Married Couples Recommend Small Things You Can Do To Make Your Relationship Stronger.
Adults on Reddit who are married were asked: "What are small things you do to make your marriage stronger?" These are some of the best answers.
24. Find a penny pick it up....
There is something I do to make my wife's day brighter: she truly believes that finding a penny heads up is good luck. Intermittently I will place a heads up penny somewhere slightly conspicuous so that she'll find it. I almost always do this if she's having a bad day. She's never caught on.
23. Self care is always #1
Have alone time. Time by yourself away from kids and husband is a good thing. Decompress without any responsibility for a little while to recharge your batteries and reconnect with yourself. Can't be a good spouse if you're not good to yourself first.
22. Being a grownup doesn't mean you can't have fun!
My husband and I are both big on jokes and laughing, so doing little things to make each other laugh and be silly every day. Leaving silly notes, literally chasing each other around the house, playing hide and seek in grocery stores (happened more than once), it all works. Also don't take being an adult too seriously. When we buy gifts we buy things like legos and coloring books and nerf guns and picture books and video games. The rest of the world is serious and we have to be adults. With each other we can be who we are.
21. I need my space!
My wife and I sit on opposite sides of the living room, browsing reddit while watching tv, taking turns petting or yelling at the cats. We comment about what we read, laugh at each other's thoughts and talk about bills/babies/etc.
Giving each other space to be ourselves while still being in the same room is part of what works best for us.
20. And now we get into the PG-13 advice
Always argue naked. Best advice given to us on our wedding day, from a grandma no less.
19. Basic manners, people!
Thank each other for the smallest of things. If my husband buys us lunch, I thank him. If I make dinner, he thanks me. If he takes the garbage out, I thank him. If I bring him a drink or get something for him, he thanks me. It's small things that need to be appreciated.
Never, ever stop dating. Go on date nights. Compliment one another. Send silly, romantic text messages. Say nice things. Remind one another that you love each other -- a lot. Make one another laugh. Have inside jokes. Play with one another (Both naughty and otherwise!)
18. And in case you didn't hear it the first time.... MANNERS!
Please and thank you. For everything that we do for each other. I treat him better than I treat anyone else on the this earth and he does the same for me. Manners. They go a long way.
17. They call this method "The Floor"
When a discussion starts getting heated, one of us will ask if they can have The Floor. This has saved us on many occasions. What is it? It's an awesome listening technique we picked up from a book where the person with The Floor gets to speak, and the other person has to recapitulate what they heard until the person with The Floor feels understood. Then you give The Floor to the other person and continue.
It's amazing to me how frequently it isn't what we say that matters, but whether or not we feel heard and understood. Giving each of us the opportunity to feel that feeling is like therapy every week.
16. Stop, drop and listen
Realizing when she's mad and it isn't about me, but something I've done reminds her of her past that triggers (sometimes pretty badly) her. I drop whatever I'm doing and support her unconditionally. This usually means holding her close and whispering in her ear. Sometimes it can get rather emotional and we both end up blubbery messes.
15. Ooooh yeah, right there, right there
We scratch each other's backs a lot. That feels nice.
14. This is one of the most creative answers I've seen yet
We have all of our arguments in the form of political attack ads.
"Max Trollbot said he'd take out the garbage, but it's 2016 and last year's garbage is still in the can! Is he the kind of person you'd want as a husband?"
"Maxine Trollbot would rather sit in her ivory tower playing Fallout and giving orders than take the trash out herself. Recent investigation proves that she is personally responsible for over 70% of the disputed amount. In 2016, it's time to take out the trash. End the bureaucratic tyranny of Maxine Trollbot."
13. The gift that keeps on giving
My wife loves little presents, but I'm pretty spontaneous about things, which meant not a lot of planning went into the things I'd get. She's wonderful and appreciative no matter what, but I wanted her to really love the things I'd get her, rather than just love that I was being thoughtful.
So I started getting her things whenever I thought of a good idea, and just hiding them around the house. Then I could be spontaneous, but still have the perfect gift.
