Girl's BF Pretends Not To Know What A Potato Is While Meeting Her Parents, And It Doesn't Go Well
Potato, tomato... it's just a vegetable. Or is it?
Redditor u/NotKnowPotato had a story involving his girl, her parents and... a potato? What could go wrong? TIFU by enraging the parents of my girlfriend by pretending not to know what a potato is.
Let me tell you that I have made a bad mistake this evening.
My girlfriend (who let me tell you is only my 2nd girlfriend of all time) said I am "invited to dinner" with her and her parents. I was very aghast, nervous, and bashful to be invited to such a situation. But I knew it must be done.
I met them nicely, I should tell you, and it started off in a good way. The idea slapped my mind that I should do a comic bit, to make a good impression and become known to them as a person who is amusing.
When I saw that baked potatoes were served I got the idea that it would be very good if I pretended I did not know what potatoes were. That would be funny. Well let me tell you: backfired on my face. I'll tell you how.
So first when the potato became on my plate, I acted very interesting. I showed an expression on my face so as to seem that I was confused, astounded but in a restrained way, curious, and interested. They did notice, and seemed confused, but did not remark. So I asked "This looks very interesting. What is this?"
They stared at me and the mother said "It's a baked potato." And I was saying "Oh, interesting, a baked....what is it again?"
And she was like "A potato."
And I was like "A 'potato', oh interesting. Never heard of a potato, looks pretty good."
And then they didn't see I was clowning, but thought I really did not know what is a potato. So I knew I would be very shamed, humiliated, depressed, and disgusted if I admitted to making a bad joke, so what I did was to act as if it was not a joke but I committed to the act of pretending I didn't know what a potato is.
They asked me, VERY incredulous, did I really not know what a potato is? That I never heard of a potato. I went with it and told them, yes, I did not ever even hear of a potato. Not only had I never eaten a potato I had never heard the word potato.
This went on for a bit and my girlfriend was acting very confused and embarrassed by my "f**ked up antics," and then the more insistent I was about not knowing what a potato is was when them parents starting thinking I DID know what a potato was.
Well let me tell you I had to commit 100% at this point. When I would not admit to knowing what a potato was, the father especially began to get annoyed. At one point he said something like "Enough is enough. You're f**king with us. Admit it." And I said "Sir, before today I never heard of a potato. I still don't know what a potato is, other than some kind of food. I don't know what to tell you."
Well let me tell you he got very annoyed. I decided to take a bite of the potato, and when I did I made a high pitched noise and said "Taste's very strange!"
That is when the father started yelling at me, and the mother kept saying "What are you doing?" and my girlfriend went to some other room.
Finally the father said I should "Get the f**k out of his house" and I said it was irrational to treat me like this just because I never heard of a potato before. Well let me tell you he didn't take that kindly.
Now in text messages I have been telling my girlfriend I really don't know what a potato is. The only way I can ever get out of this is for them to buy that I don't know what a potato is. I wish I never started it but I can't go back. I think she will break up with me anyway.
Reactions from the audience??
Invite your girlfriend to meet your parents. Have your father take her aside and ask if potatoes were served at the dinner with her parents. When she says yes, he looks alarmed, mutters something about "wanting to keep them from him" and never mentions the subject again. Minguseyes
She doesn't really seem like a keeper if she can't handle a good ol' fashioned potato joke. Kashakunaki
Use your lack of brain...
When confronted about this horrible joke, insist it never happened with the same level of commitment. Maybe they will just think you have a brain disorder. anotherspiff
At this point, this is the best idea. FlyingSwords
What planet is this?
Continue to do this with something different every time you see them. "So what's this this giant chair thing we're all sitting on called again? Oh, a Couch! It's very interesting!" J-wasp
A 'house,' oh interesting. Never heard of a house, looks pretty good. ENDragoon
A potato soap opera...
"Ohh, noooo... Must've been my evil twin." EmmyJaye
"Or idiot twin. sorry we try not to let him out." itwasmadeupmaybe
Grow a goatee and claim to be the good one. JerBearX
Dinner? What dinner?
Pretend the dinner didn't even happen!
"Of course I know what potatoes are. I've always liked them... What dinner with your parents? Well let me tell you that I was home that night." Reddit
I think he's already ruined it with his girlfriend and her parents, he may as well go out with a bang. Reddit
A potato for you!
Send them a bouquet of potatoes as an apology. FuhrerOfFelines
But on the card write Enjoy your "potatoes," potatoes in quotes as if you still don't really believe they're real. Drews232
This is some straight up Costanza stuff. hurlcarl
- Fantastic TIFUs.
- Easily enraged in arguments.
- Hilarious friends and parents for extra stories.
- Celebrity friend for possible AMAs.
- Literally unbelievable stories/events that would cause arguments about whether or not they happened. why_rob_y
Never go full potato. mercival
Boil em, mash em, stick em in a stew. EmmyJaye
Taters, precious? Wot's taters? Karmago
I've been with this sub almost since it's inception. I follow idiotsfightingthings and TumblrInAction too. This is the dumbest thing I have ever read on this entire website. Why OP. Why?!
