Men Share The Worst Things They've Ever Seen In Someone's Online Dating Profile
Dating is hard. In today's day and age, we meet people so continuously and easily, but despite all that, it actually seems like it's gotten harder to connect.
These online profiles provide a layer of screening before you actually make contact with the people. Sometimes, these profiles tell you literally nothing. Sometimes they overshare. And sometimes, they tell you to swipe the heck left and never look back.
Here were some of those answers.
50. Thrill In The Chase, NEVER The CaptureGiphy
Demands. 'Be interesting' or 'I get bored easily' or any of the other million things I've seen that shows me they won't put in any effort and expect to be impressed and chased. Nope.
49. Well I Literally Know Nothing About You
Picture Picture Picture Picture
"I DoNt KnOw LoL"
What's your ideal date?:
Guys, we got an animal lover here! We're perfect for each other!
48. Out Of Sight, Out Of Mind
"My Husband is on Deployment, trying to have fun the entire time before he comes home."
Her husband was on deployment with me...
A few of my buddies in the Navy (one in particular had a really rough time with this) were cheated on. The dude who had it bad bad was unknowingly paying for everything his wife wanted to do with the other man. He had to file bankruptcy...
Oh boy, this isn't in a womans bio, but mine on POF about a decade ago.
I went out with a girl who ended up being an absolute nut job, stalking, 3am phone calls to my parents house, HIDING IN MY HOUSE, the works. After I finally got her out of my life, I left dating a while.
3 months or so later I made a new POF Profile, I was so scared that my bio basically said, "I'm terrified of all you crazy women, after sending me a criminal history check of yourself, maybe we can go out"
Guess how many messages/replies I got.
46. How Do You Know I'm Not Afraid Of Spiders Too
- Must be adventurous
- Has a good heart
- Able to kill spiders
I think they're looking for party members for a quest.
In all seriousness though, when their "profile" is more of a list of demands.
45. Plot Twist: I Am The Queen
Movie quotes and phrases that apply to literally everyone. "I like fun. You want a queen, Earn her" and all that nonsense. Just tell us what you're like! More importantly, give us something to talk about.
44. This Isn't A Contest
Just negative stuff like
"You gotta be able to keep up!"
"Don't waste my time"
"If my dog doesn't like you then I won't"
IMO this is a terrible way to go about Tinder, I see this kind of profile and swipe left, online dating is tough enough without having to deal with uptight judgmental types.
43. I Travel Too
"Likes to Travel".
Everyone likes that. Every single person on the planet likes travel. Even the people who have never traveled before like the IDEA of traveling to interesting and new (and not even necessarily far-off or wild) places. Even people who DON'T like traveling have liked traveling enough in the past to travel before to now know they don't like traveling.
You might as well say 'I am a human'. At least that would be good for a laugh.
42. I Ain't Paying Anybody
- I love my dog more than you
- I just wanna drink with someone
- Just looking for friends
- Pay me money
- No agency or personality
- "I like to travel" That sounds cool, I'm poor. Are you paying?
- List off a ton of topics, but no topics you can actually talk about
- Being incredibly aggressive for no reason
- Add me on Snapchat
41. I Just Want ClarityGiphy
I'm in the WLW section of Tinder and it really pisses me off that half of that population is straight women looking for friends. It makes the classic lesbian "friend or girlfriend?" Dillema so much worse. I've met up with a few women and I'm still not even sure if they were "dates".
40. A Measly Five?
Venmo me $5. th3_warth0g
In all seriousness, what exactly is supposed to happen? I always just immediately swipe left when I see that, but what exactly is the expectation? You send money, she goes, "omg thank you, ur so sweet" and messages you 2 more times before ghosting? cubemstr
I like dogs and holidays then proceed to say don't be boring.
(Guess who else likes dogs and holidays, most of the people on the planet dumbass). CaptainWack
Girls: I don't reply on a simple "hi", surprise/amuse me.
Also girls: no infos in bio except name and age. mrpk9
"Hey there, I noticed that you're 24. How is that going for you?" CunnedStunt
37. Peek a Boo.
Only having group photos. SnausagesForDogs
You have to know she's the blurry red face peeking over the shoulder of her 4 hot friends. yes-itsmypavelow
If their first photo is a group photo they never end up being the most attractive person. Jalan_atthirari
36. Hey. Hey. Hey.
"Don't just say hey" most of these profile literally say nothing about their interests and yet you're supposed to strike up the best conversation they have ever seen just to get a reply back. Jmills2105
"..Most people haven't heard of the gulf of tonkin'. Luckily for you.." Ash_Tuck_ums
35. Being Basic.Giphy
Stuff like "Take me on an adventure" or "I like to laugh". Besides being super basic, it sounds like they expect you to entertain them to no end, rather than mutually being good for each other. DM-YOUR-BOOBS-GIRL
34. Love & Adventure.
Today I've decided to take us on a romantic and sexy adventure to a secret cave not far from here. We'll need some special gear before going in, which I've gone ahead and purchased for us. This cave is so secret that I don't think anyone has ever actually been inside it!
