Honest People Share The Biggest Turn Offs About Their Personality That They Can't Help
It's healthy to acknowledge and accept our faults, though it's easy to take it too far into the depths of self-doubt. For me, it's believing that kindness is feigned and that I don't deserve to be happy. It's a struggle, and I know it harms my ability for form healthy relationships.
pakupaku9 asked self-aware Redditors: What's an absolute turn off about your own personality that you're aware of but can't help?
Submissions have been edited for clarity, context, and profanity.
Thinking you annoy everyone.
I'm worried way too often that I'm annoying or bothering people and end up apologizing for it, which then ACTUALLY makes me annoying. It's a vicious cycle.
My friends will ask me if I want to hang out and 9 out of 10 times I ask "Do YOU want to hang out? We don't have to if you don't want to." F*** I'm annoying.
I relate to this too much for my liking.
Having a really expressive face.
My face gives away exactly what I'm thinking.
I feel you. If I don't like someone / something the other person and the people around me WILL notice.
Never. Play. Poker! I feel you. If I don't like someone / something the other person and the people around me WILL notice.
Never. Play. Poker!
Being that person who yells when they're excited.
When I get excited about something, I get loud as f***.
I don't mean to yell or am even aware that my volume went up that much.
My dad does that, and we've gotten in the really obnoxious habit of shushing him or telling him to bring it down. My husband called me out on it one time when I absent mindedly did it to him and I realized how rude it is.
I totally understand people not wanting me to shout, but when people shush me (like family who do it out of habit), I feel so bad. I usually just stop talking about the thing I was talking about, for fear of getting loud again.
I interrupt people at the tail end of their stories and bring up my similar experiences in a way that can come off as one upping when really I don't have anything to add and just don't want to say nothing. But I've gotten much better with that. I still do have a tendency to interrupt and notice I'm doing it every time which leads to lots of awkward apologies at the end of a conversation.
I use to do this a lot, most of the time I'm just so excited that I've had a similar experience that I can't wait to tell the person. As I've gotten older I've realized most experience aren't terribly unique and started to vet the stories I want to tell better and almost always wait until the person is finished.
On the off chance I did cut someone off, instead of waiting for a lull or starting to apologize I try to finish my story with a follow up question to the person initially telling the story.
The trick is to not care how people feel about you.
I want people to like me. And think of 100 reasons why they don't when I don't feel a connection. I basically can't just chill without thinking the worst.
I think of every negative possibility, everything I did wrong in an interaction , and I dwell on it till I depress the hell out of myself. Due to this I need constant reassurance of things to the point I'm sure I drive people I care about nuts.
I never take kindness as genuine and always assume I'm being used, and then have to weigh how much am I worth to myself versus how much I'm willing to be used.
I know I've gone off track, but I feel it all tied together a bit.
Sounds like a mastery of facetiousness .
Im pretty sarcastic, but I'm a pretty monotone person so people tend to think I'm being serious at times where I'm really not.
It's sucks because I find my sense of humor hilarious and usually make jokes because I find them funny. But they come off to other people as me being clueless when I'm just being sarcastic.
Me too. Everything is a joke, but no one knows! I just recently found out. Explains a lot!
Turning into mom.
I turn into my mother and smother people. I realize I'm doing it, but I can't seem to stop myself.
For example: "Oh, you're going out? Don't forget your coat."
"You should get to bed soon if need to be up early."
"Did you get something to eat? You should grab a bite."
A friend once looked me in the eye and said, "Hey, I'm an adult. I'm quite able to make all my own decisions, and pay the consequence for those decisions." Ouch. That one stung a bit. But it all comes from a good place.
Oh I have a friend like that! I love her at lot but the smothering does get annoying sometimes. That one time I tried to fill a plastic bottle on a public fountain. And I fidgeted a bit before I got the bottle in the right position. She, having as little experience as I had, took the bottle out of my hand and did it herself. :D
My issue goes the other way. Anytime I see someone struggling with something, I kinda just stare and smile. It's really weird, as if I have distanced myself from reality so much that I don't realize I have the power to help out.
Being super needy.
I constantly need to be assured that the person is into me. I have abandonment issues that have made me quite insecure.
Looking for opinions, where's the line on this? Would it be unreasonable to want that sort of affirmation once a week or so? Once a month? At what point does it become ok to start worrying? Asking for a friend...
Once every few days saying you like someone seems okay. My girlfriend makes a point of telling me she likes me every few days despite our incessant sarcasm about totally hating each other.
That sounds nice. I haven't gotten a spontaneous "I love you" or even an "I enjoy your company" in a few months. Not sure exactly how long. Might be time to move on.
Not being able to accept praise.
I am sh*t at receiving compliments because i don't like myself and always feel like i could do better even though i do nothing. Can make me sound arrogant or condescending when someone compliments me and i reject it or just passively ignore it.
Just say "thank you" with a smile that you're thankful for what they said but not a big grin where your self esteem depends on their compliment
I have trouble receiving compliments and will always immediately and without thinking come up with a reason why the compliment isn't valid and my work is crap. I'm trying to just accept them graciously because I realize my usual response makes us both look bad.
Don't we all.
I feel really awkward making eye contact and talking about my feelings.
I relate way too much to this.
I have been asked so many times if I am on the autism spectrum. I am not, but I absolutely hate making eye contact while conversing with people. Just find it awkward & when I try to, it just turns into a staring contest. All these questions start popping in my head then
"How often should I blink my eyes/ should I coordinate my blinking with theirs"
"How long should I keep the eye contact"
"Should I be the one to avert my eyes or should I wait for them to look away"
& then I get anxious about the actual topic of the conversation because I am not paying all my attention to what they're saying.
Edit: I am in the medical field so most everyone who notices my social awkwardness tries to guess what's wrong with me. Bitches love diagnosing!
Just think of eye contact as being the physical punctuation in a conversation. Look them in the eye, only for about 2-3 seconds at a time, when the following is happening: you agree with them, or smile in response to something they say, or you ask a question, or they are making their main point. Then let your gaze drop. If your body language still says 'I'm listening ' (an occasional nod, head tilt) it's okay not to be staring them in the eye - that's normal, and more comfortable for them also. Always make and hold eye contact at the end of your conversation when you close. 'It's been nice talking to you, hopefully I'll see you around'. Smile. Move away. Conversation successfully completed without anyone going away feeling weirded out.
My father instilled eye contact into me and my sibling to the point where we would make eye contact with people passing by us. Over the years I've learned to keep eye contact but to sometimes look over their shoulders behind them. It's not perfect as sometimes they think there something behind them but besides that it works pretty well and it helps form q more intimate bond between me and said person. And not a kind of intimate as in relation but rather it assures them that I'm listening to them. So yeah, eye contact is important
Racism is an insidious, and unfortunately prevalent, force in all of our daily lives. Maybe we're on the receiving end of it, being treated differently and losing opportunities because of others' preconceived notions.
Or maybe we're on the other side of things. Even those who aren't actively racist or discriminatory still have to process the world through the filters of the things they've been told about people who are different.