Married People Share Their Biggest Wedding Day Regrets
From finding and hiring an unprofessional priest online, to letting an amateur photographer do the wedding shots, only to lose the film afterwards, couples share the one thing they regret the most about their wedding.
[Source can be found at the end of the article]
My birthday is Halloween and our wedding date was mid November.
We went to Vegas and stayed at the Mandalay Bay Hotel for my Halloween birthday and to blow off some pre-wedding steam. We got way too drunk and ended up getting married early. We got married at the Mandalay Bay Hotel and got free tickets to the shark tank there.
There is a picture of us, completely wasted, in Halloween costumes, holding up our marriage certificate with a shark behind us. It cost $150.
We vow never to tell a soul. That picture and our real marriage certificate is hidden in a picture frame behind our fake certificate and picture.
Our November wedding was a mess. People were getting drunk and making remarks about how I was going to get laid that night. My mother-in-law embarrassed us. My nephew was barley a year old and walking like a drunk. We were pulled apart from each other the whole day. Half of those people left after we served cake. One woman was digging for gold in her nose when we said our vows. It cost $5,000 or more.
You don't have to go all 9 yards for these people. It's your day - remember it. If you want to get drunk, get married in Mandalay Bay, and see some sharks... you do you. Who cares if your Great Aunt Kathy wants family events with EVERYONE in rose-gold colors. Great Aunt Kathy isn't getting married, you are.
If you want sharks, go get sharks.
I regret inviting 75% of the people. Most of them I never see and are not involved in our lives. I would have rather spent the same amount of money on 25% of the people and had one heck of a high-end party.
My stepsister got engaged at my wedding reception, and I didnt punch her or her fiance for it later.
Apparently the two of them arranged the whole thing together - that he would pop the question halfway through the daddy-daughter dance.
Their marriage lasted all of two years, as well.
I regret that we didn't specifically say "no children" on the invite. We didn't know anyone with kids, so it seemed like a given. But m invited her neighbor's son, who neither I nor the groom had ever met, and he brought his 2-year-old twins, who screamed through the entire ceremony.
Don't make this mistake.
Inviting a certain family member was a mistake. My mother died a few weeks before the wedding (wed moved it as close as we could) and with the stress of her being ill, I couldnt cope with my grandmother moaning that we hadnt invited these family members.
Well, they showed up (after handing the RSVP to me at my mother's funeral while they were loading the coffin into the hearse), they ate food from everyone elses plates, took and ate an entire tier of wedding cake, and then kept getting the DJ to play dumb love songs dedicated to each other rather than the playlist wed requested.
It wasnt the worst behaviour Id ever seen from them at a wedding, but it was definitely the worst behaviour at my wedding.
We wanted a tiny wedding; immediate family and close friends only. My mother-in-law invited her siblings and my spouse's deceased father's siblings. We were too polite to un-invite them.
So the group was lopsided enough that the toasts were 80% about my spouse. My boss, who didn't know me that well, noticed the disparity and made a toast about me. The whole thing ended up looking like it was my spouse's wedding, and I'd been invited to attend.
Still had an awesome time, though.
I've read online that this is a pretty common problem. If you have a "Unity Candle," light the wick before the actual ceremony. My wife and I awkwardly tried to light ours for like 3 minutes while her family member was singing a song. We eventually just tilted our individual lit candles until they were leaning on each other and made one flame out of the two wicks. The crowd cheered.
My dad gave me away at my first very small wedding which meant the world to me. After much physical and emotional abuse, that marriage ended.
I eloped to the courthouse for the second marriage since everyone lived far away and I had three children from my first marriage who needed to be provided for more than I needed a wedding. The gifted bouquet was fabulous, I was marrying my best friend, my children were in attendance, and they gave their full approval. It really was great.
My only regret is that I never got to have a wedding dance with my dad. The dance was the only part I dreamed about as a little girl because my dad would dance me around the house while I stood on his feet. We'd waltz like you'd see in movies when people got married, and I wanted that with my dad. I wouldn't have stood on his feet, of course.
Next time I go home, I'm standing that old man up and we're gonna waltz, dammit. Just like we used to. I'll buy a Goodwill wedding dress if I'm feeling sassy about it.
I regret letting my mother steamroll us about so many things. The main one, though, was when she told us that if we spent more than fifteen minutes having photos taken, our guests would get bored waiting. So we literally had fifteen minutes for photos after the ceremony. We've been married for four years and I could still kick myself for listening to her about that.
