Lucky Lawyers Share The Times The Opposing Lawyer Did Their Job For Them

Lucky Lawyers Share The Times The Opposing Lawyer Did Their Job For Them

I object!

It's like a courtroom drama. You don't even need to step out from your table for cross-examination because the direct is causing the defendant to dig themselves deeper, and deeper, until the jury and the judge gasp! He's guilty!

Reddit user LynxExplorer wanted some real life examples of this:

Lawyers, has there ever been a time the opposing counsel accidentally proved your case for you and what happened?

Here are some cases worthy of Law & Order.

Arm-istice

My favorite is a story from Gerry Spence. For those who don't know, he is a famous trial attorney.

A witness on the stand was claiming that he had suffered injuries to his arm because of a city bus accident. Gerry asked him to demonstrate to the jury how far he can lift up his arm after the accident. The witness makes a feeble effort of lifting his arm. Then Gerry asks the witness to demonstrate to the jury how far he could lift up his arm before the accident. He lifts his arm much higher. The jury laughs. The case is over.

Scum

Domestic violence case where the husband beat the wife. Landlord claimed wife violated lease terms by allowing police to be called to property and causing a disruption.

My argument was that as a domestic violence victim, wife is covered under VAWA and the property is HUD subsidized. Also MD law offers DV protections too. Landlord's counsel during his opening talked about how my client was beaten and the police were called and an ambulance etc. I just stood there looking at him. When he finished, judge asked if I had anything to say. My response, no your honor, I believe opposing counsel has said everything that needs to be said.

Judge smiled and ruled in my client's favor. Landlord can't evict DV victim.

Sisters Now

My family did foster care for a few years, and we fell in love with the last girl we took in, now my younger sister. She was required to keep in regular touch with her emotionally and physically abusive birth mom, the intention being for them to eventually reunite. This woman was a horror--every single time they interacted, she'd spend the duration painstakingly shredding my sister's self-confidence. My parents worked hard to establish a strong rapport and a supportive environment, and she blossomed under their care. She's one of the most resilient people I know.

When the state tried to return her to her mom, she didn't want to go, so my parents sued (I think? Don't really know all the legal details) for guardianship. This seemed like it would be an uphill battle--here we were, a family of randos trying to "steal" a kid from her rightful mom. We were really afraid that she would have to go back, and that her family would systematically undo all the hard work she'd done rebuilding her self-esteem.

Fortunately, her mom decided to represent herself at the guardianship hearing. I wasn't in the room, but I heard the audio recording later on, and it's incredible how thoroughly this woman shot herself in the foot.

Some highlights:

  • She kept trying to testify while cross-examining people, e.g., "Would it surprise you to learn that blah blah blah?" The judge called her out for this like six separate times and she just kept doing it.
  • She would admit to various incidents of emotional abuse, but then try to argue that it was all justified because her daughter was being awful. She'd ask witnesses, for example, "And wouldn't you be angry if your daughter did XYZ? Yes or no?"
  • My personal favorite and the best example of her proving our case: "It is absolutely not true that I hit my daughter with a wooden spoon! I only tried and missed. I'll prove it, I can show you the mark it left in the doorframe."
  • Needless to say, we won guardianship. My sister never has to see that awful woman again unless she damn well pleases.

    Monumental Behaviour

    I worked as an intern for a lawyer.

    Construction law, in France, are quite strict in regard to the neighbouring of historical monuments. The city was denying a permit for heavy modification of the house of our clients. They were arguing that because you could see the house from the church's bell tower modifications were impossible. As a support they "kindly" linked us to a 360° picture from said bell tower. We, as kindly, pointed to them that our clients house was, indeed, not visible from the top of the church. Building permit was greenlit the following day.

    List Of Trustees

    Not a lawyer but I am a former Insurance Fraud Investigator.

    We were at a hearing before the WCB. I had something like 18 hours of video spread over a two week period of a claimant doing roofing work.

    The problem, for me, was that the video didn't get a clear face shot. Normally what we liked to do was get in close, show the face for a positive identification and then zoom out. Bonus if the claimant was wearing distinctive clothing that could easily be tied to him.

    Because of where this guy lived, all I could do was show someone who matched his description getting out of a truck registered to him every morning. He wore a hat, he had a beard and he had neither at the hearing.

    So the company lawyer is prepping me and basically letting me know to be on point because the claimant's attorney is almost certainly going to challenge the fact that it is his client in the video. If the video got tossed, the case was lost.

    About two minutes into the hearing, claimant's attorney agrees to stipulate to the fact that it is his client in all of the video. All of it. Our attorney was shocked. That was pretty much the only leg he had to stand on.

