Medical Professionals Share Their Best 'How The Hell Are You Not Dead' Stories

Lazarus is that you?!!

Life is full of surprises. One of the greatest can be seeing someone resurrect from the great beyond. That's usually a fantastic soap opera trope but it can happen. Also the things we all can survive, witnessed by those in medicine, is astonishing. The human body and spirit can be miraculous.

Redditor u/I_am-toast wanted to hear from medical professionals out there about some miracles they've witnessed by asking.... Doctors, nurses, and EMTs of reddit. What is your best "How the hell are you not dead" moment?



Guy with psych issues tried to kill himself by swallowing 4 razor blades. Don't know why they opted to not surgically retrieve them, but guy sat up in our ICU for about a week until he passed all of them. I still can't believe they didn't shred his insides. shanbie_


I work in a neuro trauma ICU. I had a failed suicide attempt come in where a guy tried to shoot himself through the top of the mouth. For whatever reason, he failed and the round ended up blowing his entire face off. The bullet and his teeth fragmented and were peppered all over the inside of his brain. Upon arrival, he was following commands and kept motioning with his fingers in the shape of a gun against his head.

His family asked him if he saying he wanted to shoot himself again to which he shook his head yes. From this, the family decided that they wanted to withdraw all life preserving measures and just let him go. It took almost a week before his brain edema became severe enough for him to herniate and die. Jabronito

Not yet. 

I got another one! A call out to an attempted suicide. Get there, cleared by police etc. to find this guy calmly sitting on the couch with fresh ligature marks on his neck. He proceeded to tell us before trying to hang himself with an outdoors extension cord (that snapped), he'd also taken a bottle of pills (no effect). Not your time, dude. I really hope he's doing ok now. toe_beans_


A woman stuck in her bathtub for 3 days. standing water, skin sloughing, totally dehydrated. She LOOKED dead. Worst part, in an effort to unclog the tub, she had been pouring drano into the water she was sitting in.

She was also overweight, so getting her out of there was a mess. Once we finally did, she told the medic she was "fine" and didn't want to go to the hospital. We had to convince her. Unreal. saidthesea

A Burr Hole?


I had a young guy, mid-20s, involved in a motorvehicle accident. He was alert and conscious despite the high impact injury. CT scan of his brain showed a massive subdural hemorrhage, which if it was in any other person, would have caused a midline shift (the brain matter gets pushed to the other side, i.e. left to right or vice versa). Luckily for him, he had a skull fracture at the area of the bleed, which acted as a 'burr hole' (a medical procedure that we perform to prevent such midline shift from happening), thus saving his life (or his brain, for that matter). two5kid

What's Left?

When I was deployed to Afghanistan, a lot of the soldiers would end up getting hurt in combat disproportionately to everyone else. Once I saw this guy come back from the front who had been shot from armpit to armpit, shot in the head and stepped on a small IED that blew his leg off as well as one of his hands, he had lacerations all over and was bleeding quite bad.

The ANA medics and doctors didn't even bother to put a turny on his leg, they just sent him on over to us with basically no first aid done. All of this while being transferred from heli to heli and an hour + passing by. Somehow he made it to us alive and sort of coherent enough to look around. Besides the missing leg and his arms being messed up he lived and was "ok." othersgain

A Good Ole Time....

Worked as a phleb tech in a hospital for a while. Craziest thing I ever saw was this guy that came in having overdosed on drugs.

What drugs you ask? Literally all of them. Alcohol, cocaine, MDMA, opioids, benzodiazepines, k2, and a myriad of other things.

I went to draw his blood for some tests and he asked me if I could get him more drugs from the nurse. I told him he would need to talk to the nurse about that. I ended up having to draw blood from the palm of his hand because his veins were so shot.

'Twas a fun night. ItsThe_GoodLookinGuy

Through the Head.....

Guy was working at a factory. Somehow there was an accident and a 2" wide 3' long board got shot THROUGH his head. Entered through tip of his nose and exited just below his skull on the right side. Face was a mess. Came in from another hospital intubated to see if our neurosurgeon could remove the board. We all assumed he was likely neurologically devastated permanently.... we cut down the board and took him to CT to see what we were dealing with... we were waiting for CT to result we realized guys sedation had worn off and he was awake and could follow commands! You couldn't tell he was awake because his face was so swollen and macerated!