I wish we had just eloped and done it in Vegas. Both my parents and my mother-in-law acted like jerks. We had a very small wedding and the reception at my parent's house, but my mom insisted on putting the food in the basement (I still have no idea why) and my mother-in-law was hysterical because she had to drive our car to her hotel. It was 8 miles away! We are about to celebrate our 21st anniversary.
We got some letter blocks (beads) and pipe cleaners so people could put their names on their glasses (stemware) if they wanted to. Then we forgot about it and they didnt get used. From time to time, I see the bags of letters and think we should have a drunken party.
To save money, we had friends do everything. The string quartet, the flowers, the officiant, the videography and photography.
Everything was awesome, except the photography. He was my friend's dad, a successful dermatologist and amateur photographer.
Anyhow, this was the early days of Photoshop, and a hard drive crash wiped him out. I'm not mad 15 years later, but he was so embarrassed that he never spoke to me again.
My mother-in-law invited so many people that my significant other and I had never met and have never seen again, and my father-in-law did a surprise champagne toast that caused the cost of the wedding to go up because he wanted to be the center of attention. It also caused family drama on my side since I didn't want to invite my cousin and her ill-behaved children who everyone hated. Oh, but shame on me for not wanting them there!
Having a wedding taught me this: despite everyone telling you it's about you, it's not about you. If we ever had to do it again, we'd just go to the courthouse and call it a day.
The photographer bossed us around the day of, then we never got our photos from her. She threatened us with legal action if we kept asking, so we dropped it. She kept the full payment and we never heard from her again.
This lady was an amateur recommended to us by a friend. I accepted because I liked her other photos I saw; I should have known she might not be trustworthy though.
My advice is: GET A PROFESSIONAL.
I regret having a "traditional" wedding. We should have just taken the immediate family and gone on a nice trip somewhere. Instead my parents paid for catering for the people who RSVP'ed, but then decided they would rather go to a monster truck rally and a bunch of people left early to watch basketball.
We put my mother-in-law in charge of everything because we were getting married in my husband's home town, but we were in school in a different state. She wanted a receiving line and we didn't fight her on it.
Turns out she invited the entire city. We didn't get to eat the catered food, didn't get to dance, didn't even get to cut our cake. They started serving and eating our cake because we were stuck in the foyer of the reception hall shaking hands with hundreds of people we didn't know and would never meet again.
I cannot stress enough: just don't do a receiving line.
I planned our wedding in Boston from Atlanta, so I relied heavily on recommendations from friends for vendors. The one thing I regret was finding the photographer online rather than getting a recommendation. 95% of our photos were pretty awful, and they took about 6 months to get because the photographer was going through "major life-altering events you wouldn't understand!" So yeah. My husband still grumbles about it to this day (9 years later) but I see his point.
I shouldn't have invited my father. He showed up late and missed our arrival. As he consumed more alcohol, he proceeded to bring up old family stuff in front of other people, which was not appropriate and made them feel awkward. To finish the night, he got absolutely hammered, lost his balance while dancing, and fell over on the head table. He destroyed our unity candles among other items.
My regret is not taking the time out to enjoy myself.
Both my wife and I spent a lot of time going around and talking to people, making sure we got through everyone and not missing anybody, and doing things to make sure everyone felt included.
Since then, weve found out that everyone was super happy and we didnt need to spend that time seemingly appeasing them.
We both regret not taking a bit of time out and just enjoying ourselves with our immediate friends.
Were desperate to go to another wedding at the same venue as guests, so we can get the experience we created for ours.
Two big regrets: first, not hiring a videographer. We had two guests with tripods and video cameras to record the ceremony, and somehow, neither video worked. I'm so heartbroken about that.
Second, not having a schedule of who needed to do what on the actual day. I was so frazzled trying to coordinate all the logistics, and it turned out none of my "help" had cars. It was a nightmare, and I spent most the afternoon sobbing. The pictures are lovely with my super puffy eyes!
My biggest regret is letting my mom pick the DJ and trusting that the DJ had two brain cells to rub together.
I left her instructions that at some point during the reception, they should play one bluegrass and one cajun folk song. She announced both as special events directly after the mother/son dance and picked the worst examples of each. I just wanted a few songs shuffled into the rest of the mix, not a big production.
And then she tried to be cute by playing 'Lady in Red' after I changed clothes so we could leave without dealing with fitting a wedding dress in the car. I was so embarrassed to be the centre of attention while my husband was not even in the room.
