Mortified Patients Share The Most Embarrassing That Happened To Them In A Doctor's Office.

Going to the doctor can often be an anxiety inducing experience. You're worried about that little spot, that new bit of pain, but it's much worse when something embarrassing happens.


Many thanks to the Redditors who responded. You can check out more answers from the source at the end of this article.

1. That's one way to handle that situation...

Had a routine smear (pap) test as a student, I hadn't slept the night before as I'd been partying hard and was still not quite with it.

The male doctor hadn't performed a smear before and for some reason a nurse was called in to witness the procedure. Predictably the doc had trouble finding my cervix and the nurse told me to roll my hips up. The doctor was getting more and more nervy so to break the ice I started singing "rolling rolling rolling, keep those doggies movin, rawhide" (it made sense at the time)

Then I started to laugh uncontrollably at my own joke which caused the speculum to shoot out of my hooha and knock his glasses off.

The lab results were inconclusive.


2. Must have been running on auto-pilot right there.

I arrived at my doctor's office for a routine physical and everything was going fine. My previous conditions had all gone away and we were wrapping up when my doctor (female by the way, I am male) told me that she was "Going to need to check me for an enema." She turned away for a moment to put on some gloves as she did so I stood up, took off my pants, and bent over.

I misheard her. One does not "check" for an enema. One checks for a hernia.

The moment she turned around I heard "Oh my, what!?" and I immediately realized my mistake. I quickly turned around to see my now bright-red doctor flushing over the completely unprecedented sight of my anus pointed in her direction. I began to apologize profusely and what followed can only be described as an extremely awkward check for testicular cancer and a hasty departure on her part.

Needless to say I, too, got out of there as quickly as possible.


3. Ugh, that'll keep you up at night.

When I was a kid (like 8 or 9), I had to get a routine physical to participate in sports at school. My Dad took me. Everything went great until the Dr told my Dad he needed to get a urine sample. My Dad hands me the cup and tells me to go to the bathroom in the cup and bring it back to him.

I, being a bit naive, did not know what urine was so I went into the bathroom and promptly pooped in the cup.


My Dad was waiting for me near the front desk of the Dr's office since we were leaving after turning in the cup. I proudly walked up, handed the cup to my Dad and said "Is this enough or should I go back and scoop up some more from the bowl?".

The nurse at the desk looks up and nearly spit her coffee all over my Dad. He set the cup on the desk and said "We are leaving now". I didn't understand what was wrong until that night when my Mom came into explain my mistake.


4. That is a huge mistake. I don't know what to say...

Happened to a co-worker

He wanted to get a vasectomytwo guys in the office had recommended a doctor they had used. To have some fun, they tell him that during the first consultation, hell have to ejaculate into a cup for testing purposes.

Upon his arrival at the doctors office he speaks to the front desk nurse. After the paperwork, she hands him a cup, tells him to fill to the line, cap it and leave it on the sink. The cup was the size a tumbler glass and line was way at the top.

This guy goes in, thinking he needs to (you know)sees no inspirational material but figures he can just wing it from memory. After about 10 minutes, nurse knocks on the door, asks if everything is OK.

Embarrassed about his output compared to the goal, he shows her the cup with the meager contribution and asks how the other guys filled to the line.

The nurse bursts out laughing and in between trying to catch her breath, tells him he was supposed to pee in the cup.

After cleaning up, he had to go wait out in the waiting room with a large glass of water. He sat there about 30 minutes before doing a proper test and seeing the doctor. He said it was the longest 30 minutes of his life because within 5 minutes not a single nurse could keep a straight face.


5. These new age doctors, I tell ya!

This happened to a friend's mother:

She was trying out a new OB/GYN. Post-examination, she was given a cup and directed to supply the office with a urine sample. Upon arriving at the bathroom, she saw that it had no door!

Friend's mom just assumed that this new, free-wheeling OB/GYN office didn't have bathroom doors and all the patients did their business in the light.


So, nervously, she proceeded to create/collect the sample as people walked by in the hallway outside. I imagine they pretended not to notice or gave her strange looks, but it wasn't until she was leaving the bathroom that she noticed the fully retracted sliding door.