We quickly reseated him. Turns out board missed nearly everything important. Messed up his internal carotid and lateral mass of C1 vertebrae... but missed his spinal cord by about 2mm.

He walked out of the hospital 5 days later after several big surgeries to fix his face and IJ. Neurosurgeon said he'd have a crooked neck forever but otherwise would be fine. ninjagorilla

So Many Shots....

Triple GSW rolled in one night. First guy was shot in the butt, second guy shot in the arm, 3rd got shot dead center of his chest. I sent the butt guy to my least experienced team, the arm guy had some difficulty breathing so figured bullet traveled to his lung so I sent him to my more experienced team. Then I saw the third guy with a big red circle of blood in the middle of his chest and knew that he was gonna be mine.

Chest xray was negative. No hemo or pneumo but also no bullet. Rushed him to CT.... Nothing! Shipped him to the local trauma center. A friend who works there said they let him sober up and then sent him home. ChaplnGrillSgt



My mother stabilized the neck of a drunk teenager that fell 40 feet out of a tree. He landed on a rock face up and split his skull in half (I met him years after this incidence) and had to get a metal plate on his skull. My mother described holding his neck and said she had to hold back vomiting because of how the back of his head was moosh, her gloved hands basically were holding a pile of shattered brain, bone, and skin yet he was alive. She met him and said she was happy she could help but told me later she was sad he turned out a moron (still fully functioning but a bar fly). Any other stories of the risen out there? Leosces


Nurse in a clinic in a rough area (well for us lots of street people, drug seekers, refugees)

In comes a dude for regular check up and I notice that he had a blood streaking down his face - not fast but definitely something there.

So into the room we go - with his wife - and off comes the hat. Now he had had a TBI and lost about 1/2 his brain and chunk of his skull so there is definite issues with cognition. Add that his wife his an addict life isn't too great.

Anyway - off comes the hat and out rolls the most unholy smell of rotten meat. Turns out that incisions on his scalp had become infected. As the infection progressed he had necrosis of the wound and the wound edges became separate. So this dude had necrosis of his wound and now I could see sections of his brain matter and rotting scalp.

A definite holy crap moment. Dude ended up going to the hospital and getting treatment and skin grafts. Is still around. quickpeek81

Damn Drugs....

Heroin addict and type 1 diabetic I saw a few times in the ER. She would come in nearly dead from diabetic ketoacidosis, since it seems she would only inject heroin and neglected to do that whole insulin injection thing. She'd get somewhat stabilized and sent up to the ICU, then as soon as it was physically possible she would leave against medical advice.

Sometimes she would leave AMA because she couldn't stand having her shooter's abscesses drained, so when she would come in comatose a few days later the ER docs would drain it really quick while pumping her full of fluids and insulin. With her I learned that a venous blood pH of 6.8 was the lowest it could measure, as she just got <6.8. She also had a glucose of over 1400, which is the highest I've ever seen.

I didn't see her for a number of months and had assumed she died, which is a sad assumption to make about someone in their mid 20s. Then she came back in recently with the same, although less severe, problems as before. It's amazing what some bodies will endure. StillKpaidy

7 Attempts...


Not one of the above but in my line of work I met someone who had attempted suicide 7 times that could have reasonably lead to a death. I was amazed that she had been saved so many times. HypotheticalParallel

Just Chillin'....

ER Scribe here

We had a young guy come in with his girlfriend complaining of feeling slightly short of breath. He seemed pretty low acuity, so he ended up on a wall bed. ER was pretty busy that night so he sat for a while. All of a sudden the nurse runs up to me and the doc and says this guy has a tension pneumothorax (collapsed lung).

We check his vitals and they're all surprisingly normal (pulse ox was 95+, HR was sub 100). Meanwhile this guy is literally just snapping selfies with his girlfriend. We did an XR later on, and boy he had a seriously collapsed lung, but was somehow just chillin' like nothing was wrong. ghayoorarshad

The Heart Race. 

I was having problems with my heart racing at irregular intervals. Two dozen times a year or more, thought it was normal. One day it happened at work and I collapsed (can't carry gear upstairs when your heart is beating so fast it can't pull oxygen from your lungs). Boss made me see a doctor. They put me on a take home heart monitor to see if they could catch it happening and eventually they did.

Went in to see the doctor and I don't think I ever saw a medical professional so freaked out looking at a chart. I got scheduled for surgery pretty quickly after that.