An iPod on shuffle would have been a better choice. Mom refused to let me just make my own playlist, and I just let her have her way instead of standing up for my preferences.
I invited my mother. We hadn't been in contact for a number of years because she's a toxic and abusive person. My maternal grandmother had stage 4 melanoma and I invited my mother, hoping my wedding would make everything better and bring the family together. My mother came and was relatively quiet to me, but she was awful to my grandmother (her mother). After the wedding, my mother went back to her abusive ways with me, so we're not talking again. I learned that weddings aren't magical events that will fix bad relationships.
I regret one of my bridesmaids. I should have confronted her about basically not caring about me BEFORE the wedding. Now I have all the photos with her in them and a mother nagging me to put together my wedding album when all the photos do is make me alternate between sobbing and rage. The wedding was barely a year ago.
Hiring a priest we found online was a blunder. I met him twice and he was charismatic and charming. Come wedding day, he freaked. He yells at me about the pew placement as we are about to line up to go out for the processional. He made me cry and Im not a crier. He also forgot the custom vows we created together and asked us at the altar as he covered the mic is the standard stuff okay? He literally forgot the most important part of the whole day. We thought we vetted him enough. I regret not asking for references.
It was still the best day ever! The mass was more for my parents, and my significant other and I were relieved after the ceremony was over. The party was worth every cent!
Picture it: a wedding between a white guy and a Peruvian girl. The incredibly white-bread father of the groom reads a speech in English. Then, rather than turning the mic over to the bride's father so that he can address her party in Spanish, the groom's father reads a god-awful google translation of his entire speech while the bride's father awkwardly stands there in silence for several minutes. It was painful. People were visibly cringing.
Do not let your overbearing parents take over. Do not.
I regret having a sit down meal as opposed to a buffet. Some people loved the food, others didnt. I should have done a buffet so they could eat what they pleased instead of a chicken, beef, or fish RSVP.
Also, the DJ played the wrong song as I walked down the aisle. I didnt stop and get him to change it as I wasnt about to turn around and start over after my husband and guests had already seen me. So in hindsight, I should have double checked the music prior to the ceremony. He also announced my dad as the father of the groom when my husbands dad is deceased, while he announced us into the reception. He had a cheat sheet with the wedding party on it but I guess he just misspoke. Awkward.
I should have made my fianc's sister my third bridesmaid instead of my lifelong friend. The friend seemed the obvious choice because, like I said, lifelong friend (since age 2).
But my friend was a huge thorn in my side all day and in the lead up to the day. Complaining, starting arguments about her pronouns, calling me sexist, wouldn't shut up about Supernatural and the new Ghostbusters, and had some kind of a breakdown when I was getting ready, and went around telling people "Oh, I'm just having an attack of anxiety and depression but don't mind me! That's just a normal day for me!" Urgh.
She also did weird things during our fitting if no one was paying attention to her. At one point, she pulled her hoodie over her face and blocked her ears. Me and my other bridesmaid ignored her, but my sweeter-than-honey bridesmaid leaned over to ask what was wrong. "Ohhh...ohhh it's all your voices...talking..." My eyebrow raises "And all at different frequencies too! Ohhhh."
I have known this girl since age two. This had never been a problem until right that second. Sweeter-than-bacon bridesmaid put an arm around her and comforted her while I suggested she go outside for some fresh air. "No. No I'm fine." So then me and my other two bridesmaids just ignored her.
It was such a pain.
Meanwhile my now sister-in-law was an absolute delight. She went out of her way to make everything wonderful. She helped out in the kitchen, ran errands, drove people to the wedding who couldn't drive themselves, helped set up chairs and decorations, gave a Bible reading, and BAKED OUR WEDDING CAKE!
Poor choice on my part. I thoroughly regret that.
I got each of my groomsmen a wooden box with a cigar, single shot bottle of liquor, and a pair of cufflinks I'd made myself.
We all decided to dip out of the reception for a few minutes to smoke the cigars. I'm not a smoker, but how long could it possibly take?
It took around 45 minutes. 45 minutes of a four hour hall rental is pretty significant. My wife was wandering around asking if anyone had seen us. I felt like a jerk when we finally got back inside.
If I ever find myself as a groomsman in a wedding, I'm advising against that.
We are told that, if you're not confident, you should just "fake it til you make it."
This is great--in theory. In practice, sometimes "faking it" can have extremely real and terrible consequences, which these people found out the hardest of hard ways.