IRL

Guy Blames His Fiancé For Receiving Late Night Booty Call Text From His Friend, And We Can't Even

Block that #!

Redditor u/hashtagnochoice has realized that love is fraught with drama. There is never an easy way out when it comes to jealousy. She writes.... I (25f) got a random text late at night, my fiancé (31m) insists that my reaction to it was inappropriate.


My man and I worked at a strip club together about 7 or 8 months ago, he was the DJ, I was a waitress. I exchanged numbers with someone he told me was his friend but never actually had any communication with the guy until I got a message that just said "hola" tonight at 12:30am. I didn't recognize his name immediately but based on the fact that I personally know anyone by that name, I assumed he was from the club and was hitting me up for... well, the only reason guys hit up a girl from a strip club at midnight.

I told my fiancé "I think I just got booty texted. You know, like a booty call? But a text. I don't know who it is, someone named Jaime J?" Whatever, I didn't really care. It's late, I didn't want to deal with it right then because I have to work in a few hours and I needed to get some sleep.

Turns out it was aforementioned "friend." Now, the last time I saw this guy, he grabbed me by the lapels of my jacket and yanked me towards him saying "because I like you okay?!" I got him kicked out of the club and haven't talked to him since.

When I didn't respond to his text tonight, he texted my fiancé asking if we're still together, so my initial assumption was correct. Now my fiancé is upset because of the fact that I assumed it was a booty call. He says I could ask anyone and they'd say the same thing, that it was an inappropriate way for me to tell him about the text. I maintain that the only person in the wrong here is the idiot hitting me up at midnight... and now, to a point, him for making a big deal where there was none. So here we are. Help. Please.

Fiance is upset that I correctly assumed the intentions behind a late night text. I think there's only one reason a guy would hit up a woman from a strip club. Am I actually in the wrong like he says?

How about calling his boy out?

I find it weird that your SO wouldn't be upset at his friend for hitting on you and calling him. You have a reason to be upset with him.

canon12

He was livid. Sorry, I should have been clear that my fiance hasn't talked to him since that night either. He was one of the ones who kicked the guy out, he was shaking mad.

hashtagnochoice

Don't pout boo...

Sounds to me like he needs to take his anger out on the other person not you. Your man needs to either do something about it or get over it, but getting pissy with you isn't the correct decision at all and he needs to apologize. None of this is your fault.

MarkMcDonut

It's just a #...

His reaction is baffling. You got a really late text from a stranger. You work at a strip club. Surely he's aware that you get propositioned literally all the time by people you have no intention of sleeping with?

And so then if the problem is that you have the guy's number? Well hooray! The only reason you have that number is because it's HIS FRIEND. Who he knows you now hate.

i don't understand what there is to be upset about. Is the problem that you hadn't already deleted his number? I still have numbers in my phone of people I haven't talked to in 10 years.

whatdowetrynow

Couples therapy? Stat! 

Well, you're obviously in the right here, and it sounds like your boyfriend is irrationally jealous. Does he have anger problems or something? I mean, you literally did the most logical thing that you could've done - told your boyfriend that somebody was trying to hit you up. Dude needs to work on his communication and coping skills, if he wants the relationship to work. And you really need to pay attention to who your boyfriend is, think about whether you've seen other concerning behaviors.

sowellfan

How would he like it?

Ask him how he'd feel if you never even told him Jaime had texted you, but he found out later, and when confronted you said "I didn't think it was anything worth telling you. He was just texting me a friendly text to say hello."

He should be thankful you are not naive or ignorant, and that you don't beat about the bush.

finestiveeverknown

There are other fish girl... so go fishing...

It's reasonable to assume that someone texting you in the middle of the night with just a "hi" is looking for a hookup. If they have previously stated that they are into you than if's more than reasonable. There is absolutely no issue with your thinking there. Also, you were right.