EDIT 1 : don't remember what the problem was called. They described it as an extra bit of electrical wiring in my heart that was causing the problem. They went in and burned that all out with lasers. I'm fine now.

EDIT 2 : Supraventricular Tachycardia is what it was called. I went and looked up my old medical records because a lot of people keep guessing what it was and that was what it was called. So for those people who guessed SVT, you win internet points. Kajin-Strife

You Live! 

Not a medical provider. A friend was looking a bit pale. She was getting out breath when walking (had to take a break when walking less than one block). We convinced her to see a doc -- she wanted to go to her PCP who could not get her until early next week.

She goes to her appointment and they draw blood. Her O2 sats are fine. She goes home.

And, the next morning drives into work. Her PCP office calls freaking out -- her hematocrit is super low. She gets directed to the ER where she gets four units of blood.

When she sees a GI doc, they ask her if the medical notes are accurate -- she says yes. He replies with something along the lines of, "And yet I see you here, alive." IIRC, said it was the lowest he had ever seen outside of an ICU. The cause was thought to be a very very slow GI bleed.... She is fine now. tropicaldiver



My son got severe food poisoning a year ago and by the time we made it to the ER his muscles were seizing and he was starting to act combative and hallucinate. His potassium came back at 2, 3.... every single doc and nurse that came in questioned if it was accurate and freaked when they confirmed it. 4 days in ICU later he had bounced back.

The docs couldn't believe it. Only later we learned how very serious it was. The doctor finally told us that by all accounts he should have gone into cardiac arrest and died. Only the fact that he was a 20 yr old healthy Male probably saved him. Telegrand

The Headaches...

15 years an an EMT. We responded to an elderly woman who had fallen & cracked her head open. She was found by a friend/family member. We had no idea how long she was down. She was unconscious when we arrived & we honestly thought she was dead.

We found her face up in the biggest pool of blood I have ever seen. Like seriously.... it looked like all of her blood.

Not only that, but it had been a while because the blood had started to coagulate. It was like walking through a kiddie pool full of blood pudding.

When we started to examine her... she came to and was not only calm, but pretty nonchalant. "I must have bumped my head."

Literally, the first thought in my head was "How the heck are you not dead?!" ElBomberoLoco

So many pills... 

I was a nurse at my counties prison. The area was having drug busts every 2 or 3 days it seemed. We get a batch of 10 in and everyone cleared perfectly except for this one woman. She was nodding in and out of consciousness and slurred her words.

So I get one of the CO's to obtain a urine sample to do a spot drug test. Sure enough the whole test lit up. So she's placed in detox for a few days and then we would retest her.

A few days pass and she's not getting any better, in fact she got a lot worse.

So we drug test her again and the test came back positive for everything from THC to Benzodiazepines. I have the CO's search her thoroughly incase we missed something and sure enough this lady had 2 extra large condoms stuffed up her "jail purse" and they both where torn open and her vaginal canal was absorbing all those drugs. We counted a total of 200 pills she was carrying, by all rights this girl should of been dead but she recovered after that. Travis123083

Marital Discourse.... 

Shotgun to the testicles via wife who found her husband was cheating.

Edit: here's the story....

I'm an EMT and we got a house call for a guy screaming bloody murder. When we arrived we saw the wife opened the door, calmly, looked like she was in shock with wide eyes and stiff movements. Lead us to the bedroom bathroom where we find her husband crying, bent over and wobbly, holding one of his testicles in his hand half torn and the other practically a bloody strand.

Crying as you see shots on his inner thigh and his balls so frail if he let go they would just rip off. We turn around to see the wife holding a shotgun, calmly (in shock) on the bed, saying in a calm voice over and over again "I did it, I did it, I did it" over and over again. The police officers with us brought their guns out and detailed the woman. The whole bathroom was such a mess and this all happened in the span of a few minutes. RockyMang

If you or someone you know is struggling, you can contact the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-TALK (8255).

To find help outside the United States, the International Association for Suicide Prevention has resources available at


Have you ever found yourself in an argument so stupid and/or pointless that you were sure you were being punked? Like you keep looking away from the other person to check your surroundings for places Ashton Kutcher and a camera crew could come popping out of?

You're not the only one.

u/Anti-hollowkid asked: What is the dumbest argument you've ever been in?

Brace yourselves, folks. Some of these arguments are breathtakingly bonkers. The sheer number of people who are willing to argue with someone over provable facts and what that other person likes or doesn't like is just ... stunning. It's stunning, you guys. Just not in a good way.

I Know What I Like


My wife and I once argued over whether or not I liked mustard on my hot dog. I was for me liking mustard, she was against me liking mustard.

The argument lasted way longer that you could ever imagine it would.

- AardvarkAndy

A Stair Step

My brother and I argued if our staircase had 13 or 14 steps, based on an argument about if the floor of the second floor counts as a stair-step or not. We still have no solution.

- RazerWolf04

My dad is a stairbuilder and I spent many summers working at his warehouse, so I can clear this up. 14.

- Apples9308


My husband and I have this thing where we only say "I love you" on Saturdays. Every other day it's "I love you, but only on Saturdays." I don't know how it started, but it's been going for 11 years now.

We're both shiftworkers, so sometimes we have to stop and think what day it actually is. We had an argument recently over whether it was Saturday or not. I said it was Saturday, he said it was Friday. It was Monday.

- FormalMango


I remember when I was about 13 my parents had an hour-long shouting match that ended with them almost getting divorced. The issue? Whether or not the nation of Iraq has a coastline.

My mother arguing that Iraq had a coastline, while my stepdad argued that it did not. This was back in 2004, and they are still quite happily married to this day. That incident is something they look back on and laugh about, and both of them admit it was really a pretty stupid thing to argue over.

- dontcryformegiratina


With an ex:

"I owe you $80 for the bills of ours that you pay, and you owe me $40 for the bills of ours that I paid. Here's $40 in cash; we're even."

She did not understand this.

I literally had to go get another $40 out of the ATM, and hand the $80 to her. Then I had her hand me the $40 she owed me.

"Now how much do you have in your hand?"

She still didn't understand.

She somehow has a college degree.

- Speedly

Mini Wheats

When we were kids my brother and I got in a physical fight because he said I like mini wheats and I insisted I didn't. His argument was that I always sang the mini wheats song and I was deeply offended that he wasn't aware that it was just stuck in my head but I hated the cereal. I actually did like the cereal I'm not sure why I was arguing with him about it but I remember how genuinely angry I was.

- shicole3



I'll tell you about the only legal trouble I've ever been in, the fight that got me arrested. It started over whether we should return a box of crayons or not, and to this day I don't have any idea how it escalated to the point of the cops being called, but they were and I was the one taken in.

- CorrectionalChard

That's Unfair

My boyfriend insisted that when two people are in an argument and one makes a point so reasonable and logical the other one can't disagree with it - it's unfair. I tried, logically and reasonably, to explain several times why that is just winning the argument, proving your point thoroughly and is completely fair.

His answer was that I was being unfair.

- ShyAcorn

Pure Masochism

How the ch in masochism is pronounced. My friend caught me saying "masoKism" while he would say "masoSYism."

To be fair, he grew up speaking French, in which the ch in masochism is pronounced in "his" way. But he insisted that I was the wrong one here and that was just infuriating.

- argofire

Emailing NASA

A woman was adamant that looking at the big solar eclipse on the television was unsafe unless you were wearing glasses. She wouldn't believe us and insisted on emailing NASA to check.

- derawin07

A Non-Standard Ruler? 

I worked for a company that made signs. We had a customer ask for signs that were 7mm wide that were to go on a door. Our sign makers figured the order meant inches because 7mm is pretty small, so made them 7 inches. I got a phone call from the customer who went mad at me for making them the wrong size. So I put a reorder through for 7 mm.

Argued with the sign makers over it but they eventually agreed to do it after I shown them the order in writing. I even had the customer put her complaint in writing, reiterating the size they wanted.

7mm signs went out and a day later I get the customer on the phone literally screaming at me.

Cue the dumb argument - we ended up having an argument over how big a millimetre is, and obviously everyone in the office were laughing, but this customer just wouldn't accept it and said we must be using a non-standard ruler to measure.

Ended up being escalating to the sales department manager who refused to issue a refund. We still don't know what they actually meant.

- Lovelocke

This Unusual Vegan Argument

Was in a pub with a few friends, and some random Dude dropped an ear, and somehow figured I'm vegan. Well, people like him are the reason I usually avoid mentioning it. He came up to me and insisted on starting a discussion about veganism. He claimed that by the end of it, I would be eating meat again.

