Interracial Couples Share Their Most Cringeworthy Encounters.
"Love isn't something you find. Love is something that finds you."
- Loretta Young
This piece is based on an AskReddit thread. Link on the last page.
1/21. White guy, Asian Wife. Our two kids happen to have red hair. My wife is constantly offered babysitting jobs because people see her taking care of her own children.
2/21. I'm an Asian female. My husband is white. When he revealed to his family that he was dating a non-white girl, his dad seriously said, "Well son, we're just glad she isn't Black."
Then he said to me: "You don't have to squint. It's not that dark in here." He was more ignorant than malicious though.
The pleasant surprise was from his very German and traditional grandparents. His Oma and mostly blind Opa were immediately accepting.
His Opa said, "white, Black, purple, it all looks the same to me!" They were very pleased I was making him finish college and make something of himself, as well as procreating to carry on the shrinking family name.
3. I took my half-Jamaican wife to see my parents in Wales. Deepest, darkest Wales. We then decided we may as well have a long weekend holiday down there. Turns out a lot of the locals are still super racist. (continued...)
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One pub we had to leave as it was clear the locals were joking (with the staff) about my missus. The cowards switched to Welsh when we walked in and they noticed her, so we couldn't understand (I don't speak it), but the intonation and their sneers were clear.
It was not just the one pub. Once I had cottoned on to what was happening, I was watching more closely. Several places we went to visit, I noticed a distinct change of expression on the faces of those who saw my wife. It made me angry and ashamed.
My wife, with much more experience of this kind of thing, thought it was funny. It didn't bother her. We ended up leaving the area because of me, not her, getting upset.
4. My husband and I went to Disney World with my side of the family. So there's about 11 Black people and only 1 white man.
We're in line for a ride, and when it's our turn, they always cut the line off when it got to him. Even after telling the ticket person there were 12 in our group. If he was 5th in line, our group just had to magically stop there.
We kept having to explain that he was in fact part of our group and no he wasn't trying to butt us in line...
5. I'm white and my ex was Black. My grandma wasn't very open-minded; she was against dating people of the same sex or from other races.
When she met my girlfriend she looked at her for a few seconds and then said: "Oh, she's not that Black. She's okay.
6. My husband is Latino and I'm as white as they come. Last time we flew, I followed my husband to the TSA agent checking boarding passes. The TSA agent screamed at me and told me to get back in line. I told him we were traveling together. He apologized profusely.
7. I think the only person who said anything about it is her grandma, who practically raised her and is a very important person in her life.
I remember the first time I met her grandma, she didn't like me because she had been close with her previous boyfriend. One of the first things she said to me was "you know she's Black, right? I wanted to go NOOOOOOOOOOOOO! and storm out. But something told me she wouldnt get the joke.
8. White man, Native American wife.
I have never met a more chill, honest, or strong group of people than my in-laws. Reservations (in US at least) are full of daily struggle, loss, and silent pain, but my wife's family deals with everything without batting an eye.
My family is super high-strung and sometimes they says ignorant racist stuff. My in-laws are so gracious. They think it's all completely hilarious. Every mistake is entertainment, nothing is sacred.
They seriously helped me improve my outlook on life.
9. I have a Hasidic (Jewish) branch of my family and one of the rules is non-blood-related men and women can't touch (excluding married couples, of course!) Even being related by marriage isn't enough to allow touching. But my husband is Italian. (continued...)
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And he's very affectionate to boot. His first instinct upon meeting new family is to hug them.
The first meeting of our families went great until one of my cousins almost broke a leg trying to dodge him when he went in for a hug. I had to take him aside to explain the rules.
15 years later, he still keeps his hands in his pockets at all times when that branch of the family is around because he doesn't trust himself not to go for the hug again.
10. My wife is white, I am Asian. I find our children go through alternating stages of self-identifying as either white or Asian.
When he was young, my son was annoyed when my wife visited him during school lunch because his friends "found out he had a white mother." Now, older, he is not much interested in Asian culture.
11. White woman, Latino husband. I didn't expect to have to clarify "we're together" so much.
Like, when we go to a checkout counter and both put our things on it, the person will ring up mine and give me a total. Like as though the guy standing 6 inches to my left has nothing to do with me. It's just really strange.
Thankfully, it happens only rarely these days.
12. He's Black, I'm Asian. There have been strange encounters. A trio of Black guys ogled and went "ooohhh", when we were walking by, for example.
Then again, an old Black male security guard came up to us once and said, "Y'all both take care of each other. Don't let anyone get to you." It was very sweet. You get the whole spectrum.
13. White male, Black female husband/wife team here.
We've experienced our fair share of "obstacles." We were hanging around a liberal town just outside New Jersey, and we were spit on by a motorcyclist on his way out of main street.
Another time, I was stopped by the police. (continued...)
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The cop actually pulled me out of the car and asked me if she was a prostitute. He would not believe me until I showed our wedding photo that's in my wallet.