We do have to be careful though, because it will be a pretty tight squeeze. Correct positioning will be critical for safe passage but I did a lot of "internet research" and I am certain I have the right tools for the job.
Once inside, we will need to make sure we communicate openly to make sure neither of us gets hurt. This cave is also a bit muddy, so I will be wearing a raincoat, and I brought some of these old towels out of the basement for you to clean up with, just in case.
We are about to get a lot of exercise so we should probably both limber up before we start off.
Now, if you'll hold this bottle of lube, we can get started. Rust_Dawg
33. Why are you here?
Stuff like 'I probably wont message back'. Like... wtf... why are you on Tinder then? Bunch of gimps. TallButTalentless
This is like going to an amusement park and not riding any of the rides. LostCanadianGoose
32. Too Many Chicks.
I have a bf, Just looking for friends :) That's one I've seen a few times and there are sooooo many chicks that just have their instagram as their bio and nothing else. FilthyBorking
31. Open Up.
"I have a boyfriend." Cheaters man. CommonStoner
Lots of people have an open relationship, never know. coatofgoldandred
I need a sugar daddy because I ain't got no money and I don't feel like working. theshak06
Back in the day, you'd invest time and a few dates in before it comes out. squats_and_sugars
29. Too Close.
Only one picture, where you cannot even see her full face, and no description, sorry instant left swipe. TheBassMeister
Or just her face really close to the camera where she is hiding her body. CantHandleSociety88
28. What we Deserve.
"If you can't handle me at my worst, you don't deserve me at my best." GoodLordChokeAnABomb
Yeah, the line itself is fine. There are plenty of crappy people out there who will only want to interact with their partner if said partner is in a good mood (i.e. is willing to screw or otherwise please them). If said partner needs comfort or anything else, the crappy person will just leave them hanging.
So the sentiment of "you can't enjoy the good times with me if you don't accept the bad times with me too" is a healthy outlook.
But that phrase has been twisted to mean "if you don't let me get away with treating you like crap, then you're not good enough for me", and it's really disheartening. Virginth
26. A Family Affair.
Pictures of their children. Semi-understandable if it's them AND the kids, but I see too many where there are pics of JUST the kids. BrewtusMaximus1
As a female, I actually have a question of "why are your relatives kids in the photos? Do they know?"
I find this more creepy then endearing! These are usually not your kids and there's crazy people in the world. It makes me uneasy if you do that easily, what else are you willing to put out in the world. thephoenixofAsgard
25. How Old?
"Actually 19, I just don't know how to change my age." Profile age says 26. StayGoldBronyBoy
It's because they signed in with Facebook and are too dumb to realize that that's where the age came from. Tinder didn't just guess your age. Breadandextrabutter
24. Highs and Lows...
Only 6'2" or taller! Judge_Bredd
If you can't handle me at my smallest, you don't deserve my tallest. Mister-Horse
This is surprisingly common, yet saying "Only 150 pounds or lighter" would be considered quite taboo. rocketparrotlet
23. Fur babies....
Anything involving how much you love dogs. Seems like half of tinder thinks liking dogs and traveling are the ingredients to a personality. Kitehammer
Anyone who says "fur babies" or calls herself a "dog mom" is an immediate no. ItsMeTK
22. Keep the Past.Giphy
Pictures with their ex. adamb1187
With his face scratched out. RedditMayne
This Could Be YOU! SwagYoloThiccChilFam
21. False Snap.
I honestly think it's an epidemic. I feel like I can't actually tell them that they're masking their insecurities and that's not how they actually look without getting the inevitable "I just do it because it's fun!" but there's absolutely some "false advertising" that these Snapchat filters edit out or hide or flat out fake (eyelashes, makeup filters, etc).
It's an enormous red flag for me when a girl has her default picture be one with a Snapchat filter or multitudes of pictures with them. It's just not a true representation of what your average appearance looks like, and for something like Tinder where we swipe left or right based on appearance it's just disingenuous.
Please just be yourself. Willster328
20. Oh Ladies....
I listened to a few podcasts and they were entertaining in a kind of novelty kind of way, but then very quickly I realized holy crap these two chicks are so toxic and give out the worst advice ever.
So toxic, and a lot of their humor is sarcastic or over the top but I legit wonder if there's women that actually take some of the things they say seriously. I see this or 'daddygang' in a profile and it tells me a lot. BirdhouseInYourS0ul
19. Nothing Worse...Giphy
"Live, Laugh, Love" homeware anywhere in shot. argosgold
Literally worse than a swastika. csl512
18. No Hooking Up...
"Just here for friends! Not looking for a hookup."
That's cool? If you're looking for friends on a dating/hook up app where you only see people of the opposite gender, then you're wasting everyone's time.
"me being a mommy comes first." or "I have a beautiful son/daughter and they are my whole world."
