sex with girls. And then I was gay.

And of course then I realized I was trans and then I realized I was queer because I'm primarily interested in other trans girls and then I realized I was suddenly somewhat asexual and also terrified of having sex with men (which I'd done, a lot, at that point, and who I am still attracted to) which I'm starting to think might be due to some sort of repressed trauma, but hey, what can you do \_()_/



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