    Claimant attorney was incredibly smug right after this like it was no big deal. Evidently, his strategy was to show that his client wasn't really a professional roofer since he was doing the roof the wrong way. He tried to get me to answer questions about roofing, I refused as it was beyond the scope of my work. And he just wouldn't let it go.

    After about an hour of back and forth over this the judge finally said "Counselor, it doesn't matter if your client is doing the work well. What matters is that he has stated, numerous times and under oath, that he cannot work. Whether he's doing it for free, for cash or for fun has no bearing on the fact that he's doing roofing work while collecting compensation benefits which he was awarded because he couldn't do roofing work."

    The guy lost and had to repay a bunch of benefits.

    After a few of those hearings I began formulating a list of lawyers I would never hire and ones I would absolutely want on my side.

    Fabulous

    I had to go to court over a financial f-up when I was a student. Took advice from the university legal support team who said I didn't need a solicitor, so I went in alone. The judge didn't like this, and postponed it for another date so I could prove I'd had more counsel first. The other party's solicitor caught me outside the court and said "I didn't tell you this but ..." and pointed out a huge error in the financial paperwork that made it very obviously come out in my favour. Went back to legal support, got confirmation that it was right, went to the second hearing alone and got the entire thing thrown out. The other solicitor winked at me as he left. Saved me about £9K. Nice chap.

    Fourth Amendment

    Not a lawyer, but took my BIL's landlord to small claims court. (He's on SSI and I'm his conservator.)

    We sued her for over $4000 after she just decided she didn't like him, and changed the locks on his apartment door. She also stuffed all of his belongings into trash bags and dragged them out to the curb. This was all done the day after she cashed his rent check.

    It all started because she was letting herself into his apartment, with no notice and was going through his stuff while he was gone. When I found out about this, I told him to let her know that was NOT ok. He did, and that's why she kicked him out.

    I'm very organized, and presented the judge with a folder containing photos, receipts, short videos on DVD and the sheriff call logs, as well as a concise timeline of events.

    The landlord showed up with her son and counter sued for the exact same amount we were suing them for. Claiming that the apartment was trashed, there were holes in the walls and they would have to repair everything before being able to rent again.

    During the hearing, the judge asked for evidence of the damage to the room. The son whipped out his cell phone and showed a video panning and walking around the room. The video showed my BIL's apartment obviously still being lived in (his stuff was all still there) and no visible damage, but there were a lot of posters and things hung on the walls.

    When the judge looked at the video he asked, "Where is the damage?" The son replied, "You can't see it. It's behind all of the posters." The judge frowned and looked at the video again, and then said, "Did you take this video when he was still living there at this time?" The son replied, "Yes." This was the clincher, the judge then asked, "Did you ask his permission to enter the apartment to take this video?" Silence.

    We were awarded the full amount.

    Miss-Demeanor

    I had a misdemeanor possession case I was defending. Client was driving his mom's car. He gets pulled over for playing the stereo too loud. There are pills in the center console. In a prescription pill bottle. The bottle has his moms name on it. Client gets arrested and charged with possession of a controlled substance without a prescription.

    Case is obviously bull but the dumbest DA I've ever met in my life won't dismiss. We go to trial.

    During closing arguments the DA says "This case is a circumstantial evidence case."

    During my closing I slap the jury instruction on the projector that says if a case is based on circumstantial evidence and there is one factual scenario that points to guilt and one that points to innocence the jury must find in favor of the defendant and acquit.

    My client was acquitted.

    Definition

    When I first started, my firm had me on a case where the client claimed he lost because of ineffective assistance of counsel. Basically saying that the old lawyer didn't do his job. So we prepare an argument based on not asking the right questions, not communicating, etc. We think it's going to be a tough case, but not unwinable.

    Then we get the response to our complaint where the old lawyer argues that he was only ineffective because he didn't have time to prepare for the case and only reviewed it the morning of the original trial. He had known about the case for months by the way. The judge saw this and during the trial we had essentially asked "isn't this the definition of ineffective counsel? Not giving enough time to your client?" The silence from his side of the court was amazing.

    Needless to say, the trial didn't last much longer than that. Thanks opposing counsel! I guess you were ineffective for both of you!

    "Boat"

    We were tubing down a small river in rural Ohio. We had only been in the river for a quarter mile, when we get stopped by Rangers doing checks on who knows what, probably for people drinking. They stop us, and after 30 minutes, tell us that we have to leave the river, and give us a ticket. When my dad asks why, they say it is because the "boat" that my 4 year old brother is using is not licensed by the state, and that it does not have the mandatory safety equipment on board: being life jackets, medkit, and fire extinguisher. I'm on mobile so I can't post a link, but the "boat" is something you get from a Toys R Us for your pool.

