'I'm Slowly Losing My Mind' Tightlipped People Share The Secrets They Won't Tell Their Friends Or Family.
We all keep secrets, but there are secrets that we would share with one group, but maybe not another -- like your family, for instance.
Here are twenty-seven secrets people were willing to share online but not with their families.
Many thanks to the Reddit user who posed this question. You can check out more answers from the source at the end of this article!
1/27. Me and my wife engage in awesome, intense BDSM at least 3 times a week.
When with friends we jokingly say that our sex life is almost dead.
2/27. I lost a car once in 2013. I haven't seen it since.
3/27. This girl in my friend group killed herself last may. What I never told anyone is that I had a huge crush on her and from the day I met her I had started going to the gym, taking my career seriously and making an attempt to dress better so that one day I might be able to consider myself good enough to tell her how I really felt.
4/27. I'm tired.
Tired of my kids not listening.
Tired of my wife's depression/anxiety.
Tired of having to clean the house every night. tired of knowing what i should eat and not doing it.
Tired of being overweight.
Tired of the loneliness. tired of shit at work not working. tired of being worried what other people think about me and my decisions. tired of staring blankly into the computer screen at night avoiding going to bed.
Tired of not being happy.
I'm just tired.
5/27. Since nobody would even try to believe me when a related topic came up in the outside world... (continued...)
There's these 4 opossums that come to my garage every time I'm in there alone with it open and they act just like domesticated cats until I shoo them out to leave. I have no clue why they're only comfortable with me and don't beg/scour for food, but I named the dominant one Sputnik.
6/27. That I'm the owner of the house we're living in.
7/27. Even though I'm forty, I still feel 25 most of the time.
My friends and family would just tell me to grow up.
8/27. That I'm gay. I can only tell people online because the internet can't kick me out of my house.
9/27. I don't fear death and/or suicide. Whenever I get low I look at it as a very far off option if things don't get better. They always do so Im not worried about it. For me a quote from Neil Hilborn illustrates it best, "I think a lot about killing myself, not like a point on a map, but rather like a glowing exit sign at a show that's never been quite bad enough to make me want to leave."
10/27. That I feel really lonely and that I don't have a clue about what I'm doing with my life.
11/27. My online username.
12/27. Still a virgin at the age of 27, depressed as hell because of it. (continued...)
This response continues on the next page.
Family and few closer friends think I'm charismatic, successful person who has had several relationships behind me.
Good looks, positive attitude, great career, sense of style mean nothing if you're a shy anxious wreck around people you actually like.
13/27. I love my family.
For some reason I cannot handle saying "I love You" to my parents even though I really do. It carries some strange kind of weight, I feel like it might expose my emotional weakness... and they raised me in a way that allows me to handle the world by myself.
14/27. I smoke weed still. When I went to rehab they thought you were nuts for sending me to rehab for weed. Instead of rehab for weed we worked on depression anxiety issues and that is why I seem rehabilitated.
15/27. My wife and I have a phenomenal relationship for the most part, but there are most days when I'd just rather masturbate than put the effort into sex. Our sex life just got more and more infrequent as we've been together (11 years total, married for 7) and her lack of initiating (which we've discussed and she's done minimal about) just made me stop trying. And now that we are 'trying' to have our second kid, I'd still rather masturbate than have sex because I know the only reason she's showing interest is because we want another kid.
16/27. I've just purchased an engagement ring for my partner, and plan to propose in a month's time.
17/27. That I'm slowly losing my mind.
It's been a very gradual thing over the better part of two decades, but it has reached a point where it's directly affecting my daily life. (continued...)
This response continues on the next page.
I remember in my sophomore year of high school I took my final without a calculator. I finished ten minutes before anyone else in the class and got 94% on the test. It went downhill from there. Now I struggle to do basic math in my head.
I used to be an avid reader. I'd rather sit in my room and devour a book than do anything else. Now I can't read books. Anything more than a handful of paragraphs at a time and I cannot focus on it. I'll read a sentence, skip the remainder of the paragraph, read the first sentence of the next one, and wonder what happened in between.