He listed some stupid arguments, I told him I was not convinced and then tried to keep on drinking beer with my friends. He followed me, and wanted me to "try to convert him to a vegan." I stupidly listed some of my reasons thinking it would make him go away. He told me he still was not convinced, so I was like whatever. Again, I really just wanted to drink beer with my friends.

That dude followed me all night and expected me to try make him vegan. Doesn't matter what I said, and all the reasons that for me are obviously good enough to be vegan. He'd be just like "No, that doesn't convince me, therefore your argument and how you life is stupid."

Didn't matter how often I told him that I honestly don't care; 5 minutes later he would come up to me again "I'm still not vegan, so veganism is stupid, all your arguments were stupid, now give me a good reason to become vegan!" At one point, I was literally yelling at him that I don't give a single flying f about what he eats and why, that it's in no way my responsibility to "turn somebody vegan" and in no way his business what I eat.

Honestly, for that dude, I would have bought a whole ham, just to shove it up his stupid annoying face.

- onlytruebertos

Monty Python

In college my roommate and I argued about a line in Monty Python & the Holy Grail. The scene with the Black Knight where the line "Alright, we'll call it a draw" is uttered. We argued about who said that line, whether it was King Arthur or the Black Knight.

It went on for hours longer than it should have because I was stubborn and refused to admit I was wrong.

- Skrivus

Albert or Arnold


Whether Albert Einstein or Arnold Schwarzenegger would be more useful to have around during a Zombie apocalypse. How on earth would Albert Einstein come in handy!?

- Gerrard1995

Below Sea Level

I live on an island and when you go upland and you look out the sea looks like it's higher than or on the same level as the land. It's just a weird perspective thing because of the horizon. One day some kid says that it's because the island is under sea level.

I'm like wtf bro all of us would be with the fishes. He argues that no that's not true and if I just go upland I'll see. We then spend a good 5 minutes of my time arguing about it until I decided to leave this kid in his stupidity. He even said we shouldn't believe everything adults tell us and sometimes we need to think for ourselves.

This kid was older than me and was going to a good school. Lost my respect for him ever since then.

- -justforclout-


Someone tried to fight with me over how to spell my name.

Now, my name is in a lot of languages with slightly different spellings. I would have accepted any of those spellings, but this one was just... Not even close. It didn't make any logical sense.

An analogous example is if my name was Thomas and someone was insisting it was spelled Tomash. And not just the name Thomas in general, but that me specifically, on my birth certificate, was named Tomash. I know how to spell my own name.

I swear to god, it went on for like an hour.

- TK-DuVeraun

Whales Are Mammals

I was in an online chat room one day, and we were talking about whales. I commented on how whales are mammals and the next thing you know, someone was arguing with me and trying to convince me that a whale was a fish.

- kawaii_psycho451


Stupid microwaves. Having a man child talk down to me about how microwaves work only for him to google it and prove me right. He slept on the sofa that night.

- sun_phobic

Shower Schedule

My friend keeps telling me that the norm is that a person should shower once a week. This has been going on for years. I'm almost convinced he's trolling me.

- LibrarianGovernment

No Balloons For Grandma

My cousin and I argued over a balloon going to Heaven. We were at his big sisters prom send off and he let a balloon go and it went high into the sky.

He then said this balloon will go up past space and go to Heaven and reach grandma (God rest her soul). And I was like no it's not and it's probably not even gonna reach space. Releasing balloons is terrible for the environment and kills/harms so much wildlife.

He got really mad and defensive and started telling me to google it and do my research and I'm like I don't have to google it you idiot. He was mad at me for a good week.

- Dskee02

Spontaneous Dolphin Existence


How dolphins reproduced. It took me a few solid minutes of explaining to her that dolphins have reproductive organs and that they did not just pop into existence. The argument began with her saying she wanted to work with sea creatures.

Personally, I hope she was messing with me cause I lost a little faith in humanity that day.

- thebeststory

Male Chickens

I repeatedly had the argument with a friend over whether roosters were chickens. She was convinced that only the females were chickens (hens). We were 18 at the time.

- bee_zah

Lightning McQueen

Me and my friend were drinking underage, we ended up in an argument of whether lightning McQueen's eyes were blue or green. Somehow throughout the whole thing both of us never thought to straight up google a picture.

- 23071115

But ... Ice Floats

Waiter/Host here.

Woman wanted ice on the bottom of her drink.

Now read that sentence again and try to imagine arguing with that particular brand of stupid.