Recently I was told I support Donald Trump because I am a white male by some of her not-so-close family members.
I would say most folks in an interracial marriage probably have enough stories to create a book on "Subtle and not so Subtle Racism."
14. "Your babies are gonna be so cute!"
"Mixed babies are so cute!"
"They're gonna have such nice hair!"
"Maybe they'll have his light eyes!"
Please realize how messed up these comments sound, even if you're trying to be supportive.
Does whiteness and less kinky hair make my babies cute?
Babies are cute. My entirely Black nieces are cute. My white nieces are cute. Let's just leave it at that.
15. Communication issues are more of a factor than I expected. I'm Mestiza (Spanish/Huichol) and (Mexican American), he's Irish American. I learned my kin are really outspoken compared to his.
For example: at the beginning of our marriage, I didn't think he liked my food because he was so reserved about it. To Mexicans, insulting food you've been given is like.. well, you just don't do it.
I became upset with him. He became confused at me. We finally figured out what the issue was when we talked it out. Basically, the first year of marriage was spent navigating these kinds of communication nuances.
16. I'm white and married to a Turkish man. It is baffling to me the sheer number of times my husband has been gawked at and whispered about in public, like he's some sort of animal. (continued...)
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He's a good-looking, normal guy, but happens to have Middle Eastern features.
In today's society, with many Middle Easterners being vilified, I've had people ask me if he is Muslim and how I feel about that (he's not, but if he were... so what?), I've had people insinuate that everyone from his country is dangerous.
Saddest of all, I've had one person ask me if he was affiliated with any terrorist organizations. 1) Like he would be, and 2) Like I would admit that if he were!
On a non-race-specific note, the comments about the Green Card get old (no, we did not get married just so he could obtain a Green Card; no, we didn't meet online and get married without having met before; no, he didn't pay me to marry him for a green card. Surprise - we married each other because we love each other! What a concept, I know!)
17. I always get told, "well he isn't one of those Mexicans" after someone makes an extremely racist remark before finding out that my fianc is Mexican, and that his parents legally came here from Mexico.
18. White woman here married to a South-Asian woman. I honestly haven't noticed any obstacles that I could distinguish between the gay thing and the interracial thing, although I have noticed interracial relationships seem to be more common with LGBT couples.
The only thing that's ever stood out to me is that people are always surprised that her Muslim parents are cooler with us than my white atheist parents.
My dad has practically disowned me and hasn't spoken to me in six years. My father-in-law is just happy his daughter married an accountant with a nice car.
19. My ex is Black and we have a child together. I can't think of any problems we encountered as a couple, but when my son was a baby if I was alone with him in public, people would frequently ask me when I adopted him. Um... when he came out of my uterus?
20. I am a Black woman married to a Korean man. Here are just a few of the dumb things we endure. (continued...)
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We run a business and are 50/50 partners together and we are successful. Yet it is always my husband's "business" and "his" money. Because you know, Asians are always rich. Not sure if prejudiced or sexist (or both).
People assume we are never together in lines, at bars, or social events (can't tell you the amount of times men openly hit on me right next to my husband).
One time, when I went to go test drive a Cadillac, it took the sales guy a really long time for to locate the model of vehicle I wanted So I popped my head in the office to tell him, "never mind." He then asked me for my social security number. What? I've been buying cars for over 20 years. Never had I had someone ask me for my SSN when trying to test drive a car.
Now, my husband was sitting next to me in the waiting area and was flabbergasted, (I was doing all the talking since it was my car that I was looking to test drive and possibly buy).
At that point my husband stands up and tells the salesman that we were leaving. Of course the guy was stunned that this was my husband.
I think that whole situation really hit home for my husband, that even between minorities there are the "good" ones and the "bad" ones. It hurt his feelings for a long time. Because, to us, I am just his wife, and he is just my husband. Nothing more, nothing less.
21. On a more positive note... Random strangers really can be uplifting.
One that sticks out is when we were on the train going home from an event. We were sitting toward the back of the car and an older man about 2 rows ahead of us turned around and started asking my fiancee if I was taking care of her. He kept saying that I couldn't take care of her the way a black man could.
She gave a quick "he takes care of me" and we tuned him out. After he got off the train, an older woman made a point of getting our attention. She said she wanted to make sure we knew that he was an idiot and that the world is happy when people find each other and to keep our heads up.
As upset as the gentleman made me, the woman made us feel 100 times better.
"It wasn't me!"
There's not much you can do when the righteous fist of the law comes down on you. Call it a mix-up, or call it a mistake, if someone's pegged you at the scene of a crime there's not much you can do but trust the justice system to prove you innocent. However, that's a gamble, and just because you've been given a "not guilty" doesn't mean the effects won't follow you for the rest of your life.
Reddit user, u/danbrownskin, wanted to hear about the times when it wasn't you, seriously, it was someone else, when they asked: