Guy Hates Librarian Girlfriend's Poetry Cards, And The Internet Lets Him Have It
How DARE you?
Art is subjective. A masterpiece to one is pure garbage to someone else. What matters is your reasoning behind the opinion. As long as you can justify your thought process with astute analysis during a proper discussion, no one can refute your claim of disapproval. Unless it's a hatred born from something in your gut, with no explanation. Then, you're in for an earful, like the story below.
Reddit user, u/nomorepoetry, was having an issue with his girlfriend in his post entitled:
My [26M] girlfriend [24F] of two years always includes poetry in cards she gives me. I'm not into it.
I'll start by saying I love my girlfriend. I think she's beautiful, intelligent, and very caring. We get along together extremely well. We moved in together after only 2 months but have never had any major fights. We just work. It's a great feeling
Which makes me realize that this gripe is minor, so I don't know how to address it. Every card I have ever received from my girlfriend (birthdays, anniversaries, Valentine's day etc) has included poetry. On one side she'll write something short, but sweet and thoughtful, which I like. On the other side, she'll write a few lines from a poem or other classical literature. I get that she is a librarian and literature is something she's studied extensively and cares about. Frankly, it leaves me cold. I was a stem major and work in a scientific field now, and classical literature, ESPECIALLY poetry, do not interest me in the slightest.
I figured she would pick up eventually that I don't care about the fancy words and much prefer her own, but my birthday recently rolled around and there was poetry in the card. She even made a point of repeating the passage to me. I asked her why she always felt the need to use someone else's words, but she just replied that the words were beautiful and she felt a connection to them and us.
I don't know how to broach this topic without hurting her feelings. I would be fine if she just signed the card, or no card at all. I love this girl, but I'm tired of the poems.
tl;dr: How do I tell my girlfriend to leave the poetic craps off when she writes cards?
Begin By Questioning YourselfGiphy
I hope to God you're just a troll and not really such an imbecile. You mentioned that literature was her passion. If her passion irks you so terribly, why are you even with her? You obviously don't care for her too much if something as small and petty as this is giving you pause about your relationship.
Everyone expresses their love in different ways, OP. This is her way of showing her love for you. Be happy she's taking the time to do anything special for you at all. You obviously don't deserve it. If you can't respect her passions or accept her ways of showing affection, then GTFO.
Realize This Is Not Something Adults Worry AboutGiphy
This is not a problem adults have in relationships.
Get over it. It's not like she's reciting poems outside your window while you're sleeping.
Think About How She's Opening Up To YouGiphy
Dude, she's also including the part that you like and you know this stuff is her life. Just let it go. It's not a big deal.
Think About How You SoundGiphy
It makes me sad to think of your girlfriend, hand picking lines out of something she loves, hoping it will be appreciated as an expression of her feelings for you...
And you saying "Hey, babe, can you stop with the poetry thing? I'm not into it."
Finally, Think About What You DoGiphy
What does being in a STEM field have to do with anything? I'm an architect, I don't care for poetry either, it still wouldn't bother me if a partner wrote some lines in a card for me.
In fact I was expecting this post to be about how your GF writes super slushy love poems that make you squirm. I could relate to that, but even so, it's the thought that counts and I wouldn't dream of telling someone to stop being thoughtful.
Understand What It MeansGiphy
Sometimes gifts, cards, displays of love etc are just as much about the person giving as the one receiving (although sometimes it is important for the giver to put themselves aside). In terms of these cards I'd say this is the case. By using the poetry she is showing you that she incorporates you into every aspect of her life. That even when she is doing something entirely separate from you, thoughts and feelings for you creep in and connect to every aspect of her being.
Even if you don't like the poetry (and for f-cks sake it's not hurting you it's not damaging, wasting time or money or anything) you should be able to appreciate the wider implications of it. She is showing that her love for you seeps into hobbies that are not connected to you, that you are the good thoughts that come to mind when she reads these passages. Whether you like the specific ones or not, what it means is loving, caring and thoughtful and there's really no excuse for not reading the poetry in that way if you even take half a second to think about what it means.