- FarWoods

Time Zones Exist

Coworker claimed that it was the same time of day and the same season on the whole globe. Had to get 4 coworkers to confirm to him that time zones do in fact exist.

- JustARegularToaster


My brother is colorblind. And he CONSTANTLY tries to correct me on what color things are.

"Hey could you hand me that red _____?"

"that's orange"

"no, it's red"



It is the base of our most common and heated arguments.

- droneb2hive

Andre 2000?


I'm late, but I saw this question and instantly remembered that I was booted from a Facebook group because I called someone out on a lie that was not only bull, but extremely pointless. She was friends with the moderator and they made the case that my argument over such a little lie was more of a problem than the lie itself (though they didn't refer to it as a lie.)

The woman said that she used to babysit for Andre 3000 and that his name was Andre 2000 - but he changed it after the year 2000 had passed. This was so easily disproven it was ridiculous. Their debut album came out in 1994 and he was already going by Andre 3000 at that time.

The argument wasn't a huge long drawn out thing, but the fact that either of us were on Facebook at separate times meant that the responses were over a long period of time so this argument lasted a few days.

It was stupid.

- P1ST0L_Wh1PP3D

Stars Like Our Sun

I was arguing with my grandpa about stars he didn't believe that there are other stars like our sun. Basically he thought there is only the sun, the moon and the earth.


Richard Nixon

I have a degree in history. I mostly focused on nationalism. Wrote a 50 page paper on it and Richard Nixon with around 50 100 sources. Looked at micro film for hours on end. Part of the paper focused on how Nixon being chair of the house committee of Unamerican Activities was used as a powerful weapon to use against political enemies. It also inspired Joe McCarthy. Have had people tell me I was wrong and Nixon was never elected to a position besides the president and Joe McCarthy came before Nixon. I stopped trying to talk history to people.

I also know quite a bit about the history of the Balkans its amazing how many Serbs refuse to believe Tito did anything wrong.

Wrote 100 page paper on nationalism in Israel. Its frustrating to talk about because for some reason a lot of people think Palestinian firing rockets randomly into Israel is ok but if Israel retaliates the people get up in arms over a targeted air strike that kills 3 people.


Balloon to Heaven

My cousin and I argued over a balloon going to Heaven. We were at his big sisters prom send off and he let a balloon go and it went high into the sky. He then said this balloon will go up past space and go to Heaven and reach grandma (God rest her soul). And I was like no it's not and it's probably not even gonna reach space.

And he got really mad and defensive and started telling me to google it and do my research and I'm like I don't have to google it you idiot. He was mad at me for a good week.


Binder Clips

I got into an argument with a co-worker over how we were attaching two pages of a letter together: small binder clips or paper clips.

He felt that paper clips would leave a "dent" in the paper when removed, but binder clips won't. He refused to staple them together. I felt that binder clips would also leave a "dent", so we might as well just use the paper clips.

It ended with him saying: "Do what you want [me], I don't care!" and storming off.



Once got accused of faking being Jewish. Why? I have no clue. We argued over the course of a month, any time I'd bring it up and she heard about it, she'd begin going after me for "faking it".

My mother's side is ethnically Jewish. Grandparents were practicing.




3 friends and I once got into an argument about how to pronounce Nutella. It lasted for about 3-4 months. It was hilarious how serious we took it, it'd get heated but never for real serious.

I think someone even called the company that made it to check, or that may have been for the Cheetos company. We were really bored in high school.


Lingerie Boxes

Late to the party, but there it is.

I'm a manager at a small store. We're only 4 working there, so my team and I grew very close and we joke around a lot. Once during a slow shift, my employee and I had an argument because we were looking at the lingerie boxes, and I thought that two specific boxes had the same woman on it, but she was 100% positive they weren't the same person.

Looking back, I don't know why it was such a big deal to us at the time, but we even called another employee who lives across the street to come and tell us what the heck was up with that. Turns out I was right, and she was pretty salty about it. It was a great night.


Wicked Witch of the West

I almost got into an argument with an old girlfriend over Glinda the good witch from Oz. She insisted that Glinda was manipulating Dorothy to assassinate the Wicked Witch of the West and convince the Wizard to leave to create a political void she could fill.

I conceded the issue when I heard the whole premise because I thought it was too damn stupid to get worked up over.


Keep Your Hands to Yourself

Just the other day I legit got in an argument with my co-workers on why I don't like my butt being grabbed by anyone (I'm a guy). Seriously.