    Long story short, my dad fights the ticket, and, per their request, brings the "boat" to the court room. He said he walked in with the "boat" folded and tucked up under his arm. The judge asked, "Is this the boat in question?" My dad said, "Yes, your honor. If you give me five minutes, I could blow it up for you." He also went on to say that if the safety equipment was in the "boat", that it would sink.

    He won right then. The court costs were as much as just paying the ticket, but it's the little things.

    Read Your Cases!

    I once had a district attorney indicate to the court that "if defense counsel had included this argument in his motions, it would possibly be a valid argument..." I interrupted him with the page number and heading where it was located.

    Catch-22

    I was an attorney for the estate of a husband defending against claims for money by the separate estate of a wife over proceeds from the sale of a business back in 1996. Both husband and wife died in 2010, suit was filed early 2011, went to trial in 2014. Wife got around 10% of the business in 1996, husband got the rest (he had built and operated it for 35 years prior to marriage and sold it 7 years into the marriage). The whole case hinged on whether the valuation of the business in 1996 was reasonable or not. We say "You can't value a business 15 years later with all the documents gone and all the main people in the business dead or missing." They say they have enough info to show the 1996 valuation should have been higher.

    Opposing counsels gets a big time expert to testify that the business sold of $45M based on a valuation, but should have sold for $70M and the husband hid $25M in real estate in the transaction. We get that testimony and then realize the 1996 valuation of the business was done by the same expert.

    This is the absolutely most perfect Catch-22 I have ever seen! So now we ask "Okay, so was your valuation wrong in 1996 or is it wrong now?" Expert says his 1996 valuation was right based on the information he had in 1996, but his valuation now is more correct. Which then bears the question "What information do you have now that you didn't have in 1996?" Answer: "I don't know, I don't have my file from 1996. Nobody keeps documents that long." And despite this lack of records, his valuation is somehow more correct now...

    Judge basically said the expert was talking out of both sides of his -ss and we won.

    The Law Of The Streets

    When I first started practicing I handled a custody case where my client (mom) had a problem with dad smoking around the kids. I asked him if he regularly smoked around the kids, to which he replied that he doesn't smoke tobacco, only weed in the house. Obviously this raised eyebrows as it is illegal in my state. He then went into a long diatribe about how he only follows the "law of the streets" (he actually said this) and doesn't recognize the authority of the court he was currently in front of. Needless to say mom got full custody -- especially after dad was arrested for going to the court services officer's house late at night and trying to kick her door in.

    Where's That Witness?

    My public defender wife (not a Redditor or I'd get her to speak for herself) was trying a case where the defendant was accused of filling fraudulent prescriptions. Now keep in mind PDs deal with a lot of shady characters who maintain their innocence with increasingly implausible stories as the evidence gets worse; so you can get a bit jaded after awhile, but you don't have to believe your client's story to represent them vigorously. So the prosecution has grainy surveillance video of someone who looks like the defendant getting the prescription filled and the ID used to fill it, which belongs to the defendant.

    Defendant maintains that someone stole his ID and is using it because they look similar, but never reported the ID as stolen. Wife is skeptical that the jury will go for that, but she's always willing to go to trial if that's what the client wants, so preps that defense and heads in to trial. Prosecutor brings in the pharmacist who reported the prescription issue, goes through the usual routine of establishing who she is, where she works, was this the ID used that day, etc. Finally, the prosecutor asks the pharmacist if the person who attempted to fill the prescription that day is in the courtroom...

    "No"...

    Oops

    Don't Complain

    My opposing counsel made some off the cuff remarks about how their client had to go to another remote office to get all the records they wanted to use against my client. That let me know the witness they were trying to use to introduce the records as evidence wasn't actually familiar with the records or the records keeping process. In the jurisdiction we were in, records were exception to hearsay rule, but you needed someone familiar with the creation and maintenance of the records to get them admitted. I attacked the witness' qualifications to get the records admitted and ended up getting the records excluded. I then made a motion for a directed verdict on the grounds they couldn't prove the case without the records and won.

    All because the opposing counsel complained that their witnesses had to go way out of their way to get records for the court.

    Contract Fraud

    I had a hearing where the opposing party offered an "updated" contract that my client supposedly signed. Except it was a horrible copy and barely readable.

    Then he assured the judge that the new contract was exactly the same as the old contract, except for the party name at the top (the original contract was in his mom's name, the new one in his name) and the date of the contract itself. He made that assurance multiple times. After he exhausted himself saying how everything was the same, I then pointed out to the judge that half the provisions were different and that my client had never signed that form. The judge asked if we were really accusing him of forging my client's signature, since that's a serious accusation. I held up the guy's prior conviction for contract fraud and said "I absolutely am, Your Honor."