If you're a single parent great, but saying it like that says both "I'm immature and obnoxious." it's not very down to earth. Just say "Also I have a son/daughter so please make sure you're ready to date someone with a child."
or just a "I'm a single parent but looking to date." sounds way better than "proud mommy of 2 and looking for a real man." GoldMrSoul
17. Both Sides....
I'm a woman, but I've spotted this on both genders profiles - 'I like quiet nights in, and going out!' (I personally like to linger in doorways, with one leg out and one leg safely inside)
I'm pretty sure the secret to profiles is to be as specific as possible. "I like vacations to cities where I get to read every sign in the museum and then have a 3 course meal with wine pairings at night." "I greatly enjoy works of science fiction written by women and like to create my own illustrations for them."
"I am very politically active and work phone banks and canvas during election years."
Kind of like writing a good character = examples of their personality showcased by their actions instead of saying "she was sassy and independent." rickybakerahah
"Not here for a long time, I'm here for a good time!"
So overused. Egosius
I always assumed that was just a plausibly-deniable way to say they are looking for hookups. RushedIdea
15. Oh Utah.
I live in Utah. Damn near every bio has the word adventure in it. Please be more specific. Do you want to go hiking or smuggle a priceless figurine of the Egyptian god Thoth up your butt to keep it from falling into the hands of the police? SpartanH089
Not a bio, but I saw a woman put a picture up of her high school diploma. So, that was a thing. AWildBlitz
Reminds me of the dude I saw put a picture of his credit score. It was like, 730, which isn't bad, but isn't the most impressive either. routineriot
13. Are you a Cancer?Giphy
Their zodiac sign. I already know that anyone who thinks that's in any way important is going to be exhausting. TheyCallMeRamon
Between that, blank bios, people who only have Snapchat filtered pics, no pics at all, or people asking for money, I end up left swiping probably 75% of the time. Astrognome
12. Dogs First!
"I'll probably like your dog more than I like you." Cool, then volunteer at an animal shelter or something and stop wasting everyone's time. Varaskana
"You mean spend time taking care of dogs, instead of visiting briefly with a dog that somebody else is totally responsible for? Ew!" frogandbanjo
11. DVR Listings.
"I like The Office"
I do too, but it's not a personality trait. realtomatocatsup
That would be a good sign for my partner and I because that means when we hang out we can just put on the office like we normally do. CantHandleSociety88
10. Be Serious.
"Don't waste my time", "Only message if serious", etc. etc. Because in my experience it's the women of Tinder, not the men, who waste everyone's time with their ghosting.
I would say 80% of the women on Tinder have no interest in actually hooking up or dating anyone. They're just there for validation. They love the ego boost they get from the 100s of messages daily and the thirsty dudes worshiping them. PhillipLlerenas
9. So Pretty.Giphy
Their ugly kids. capnkarl96
No one should be choosing whether or not to date you based on how you looked as a kid, so don't use one of the few pictures to show it. RushedIdea
8. Add to the Mix...
"I don't check this often just add me on snapchat"
IDK why but this is becoming increasingly common. And adding randos on snapchat defeats the purpose of matching anyway. duelingdelbene
7. Grind Away.
Grindr is so much easier: "No friends, hook-ups only." KevynJacobs
I honestly thought about putting a profile on that app just to see how I do. Screw it may as well just go all the way. I'll report back. toxichots
"Fluent in sarcasm" "Wiiiiiine!" "Taaaaacos!" "Looking for the Jim to my Pam" "If you're under 8' swipe left." emintrie7
Anything along the lines of "make me laugh or I won't respond." You swiped right for a reason, not responding is dumb. Jgobbi
- "I hate talking here, message me on Instagram". I assume she's only on Tinder to get more followers.
- Calling themselves sexy/beautiful/pretty/etc. Even if it's true, it's conceited, and tells me what matters to her. ghost0427
3. Dogs Know.
"If my dog doesn't like you, I probably won't either" That grinds my gears. JTaters
Put a little bacon grease all the places you would normally put cologne. Watch her freak out when her dog starts going to town on your crotch. twerky_stark
2. Women Logic.Giphy
Those stupid cat ear, dog snout, sparkles, etc. filters. They're so dumb. How do they help?
Or saying they want to be in a relationship but don't want no drama or games. Dude, there's a lot of games and drama in even the best relationships. Dumb-dumb. strangelove77
Re: the animal, etc. filters...They also include airbrushing and other features made to make them look better. But if they used a filter that ONLY did that, they'd be perceived as shallow or misleading. So instead, it's the same thing, but with some goofy dog ears or some crap. Now they can say, "Oh, I just thought it was cute!" instead of "I'm trying to misrepresent how I look!"
That's women logic for you. dystopianview
1. It's All the Same....
I swear every girl's profile is the same. I don't know how guys look but this is legit almost every single girl profile I see.. to the point now I just reflexively swipe left as soon as I see..
"I love traveling, hiking and being outdoors"
Almost every profile has every pic of them in the mountains and all over the world. To the point it feels like these people live in a different country every month and in the mountains every weekend. Maybe some of them are, I dunno. Not hating, it's just the same word use over and over....
And if they're single moms....
"I have x-number [amazing] kids that are my world"
The kids are always "amazing" and always "their world" IDC if they're single moms personally, it's the same robotic wording that gripes me. enzomatrix1980