They went on about "I don't mind it. Mike and I do it all the time and we don't care." Yeah, that's nice dude, but I'm not you, and there's something called "Keep your hands to yourself" (which was taught to a good portion of us growing up). Just like how Karen wouldn't like it if I touched her boobs or her grabbing your crotch or frankly ANY area you wouldn't like being grabbed, keep away. In general, you should not be touching me in any areas after I've told you not to several times before.

So unless you're sleeping me or dating me, keep your damn hands off my toosh.



My best friend and I argued over whether or not telekinesis was possible. Her argument was that humans don't yet know what the human brain at 100% usage was capable of, and that telekinesis was inside the possibilities.

I said the brain does use 100%, just at different times.

We didn't speak to each other for four days.



How dolphins reproduced and whether or not ghost existed (back to back with the same person). It took me a few solid minutes of explaining to her that dolphins have reproductive organs and that they did not just pop into existence (the argument began with her saying she wanted to work with sea creatures).

How it shifted to the existence of ghosts is a solid and reasonable question to ask (I don't remember why). I had to then proceed to tell her that ghost hunting TV shows do not constitute as undeniable evidence.

Personally, I hope she was messing with me cause I lost a little faith in humanity that day. This was in high school SO... hopefully she was kidding.


Dogs and Chocolate


I told this stupid woman that chocolate is toxic to dogs. She went on to tell me how a little bit will just make them hyper and then they will calm down. I told her to google it. Her and her bf shut right up. Now they have a kid. Good luck, Jeremy and Andrea. morons.

I should also add that this argument started because Jeremy was giving his tiny dog chocolate and I told him it was toxic.


Is water wet?

My roommate and I have a recurring argument over whether or not water is wet l, and whether or not a person is considered wet underwater.

For the record, it is no to both questions.


Mission Trip

A kid a church telling me about the mission trip I went on. Not only was I not on that trip, but I had never been on any mission trip. We were good friends, so it's not like he would've mistaken someone else for me.

He insisted I was there as if an entire week long trip would just fall out of my memory. He even had stories of things we'd done together. I'm not sure if he thought I was lying, joking, stupid, or crazy, but I was pretty sure he was some combination thereof.


Dragon Tales

One time I got into a shouting match with my mom and little brother in the car. The issue? The names of the two-headed dragon from the PBS kids afternoon show Dragon Tales. I swore it was Zack and Macie.

It was actually Zak and Wheezie. I don't even remember why we were yelling about it.


Green Or Yellow?

When I was about 15 or so my mother and I spent about 20-30 minutes arguing about the color of a shirt. We agreed it was blue/green, but to me it was just a shade more blue, while to her it was just a bit more green.

Turns out, your eyeballs yellow as you age and hers were 24 years yellower than mine, so I think that skewed her color vision.


Stars In Their Multitude


I once got in an argument over whether or not a line from the song "Stars" in Les Mis says "...but mine is the way of the lord" or "mine is the way of the law".

I didn't even really care what he thought but he was so adamant and cocky that it got me heated. By the end of it we were shouting at each other and I had to apologize, which I think is what he wanted the whole time.



My brother is colorblind. And he CONSTANTLY tries to correct me on what color things are.

"Hey could you hand me that red _____?" "that's orange" "no, it's red" "orange" "YOU CANT EVEN KNOW".

It is the base of our most common and heated arguments.


Hot Water

About five years ago, my girlfriend (now wife) once had a very intense argument about whether or not hot water cleaned things better than cold water.

She genuinely believed that water temperature didn't matter. This is someone who has not one, but two masters degrees.

We argued for something like 2 hours, and we seriously almost broke up over the whole thing.


Biology Class

I had an argument with a girl IN THE MIDDLE OF A BIOLOGY CLASS in high school about how humans are not mammals. She thought a human was a human and we are not mammals because "mammals are animals and humans are not animals"

I tried explaining to her the difference between reptiles and mammals and how humans fall under the mammal category to try and educate her... but she just wouldn't listen.

I still have no idea why the BIOLOGY teacher did not get involved...


Solid Or Liquid?

Some classmates and I got into a heated debate as to whether or not the human body could count as a soup, salad, or sandwich. The teacher got mad at us, but hey! All we were doing was watching a movie.

For the record, my logic lays with soup- Liquid contained within a solid, at a hot temperature.