    We won. Hands down. No further argument needed.

    Due Dilligence

    My dad is a lawyer- it's happened several times that the defendant submits or provides video evidence of assault or unlawful detainment, but assumes it will go unnoticed in 50+ hours of footage. My dad watches everything. He got a multimillion dollar settlement from a major casino after pointing out a moment that proved video doctoring.

    My Kingdom For A Tree

    Ooh, I've got one. I was about 5 when this happened, but my parents explained it years later. There were a series of trees on the sidewalk in front of each house on the street. Although they were not part of our yard, the tree was owned by my parents and they were responsible for it. Some guy "tripped" over a branch and was "seriously injured". He came after my parents for All of the Money.

    The dude showed up with a mountain of evidence. Hospital bills, psychologist testimonials, a photo montage of his slow and painful recovery, etc. Apparently, his lawyer brandished this stuff like a bat before court. My parents' lawyer thought he had a good case. Until the first day of court, when he walked over with a picture and asked "Is this your tree?"

    My parents looked at the photo in disbelief. "No... That's actually not our tree." The opposing counsel repeated the question. It went back and forth a few times until my parents' lawyer incredulously produced a picture of their tree, which was, even to the untrained eye, a completely different tree. At that point, the opposing counsel whirled around and started screaming at his client "YOU SAID THAT WAS THEIR TREE!" Case summarily dismissed. My parents walked out in shock, came home, and bought me ice cream. All's well that ends well.

    A Wave Of Mutilation

    Plaintiff was claiming insurance money because he accidentally chopped off his fingers while cutting bamboo with a machete, and the insurance company (our client) refused to pay the insured amount.

    During the hearing the plaintiff attorney began to demonstrate with a rolled up sheet of paper how his client was cutting the bamboo when the accident happened. No matter how he tried, he could not reproduce the position of the fingers with the alleged cut of the machete. The only possible match would be if the plaintiff had deliberately extended his fingers over a plain surface and hacked his own fingers.

    Based on this disastrous performance, the judge determined an expert opinion and later dismissed the case due to deliberate self mutilation.

    Ah, Revenge

    Parents were being sued by their landlord, and parents had a counter suit against him. Parents were moving across country and found this house to rent. They did a walk through, looks great. Landlord wants first, last, security and $1500 because they had a dog and two cats. Fine. It was somewhere in the $8000-9000 range, no big deal for them.

    They are set to move in on a Monday, so my mom flies in on Saturday, to do one final look over, sign the contract and get the key. Perfect, they are now the tenants.

    Monday, they arrive and the house is f-cking trashed. The landlord has moved a bunch of his stuff into the garage, shed, and one of the bedrooms. There's s* in the toilet, urine on the floor, garbage laying everywhere. I can't really do this justice, but my mom took pictures and videos, throughout the entire house.

    She calls the landlord and tells him that they are not moving in with the house in this condition. He tells her to clean the house, and he'll buy the first tank of oil for the house (it was empty).

    He tells her to do it, or he's keeping all the money for breach of contract. A lot of back and forth happens, and tons of harassing texts and phone calls from him.

    Court day comes, and everyone's ready to submit their evidence in front of the judge. Parents have photos, texts, the contract, videos. Landlord only has the contract. But his contract is different than my parents. He's included a section that states they permit him access to the house for his storage needs, and that tenant is responsible for all on site clean up and maintenance after accepting the key.

    The best part was that the date of the signatures on his contract was the date they moved in, not the date my mom flew in and signed.

    Judge tells the landlord he's a special level of stupid, and then the judges final remarks were about how disrespectful the landlord was to show up in shorts, a Hawaiian shirt and flip flops, in his courtroom.

    He never paid a dime, then claimed bankruptcy, and started a business under a different name. Two years later, I went to his house, let out all but 19psi from all his tires, and superglued the caps on the valve stems.

    Have you ever found yourself in an argument so stupid and/or pointless that you were sure you were being punked? Like you keep looking away from the other person to check your surroundings for places Ashton Kutcher and a camera crew could come popping out of?

    You're not the only one.

    u/Anti-hollowkid asked: What is the dumbest argument you've ever been in?

    Brace yourselves, folks. Some of these arguments are breathtakingly bonkers. The sheer number of people who are willing to argue with someone over provable facts and what that other person likes or doesn't like is just ... stunning. It's stunning, you guys. Just not in a good way.

    I Know What I Like

    Giphy

    My wife and I once argued over whether or not I liked mustard on my hot dog. I was for me liking mustard, she was against me liking mustard.