Because It's Not What It Says, But What It ImpliesGiphy
really? i mean....really?? she's doing something nice for you that makes her feel good too and you can't just suck it the f-ck up and appreciate it?? you don't have to love poetry to appreciate the sentiment behind it.
she does these poems(even if they aren't her personal words) because they resonate with her in some way about you or your relationship and you can't just accept that?? i could see if she was constantly buying you ties and you hate them and it was a waste of money but d-mn, this is just pathetic.
It's Not What It Says, But Who's Saying ItGiphy
Lemme tell you about my husbands singing.
My husband grew up watching soppy Bollywood movies every week at his grandmothers house. As a result of this, he now has every Bollywood love song and dance move permanently engraved on his soul.
I'm not a fan of Bollywood music. I don't understand the words and feel that sometimes there IS such a thing as too much rythmic thrusting. This doesn't mean I don't appreciate it when he wakes me up with a bit of both on a Saturday morning (even before 8am). Yes my husband knows I'm not head over heels with the stuff, but I love it when he does it because my husband is actually a pretty shy guy. Ridiculously so. I can count on one hand the number of times I've seen him dance in public and usually in a room full of strangers he'd be the quietest one. It's cool that he's comfortable enough to share something he's passionate about with me. It's not the (atrocious) music and dance moves I like. It's the fact that he's doing it.
On the flip side - I'm pretty sure art bores him to tears. But he'll still come home with a flyer that he found stuck to his windscreen and ask if I wanna go see this exhibition. He will then proceed to nod blankly while I get excited about a blank canvas.
What I'm getting at is sometimes it's not the object or act itself, but the person it's coming from. She probably knows maybe you aren't crazy about verse. But then, maybe poetry is the only way she feels she can fully express how she feels about you. Asking her to express it any other way would be like me asking my husband to sculpt how he feels about me using papier mâché and glow sticks (instead of the shirtless frolicking that god created him to do). I wonder what kind of things bother your girlfriend about you - but because she knows it's important to you she just ignores the silly parts, and enjoys the fact that it's coming from you.
Also I dunno why the STEM thing is important. It's crazy how people seem to think our field of study influences out ability to appreciate certain things. It probably does to some degree, but it doesn't impatient how kind we can be to our SO's.
Anyway I know this got long but I think the tl;dr is don't try to dictate how your SO shows affection. With the poetry gone, who knows what else she might stop doing. She's doing it for her as much as you. Try not to be utterly selfish ;)
Finally, Understand Years Of Experience Comes Into PlayGiphy
She's a librarian. She has given her life over to books. When she quotes a piece of poetry to you, you can be certain it was selected from a profound store of knowledge and with the utmost care to reflect her most nuanced feelings.
Do you enjoy being loved? Because this is her way of expressing how she feels about you and she's drawing on the best stuff she knows to do it. Can you appreciate something done with great care and knowledge and precision, even if it's not your thing?
Thank Goodness That's All Cleared UpGiphy
Every card I have ever received from my girlfriend (birthdays, anniversaries, Valentine's day etc) has included poetry. On one side she'll write something short, but sweet and thoughtful, which I like. On the other side, she'll write a few lines from a poem or other classical literature. I get that she is a librarian and literature is something she's studied extensively and cares about. Frankly, it leaves me cold....How do I tell my girlfriend to leave the poetic craps off when she writes cards?
I had to re-read your post to make sure she wasn't A) writing poems EVERY singe day; and/or B) copying 274,578-word sonnets.
To read you say her writing only "a few lines" and only a few times a year ("birthdays, anniversaries, V-Day, etc.") "leaves you cold" AND referring to her efforts as "craps" is...baffling.
I'm not sentimental either, so I understand not being giddy over poems, etc., but even I think your reaction is way excessive for the 'offense'.
You came for advice on how to get her to stop, but I realllllllllly think you should ask yourself if this is the hill you want to die on (AKA, hurt her feelings for).
You said: "I love my girlfriend. I think she's beautiful, intelligent, and very caring. We get along together extremely well. We moved in together after only 2 months but have never had any major fights. We just work. It's a great feeling." Brother, you will really kick yourself if you screw over having THAT in your life over something as petty as this 'problem'.
In most situations, when you're hurt by someone, it can be best to just forgive and forget. However, there are some people that can't help but hold grudges. Sometimes it can just be petty, but other times, it can be for very valid reasons.
HeySistaBrutus asked: What are you STILL mad about?