12. The most important thing to remember in any relationship
Never forget that your spouse has your best interests at heart. If you believe this, it helps defuse possible fights. If you don't believe this, you should find a new spouse.
11. Why haven't I thought of this one before?
Two blanket system. Have two blankets that you can each wrap up in instead of fighting over just 1. My marriage is awesome. Though we have recently gone to a 3 blanket system.
10. This theory is the glue that holds couples together
I know his love language. He needs/wants to be told why I love him. My gut tells me to hug him and move on, but I force myself to say out loud "Thanks for making dinner and vacuuming today, I really appreciate it".
9. You can't deny the benefits of being physical
"Snuggle time" is our time to reconnect and just lay and hold each other. Regardless of what is going on, we drop everything for "snuggle time". It could be for anything or for nothing but we go to bed and snuggle up and just lay there and hold one another and talk or maybe say nothing. I think being able to drop everything and understand that your partner needs you and to go and nurture their need for you, keeps us strong and connected.
We also have full honesty. About everything. There are no secrets in our marriage and we discuss everything. It's resulted in some tough conversations and hurt feelings but in the long run, it is better than feeling betrayed. And we don't always agree. But we pick our battles and fight for whats important. Also, learn to agree to disagree. You are two completely separate people who are coming to the table with two completely different life experiences. Learn to respect even what you don't love, or even like.
8. Sometimes you just gotta get away from it all
We have three kids (11,8,3) and it's hard sometimes to remember that we're partners in crime. So, maybe this is parents version of keeping a marriage strong?
Date. Get sitters. Yes, you can afford it. Find a teenager or a neighbor. We even switch date nights with a girlfriend of mine when we can't find a sitter. We go to rock concerts, for day hikes, to comedy clubs and try new things. We're best friends and this keeps us connected and gives us downtime.
7. Treat others the way you'd like to treated... duh!
Doing things for each other. When you go to the kitchen, offer to bring something back. "Can I get you anything?"
If you and your [significant other] have specific "jobs" around the house, once in awhile just do their job, for no good reason. Or better yet, for a great reason, like you know they're going to be tired, or mentally drained or just not up to it when they get off work. Go ahead and have their chore done before they get home. They'll be so thankful.
6. Spontaneity is key
Buy her flowers every once in a while for no reason - maybe a gift now and then - for no reason. When in a dispute, keep things in perspective, make your point without being a jerk, once you make your point - you're done, be nice and give her a way to save face (her pride). Don't be a jerk and worry about your image, pride, need to be right, etc. You may be right, but if you make her feel stupid, that's all she'll remember.
5. This one sounds like it could apply to just about anything
If you're having an argument, disagreement, or any such conflict, force yourself to speak slowly and at normal volume. Don't interrupt each other. Most often, this will defuse the conflict and the two of you can speak about it rationally.
4. Now this one is just plain cute
I put toothpaste on his tooth brush every night. I know he likes it and when I go to bed earlier because he's still at work, it lets him know I was thinking about him. :)
3. Back to basics
A kiss and an "I love you" at least once a day will go a long way. Once you stop expressing it you lose it.
2. Treat people, especially the people you're married to, with respect
Married almost 18 yrs here and it comes down to this one simple little thing: Kindness
Just be good to each other. Kindness manifests itself in many ways but you know when it's there.
1. Oh god, this one is gonna make me cry!
Have something that is ONLY yours. Before my husband proposed to me, he told me that the only thing he regretted about his life was that he had not met me sooner. So, he started telling me stories and he "rewrote" our past. He does this mostly when I'm having a bad day. He will ask if I remember when I moved in next door in second grade or that time he pushed me on the playground. These things never happened of course, but this is something that's nerdy and ours.
You catch more flies with honey than with vinegar, or so the saying goes.
The same can be said for your interactions with cops, most of whom are perfectly happy to let minor infractions slide––When was the last time you were actually ticketed for jaywalking?––provided you're not a total Karen should you interact them.
Your local police officer likely doesn't care about jaywalking or the fact that you went five miles over the speed limit unless you give him a reason to, as we learned when Redditor Takdel asked police officers: "What stupid law have you enforced just because someone was an a-hole?"