    The argument lasted way longer that you could ever imagine it would.

    - AardvarkAndy

    A Stair Step

    My brother and I argued if our staircase had 13 or 14 steps, based on an argument about if the floor of the second floor counts as a stair-step or not. We still have no solution.

    - RazerWolf04

    My dad is a stairbuilder and I spent many summers working at his warehouse, so I can clear this up. 14.

    - Apples9308

    Saturdays

    My husband and I have this thing where we only say "I love you" on Saturdays. Every other day it's "I love you, but only on Saturdays." I don't know how it started, but it's been going for 11 years now.

    We're both shiftworkers, so sometimes we have to stop and think what day it actually is. We had an argument recently over whether it was Saturday or not. I said it was Saturday, he said it was Friday. It was Monday.

    - FormalMango

    Iraq

    I remember when I was about 13 my parents had an hour-long shouting match that ended with them almost getting divorced. The issue? Whether or not the nation of Iraq has a coastline.

    My mother arguing that Iraq had a coastline, while my stepdad argued that it did not. This was back in 2004, and they are still quite happily married to this day. That incident is something they look back on and laugh about, and both of them admit it was really a pretty stupid thing to argue over.

    - dontcryformegiratina

    $40

    With an ex:

    "I owe you $80 for the bills of ours that you pay, and you owe me $40 for the bills of ours that I paid. Here's $40 in cash; we're even."

    She did not understand this.

    I literally had to go get another $40 out of the ATM, and hand the $80 to her. Then I had her hand me the $40 she owed me.

    "Now how much do you have in your hand?"

    She still didn't understand.

    She somehow has a college degree.

    - Speedly

    Mini Wheats

    When we were kids my brother and I got in a physical fight because he said I like mini wheats and I insisted I didn't. His argument was that I always sang the mini wheats song and I was deeply offended that he wasn't aware that it was just stuck in my head but I hated the cereal. I actually did like the cereal I'm not sure why I was arguing with him about it but I remember how genuinely angry I was.

    - shicole3

    Crayons

    Giphy

    I'll tell you about the only legal trouble I've ever been in, the fight that got me arrested. It started over whether we should return a box of crayons or not, and to this day I don't have any idea how it escalated to the point of the cops being called, but they were and I was the one taken in.

    - CorrectionalChard

    That's Unfair

    My boyfriend insisted that when two people are in an argument and one makes a point so reasonable and logical the other one can't disagree with it - it's unfair. I tried, logically and reasonably, to explain several times why that is just winning the argument, proving your point thoroughly and is completely fair.

    His answer was that I was being unfair.

    - ShyAcorn

    Pure Masochism

    How the ch in masochism is pronounced. My friend caught me saying "masoKism" while he would say "masoSYism."

    To be fair, he grew up speaking French, in which the ch in masochism is pronounced in "his" way. But he insisted that I was the wrong one here and that was just infuriating.

    - argofire

    Emailing NASA

    A woman was adamant that looking at the big solar eclipse on the television was unsafe unless you were wearing glasses. She wouldn't believe us and insisted on emailing NASA to check.

    - derawin07

    A Non-Standard Ruler? 

    I worked for a company that made signs. We had a customer ask for signs that were 7mm wide that were to go on a door. Our sign makers figured the order meant inches because 7mm is pretty small, so made them 7 inches. I got a phone call from the customer who went mad at me for making them the wrong size. So I put a reorder through for 7 mm.

    Argued with the sign makers over it but they eventually agreed to do it after I shown them the order in writing. I even had the customer put her complaint in writing, reiterating the size they wanted.

    7mm signs went out and a day later I get the customer on the phone literally screaming at me.

    Cue the dumb argument - we ended up having an argument over how big a millimetre is, and obviously everyone in the office were laughing, but this customer just wouldn't accept it and said we must be using a non-standard ruler to measure.

    Ended up being escalating to the sales department manager who refused to issue a refund. We still don't know what they actually meant.

    - Lovelocke

    This Unusual Vegan Argument

    Was in a pub with a few friends, and some random Dude dropped an ear, and somehow figured I'm vegan. Well, people like him are the reason I usually avoid mentioning it. He came up to me and insisted on starting a discussion about veganism. He claimed that by the end of it, I would be eating meat again.

    He listed some stupid arguments, I told him I was not convinced and then tried to keep on drinking beer with my friends. He followed me, and wanted me to "try to convert him to a vegan." I stupidly listed some of my reasons thinking it would make him go away. He told me he still was not convinced, so I was like whatever. Again, I really just wanted to drink beer with my friends.

    That dude followed me all night and expected me to try make him vegan. Doesn't matter what I said, and all the reasons that for me are obviously good enough to be vegan. He'd be just like "No, that doesn't convince me, therefore your argument and how you life is stupid."

    Didn't matter how often I told him that I honestly don't care; 5 minutes later he would come up to me again "I'm still not vegan, so veganism is stupid, all your arguments were stupid, now give me a good reason to become vegan!" At one point, I was literally yelling at him that I don't give a single flying f about what he eats and why, that it's in no way my responsibility to "turn somebody vegan" and in no way his business what I eat.

    Honestly, for that dude, I would have bought a whole ham, just to shove it up his stupid annoying face.

    - onlytruebertos

    Monty Python

    In college my roommate and I argued about a line in Monty Python & the Holy Grail. The scene with the Black Knight where the line "Alright, we'll call it a draw" is uttered. We argued about who said that line, whether it was King Arthur or the Black Knight.

    It went on for hours longer than it should have because I was stubborn and refused to admit I was wrong.

    - Skrivus

    Albert or Arnold

    Giphy

    Whether Albert Einstein or Arnold Schwarzenegger would be more useful to have around during a Zombie apocalypse. How on earth would Albert Einstein come in handy!?

    - Gerrard1995

    Below Sea Level

    I live on an island and when you go upland and you look out the sea looks like it's higher than or on the same level as the land. It's just a weird perspective thing because of the horizon. One day some kid says that it's because the island is under sea level.


    I'm like wtf bro all of us would be with the fishes. He argues that no that's not true and if I just go upland I'll see. We then spend a good 5 minutes of my time arguing about it until I decided to leave this kid in his stupidity. He even said we shouldn't believe everything adults tell us and sometimes we need to think for ourselves.

    This kid was older than me and was going to a good school. Lost my respect for him ever since then.

    - -justforclout-

    Tomash

    Someone tried to fight with me over how to spell my name.

    Now, my name is in a lot of languages with slightly different spellings. I would have accepted any of those spellings, but this one was just... Not even close. It didn't make any logical sense.


    An analogous example is if my name was Thomas and someone was insisting it was spelled Tomash. And not just the name Thomas in general, but that me specifically, on my birth certificate, was named Tomash. I know how to spell my own name.

    I swear to god, it went on for like an hour.

    - TK-DuVeraun

    Whales Are Mammals

    I was in an online chat room one day, and we were talking about whales. I commented on how whales are mammals and the next thing you know, someone was arguing with me and trying to convince me that a whale was a fish.

    - kawaii_psycho451

    Microwaves

    Stupid microwaves. Having a man child talk down to me about how microwaves work only for him to google it and prove me right. He slept on the sofa that night.

    - sun_phobic

    Shower Schedule

    My friend keeps telling me that the norm is that a person should shower once a week. This has been going on for years. I'm almost convinced he's trolling me.

    - LibrarianGovernment

    No Balloons For Grandma

    My cousin and I argued over a balloon going to Heaven. We were at his big sisters prom send off and he let a balloon go and it went high into the sky.

    He then said this balloon will go up past space and go to Heaven and reach grandma (God rest her soul). And I was like no it's not and it's probably not even gonna reach space. Releasing balloons is terrible for the environment and kills/harms so much wildlife.

    He got really mad and defensive and started telling me to google it and do my research and I'm like I don't have to google it you idiot. He was mad at me for a good week.

    - Dskee02

    Spontaneous Dolphin Existence

    Giphy

    How dolphins reproduced. It took me a few solid minutes of explaining to her that dolphins have reproductive organs and that they did not just pop into existence. The argument began with her saying she wanted to work with sea creatures.

    Personally, I hope she was messing with me cause I lost a little faith in humanity that day.

    - thebeststory

    Male Chickens

    I repeatedly had the argument with a friend over whether roosters were chickens. She was convinced that only the females were chickens (hens). We were 18 at the time.

    - bee_zah

    Lightning McQueen

    Me and my friend were drinking underage, we ended up in an argument of whether lightning McQueen's eyes were blue or green. Somehow throughout the whole thing both of us never thought to straight up google a picture.

    - 23071115

    But ... Ice Floats

    Waiter/Host here.

    Woman wanted ice on the bottom of her drink.

    Now read that sentence again and try to imagine arguing with that particular brand of stupid.

    - FarWoods

    Time Zones Exist

    Coworker claimed that it was the same time of day and the same season on the whole globe. Had to get 4 coworkers to confirm to him that time zones do in fact exist.

    - JustARegularToaster

    Colorblind

    My brother is colorblind. And he CONSTANTLY tries to correct me on what color things are.

    "Hey could you hand me that red _____?"

