Guilty People Reveal How They Broke The Law And Actually Got Away With It
Against the law? No problem. These clever scofflaws managed to skirt justice, and you won't be mad about it.
Biggest_Snitch asked: What is something illegal you have done and got away without getting caught?
Submissions have been edited for clarity, context, and profanity.
Those darn cigars.
I brought two or three Cuban cigars back to the US from Montreal once. When we cleared the border I turned to my parents and used my favorite line from Futurama:
Guess what you're accessories to?!?
It was 2004. I am well aware this is no longer illegal.
John F. Kennedy purchased 1,200 Cuban Cigars the day before he signed them into law as illegal.
Quite a few politicians did the same right before Prohibition kicked in.
Skirting a speed trap.
I used to have a total lead foot.
One day, I was driving to my ex-wife's parent's house by myself. They lived in a small town right off of the freeway. Now, on the freeway I was driving about 80 mph (130 kph), which was standard for most drivers. When you pull off the freeway, it immediately drops to 25 mph (45kph).
So, I pull onto this main drag and start driving through the town. I'm about a mile down when suddenly I notice a police car pull up behind me. I look down and see that I'm driving at 45 mph (70kph).
A few things hit all at once: First, I couldn't afford a ticket. I was 20 miles over. I would have ended up with a $200+ ticket just because I failed to decelerate. I was only three blocks from my in-laws, AND the the officer hadn't turned on his lights yet.
For reasons only known to me, I immediately pulled over, turned off the car and started walking. The officer pulled up behind me, not knowing what to do, but still with NO LIGHTS turned on. I just kept walking without turning around.
I get to my in-laws and tell them what happened. They tell me that I have to go back for my car, so I do. The officer was gone. No consequences whatsoever, never received a ticket in the mail, never heard a thing. I would never, ever do it again.
And that's how I got out of a major speeding violation.
Can you steal your own property?
I stole my own car from the tow impound lot. Th best part was getting the certified letter months later that they were going to auction it if I didn't come and pay for it.
Don't want your money? Ooookay.
My friends and I didn't pay for our dinner at Steak n Shake this past weekend. I stood waiting at the register trying to pay for 20 minutes but no one came to take my money. It was 12:30 am before we left.
Nothing unusual here.
Stole a Blue Angels flag from the hanger they were parked in.
When I was in the navy the Blue Angels vistied the air base I was stationed at. They proceeded to kick all of our planes out of our hanger and I had to fix our birds out in the rain. In a fit of contempt, on the last day they were there, I went into the mezz and stole the flag hanging from the overhead beams.
I still have the flag and wear it lake a cape from time to time.
Thievery of other unit's sh!t is a tradition in the military. While it may have been illegal it sure as shit isn't discouraged.
There's no such thing as stealing in the military. We tactically acquire.
What a weirdly specific crime.
I once kept a dead otter in my freezer after finding it on the side of the road. In the UK this can get a hefty fine and prison time without a license.
Once I found out I released the dead otter into the wild. It was a bit like free willy but with less movement.
Never tell me the odds.
Assisted in semi stealing a car.
Almost 2 decades ago my cousin calls my dad and says his car broke down. As my dad has friends with heavy equipment he figured my dad could get a trailer to tow it on.
So my dad my uncle and I go pickup a flatbed tow truck from a friend of his then drive 2 hours to pickup the car. We find it near where it should be on the side of the highway so we load it up and go to a reststop to secure it on the truck better.
As my dad and my uncle are attaching straps I'm looking at the car and notice something is odd. My cousins car (late 80s Audi) had broken speakers for what ever reason they all stopped work so instead of replacing them with with normal speakers he used house tower speakers big ones at that back seat and passenger seat. I'm noticing there arent any tower speakers in the car I pointed this out and they stop and start looking at the car then checked the plate number they dont match (cousin had a vanity plate) my dad immediately hooks the call raises the bed and let's it roll off into a space at the rest area.
We hop into the truck and drive off to find the car. We find it less then a mile away.
Audi reliability jokes aside what are the odds of two identical Audi's same year color and even rims and tires being broken down that close to each other.
Shoulda blown up the Vette.
Whe I was a teenager, my Labrador got out of the yard and I finally found him at the pound with a bullet in his shoulder. I had to put him down. I inadvertently found out who did it. I spray painted his Corvette. After he got it repainted, I did it again.
This was a small town in the late 70's, I did tell the cops when he was shot but we didn't know by whom, they said they could do nothing. As far as I remember even when I found out who did it they said they couldn't help me. I found out who did it because my sister went to a party and a guy there was talking about a dog he shot. He lived in the same block where animal control picked my injured dog up. Of course I took my dog to the vet, but as a poor 16 year old, I did not have the funds needed for surgery.
If I recall correctly it was $400, which would have been a small fortune for me. I had the vet put him down. He was a sweet lab, I bawled my eyes out for weeks.
One of the local cops was a family friend, he put 2 and 2 together, and after the second paint job, he stopped by my work and mentioned what happened to this guys car, and looked at me and said he hoped it wouldn't happen again. I took the hint and left him alone after that. This all happened over 40 years ago, but to the best of my recollection, that is what happened.
I stole a police radio from a TABC officer once, drunk as hell and underage at a club.
I was on the dance floor at some club and a elderly lady asked if I wanted to dance, I was like, "f*ck yeah, cougar action!" She then asked me to follow her and I was like, "f*ck yeah!" She then showed me her badge and I was like, "f*ck!" Officer took me to the back office of the club and threatened to take me to jail and decided on just giving me a fine.
When she went to make a copy of my ID she left her radio on the desk, I shoved that sh*t in my pants.
I have no f*cking clue why I did this! Went out side and called my friends and told them we have to leave. Got in the car and showed them what my drunk @ss did and we all had a great laugh. Never paid the ticket and never received a warrant so I guess I got away with it?
"It wasn't me!"
There's not much you can do when the righteous fist of the law comes down on you. Call it a mix-up, or call it a mistake, if someone's pegged you at the scene of a crime there's not much you can do but trust the justice system to prove you innocent. However, that's a gamble, and just because you've been given a "not guilty" doesn't mean the effects won't follow you for the rest of your life.
Reddit user, u/danbrownskin, wanted to hear about the times when it wasn't you, seriously, it was someone else, when they asked: