Heartbreaking Confessions From People Who Realized Their Significant Other Wasn't Really 'The One'
The feeling of meeting 'the one' can be overwhelming. So much so that one might get blinded initially and not know what's going on until very late into a relationship. Well once in senses, everyone gets a wake up call, and it's on them to take it or not.
When she deliberately got me and my friend, John, beat up. We went to a party she was attending, per her request. We get out of the Uber and 15-20 guys approach me and my friend, yelling the same question, 'You like to hit girls, huh, huh!?'
I have never crossed that line and absolutely despise domestic abuse. But she intentionally told every guy there that I hit her regularly, not sure what her motive was to this day. The guys proceeded to attack me and John before another buddy stepped in. He drove me and John to the hospital- A concussion and a swollen face later did I decide she isn't one.
I got her a dozen roses for some occasion. She proceeds to call me about an hour later, asking what was the meaning behind me buying her eleven roses. I explained it must have been a screw up at the florists, and she says, 'That's OK, local town florist has single roses you can buy so just go get one of those and bring it by to make an even dozen.
I asked her how she realized it had eleven. She told me that her and her mother counted to make sure I had got enough.
At that moment, her whole family came into perspective for me. Her dad was a lawyer who had a 'trophy wife', just a little past her trophy years. He frequently went on surprise, overnight business trips. Her 22 year old sister was getting picked up from the police station at least weekly which somehow never led to charges. Her mother (who was all but ignored by her father) would shower any guy brought home over the age of 15 with affection.
My 'significant other' in question had 'jokingly' told me of her plan to go to college, find a rich guy, and marry him- Thank god I got 11 roses once.
We were together for 7 years.
He didn't plan anything for my birthday. Then, when my best friend got everyone together for dinner at a nice restaurant, he became irritated with the service and literally put his head down on the table.
Also, he was rude to my baby nephew during dinner and refused to go out for drinks to the bar I wanted to go to after dinner because he didn't like the bar. So all my friends left except for my best friend and her husband. We went and had drinks at the bar I wanted to go to after my BF went home.
I guess it all sounds kinda petty typed out but this night was the night. I wasn't even mad or sad. I was disappointed and realized I didn't deserve this sort of crap anymore - it was the last thing in a long pattern of narcissism that made me realize if I stayed with him I'd end up having to sacrifice little things like my birthday for the rest of my life. Not worth it.
I'm not hard to please. But I do expect a little something on my birthday. Anything! It doesn't even have to be a nice dinner. 'Happy birthday' would even be cool and I didn't even get that from him.
So, I literally just stopped talking to him shortly after this and everything has been incredible ever since. My last birthday with my new BF was nothing short of perfect- I even got a gift!
I only found out when his roommate suspected something because my ex kept saying things like "what if she gets pregnant" and saying if I did he'd have to move out and get a place with me to raise a kid.
His roommate asked if we were being safe, I said yeah, and he told me I might wanna take a test. It's really common for me to skip, so I hadn't thought anything of it. Turns out, I was pregnant. Thing is, I'm very sick with chronic illnesses, and not knowing I was pregnant, wasn't able to get the medical help I needed for them to survive and ended miscarrying shortly after I even found out.
So while it's kind of sad, it's probably also a good thing that happened since I was only 20 (he was 25 with a career and "ready to settle down" even after I said I wasn't). He was also abusive looking back, but I didn't realize that until the whole debacle happened.
I later found out he poked holes in condoms trying to get me pregnant so I wouldn't leave.
He lied about serving in the military. Any time he had been talking about his deployment he was actually using his dad's Vietnam stories and just changed names and locations.
That was enough for me to call off the wedding, then I found out he cheated on me for pretty much the entire length of our relationship with another woman who was lead to believe she was his only one. Even slept with her the weekend he proposed to me.
When I was throwing all his stuff in boxes and into his car with the help of my roommate, who started recognizing things that didn't belong to my ex. Like my roommates silver watch and their mutual friend's expensive tools.
We gathered everything up that wasn't his, which totaled over $2500 of stolen property from his friends and called the cops.
Then after he was behind bars, two minors came forward and claimed he sexually assaulted them. One was a daughter of one of his friends he had stolen from. There are now open investigations into those.
So my 2016 was basically every crappy lifetime movie plot you could think of rolled into one.
She forbid me from doing another study, because, 'How are you going to provide for me and our baby, if you're still studying?!'
We were only 2 months together and she was neither pregnant nor did we have any previous kids.
I broke up with her the same day, while she was screaming, "You can't decide on your own to end this relationship!"
Now I find this hilarious.
I just dumped my girlfriend over the weekend for this one - She went to Miami for a few days on a work trip, asked me if I could pick her up when she arrives Saturday night at Newark Airport. I live in Brooklyn, so this is far from convenient for me, but I agree.
She lands at 11pm so I plan to arrive at 11:20, giving her enough time to check out, get her luggage and walk to the gate. I account for tolls and traffic and nail my arrival. I see her waiting at the curb-side pickup area and wave and pullover.
She tosses her bags in the back gets in shotgun and slams the door, puts headphones in her ears, and throws up her hoodie. I'm like '..uh. hi?'. She didn't give me a hug or kiss, not a 'I missed you' or a 'Thanks again for the ride' or even a f--king hello. She says she wants to listen to her podcast and I'm like 'Fine, whatever' and turn on my car radio only to be met by a loud 'ugh' from my right.
I turn to her and ask what her issue is and she tells me the radio is affecting her ability to hear her podcast. That's when I knew- dumped her right there and then.
The day I graduated college, she was supposed to be there for the ceremony with my family. She bailed and ended up sitting on a bench behind the library. My family wanted to take us out for dinner, she cried that she had already made plans for us to go out with another friend's family (WTF she didn't tell me this) so I bailed on my family being the loving and caring person I am to be with her.
6 months later for her graduation party, which was an incredibly small event that wasn't going to last long, I had two buddies who just got back from their tour in Iraq, I asked if afterwards we could visit them. She proceeded to scream her gut out and ended up locking herself in her room. When I caved she didn't even attend her own party and bad mouthed me to her family.
Her uncle is a mechanic but a shady one. He would charge her several thousand dollars every time she brought her car to him. I've been turning wrenches on my own cars since before I could drive, I told her she is paying way too much and that my father and I could do all the work for a fraction of the price. So I buy new tires, timing belt, head gaskets, plugs and wires and some other parts. My dad and I fix everything on the car for 700 (I paid). She gave me s--t for not spending time with her while I fixed her car.
Once she was having dinner with my family after I had gotten
back from a bro-trip to visit my best friend who was about 1/2 way through his time as a Marine. We spent most of the days on the beach, some golfing, site seeing and of course we hit the bars at night. She proceeded to pick a fight with everyone because we just drank the entire time, after my father pointed out all the other we did and said, its their choice to do what they want on vacation, she flipped s--t and slammed her chair and stormed off and drove away only to call me bawling her eyes out 5 minutes later.
At a party where many friends from our college came far and wide to attend, I introduced her to my friend's wife who happens to be in the same field as me. I hadn't seen many of these people since college, 3-5 years ago, so we were catching up, nerding out about our careers and drinking. Suddenly she walks up to us and passes some incredibly rude comment about who this girl is to both our faces. I then explained she is my friend's wife. We had to leave shortly after that.
On the plus side though, I am about to get married to a phenomenal women and my life is infinitely better without my ex.
It was her birthday when I realized it (but not when I actually broke up with her).
Whether it was Christmas, her birthday or graduation she always made Amazon Wishlists for gifts. Whenever people asked her what she wanted, she'd send them the Wishlist. It was convenient, however deviating from the wishlist was frowned upon by her. Even if you wanted to get her something from the heart or something you thought you'd like, but I'm not going to tell one of those instances.
On her last birthday that we were together, her 25th, she had asked for a very specific bikini top and put it on her Wishlist. Her Mom told her that she would get the bikini top about a month in advance but when the day came her mom did not get the bikini top and ran to Victoria Secret to try and try and salvage the situation.
Yeah it's 'so depressing' that her mom said she was going to do something and forgot, but it's still a gift nonetheless. Not to mention, I think her mom was very depressed because she used to do things like spend hours in the dark watching TV on silent.
So on the day of her birthday, her Mom walks in the house with
Victoria Secret bags and my girlfriend begins to boil. She starts venting to me and her brother that her mom obviously did not order the correct top and forgot.
We sympathized but said to cut her some slack and just be thankful for the sh--ty gift because it's still a gift. I told her I would do the returning for her.
Then it's time to go to dinner. We've just ordered and everyone starts passing their gifts to my girlfriend. She thanks everyone and and references that they must have seen the gift on her Amazon Wishlist to spite her Mom. It was uncomfortable to say the least. Lastly, her Mom handed her the gift. She opened it, looked at blankly and put it bag in the bag. Her mom asked, 'Aren't you going to say thank you?'
At this point she went full Real Housewives and exploded in the middle of the restaurant. After her rant there was no way we could stay in the same room and make anyone else in the restaurant feel comfortable eating their food. She ranted the whole way home about what a massive inconvenience it was that she would have to return the item and how easy it is to order off of the Wishlist. We broke up two weeks later- This was sort of the red flag that sits on top of the tip of the iceberg of other issues that I began to notice.
I was in an abusive relationship for five years and I think I knew he wasn't my forever six months into it because he thought it was appropriate to 'threaten' me into studying like he was my parent when my grades weren't perfectly fine. But I didn't break up with him then because break up is a complicated thing.
The moment I KNEW I had to break up with him soon, my real final straw, was when he messaged me after my FATHER'S WEDDING to yell at me for adding my COUSIN on Facebook. I'd met him at the reception, we're both hockey fans, we're literally family, so we became Facebook friends.
Apparently that meant I was going to cheat on him with my own cousin.
There was also that time he came to visit me and didn't change his clothes at all over three days. He slept in his jeans. That was just weird- I couldn't think about him the same after that.
We were in a pub with another couple and I asked him to help me get some drinks from the bar for everyone as obviously I didn't have enough hands to carry 4 shots and a round of drinks! Yes, I was paying for them.
He point blank refused. I was like... excuse me? I need help! He said get a tray. I felt stupid but still went to the bar and asked for a tray. As is that wasn't funny enough, they didn't have any. So when the barmaid helped me to carry all of the drinks out, he's head over heels apologizing to her for the inconvenience. Didn't even give me a second thought. What a loser.
Also he always wandered off from me when we were walking.
Once I'm calling and shouting for him to stop and wait as we were
going to the car together from the shop. He didn't stop and later told me it was because he was cold and wanted to get inside. Hey, I was cold too! And I thought, "why are we even dating?"
Furthermore, he would never converse with me when there was a problem. When I told him I was hurt by something he said or did, he would use my exact words and turn it around on me. How can you work with someone who won't speak like an adult and just do the tit for tat like a 6 year old. He always spoke over me when I tried to work things out. He was bigger and louder than I am and like a fool I used to just recluse and let it go, without a real solution having been found. He had won. He was a big man. That made him feel good. This cycle was exhausting.
I would buy him things when he was sad to try and cheer him up. He rarely appreciated it. He always chose the gym over seeing me. When I was unwell he didn't come over incase he got my germs, and it would be boring because I was down and out. We would start watching a film together on Netflix and if I wanted to pause in the middle he said he would (and did) finish the film without me.
Yet despite all this, to his friends and strangers, he came across really sweet and nice. He was leading a double life. I was Mrs Muggins and let him get away with it. Maybe I'm soft but I could always see the flip side and used to justify his behavior because of whatever bullcrap reason. I understand relationships take work but sometimes people are just incompatible.
I took him to Urgent Care one night about midnight - he had bronchitis.
We didn't get home till 2AM. I got up a few hours later and went to work. He was a baby for a week, but made a swift recovery.
Two weeks later, I was running a fever and was miserable. He wouldn't take me to urgent care. I could barely walk a straight line. When I finally get to the doctor, I have a double ear infection, strep throat, and walking pneumonia. It took me two months to fully recover, all by myself. This also gave me enough time to rethink our relationship.
This was right after high school, 10 years ago. I was working full time at an office and part time at a restaurant. I got my boyfriend and best friend jobs at the restaurant. The boyfriend was a few years older. Neither of them had a car, so I would drive them places or let them borrow my car when necessary.
I got really sick, high fever, hurt so bad I could barely move. They were both working and had my car that night. They started texting me about how they were drinking at work and got the new dishwasher to drink. I told them I didn't want them driving my car after they'd been drinking and asked if one of them would stop so they could drive after the shift.
At this point the plan was my boyfriend would come over after work to check on me because I was so sick, but told me he decided he was going to a party with my friend instead. I get ahold of another friend and asked for a ride to the restaurant. I'm dropped off, I go in - my lanyard is hanging out of the boyfriend's pocket so I grab it and walk out. He barely even noticed I was there. ..face was red, eyes bloodshot, pretty obviously drunk.
I go home and start getting crazy texts in all caps telling me I better bring the car back because their booze was in the back. I just wanted to lay down and sleep and I was so upset and anxious I decided to drive back and give them what they want.
There was a duffle bag in my trunk I half tossed/slid inside without going in. I leave and my boss told me to go to her house for the night to get some rest. By the time I get to her house I have voicemails from the boyfriend slurring pretty bad calling me a f--king b---h, that one of his bottles broke so I need to pay him for a new bottle and wash the jeans it spilled on.
The 'best friend' was also texting me and calling me names. It was surreal, I couldn't believe the 2 people in the world I trusted and cared about the most were doing this to me. I knew then I was done with both of them. I found out the next day they hooked up at the party they went to. I threw up when I found out.
My wife of 13 years and the mother of my two children, seemingly out of the blue, claimed she had a 'spiritual awakening' and can now see the future, communicate telepathically with animals, and can talk to angels. And guess what? These angels told her to have an affair with another married man.
We're divorced now. We tried to work it out. We saw two different marriage counselors the year following her affair. She had another affair, divorced me, and used her new found physic powers to manipulate a judge to allow her to move over 3,000 miles away with my children.
I was doing everything I could to save the marriage, for my kids. I was desperate! I researched and considered the possibility of a tumor, mania, or schizophrenia, etc. but she would get offended when I would suggest a doctor and refuse to go. I reached out to her family, and her mom flew out concerned. But my ex put in a show. She told her family I was abusing her, so they excommunicated me. She had me served with divorce papers, but wouldn't leave. We cohabited for another three months after that. The most painful three months in my life. My youngest at one point told me I'm 'the saddest man in the world'. It broke my heart to think my son thought of his father that way.
The day we told the kids, they both started crying. I started crying and they both jump in my lap and we held each other balling. I looked across at her, and nothing. Just staring off in space, aloof. That would be the best way to describe her, aloof. Just removed, gone.
That was four years ago. I'm doing fine now.
He stole my pain medication when I hurt my back. I was absolutely beside myself worried that I'd lost them and my toddler would find it before I did, so I ripped my house apart to no avail. I had to go back to the doctor to get more painkillers, which raised suspicion in the doctor's mind that I'd already used them all.
Later I found the meds at his house when I stopped by to pick up my phone charger and his son let me in (he was at work). There they were on the coffee table, with my name on the sticker on the box and everything. There was no indication whatsoever that he had a drug problem, in fact he was a bit of a health nut so I still don't understand why.
It wasn't just about the pills, the pills are almost irrelevant. The fact that he saw me near to tears on my hands and knees (in pain!) trying to find them before my little boy did. I couldn't forgive myself and I drove myself nuts- It was a huge relief when I found them but then a huge disappointment when I realized he must have taken them.
One evening I was having a particularly horrible asthma attack, I had just run out of all the breathing treatment so I was trying to just do some controlled breathing in hopes to make it pass.
My ex-fiancee, instead of helping or even showing any concern, just asked me to leave the bedroom so she could sleep. I went into the bathroom and tried running the hot water in hopes the steam would open up my lungs.
After it became very clear this wasn't a typical asthma flare up, I decided to call my mother and ask her to drive me to the hospital. Before leaving I poked my head back into the bedroom and let my ex know I what I was doing. Her response was to not wake up her up when I got back- During the ride to the hospital all I can remember thinking was that my ex was not a good person and I couldn't believe I was trying to marry someone like that.
I dated this girl for 10 months. We got into an argument one night while driving and I pulled into the driveway. I took the key out of the ignition and had it in my hand while we were arguing. I was scratching under my bottom lip with the key and she swung at my face. She ended up catching my hand with the key and putting my car key through my bottom lip. I kicked her out of my car and drove to the hospital. Never saw her again.
My first and only piercing.
I had a stage 3 cancer.
One day my 'soul mate' says to me, 'I am a happy person. And right now, with all your health issues, I am not happy. I deserve to be happy'. We broke up that day- 3 years down the drain.
The time when he started treating our toddler the same way he treated me.
When he treated me badly, I rationalized it away as being all my fault, but nothing could convince me a baby deserved to be treated like that. Once I had that realization, I realized that I'd never deserved it either. But honestly, no deserves to be treated bad.
I had lost about 150 pounds and had (what was expected) some loose skin. I was standing in front of the mirror looking at myself, about to shower when he walked in.
The first thing he said was, "Gross!" Then he walked behind me and we were both looking at me in the mirror when he took the loose skin in his hands and said, "How the hell am I ever going to find you attractive now? How will ANYONE find you attractive with this?" while squeezing the loose skin and moving it with his hands.
I said nothing, the feeling of completely losing all your love for someone in one moment is a powerful one.
There were so many red flags but I kept going, I was young and so very stupid. The moment I realized was one evening when we were out for drinks.
It was actually a nice evening for us for a change when the conversation turned.
'So...how long until you propose then? I still can't believe I haven't got a ring on my finger.'
It occurred to me at that very moment: I was NEVER going to propose.
She made me choose between being with her, and being there for my grandfather who was diagnosed with Stage 4 Parkinson's
It wasn't a hard choice.
We were together for 6 years when I got the call from my grandmother to move a state over (to a beach town no less) to help out at home and take care of my grandfather who was slowly been losing himself. While I was getting up early to cook breakfast and help change him, she would be upstairs all day watching Netflix and complaining about being bored like she was forced to stay there all day.
Regardless of how many times I told her she could go out to the mall, or take a vacation or go to the beach or get a job, her boredom was somehow my fault. This was exasperated when my grandmother broke her knee one night, so I was now essentially taking care of two children that were over three times my age. About a year and a half passes and she gives me the ultimatum, she's leaving and if I don't go with her, it's over.
I thought about this incredibly hard, she was my high school sweetheart and the only girl I've ever really had a meaningful relationship with. In this time she had already moved back into her parents house, and so one day I called her to let her know that it just wasn't going to work out. If I left my family high and dry like that I could never live with myself and broke it off.
She told me about the time she got so mad she crushed her pet bird to death with her bare hands.
You know, because we all get so mad at times we just need to feel the death struggle of a small, innocent creature.
Ya. Not me. Sorry.
Racism is an insidious, and unfortunately prevalent, force in all of our daily lives. Maybe we're on the receiving end of it, being treated differently and losing opportunities because of others' preconceived notions.
Or maybe we're on the other side of things. Even those who aren't actively racist or discriminatory still have to process the world through the filters of the things they've been told about people who are different.