    "that's orange"

    "no, it's red"

    "orange"

    "YOU CANT EVEN KNOW"

    It is the base of our most common and heated arguments.

    - droneb2hive

    Andre 2000?

    Giphy

    I'm late, but I saw this question and instantly remembered that I was booted from a Facebook group because I called someone out on a lie that was not only bull, but extremely pointless. She was friends with the moderator and they made the case that my argument over such a little lie was more of a problem than the lie itself (though they didn't refer to it as a lie.)


    The woman said that she used to babysit for Andre 3000 and that his name was Andre 2000 - but he changed it after the year 2000 had passed. This was so easily disproven it was ridiculous. Their debut album came out in 1994 and he was already going by Andre 3000 at that time.

    The argument wasn't a huge long drawn out thing, but the fact that either of us were on Facebook at separate times meant that the responses were over a long period of time so this argument lasted a few days.

    It was stupid.

    - P1ST0L_Wh1PP3D

    Stars Like Our Sun

    I was arguing with my grandpa about stars he didn't believe that there are other stars like our sun. Basically he thought there is only the sun, the moon and the earth.

    fox_boi2

    Richard Nixon

    I have a degree in history. I mostly focused on nationalism. Wrote a 50 page paper on it and Richard Nixon with around 50 100 sources. Looked at micro film for hours on end. Part of the paper focused on how Nixon being chair of the house committee of Unamerican Activities was used as a powerful weapon to use against political enemies. It also inspired Joe McCarthy. Have had people tell me I was wrong and Nixon was never elected to a position besides the president and Joe McCarthy came before Nixon. I stopped trying to talk history to people.


    I also know quite a bit about the history of the Balkans its amazing how many Serbs refuse to believe Tito did anything wrong.

    Wrote 100 page paper on nationalism in Israel. Its frustrating to talk about because for some reason a lot of people think Palestinian firing rockets randomly into Israel is ok but if Israel retaliates the people get up in arms over a targeted air strike that kills 3 people.

    grumblecakes1

    Balloon to Heaven

    My cousin and I argued over a balloon going to Heaven. We were at his big sisters prom send off and he let a balloon go and it went high into the sky. He then said this balloon will go up past space and go to Heaven and reach grandma (God rest her soul). And I was like no it's not and it's probably not even gonna reach space.

    And he got really mad and defensive and started telling me to google it and do my research and I'm like I don't have to google it you idiot. He was mad at me for a good week.

    Dskee02

    Binder Clips

    I got into an argument with a co-worker over how we were attaching two pages of a letter together: small binder clips or paper clips.

    He felt that paper clips would leave a "dent" in the paper when removed, but binder clips won't. He refused to staple them together. I felt that binder clips would also leave a "dent", so we might as well just use the paper clips.

    It ended with him saying: "Do what you want [me], I don't care!" and storming off.

    justantherredditgirl

    Jewish

    Once got accused of faking being Jewish. Why? I have no clue. We argued over the course of a month, any time I'd bring it up and she heard about it, she'd begin going after me for "faking it".

    My mother's side is ethnically Jewish. Grandparents were practicing.

    Aslkurloz

    Nutella

    Giphy

    3 friends and I once got into an argument about how to pronounce Nutella. It lasted for about 3-4 months. It was hilarious how serious we took it, it'd get heated but never for real serious.

    I think someone even called the company that made it to check, or that may have been for the Cheetos company. We were really bored in high school.

    vault_tec_redditor

    Lingerie Boxes

    Late to the party, but there it is.

    I'm a manager at a small store. We're only 4 working there, so my team and I grew very close and we joke around a lot. Once during a slow shift, my employee and I had an argument because we were looking at the lingerie boxes, and I thought that two specific boxes had the same woman on it, but she was 100% positive they weren't the same person.

    Looking back, I don't know why it was such a big deal to us at the time, but we even called another employee who lives across the street to come and tell us what the heck was up with that. Turns out I was right, and she was pretty salty about it. It was a great night.

    Meh75

    Wicked Witch of the West

    I almost got into an argument with an old girlfriend over Glinda the good witch from Oz. She insisted that Glinda was manipulating Dorothy to assassinate the Wicked Witch of the West and convince the Wizard to leave to create a political void she could fill.

    I conceded the issue when I heard the whole premise because I thought it was too damn stupid to get worked up over.

    weirdatwork2017

    Keep Your Hands to Yourself

    Just the other day I legit got in an argument with my co-workers on why I don't like my butt being grabbed by anyone (I'm a guy). Seriously.

    They went on about "I don't mind it. Mike and I do it all the time and we don't care." Yeah, that's nice dude, but I'm not you, and there's something called "Keep your hands to yourself" (which was taught to a good portion of us growing up). Just like how Karen wouldn't like it if I touched her boobs or her grabbing your crotch or frankly ANY area you wouldn't like being grabbed, keep away. In general, you should not be touching me in any areas after I've told you not to several times before.

    So unless you're sleeping me or dating me, keep your damn hands off my toosh.

    Frisby2007

    Telekinesis

    My best friend and I argued over whether or not telekinesis was possible. Her argument was that humans don't yet know what the human brain at 100% usage was capable of, and that telekinesis was inside the possibilities.

    I said the brain does use 100%, just at different times.

    We didn't speak to each other for four days.

    dude_bizarro

    Ghosts

    How dolphins reproduced and whether or not ghost existed (back to back with the same person). It took me a few solid minutes of explaining to her that dolphins have reproductive organs and that they did not just pop into existence (the argument began with her saying she wanted to work with sea creatures).


    How it shifted to the existence of ghosts is a solid and reasonable question to ask (I don't remember why). I had to then proceed to tell her that ghost hunting TV shows do not constitute as undeniable evidence.

    Personally, I hope she was messing with me cause I lost a little faith in humanity that day. This was in high school SO... hopefully she was kidding.

    thebeststory

    Dogs and Chocolate

    Giphy

    I told this stupid woman that chocolate is toxic to dogs. She went on to tell me how a little bit will just make them hyper and then they will calm down. I told her to google it. Her and her bf shut right up. Now they have a kid. Good luck, Jeremy and Andrea. morons.

    I should also add that this argument started because Jeremy was giving his tiny dog chocolate and I told him it was toxic.

    KlutzyHedgehog

    Is water wet?

    My roommate and I have a recurring argument over whether or not water is wet l, and whether or not a person is considered wet underwater.

    For the record, it is no to both questions.

    SFCopperhead

    Mission Trip

    A kid a church telling me about the mission trip I went on. Not only was I not on that trip, but I had never been on any mission trip. We were good friends, so it's not like he would've mistaken someone else for me.

    He insisted I was there as if an entire week long trip would just fall out of my memory. He even had stories of things we'd done together. I'm not sure if he thought I was lying, joking, stupid, or crazy, but I was pretty sure he was some combination thereof.

    SirRogers

    Dragon Tales

    One time I got into a shouting match with my mom and little brother in the car. The issue? The names of the two-headed dragon from the PBS kids afternoon show Dragon Tales. I swore it was Zack and Macie.

    It was actually Zak and Wheezie. I don't even remember why we were yelling about it.

    MistalQueensglaive

    Green Or Yellow?

    When I was about 15 or so my mother and I spent about 20-30 minutes arguing about the color of a shirt. We agreed it was blue/green, but to me it was just a shade more blue, while to her it was just a bit more green.

    Turns out, your eyeballs yellow as you age and hers were 24 years yellower than mine, so I think that skewed her color vision.

    BugsRatty

    Stars In Their Multitude

    Giphy

    I once got in an argument over whether or not a line from the song "Stars" in Les Mis says "...but mine is the way of the lord" or "mine is the way of the law".

    I didn't even really care what he thought but he was so adamant and cocky that it got me heated. By the end of it we were shouting at each other and I had to apologize, which I think is what he wanted the whole time.

    theedjman

    Colorblind

    My brother is colorblind. And he CONSTANTLY tries to correct me on what color things are.

    "Hey could you hand me that red _____?" "that's orange" "no, it's red" "orange" "YOU CANT EVEN KNOW".

    It is the base of our most common and heated arguments.

    droneb2hive

    Hot Water

    About five years ago, my girlfriend (now wife) once had a very intense argument about whether or not hot water cleaned things better than cold water.

    She genuinely believed that water temperature didn't matter. This is someone who has not one, but two masters degrees.

    We argued for something like 2 hours, and we seriously almost broke up over the whole thing.

    moniker5000

    Biology Class

    I had an argument with a girl IN THE MIDDLE OF A BIOLOGY CLASS in high school about how humans are not mammals. She thought a human was a human and we are not mammals because "mammals are animals and humans are not animals"

    I tried explaining to her the difference between reptiles and mammals and how humans fall under the mammal category to try and educate her... but she just wouldn't listen.

    I still have no idea why the BIOLOGY teacher did not get involved...

    10d4plus8

    Solid Or Liquid?

    Some classmates and I got into a heated debate as to whether or not the human body could count as a soup, salad, or sandwich. The teacher got mad at us, but hey! All we were doing was watching a movie.

    For the record, my logic lays with soup- Liquid contained within a solid, at a hot temperature.

    ScreamingPotoo