Humiliated People Confess Their Absolute Worst Bathroom Emergency Story.
People on Reddit were asked: "What's your worst 'bathroom emergency' story?" These are some of the best answers.
A while passes and I can't seem to throw up, but I have the urge to sneeze now. I sit a little while longer and finally I sneezed.
But as I did this. My sphincter erupted with the world's soupiest [poop] ever. It sifted through my boxers and ran down my leg. I then threw up into the toilet I was leaning over and in a matter of 60 seconds I had vacated some sort of matter from the majority of my orifices. I was so sick feeling at this point I couldn't move and just laid there for a few minutes. I then took a shower and went back to bed to deal with it in the morning.
I woke up the next afternoon, after almost 11 hours of sleep (a lot for me since I usually only get 6ish) Walked to the bathroom to clean it up, and somehow it was as if it had never happened. The bathroom was spotless and the only thing different was the missing [poop] covered rug and my boxers. No one mentioned it, and to this day I am not sure who actually cleaned it up.
2. Years ago I was living and interning in India for a summer and would usually take train trips to different cities over the weekends. One weekend I was on an overnight train and was stricken with a terrible case of food poisoning half way to my destination.
I made my way to the bathroom (squat toilet) on a moving train and proceeded to have explosive diarrhea while simultaneously vomiting all over the place. [Crapping] and barfing hovering over a squat toilet on a moving train with many hours to your destination really makes you take inventory of your situation.
I have never experienced that level of bathroom related drama in my life. It was the perfect storm.
3. If you don't know anything about menses, let me preface this by stating that the first day of the cycle is often the worse, and most girls get [diarrhea] while on their period.
About two and a half years ago, I had just spent the night at my boyfriend's apartment. I'm sleeping soundly in his arms when my stomach rumbles so loudly that it wakes me up. I feel the familiar pain of period cramps, but they're nearly 10 days early, so I dismiss it as a side effect of my boyfriend's sizeable penis. He's still sleeping pretty soundly and we're in the spooning position; I don't want to wake him by moving, so I lay there for a while while my abdomen cramps. I have to fart and decide that I can get away with it...
My brand new boyfriend wakes up to the sensation of something warm and wet on his [penis]. The smell doesn't hit us until he lifts up the covers to investigate... it is a delightful mixture of poo and pennies. Apparently I covered his junk in a light spattering of both [poop] and period blood. I am on the side of the bed against the wall; he gets up so I can run to the bathroom. I sit up and the blood just pours out of me. On the mattress, the sheets... it's just everywhere...
We sprint to the bathroom together and he starts the shower while I destroy his toilet. I have never, ever [pooped] in front of someone before. I'm traumatized, just crying and pooping and pouring blood all at the same time. By the time I flushed the toilet, I've decided that I can never see him again.
And my boyfriend just laughs. Then comforts me, kisses me, tells me "[crap] happens," then has sex with me in the shower. Needless to say, I married him.
4. I was a 15 year old exchange student in Thailand. After a week of eating the local food without allowing my body to adjust from its natural Canadian habitat I found my self to be relatively constipated. One day I was travelling through a remote Thai village when I got a sudden urge to empty my bowels. Understandable considering I hadn't [pooped] in a week.
I asked a local to point me to a bathroom, and after a few minutes of and waddling I found the entrance to a Thai-style bathroom.
Now anyone who has ever used a Thai Toilet will realize that it can be very intimidating if never seen before. I, coming from a western country, had NO idea how to use this, and if I could have waited until I reached a western style excrement removing device,, I would have. Alas, the urge was too strong, and I commenced squatting.
I proceeded to unleash a hurricane of spicy-diarrhea stew into the dry toilet. A solid-liquid spray lasting for 15 or more seconds. After substantially loading up the toilet, I breathed a sigh of relief and looked around for toilet paper.
Well what do you know, there wasn't any. Apparently you are supposed to bring your own wiping device, and I hadn't known. The only 2 objects that could be utilized to help clean my drain-pipe were a grungy looking loofah and my hand. Opting to not risk contracting some communicable foreign disease from the loofah, I proceeded to use my hand to wipe up the slimy somewhat chunky mixture and rinsed it off under the tap.
Some may be shocked about how nonchalantly I just cleaned myself, but let me explain: I was DESPERATE. I felt like [crap], I was panicking, and I had no idea what I was doing. So at that point it was an everything goes deal.
After wiping I guessed I was supposed to fill the bowl with the water from the bucket, so I did. However, my recent recipe of goulash had rendered draining the water (no flushing) impossible, so it ended up just filling to the top with murky brown stinky water.
By then I was on the verge of tears: I still felt sick, I was in a strange place, and I had no idea what I was doing. So I just opened the door to go outside...
And was greeted by a LINE of 8-13 year olds. I had apparently used a local school bathroom without realizing it, and they had just started their break. I turned bright red and just high tailed it out of there, leaving behind a steaming bowl of soup, a horrendous smell of partly digested chicken and pork, and a gaggle of middle school Thai kids.
Never felt so guilty and disgusted before... but I have also never felt a relief as satisfying as emptying ones bowels after a week of spicy asian food.
5. I lived in the country and would eat a lot of raw vegetables when I was very young (6-12). I started losing weight for some reason and my parents just thought it was because I was in a growth spurt or something. Then for 2 weeks I felt really bad, went to the doctor he gave me some anti-parasite meds and sent me home.
He failed to mention that I would be passing a humungous tape worm later that week and I freaked out when I was mid [poop] and could see this dark black snake looking thing coming out of my [butt]. I finished crapping but this thing wouldn't come all the way out so I had to reach back and pull it the rest of the way out. (Gag!)
I didn't tell anyone about it for years.
6. Years and years ago when I was perhaps 14, my parents and I were driving from Ohio to Virginia to visit my uncle's family. It's not a super long drive, but it's long enough that if you're trying to get there on a deadline you might be holding your bodily functions for awhile.
So anyways, we're approaching the town that they live in (can't remember the name) and all of a sudden I have to [defecate]. And I mean [defecate]. Whatever was brewing in my aft end was about to turn small-town Virginia into the next Hiroshima if I didn't find a toilet fast. So here I am sitting in the back seat of our truck, clenching my cheeks together so hard that they're starting to go numb. I'm so terrified that if I relax those muscles I'm going to be wearing what I ate (8 to 10 hours ago). I voice my discomfort to my parents and ask how far away from the house we are and they tell me we're 'pretty close'. Fantastic. I'm also 'pretty close' to re-painting the interior of the truck a lovely shade of turd.
Finally, we arrive at the house and I immediately grab my bags and make a bee line for the front door, expecting to get the pleasantries over with and take a long overdue Fus Ro Dump in their bathroom. I knock on the door. Nothing. I knock again and there's still nothing. None of us had cell phones at this point so we couldn't call my aunt or uncle to see what was going on. At this point, my usually blue eyes are starting to turn brown and I tell my parents that if I don't get to a toilet within the next 5 or 10 minutes my pants are going to be the setting for a fecal Holocaust. We decide to find a convenience store.
I sit in absolute agony for what feels like several eternities before we find the place that I would lay my brown monstrosity to rest. I don't even know what the name of the place was. All I know is that I walked (read: waddled) in, looked to my right at the cashier, gave her a sheepish 'I'm sorry I'm about to kill you with my stench' look, and proceeded to the left where the bathroom was. I was in there spewing my frothy mess for a solid (heh) 20 minutes. And I'm not saying that I [pooped] for a couple minutes and then sat recovering for the rest of the time; I mean [poop] was actually flying out of my [butt] for 20 minutes.
7. Once in Italy I was absolutely desperate to use the bathroom. I walked all over the city for a public restroom, getting more and more antsy about it. You know the pins and needles, shivering kind of desperate? Yeah, that bad. Eventually, I turned a corner and saw the golden arches of McDonald's- I swear they were glowing and there were trumpets playing it was such a glorious sight.
I sprinted up to the store and into the bathrooms, sat down to do my thing, then realized there was no toilet paper. I thought, no worry, I can just use receipts. Open my wallet- nope, I'd cleaned it out the day before. I sit there for a while trying to decide if I really want to wipe myself with a 50. In the end I decide not to because I heard that all euros have drugs on them. And I don't want to put any drugs down there.
Finally after much deliberation, I decided there was only one thing for it- I had to use my own underwear. Whipped them off, wiped clean, and disposed of them (in a bin, I didn't flush them) and strutted out of there right into a lingerie shop to buy a new pair.
8. When I first moved to China, a group of really attractive Chinese girls that worked for our company decided to take me out to lunch before my first "welcome to company induction" class that evening. I wanted to make a good impression and be like all cool and stuff.
So we're at the restaurant, and they tell me that originally they're all from Sichuan province (known for its spicy food) and they ask if I like spicy food. Sure I say, the hotter the better. I'm really only trying to impress them, but i figure how hot can it be? So I tell them to order it as spicy as it can get, I love peppers! I want to eat it like they do, and some other idiotic stuff. They're impressed and they order this meal that is literally coated in tiny shrivelled dark red peppers. It was hot and it brought tears to my eyes, but I put on a good show and ate everything.
A few hours later, I'm sitting in this orientation class, and my stomach rumbles and immediately I can feel the taste of the peppers in my mouth again and I feel like if a bathroom were present, i could make use of it. I look at the clock and see I still have 45 minutes and it would be rude to get up and leave. So I just decide to wait and concentrate on the lecture. About 15 minutes later, I am UNCOMFORTABLE and squirming around. I pass a bit of gas quietly to help relieve the pressure and it felt someone lit a match on my bunghole and the smell was instantly suffocating. One of those omg, no warning, blitzkrieg on the nose, bury your face in your shirt and lynch the guy responsible types.
Nobody figured out it was me but by this point I am in agony. I have 10 minutes to go and I'm almost sweating. My bunghole feels like Mount Doom and I'm afraid its going to start leaking sulphuric acid. Finally the class is dismissed and as professional as I can, hurry quickly to the mens room. As I rush in and begin to very loudly take care of business, my cell phone rings. This was back in the day when having ringtones were still cool. Mine at the time i had this painful incident? Ring of Fire
A few days later I was telling a buddy about my new found allergy to peppers and he's like "Yep when you eat it, you think about it hot going in, but never how hot it will be coming out."
9. I ate a slice of pizza one summer. It was a slice of buffalo chicken/blue cheese. I should have paid better attention, the 'blue cheese' on the pizza looked to be salad dressing. That had been sitting under a heat lamp for an undetermined amount of time. In July.
Yes, it was bad. I had gone to the bar that night, and was halfway through a beer when I realized "oh, this is food poisoning." So I had to make the mad dash for home.
Which included A) a fifteen minute walk to the train station B) five minutes waiting for my train, C) a twenty minute train ride and D) a twenty minute walk home from the train station.
I knew that once I opened the floodgates, I wouldn't be ale to move so I didn't want to risk a public bathroom so I just clenched both ends and suffered. The worst was the last leg of it, when I was walking home from the train station. By then I was just looking for yards with big enough bushes for me to just go and befoul. Stupid suburbia.
I did make it home, and when I made it to the toilet I barfed for like twenty minutes. And then my [butt] blew up. All weekend, just puking and [crapping] and shivering and sweating for three days straight.
10. Just a couple of weeks ago I had a job interview in Philly. I live in Pittsburgh, but I stayed with my girlfriend over the weekend to go to the interview on Monday morning. I get up and get ready to go get my car from the street so I could pack it up because I was going to head back to Pittsburgh after the interview. When I go to get my car its not there, after a little investigation I figured out it had been towed so I had to take my girlfriend's car and pick up my car later.
So I am driving to the interview (about an hour away) and about 20 minutes and my coffee starts to kick in, and I say to myself, "I'll get close the facility and then find a place to do my business." So I'm driving along and I pass gas station after gas station, and fast food place after fast food place but I'm still about a half hour out so I decide to wait. Suddenly the chain of public restrooms ends and I'm left with the worst case of "Oh my God, I've gotta [crap]!" I've ever had. I keep driving all the while clenching for my life and telling myself "I'm not going to [crap] my pants" over and over all the while thinking "Oh my God, I'm gonna [crap] my pants." I drive and drive and there is nothing, and its only getting worse, when finally I see a McDonald's! "Ah I'm saved!" I park, run in only to find the bathrooms "Out of Order." So I run out and look around and see there is another restaurant across the parking lot! Meanwhile its about 9:30 AM so most places aren't open yet, but I'm encouraged by cars in the parking lot and lights on. I drive over, no dice, and I'm seriously considering doing the deed in a potted plant outside of the restaurant.
I tell myself "You are not going to [crap] your pants!" So I get back in the car and keep driving, as soon as I turn back on the road, just past the McDonald's with the defunct bathrooms is a Dunkin' Dounts! I run inside and proceed to drop the biggest deuce in my entire life saving my dignity and my suit. I then proceed to the interview as relaxed and confident as I ever was. Needless to say, I aced the interview because it was nothing compared to the fear of [crapping] my pants before the interview. They offered me the job on the spot and I'm moving to Philly next week, after spending two and half years with my girlfriend long distance.
11. 19 years old and staying at my Dad's house for the weekend. I had come down with a stomach bug and was on the toilet every 5 minutes all afternoon just pushing this horrible liquid mess out of me.
At one point I run in and sit down quickly to let out whatever leviathan was next in line to escape my body, when I get that familiar feeling in the pit of my stomach that I WILL be throwing up soon. My mouth is watering, the back of my throat is dropping, and I'm searching for a proper receptacle. I find a small mesh garbage can, but I don't want to make "a mess" so I figure I'll jump off the toilet, turn around vomit into it, then jump back on and finish the [crapping] aspect.
Pretty straightforward - so now I'm kneeling in front of my toilet with my pants down as my gut clenches up with the first waves of vomit. At the very instant I started vomiting every muscle in my body started clenching up and 3 gallons of liquid poopy sauce erupts from my [butt] all over my Dad's bathroom.
I turn around and notice I have covered the entire wall, floor, rug, and even have hit parts of the ceiling with this [butt] explosion. I kind of just sit down and take it all in for a few minutes, but then realize I'm in the family's main bathroom and my parents and sibling are all eating dinner not more than 3 feet from where this happened.
I hear a "Are you ok it sounds like you spilled water or something?" HAHA if only - so I spend the next two hours cleaning up everything with toilet paper. I didn't want to ruin towels or anything.
I emerge 2 hours later with a spotless bathroom behind me, my Dad says "Damn son it really smells like crap in here." I just agreed. This experience has made me a better person...
12. I ate too much fried food in New Orleans once and had the misfortune of trying to find a bathroom on Bourbon St. I finally found an unoccupied one, but the door was jammed into a slightly open state. I found that unacceptable. "Surely," I thought, "There must be a bathroom in this fine Quarter that affords me the privacy to drop my deuces in peace and relative cleanliness." Au contraire.
When it finally got to the point where I simply could not turn down a bathroom, the situation I found was as follows: A room the size of a closet with a trough for onesies, a small sink, and what may at some point have been a stall but was now merely a toilet sitting against the wall. God help me, I just had to deal with it. This is not where the story ends, for this was no mere drop and dash session.
I remember two of my fellow pilgrims who came in to do their deeds while I was stuck on the throne. The first was a frat boy who glanced briefly at me, started cracking up, then said (with genuine empathy), "Dude, that sucks." The second was a muscular Eastern European man. He walked in, stopped at the sink, and stared at me for a second. He looked at my pants on the floor, then at the pained expression on my face. Then he said, softly, sternly, "Your business is your business. My business is my business. Okay?" I nodded. Then he took out a baggy of coke, snorted some, gave me a curt nod, and walked out.
13. I was in High School, probably 14-15. First day of the year. Im wearing basketball shorts (this detail will come handy little later). As soon as I get on the bus, I feel the urge to poop a footlong. When I'am talking about urge I mean business, like if i had the choice to vomit it, there would be no hesitation. The bus ride is about 45 minutes with a transfer after 20. Arriving at the depot, I'm running for the public bathroom, as filthy as it was. Of course, it's closed because of maintenance. I couldn't believe it. Went and sat with friends on the second bus, and I was ready to explode. I didn't say a single word and tried to look as normal as possible but I was cringing and couldn't stop moving on my seat. Arriving at school, the usual 5 minutes walk looked like 5 hours. Naturally, as soon as I entered the school, I couldn't hold myself and starting [pooping] pellets all around the hall to the bathroom. Like rock solid stuff. Maybe 4-5 dropped before I could arrive to the bathroom. Remember, I was wearing basketball shorts.
To this day, I still don't know if someone saw me and I kept imagining the janitor who had to pick up the [poops].
14. About 2 years ago, I was camping with my family. We decided to go out to eat one night instead of cooking over a fire - and went to a local seafood place. The food was amazing, and I ate wayyyyy too much greasy and deep fried amazingness for my stomach to handle. The icing on the cake of my stomach? Stopping for ice cream afterwards.
As soon as we were done my bowels started to churn that special feeling. I knew I needed to get to a bathroom, and stat. We were only 5 minutes away from the campground so I decided to hold it for then. As we got closer, I was more and more nervous I wouldn't make it, which made me more nervous and therefore more pressure and rumbling. I felt like I was going to explode. I finally asked to be dropped off at the bathroom near the entrance of the campground - which ended up helping me out nicely, for this bathroom had showers and electricity.
Our car pulled up and I jumped out before we even stopped moving. I waddled into the bathroom and found the closest stall I could get into. Normally, I am extremely bathroom shy and can barely piss with other people around. And that night, the bathroom was chock. full. of. girls. Prim, proper, "I hate camping but my family dragged me along" teenagers. THE WORST. But this situation called for no shame. I barely had the door shut and my pants down before all hell broke loose. The loudest, gnarliest, nastiest sounds and smells came forth from my [butt]. No human being, let alone FEMALE, should ever produce anything like this. This should have embarrassed me out of the campground for life.
HOWEVER! At the exact moment hell unleashed from my bottom, one of the girls turned on her hairdryer. The sound COMPLETELY drowned out my agony. It was the most perfect timing. Normally I curse girls like this who can't live a moment without looking perfect (and c'mon, bringing a hairdryer CAMPING!?)...but that day, I was praising her existence and persistence to do so.
Shockingly, my body emptied itself in that quick first round. I courtesy-flushed and sat a few minutes to make sure I was in the clear. When I went to stand, my legs were shaky. I was light headed. I felt like I just gave birth to some horrible demon, and I was TIRED. But the gaggle of girls had left, and I was able to exit the bathroom practically anonymous. I stumbled back to our campsite like I had gone through war. But I survived.
15. In high school I was invited to a school dance by my best friend's ex. I get to this dance and I'm trying my best to be a good date without breaking the bro code when the girl in question grabs my junk. It is important to say that I suffered from high anxiety and, often enough, irritable bowel syndrome. So my stomach lurched and I ran into the only bathroom in the gym where the dance took place to find that there were ~20 guys packed into the tiny room containing only one stall. I had to wait in line to get to the stall and when I finally sat down, all of the guys on the outside started banging on the stall doors and howling at me.
I sit in shame until the room is mostly clear and get up to leave only to find out that the tail of my shirt had been in the toilet the whole time and was filthy. Thankfully I had my pocket knife on-hand so I just cut about one foot of material off of the back of my shirt and pulled the poker face all night.
16. This is true. I remember it awkwardly at least once a day. It hurts my soul.
I went to a friends wedding in a small town far away. We drank beyond what any sane people would drink that Friday night, got up hungover, he gets married, then we hit the reception. I black out and my buddy drives us back to the room. I wake up in my tux about two hours before my plane is to depart. [Get] to the airport with my friend, both tremendously hungover. We get through security and I am so nauseated I cannot stand it. Down a huge gatorade and bottled water to try to rehydrate.i duck into the bathroom about two minutes before boarding to clear out the bowels, praying it would relieve the nausea. It doesn't.
I boarded the plane in a cold sweat. I was sitting in the second row. A nice old woman comes and sits beside me. She has a bag of something that I can smell. It is food of some sort. I swear to you on my life I had my first true panic attack right then. The smell of that food.... I knew then and there that I was going to vomit. I was sweating so bad, the old lady asks me if I am okay. I say yes and stand to excuse myself allllll the way to the back of the plane to the restroom. The flight attendant tells me to sit back down, we are backing away from the gate. I argue for a second, but I know deep inside it is too late. I started crying and shaking. I am a grown man and I am sitting beside this tiny old lady with a bag of what is apparently rotten broccoli crying my eyes out.
The attendant comes back. I am inconsolable. Everyone is looking at me like I am a terrorist. It is building. I am panicking in my head that I will [crap] myself as I vomit all over the row. Finally my body decides it is over. I reach in a panic for the airsick bag and pull it out. I will never forget the look on that poor little old lady's face. She is gripping both armrests and arched back away from me. Her eyes were the size of dinner plates. The attendant is asking me to calm down, everyone is looking, and I let loose. The gatorade and aquafina are still in my stomach, so it is a massive stream of red vomit. Real demonic looking. The bag is about halfway full when I begin farting uncontrollably. The only thing that saved me from [pooping] on myself was the preflight bowel clear. I involuntarily am squeezing the bag, red puke is all over my lap and seat. The old lady is screaming and trying to push her way out past the attendant. I am crying and puking and farting relentlessly. Nightmare.
I had to ride two hours with these people. They had all witnessed a small personal nightmare.
17. I was at my friends place hanging out all night when I was 17, we were just playing video games and eating junk food all night. I was half way home when I felt that unmistakable rumble in my stomach and knew that something was coming down the pipe. I had to act quick as to not [poop] my car so I pulled into a church parking lot and made it no more than 3 steps before I had to pull down my pants and [poop] in the parking lot. used my underwear to wipe and left the whole mess right there. It was a Saturday and i may have ruined mass for several people.
18. I backpacked through western Europe with some friends when I was 18. The night we arrived in Barcelona a large festival of some type was being held on the beach. I never learned the nature of the festival, but I did jump over a bonfire, kiss a pretty girl, and shame myself in a portable toilet.
The need to defecate was not in itself particularly noteworthy. I knew diarrhea was imminent, but I probably could have held it for another few minutes. The only toilet in sight was a plastic portable set up on the sand among the festival tents and beach fires. I have been in portable toilets of worse condition, so I won't overemphasize the nastiness. But it was in my top five. I bit the bullet and placed my [butt] on the plastic seat.
Imagine taking a bite-size cube of chocolate fudge and squeezing it between your butt cheeks until it melted. I'm pretty sure that's what my anus looked like after expelling a day's worth of train and food cart waste. The desire to wipe was great. The usual suspects of improvisation, socks and underwear, were not part of the night's attire, and I valued my shirt. But among the vomit, tampons, and other assorted garbage on the portable toilet floor, I spotted a seemingly clean and freshly deposited cardboard toilet paper roll. Thinking it might suffice to at least reduce the quantity of [crap] caked to my [butt], I gingerly picked it up. Upon inspection, however, I immediately realized I was not the first person that night to have had this thought. Having added a stranger's [crap] to my body I decided to cut my losses.
I eventually cleaned myself in the ocean (I know, that should have been the obvious choice initially. What can I say? I was drunk), but not before wearing my shorts long enough to develop a great concern I might have a poo seepage spot on my rear end. If I did, the pretty girl did not mention it. Though in retrospect we did not share a language, and that might be a difficult thing to pantomime.
19. It was the summer after my freshman year at college (so 3 years ago), and I was in the Bahamas. My cousin and I were swimming in the ocean, and he wanted to go back into the hotel room, so he left. So there I am, swimming alone, when i get the urge the poop. Now I thought it was one of those "I can forcefully hold this in the water, it'll go away, and then I can go when I get back into my room." Well I was wrong.
Five minutes go by and then I start walking up the beach because it seems like i'm holding in the worst [crap] of my life. I reach the sidewalk and I start sprinting up and down, trying to find one of those help desk things, I finally do and ask the lady where the nearest bathroom is. It was about 30 feet away and I thought I was in the clear.
Well I get into the bathroom, run into a stall and then I notice my bathing suit was tied... So as I'm untying my bathing suit I just start [pooping]....and as I finally sit down I notice it was all over my thigh, on the floor, and on the toilet seat (behind me). Then to top it all off, there's no toilet paper.
I then see a janitor's hand go under the stall and he hands me TP and says "I think you'll need this."
20. Around Feb of 2008 myself and a few friends went to Amsterdam for a bit of a lads holiday. Plenty of beers, plenty of trees and plenty of the female form. Albeit, we only got 2 of those things done, but still. We went to a small bar not far from the centre of Amsterdam, and preceded to drink HEAVILY. I announce to the rest of our little group that I am going to point the pink pistol at the porcelain firing range, and head into the bogs.
In this toilet there was 2 urinals, and one cubicle, which took up about 75% of the space in there, not counting the sink. Somehow in this small space there are 4 guys, 2 of which being at the urinals, one waiting, and me. As the queue rotates, the other guy goes for his piss, and I'm just about to go for mine when in walks the BIGGEST [guy] I have ever seen in my life. He was easily about 7'5", and looked about as wide. He took one stride and instantly got to where I was about to release 6 pints of fresh piss. Not a thing on Earth would stop this dude, so I took a step back, and with a tear of urine dripping from my bell-end I turned around and unleashed into the sink (I was desperate!). I quickly turned the taps on so it looked like I was washing my hands, released all of this built up urine in about 3 seconds flat, and legged it back to my drink at the bar (after actually washing my hands obviously).
Midway through me telling this tale to the lads, a lady came to our table and collected a couple of empties. Turns out she owned this bar, overheard everything I said, and we got thrown out.
21. When I was a little kid, my dad went into a grocery store and left me out in the car. I had to take a [crap]. I waited & waited & waited but my dad never came... So I took a dump on the floor of the car and then used his ice scraper to shovel it out the door. When my dad got back to the car, he stepped on it hahaha.
22. After being released from the hospital for appendicitis the doctor notified me that my first bowel movement would probably be very painful and to try and stay on a liquid diet for a few days. I did as instructed and a few days go by.
To get out of the house my mom convinces me to go to the supermarket with her. Along the way I felt the need to poo and figured as soon as I got to our destination I would promptly head to the restroom.
We arrive at the store and I'm still pretty sore from the surgery and take great stride to reduce my pain while getting myself out of the car. Suddenly, I feel the worst urge to fart I have ever experienced. I literally shart myself and it was clearly audible. I look at my mom and say "We need to go home NOW" She beings laughing at me. I was afraid to sit back down so I laid on my stomach in the backseat. We get home and needless to say, it was a very [crappy] situation.
23. This was on a day hike while camping. There was no bathroom for a while. Instead of just [crapping] in the woods like a normal person I held it in until I say a building and started to run down to where I thought there was a bathroom. I pooped myself. [Poop] fell out of my shorts. And I kicked it with my heel as I ran. It wasn't a totally solid poop either. I ruined a pair of shorts, boots, socks, and camping trip all at once. Not to mention a fair share of self esteem. The building wasn't even [a] bathroom. It was some concrete thing with a metal door. I left my shorts and socks at the building and wore a shirt around my waist. Until we got back to camp.
24. Several years ago I was in Israel and decided to drink some chocolate milk out of a bag (common there) and then proceed to go on this kayaking excursion. After a couple hours of kayaking in the hot sun, my stomach started hurting and essentially told me "If you don't [poop] by choice, I'll rip that choice away from you." Thankfully, we were almost to our destination, so I clenched my butt hole and stomached the pain (literally).
When we finally got to our end point, I rush onshore in hopes of locating a restroom, but to my dismay there were none present, and we were going to bus back to our original starting location... I stood around for a moment, then realized I couldn't wait anymore, and slyly started walking toward some bushes so I could let my bowels be free. On the way there, an explosion occurred within...the explosion was so strong that I couldn't even walk the 20 feet behind the bushes, so I jumped into the Jordan river, ripped off my bathing suit, and just [pooped] everywhere. The [pooping] was so intense that I couldn't maintain my footing and was swept downriver along with my steaming pile of poop. I swam back (naked) to my peers, who were on the floor in fits of giggles.
Image Source: maxim ibragimov / Shutterstock.com
We are told that, if you're not confident, you should just "fake it til you make it."
This is great--in theory. In practice, sometimes "faking it" can have extremely real and terrible consequences, which these people found out the hardest of hard ways.