But even if it wasn't that reasonable to assume a booty call, why is your fiancé upset? There is nothing about you being suspicious about a late night text that is a cause for anger. Nor you casually telling him that. Actually most partners would be concerned if you didn't tell them about their friends hitting on you. It is honestly concerning that this has turned into an argument. Something of so little concern shouldn't turn into a post here.

You might want to think about what kind of relationship you have your partner gets upset over normal behavior. How is the communication in the relationship? The respect? How do you treat each other? Do you argue a lot?

Then you should think about what the other issues you mention in your post shows about your relationship. Your fiancé is friends with toxic people and apparently still friends with a person that has sexually harassed you. Your boyfriend is using a well recognized abusive tactic of telling you that everyone would agree with him so you are clearly wrong (which is working, as you are here doubting yourself even after having been proven right). Your fiancé doesn't come across as someone that knows what a healthy relationship looks like. It's important that you examine how unhealthy his attitudes towards relationships are.

tingiling

Blame Bobby! 

First of all: your fiancè is overreacting and I think it's worth considering whether there are other warning flags that he's controlling/etc.

But, if this feels more like an isolated weird thing: it sounds like maybe there's a lot of baggage associated in his mind with that time in your lives - probably partly because of your behaviors in that setting, and probably partly just because of the context. I hope you're both in a more stable place.

My guess is that he's not actually upset at the way you told him. I'm guessing he's upset because you 'assuming' it was a booty call gives the impression that you're taking it for granted that there are a bunch of guys out there assuming you're still open for some no-strings-attached sex. I've had girlfriends respond in the same way when past hookups have texted me -- they're not mad at me, specifically, they're just mad that there are these people from my past who don't know about our relationship (or don't care, or assume it's gone down in flames by now, or whatever).

I think - instead of saying you can't believe he's upset for being honest - you should just say: "Look, baby, I don't like guys hitting me up assuming I might have sex with them any more than you do. That's why I told you right away - I couldn't believe it. I'm off the market. Not sure when these losers will get it, but I can't stop aholes like that idiot you had to throw out of the bar from texting me; all I can control is how I respond. And I'm not responding at all. Because I'm committed to you. Is there something you want me to do differently?"

If he keeps doubling down on how he wants you to tell him about these things, listen to him. It doesn't cost a lot to be like "Hey, I just got a text from Bobby that he wants to meet up for pizza. Yeah, I know it's 2am. I don't think he actually wants... uh, pizza. Do you think I should respond and tell him I'm not interested, or just ignore it?"

Like I said, if this is a bigger pattern, I'd be worried. If this feels isolated, though, it might just be a product of him being reminded of a rocky time at the start of your relationship, and helping him feel reassured doesn't cost you much.

NonphotosyntheticSoy

He's no friend of mine! 

I think you're really skimming over the fact that your fiancé thinks it's ok for one of his friends to rough house you and grab you by the lapels. I would not be with someone who puts up with that from a friend.

Fleurdetots

So after that happened, he doesn't think this text was a booty call? Or he didn't think you should have told him about it? What did your fiancè actually want you to do?

ConsistentCheesecake

We both know it was a booty call, it's that I automatically assumed it was when I didn't recognize the name, and the fact that I have his number saved in my phone. Honestly I forgot I had saved it otherwise I would have deleted it.

hashtagnochoice

The past is the past... 

So he's mad at you for having a sexual history? Because that's bull. Everyone has history, and everyone has it come up from time to time while in a relationship. Sure it can be awkward and uncomfortable sometimes, but it's unreasonable and unpractical to expect a partner to scrub their exes from the face of the Earth, their mementos, their electronics and their memories when they start a new relationship. That's super entitled and way too much work.

Does he get touchy about anything else re: your past?

bboon

Whoops. That snip was just a hair too far....

Your first bad haircut probably made you want to die a little when you looked in the mirror. Imagine how the person cutting your hair must have felt. Although, maybe they didn't care at all, as evidenced by the bs excuse they gave you when you finished in the barber chair.

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