I used to memorize near everything. I could recite lectures, movies, songs, books word-for-word. The most minute details were right there in my mind. Now, about a third of the time I'm talking to someone, as soon as the conversation is over it have to ask them to "run it by me again", because I've already forgotten what we had just talked about. I am aware we had a conversation, just only the vaguest idea what was said.
It's weird when you can actually feel yourself getting dumber. When you know your mind should be working faster than it is. To be aware that you know the answer, but it's like walking through a pool of jello to get to it, when it previously would be effortless, is both very difficult to accept and very depressing.
It's a slow progression. It's taken half my life for it to get to this point, and I don't know if it's going to get worse or not. I don't talk about it with family. Years ago, when I was still in school and first noticed it, I tried asking them for help. They told me to stop making excuses for why my grades were beginning to slip, and then stopped paying for my education because I "clearly wasn't trying hard enough". I've honestly never forgiven them for that, and it's the main reason why, until my son's birth, I maintained only a very distant relationship with them.
I haven't really talked about it with my wife because I'm not even sure how to. I don't want to be a burden on her or my son, but I don't know what to do about it.
It's just a very strange thing to deal with. The last couple of years, when I've done a lot of introspection and really taken a look at where I am now, have pretty much emptied me of any self-confidence I once had because I can't be certain it's not going to continue to get worse.
18/27. I've been living in my car for almost a year. I leave work and come back when everyone is gone. Use the WiFi, pretend everything's okay. Money is tight right now for me, but I often wonder if my pride might become the death of me.
19/27. I'm 98.5% certain that my wife cheated on me two weeks ago, and I feel relieved because it means that I can finally get out of this marriage.
20/27. I can do a no hander... Coregasm.. Or whatever its called, and I've done them at work.
21/27. I got voluntarily sterilized years ago. Most of them think I had a problem with a cyst on my Fallopian tube (true) but they didn't know that removing them entirely was elective to remove the cyst AND the chance of pregnancy. Kind of awkward sometimes with the "you never know!" and "God works miracles!" talks that their Catholic vantage point tells me (more themselves, really) when I say that I won't be having kids.
22/27. I once sat through an entire movie without realizing that I had left my car running in the parking lot.
23/27. In August I was diagnosed with colon cancer that has spread. I had surgery and am doing chemo but the goal is remission, not cure, I am terminal. My friends and family do not want to hear this. What I don't tell them is that I am scared--incredibly scared and need to talk about this. I am having terrible mood swings which could be the drugs. I'm tired of trying to comfort other people about my illness.
24/27. That I genuinely hate having to drive 3 hours nearly every weekend to see my family for "planned events". The moment I decline anything I get yelled at. Can't I just be at home, walk around naked, drink beer, and play video games? IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK MOM!?
25/27. I don't... know what to do next.. (continued...)
Growing up the end goal was to graduate high school and get into college.
In college my goal was to graduate and get a job.
As an adult my goal was to save up enough to buy a car and a house.
I just accomplished those, and it feels amazing, but last weekend I was sitting in my new home and thought "what now?"
I know there are a million possibilities out there, but until I find some sense of direction I'm now just "wandering" in life. Or at least that's how I feel.
Don't get me wrong I love my life, but I'm looked at as someone who has their shit together and yet I spend my evenings flipping a coin do decide what to do with my life.
26/27. All my friends and family know that I've had a few concussions, but what they don't know is that its really affecting my brain.
I can't remember anything. If its not written down, I will probably forget to do it. Its always things I need to do, or stuff I need to get at the store etc, I'm not forgetting names or where I am or anything. I also have a terrible time with getting distracted, like right now. I used to be able to concentrate on a task for hours on end, but now I can get sidetracked so easily.
I play off my forgetfulness as a joke, but its getting worse and I'm getting scared.
27/27. I'm terrified of stickers and patterned tape. I don't know why, I don't remember any particular trauma? But they freak me out. I saw the thumbnail for a video of a guy eating stickers in a dark alley yesterday and I literally almost threw up. This is why I can never work with kids.
We are told that, if you're not confident, you should just "fake it til you make it."
This is great--in theory. In practice, sometimes "faking it" can have extremely real and terrible consequences, which these people found out the hardest of hard ways.