I'm not trying to be mean. It's impressive really. Reddit
I can picture it so vividly, it makes me cringe and want to hug OP at the same time. So much better than the "TIFU by getting all this sex" humble brag posts that always make the front page. bojang1es
"Why'd you guys break up?"
In the not so distant future, "Askreddit, what is the dumbest reason you have ever broken up with someone?"
"Because he didn't know what a potato was!" BDillz28
"Oh what a tangled web we weave..."
Gotta tell ya, Spanky, I've read a lot of mess-ups on this page but yours takes the cake. You need to learn what humor is before you try it out first-time on your girlfriend's parents. Some things are genuinely funny but insulting your [ex?] girlfriends parents isn't one of them. The best thing you could do is to go over to her house and admit that you were "very aghast, nervous, and bashful to be invited to such a situation." and tried to get through it by using some impromptu humor which clearly backfired. It's called telling the truth. Give it a try. If not, you've only got yourself to blame.
One other tidbit: when you've made someone so mad that they tell you to "Get the eff out of his house," don't try to challenge that person by telling them they're being irrational. You were a guest. No one hired you as the smart-arsed comedian for the night. Yamahakid
Chill out dad!
I found the dad (or someone equally stupid)! Maybe you should take into account this is probably a nervous 16-18 year old, who just tried to make a joke. You know what I would say if someone asked me what a potato is? "A potato is a type of vegetable, and it is mainly starch. You usually eat a baked potato with butter and sour cream, try it," what I wouldn't say is "get the f**k out of my house." In fact, I would never tell someone who is probably under 18 and dating my daughter to "get the f**k out of my house" unless they did something more offensive than not know what a potato is. So before you climb any higher on your moral high horse against OP, first take a second to realize what an immature a**hole that dad is. I can't imaging being such an arrogant/stupid prick I have to spend more than two sentences trying figure out if someone is lying about knowing what a potato is. This could have been prevented by the adults acting like adults and not badgering a kid about whether he know what a potato is or not, to the point your screaming at him. BestOpinionEver
Oh no- if I were to run into someone who asked what a potato is, I would make them endure a droning and seemingly endless accounting of the potato famine in Ireland. blackoutHalitosis
Not even going to discuss the thousands of years of cultivation in the Andes by the hardworking indigenous peoples? Let me tell you what son, potatoes are older European history, as old as the Pyramids of Egypt.
Potatoes were the primary energy source of the Incan Empire, think about that as you enjoy this baked potato before you. An Empire which thrived at high altitude and developed a unique and fascinating culture.
Even today potatoes are a primary food source for the poor farmers of the Andean mountains. Nothing brings humanity together like a good potato. I feel pity for your tragic deprivation of the majestic potato and am honored I could be the first to share one with you. Clack082
Just laugh man....
What an immature a**hole the DAD is?! No way. OP is the worse kind of clown, an unfunny one. Sure I give him a pass because he's young, but that sounds like a terribly annoying dinner. The parents made a gesture to get to know him, and give him a chance which a lot of parents wont even do in the first place, and this is how he spends the evening? I don't blame the Dad at all. If anything the one I feel bad for is the daughter. Driftco
Really Son? Really?
I'm just amazed that somewhere in your brain you just kept thinking "No, keep going. You're all in. There's no backing out now. When I admit that I actually know what a potato is, it's gonna be HILARIOUS!!1!!1221 They will LOVE me for this and we will all LAUGH!" What the actual f**k. agoodtimes
I hate when this happens in American movies, when some guy has to pretend something ridiculous in order to get something not really important, and then he sticks with it and has to, I don't know, marry his best friend to pretend he's gay, or kiss his dog, or move to another city etc. I never thought it actually happens in real life. thedarksidepenguin
Go for the Drama!
OP there is only one way to salvage this situation and come out alpha as hell.
Tell your GF (or ex at this point) that you were testing her parents, trying to figure if they are nice people or if you shouldn't bother trying to get them to approve of you. Tell her you just didn't want to waste your time appeasing people that will just blow up with anger by clutching onto what is essentially nothing. PinkEyeIsFromPoop
I hope this is a true story. First, this is brilliant, and one of the best stories I've heard in a long time.
Second, dump her now and find someone that appreciates your comic genius. Seriously. You have a gift, and you deserve to share your life with someone better than that. PM-ME-CLOTHED-BOOBS
Part of comedic genius is knowing your audience. OP clearly didn't. mxzf
Do it. Keep it up. Date her for years without letting slip your general knowledge of potatoes. Marry her and raise a family. Tell her that you were raised without ever learning of potatoes so your children won't either. Inconvenience everyone around you with your evasive potato antics while pretending this is normal. Become the crazy old dude who never really "got" potatoes. All of this will build up to the final line of your will. "PS: Of course I know what potatoes are, you idiots."
Commit to the bit. SparklingLimeade
"It wasn't me!"
There's not much you can do when the righteous fist of the law comes down on you. Call it a mix-up, or call it a mistake, if someone's pegged you at the scene of a crime there's not much you can do but trust the justice system to prove you innocent. However, that's a gamble, and just because you've been given a "not guilty" doesn't mean the effects won't follow you for the rest of your life.
Reddit user, u/danbrownskin, wanted to hear about the times when it wasn't you, seriously, it was someone else, when they asked: