'He Flung Himself Down The Stairs' People Share Their Favorite Accidentally Badass Moment.
We would all like to think of ourselves as total badasses, but the truth is that most people like to just avoid conflict and go about their lives. But sometimes badassery naturally shines upon us, and we must be available to receive it.
Here are sixteen awesome, but totally accidental, badass moments.
Many thanks to the Reddit user who posed this question and to those who responded. You can check out more answers from the source at the end of this article!
1/16. Was in a restaurant with my GF at the time when a guy built like a refrigerator just comes barging through and knocks my GF's drink all over her. It was clearly an accident based on his refrigerator like physique and being unable to hold his arms at his side.
At this point I'm standing up to help clean her up and figure he's going to apologize or something. Instead he pushes my shoulder and tells me to get out of the way and "let her clean herself up". I stare at him and say "that is my girlfriend...you better apologize to her," with a cold, dead stare.
So the woman and man at the table next to us are notably getting nervous, she drops her menu off the table. By some fluke I catch the menu flat along the top of my foot before it hits the ground and proceed to just raise my foot, keeping the menu on top of it. I grab the menu into my hand (all the while glaring into this guys eyes). I just tell her "Sorry Ma'am, you seemed to have dropped this".
I just look at him and say "so, i think we left it off where you were going to apologize to my girlfriend for being so rude and then walking around?"
Much to my surprise, he turned to my GF and said, I'm terribly sorry and then turned around and walked away. Our check was taken care of as well.
I've caught light things like pieces of paper on top of my foot, but never something like a menu...AND I was always terrible at hacky-sack.
2/16. So in my first years in high school there was this bully that always picked on me, pushing me around, swearing and other bullying stuff.
Me being the bespectacled little geek and him being taller and bulkier, I just tried to get out of his way and avoid him.
So in our second year, our school went for a field trip in some village/farm area. As soon as we were far from teachers, this bully shows up and pushes me around and hits me. I was fuming because he spoiled my trip, but didn't do anything and he left.
A few hours later, I was having lunch up on a small hill that was overlooking a small amateur soccer field. And there was the bully, back to me, 20 meters away, playing as goal keeper.
Geek rage flairs up! I had this apple with me, so I pick it up and throw it with all my might towards him. It hit him! Straight on the shoulder blade. Now my added height and distance must have added to the force of impact, because he got knocked down, hard.
He lay there for a good 5 minutes, got up turned around, looked at me and started walking slowly towards me. I was thinking "Oh no! Oh no! He's gonna kill me...", but I had the geek rage still flaring so I stood defiantly and waited. Ready to fight back this time.
He reaches me and goes:
Him: What was that ?
Me: An apple.
Him: Listen man, I don't want any trouble.
I was dumbfounded. He never bothered me again after that, even became a bit friendly.
3/16. I was sitting on a patio with friends and a friend who is absolutely terrified of roaches started screaming and running around because a roach appeared on the top of patio about 25 feet away from me.
As a joke, I casually stood up, whipped out my pocket knife and while talking I threw it. It went spinning threw the air and stick the roach to the wood. I sat back down and finished what I was saying while everyone was in disbelief. We all had a good laugh and they nicknamed me crocodile dun-dee.
4/16. At the end of the high school year in gym class (when it was too hot to do anything outside), the bleachers would be out in the gym and 95% of people would sit on them, while the 5% who wanted to do something would be shooting some hoops waiting for the period to be over.
I was in that 5%, but there was a kid who would always try to run up and steal the basketball and throw it all the way across the gym. If he ever touched the ball you know you would have to go 200' to get it back. If he didn't steal it from you the first time, he would tackle people to the ground and then get it and throw it.
He was strolling towards me one day, and I knew what he was planning, so when he was about 10 feet from me I just sprinted down the court towards the other side of the gym with my ball in hand, and he took chase. About half way down the court, where everyone was sitting on the bleachers, I decide to ditch the ball so I can run faster and not get tackled from behind by a pretty meaty dude. I threw the ball basically straight up as I was running, and by some freak of luck he did not see the ball coming down and it blasted him exactly on his face, and he fell and was rolling around confused for a while while everyone laughed at him.
After I saw what happened, I ran to the top end of the bleachers because I figured it would be safer if he couldn't find me, but right after he got up he spotted me and stormed up the bleachers like he was going to beat the crap out of me.
He got up in my face trying to start a fight, but I didn't want to do anything due to my schools very strict no-fighting policy, so I just held my hands up politely like "What do you want me to do?".
After about a minute of him screaming at me (and everyone watching intently), he decides he wants to shove me, but he somehow didn't realize that I was sitting against a wall and would therefore not move very much. He tried to push me, but instead he just flung his own body down the bleacher stairs and slid all the way to the bottom. He ended up getting suspended for fighting, and all I got was props from the entire class.
5/16. Once there was this huge Rottweiler. That dog was chained next to a road I walked on a couple times a day. He was freaking vicious, and kept chained next to his dog house in a corner of the lot with about a 1/2 inch chain. It was said he'd killed at least a couple of cats. I would always ignore him. But one night about midnight I was walking home and he started running at me as usual. But then I heard the unmistakable sign of wood breaking and then the chain dragging across the ground. I turned and the dog was running at me with murder in his eyes. I just thought about what his owner would do, so I turned to face him and bellowed, "AGGGHHHHHHHH!"
He turned tail and obediently returned to his little house. The owner came out and was angry at me for "breaking" his guard dog.
6/16. About 15 years ago, my ex-wife and I were at a party sitting across from each other at a fairly large table. We were surrounded by dozens of friends. Some sitting, some standing and chatting in the kitchen.
She had my Zippo and I wanted a smoke, so I asked her to toss it to me. She tossed the zippo to me across the table....the lid pops open in mid-air.....somehow I hit the roller with my thumb AS I catch it and the thing lights up as it hits my hand! My arm is fully outstretched when I catch it, so I smoothly pulled my arm in, lit the cigarette in my mouth, snapped the zippo shut with a flick of my wrist and tossed it back to her with one fluid motion.
Half the people at the table jump up in amazement and begged us over and over again to perform the trick one more time. We refused. I never told a soul that the whole event was completely accidental. My friends still talk about it with awe!
7/16. When I was about 11 years old I got chased by two vicious, hungry looking Dobermans in a car yard. Realised I wasn't going to get away, so I turned around, put my war face on and bolted straight at them, shouting like I was possessed and intending to tear their snouts off.
Dogs disappeared with their tails between their legs. I felt like a big man.
8/16. Me and my then 3 year old son went to the playground. This bigger kid arrived and started going around scaring the crap out of the littler kids by popping out and "roar"-ing and hissing and what not, right in their face. I saw what car came in and that his mom was sitting in it still, maybe just waiting for him to finish "playing". Anyway he proceeds to do his scare thing to my son who of course freaks out and runs to me crying. I started fuming. Thinking it is his own parent's responsibility to tell him to cut it out, I decided to go tell his mom.
I ask "is that your son over there?" She says yes and I tell her what he's doing and "either you get him to stop or I'll do it for you". To my surprise she says "oh please do, I can't control him today".
So I go back over, and try my best to "hide" right near where he is roaming, and as soon as he's within striking distance I pop out and with all the air in my lungs I SCREAM AT THE TOP OF MY LUNGS 1 INCH FROM HIS FACE. He ran back to his car absolutely terrified and crying. I could see his mom . She didn't come out or do a thing.
To this day if anyone messes with my son who's bigger than him he screams non-nonsensically in their face.
9/16. I worked at a boy scout camp years and years ago. One of the activities I was in charge of was building a log cabin. Part of building the log cabin is to strip all the bark off the wood to help keep the logs from rotting.
The scouts generally had a love hate relationship with this step of the project. On the plus side they got to use sharp objects, on the minus side it was hard, manual labor. While they were using bark strippers, I was using a chisel to get the bark off around knots.
Normally using a chisel on wood is not a hazardous operation as long as the blade is facing away from you. One day I was not doing well on my safety observance. I was trying to jam a stubborn piece of bark off the wood with the blade facing toward my arm. The wood broke against the force. The blade kept on trucking through the bark and into my wrist.
At this point the scouts knew something was wrong as they saw me curse, drop the chisel, and grab my arm. I was the only adult present so I was fighting to keep my calm as to not panic the scouts. My solution was to turn it into a first aid lesson.
I told a couple of scouts to get the first aid kit, and the others to help me over the the picnic bench. I told them they were going to have an impromptu first aid lesson on severe bleeding and shock with the victim as their instructor.
The scouts were able to keep their heads together and get the health officer out to our location to treat me the rest of the way. They said it was the best first aid class they had ever had.
10/16. Once in middle school, my locker was next to a very attractive lady's. I noticed one of her books started slipping from the top shelf, so I put my hand out to stop it. It started actually falling, so I was like, oh no, and awkwardly tried to stop it.
It landed perfectly in my hand (the binding went straight into my palm) without me even looking, and I ninja'd it right back onto the shelf. I was Peter Parker for 30 seconds.
11/16. Someone threw a metal bat at me.
I caught it.
12/16. I had just finished smoking a joint with my friend and I ask him for a cigarette. He throws it at me and I catch it properly with my mouth. We didn't talk for a good 5 minutes, silently questioning the laws of the universe.
13/16. I was ~10 years old at the roller rink when this girl in front of me fell on the floor, and I, not having enough time to stop or change direction, jumped over her and kept going.
It made me feel badass.
14/16. I'm a little late to the game but here it goes. I used to work at a ski resort in PA, so I'd be out riding in all kinds of crazy conditions. One particular day the snow was really granulated to the point where you could get stuck in it. I was riding down a steep slope going quite fast, and hit a pile of granulated snow that almost brought me to a complete stop.
My reflexes told me to lean forward and tuck, so instead of a devastating fall I was picked up off the ground by my momentum and did a front flip on my board landing perfectly and riding away. I think one or two other instructors saw it.
15/16. I catch rattlesnakes for a living in Phoenix, Arizona as an emergency response service for people who find a snake in their yard, etc. Most calls are diamondbacks, but 1 in 4 or so "rattlesnakes" end up being a large constrictor called a gophersnake. Gophersnakes can be aggressive, but they're otherwise harmless.
On one call, there was a kid of about 15 who was absolutely terrified of a rattlesnake he saw along the back wall of his yard, behind the swimming pool. The only way to really get there was to tight rope it across the narrow ledge of the pool. I got there and saw that it wasn't a rattlesnake at all, but a harmless gophersnake, so I reached down and grabbed the 5' snake. It was a jerk about the whole thing, striking at my face repeatedly and getting me on the forearm. I grabbed it closer to the head and wrestled it into control as I made my way back across the ledge to the bucket, where I got unwrapped him from my arm and body and put it in the bucket.
I then realized I forgot to tell the kid that it wasn't a rattlesnake before doing that. I looked up and he looked like he was going to vomit/pass out ... probably the palest I've ever seen a living person. He surely believed he was about to see a man die.
I now routinely "forget" to tell home owners that it's just a gophersnake.
16/16. About 5 years ago there was a crazy huge bee in my house and my brother (terrified of bees) came running to me, wanting me to kill it for him. I picked up my shitty toy airsoft pistol which was loaded with one pellet, pointed the pistol at the bee from about 40 feet away, didn't aim at all, pulled the trigger, and saw a splat on the other side of the room.
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Secretly, we all fear having birthdays like the one in Sixteen Candles, where nobody shows up and we're forced to deal with how lonely we feel as people. But sometimes, people have things happen on their birthday that put Molly Ringwald to shame.
It stinks to have your special day go sour. Moreover, it hurts, that if whatever happened was bad enough, you will never be able to not associate your birthday with that awful thing.