'Mommy's Job Is To Poke Dead People' And 22 Other Secrets Kids Told Their Teachers.

Teachers were asked: "What secrets have your kids ratted out about their parents?" These are some of the best answers.

2/23 One time a child told me her parents forbade her from going to the cops for anything because they would arrest the family and send them back home. Apparently they were illegal [immigrants] from South America.


3/23 I had a kid who's parents were morticians. The second day of school the student told me "Mommy's job is to poke dead people to make sure they are actually dead." I mean, good on them for normalizing their career to their kids.

This kid also really loved Are You Afraid of the Dark? and Beetlejuice. They were five and could quote the movie better than any adult.


4/23 I worked at a preschool but at the time I was in charge of the K-8th grade after school and summer program. During the summer I walked into one of our rooms were a new kid who was between preschool and kindergarten is choking himself with a belt with another student watching him.

Now we were pretty sure both these kids were on the autism spectrum, but it was a Catholic school with no special ed services and neither child's parents had had them tested. So I send the student that was watching to the other room and ask the kid why he was choking himself.

The kid tells me he saw his dad choking himself with a belt while his mom watched but she was naked. I was lost for words and told the kid something along the lines of don't do it again and go play video games. Worst part was that when I told my boss about it she made me be the one to talk to the parents because I was a man and the child in question was a boy. Nothing more uncomfortable then explaining to a super Catholic family that there young son caught them during some autoerotic asphyxiation.


5/23 We were having one of those events when parents are invited to watch their kids perform. There was a 7-year-old girl whose father arrived just in time to watch her. I ask her if she's happy that daddy made it on time. She says "Eh. I only ever see Daddy when school has these events, he likes to come so he can pretend he still lives with Mommy and me."


6/23 Worked at a summer program at an elementary school. Behind me, I hear one little girl say to another, "A boy can't hit a girl unless they're married." It's scary to think about what might happen at home.


7/23 A girl and a boy were playing with dolls, and the girl was having hers pee, standing up.

The boy said that "Girls can't pee, they don't have a weaner."
The girl said that "Girls can have weaners, they just don't get them until they're older.
The boy said that "Nu-uh, only boys have weaners."
The girl said that "Not true, my mommy has one, she keeps it in the drawer, and she says I'll get one when I'm older too."


8/23 I remember teaching first grade and the kids were learning to read the -ed ending for past tense verbs. One sentence had the word "rested" in it. A kid piped up with, "I know that word! My daddy got rested last night! Cops were everywhere!"


9/23 A little boy told us a while ago that his Daddy and Mommy don't go to sleep together and that Mommy sleeps in a different bedroom than Daddy. Then one day he told us he can't sleep because they yell all the time.

We decided to bring this up to mom because the poor kid seemed so tired even with naps in the middle of the day. All she said was "Yeah, isn't it [ridiculous] what kids can pick up on?" And just chuckles.

Grandma told us the next day that the mom and dad are getting a divorce and dad doesn't want to because he wants his family together and the mom wants to take all of his money. Of course it's dad's mom saying this so I'm sure it's biased so we don't know the exact story.

Kids absorb everything they hear and everything they see. Parents don't think that fighting or even the littlest things from their relationships effect their kids but, it completely changes their child's behavior. Just make sure you're that parent that actually cares enough to change something and not be embarrassed by it. Us teachers aren't here to judge. We care about your kids and their wellbeing. We don't care about what's going on in your personal life.


10/23 I had a student going through a rough patch. After a bit of talking she confided that her brother's birthday was coming up and that he had died a few years before.

He died in circumstances that I guess the parents were ashamed of and had forced her not to tell any of her friends that she had ever had a brother. They even switched schools so she would be away from anyone who knew and everyone in their family was told that he died suddenly from cancer.

She was extremely close with her brother but was forced to live a life where she couldn't talk about him and none of her friends even knew he existed. The story got worse but I'll end it there. Absolutely heartbroken for that girl but I was so happy that she came to trust me like that and that she could talk with someone.


11/23 Recently my students wrote about whether they would go to the past or the future and why. One student said he would go to the past and prevent his mom from getting arrested. Heartbreaking.


12/23 One of my third graders told me that he couldn't do his homework because his dad used his last piece of notebook paper to roll a joint.


13/23 The most memorable tis a 5 year old girl told me that her dad has a huge penis and actually drew a picture of him and his big penis.

Preschoolers tell their teachers EVERYTHING.


14/23 "Mommy says I shouldn't touch Black people because they're dirty."

This was at a summer camp in a wealthy, fairly-liberal suburb of DC. But mom was from South Africa.


15/23 One kid randomly told me her father was in prison. My eyes widened and I just nodded with a smile and said, "Okay."


16/23 There was this one kid in one of our classes, he was 4. He came up to me and showed me a picture he drew of him and his father. They were both naked and he had drawn little penises on them. The penis for himself was normal, and the one for his dad was disproportionally large. He pointed them out, "Dis is my peepee, and dis is daddy's peepee. His peepee's BIGGGG." And he gestured with his arms spread out.

I started to laugh but tried to hold it and was like, "That's a very nice picture, your dad will love it."

"It's real bigggg!" He said.


17/23 A little 4 year old girl in my class informed me "Daddy has pees in his pants cause he had a dicksectomy"


18/23 My Dad has two Willie's. "Really?" Yep, has a little one he wees out of and another big one he brushes Mum's teeth with.


19/23 One of my students once told me daddy drank too much beer and mummy made him sleep in the bathtub.


20/23 One little girl, around age three, once told me that "Daddy has to sleep on the couch because he likes to drink and has sleepovers with lots of girls." She's very open and tells everyone when her dad has to sleep on the couch. The whole school knows he's a scumbag and his wife only stays with him for his money. It's pretty sad how much she knows about her parent's relationship.


21/23 "Mummy gives Katie (younger sister) special juice to stop her from crying"

Horrified, I made a safeguarding note, and then casually brought up the topic about Katie crying. It turns out Katie was teething and "Mummy" was putting whiskey on the dummy to sooth it as that's what her grandmother was telling her to do.


22/23 Back when I was a third grade teacher, we were doing our spring plant unit and were planting sunflower seeds with the idea of tracking their growth. One of my students thought it was great because her dad had a bunch of plants in the closet with lights and she could now help her dad take care of them.


23/23 One kid explained he couldn't get peace to do his homework at the kitchen table because "people always come to the back door and mum sells them packets of stuff."



Image Source: Brian A Jackson /

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