6. Not a bad plot, though. Apparently it happens!

I had a pizza delivery guy walk in on me while I was getting a pelvic exam at the OB/GYN. My feet were up in the stirrups, my doctor's hand was in my vag...yeah, the whole bit. Apparently the nurses had ordered a pizza and directed the guy to bring it to the break room, but he opened the wrong door.

You'd think at an OB/GYN you'd at least knock before entering any closed rooms, right? Yeah, no. He couldn't have seen anything, though, and I'm pretty sure he was more embarrassed than I was. Still sounds like the plot to a bad porno.


7. The doctor would need a strong stomach for this one....

So, I went to the doctor because I was noticing an odor on my undies when I would change. Having a normally healthy vagina area this kind of alarmed me, so I went to the walk in clinic to see what was up.

In retrospect, I should have gone to a gyno, but I actually thought I had some sort of urinary tract infection, not a vaginal problem.

Anyways, I described the symptoms to the doctor, and she decides to do a vaginal exam. Okay, fine.

Well, she sticks the thing up me, and realizes that there is a tampon stuck up me. It takes a bit of moving around, she ends up getting the retained tampon. I don't want to gross you out, but I'm not exaggerating when I say that the entire room smelled when she took that out of me. I was horrified. I was nearly gagging, I can only imagine how she felt.

She put it in the trash, and immediately took the trash out.

It gets worse...


So, then she decides to take a look to make sure everything looked okay. Well, it didn't. I hear here say, 'There is something else up there. Maybe another tampon?'.

I was absolutely horrified. After further prying around, she was able to figure out it wasn't a tampon, but it was something blue, and it was hard. She sent me over for an X-ray to confirm. Sure enough, I had something else in me. . .

She tried to get it out with the pliers again, but it hurt too much for me to bear. She ended up having to sedate me, and had a male doctor come in and try. Eventually they were able to get it out. It looked like a little blue cap, and they obviously asked me what it was, and at the time I was dumbfounded for what it could be. I looked like a moron.

I had to call into work, because I had been sedated, and I had to call my dad and have him pick me up from the walk in.

It was honestly the most embarrassing experience of my life.

I realized a few days later what the blue cap was. One night when I was drunk at my friends house I had thought I had a yeast infection. I remember using monostat, and having never used it before I didn't know you were supposed to take the cap off. Go figure.

I still get embarrassed to this day thinking about the looks that I was getting on my way into the x-ray room. The doctor had obviously told the staff what was going on, and they were all staring at me like I had a vagina full of various items. Like, 'oh I wonder what we will pull out of her next!'


8. Nobody address the elephant in the room...

It was a little awkward getting my vasectomy when the sixty-something nurse told me she needed to shave my balls, saw that they were already shaved, and complimented me on my ball-shaving skills while rubbing betadine all over them.

Doing the sperm test afterwards is a little on the weird side too. You go to the lab desk, ask for a specimen container, go into the bathroom, and then come out and hand them the full container while you both pretend not to know you were just touching yourself twenty feet away.


9. That can make family dinners VERY awkward.

My doctor is a family friend. This is an incredibly awkward relationship. One day she's all like, "drop your pants, let's see that penis", the next day she's like, "Pass the peas".


10. So I guess that means you're certain?

Thankfully this was only slightly insulting, not horrifying. When I was maybe 18, I went into the doctor because I was experiencing some extreme nausea, among other things. He kept asking me if I could be pregnant, over and over.

"So, uh, could you possibly be pregnant? Maybe we should run a pregnancy test."


"Pretty positive I'm not."

"When was the last time you had sexual intercourse?"

"Uh... never?"

"NEVER?!" At this point he's suddenly whipped around to face me from his clipboard. "Oh, hah, wow, that simplifies things a lot."


11. For science!

Probably not the most embarrassing, but happened recently.

The last time I was at my doctor's office I was kept waiting in the exam room for a really long time. Like long enough to go through all three magazines in the room. Eventually severe boredom set in and I started looking for other things to do.

There was a scale in the corner, so I thought let's weigh some stuff. I started with my shoes, and eventually moved on to the magazines and my clothes. When I ran out of personal stuff, I surveyed the room and decided that I would like to know how much a chair weighs, so on the scale it went.

This is the exact moment the doctor and her resident decide to enter the room. There I am wearing nothing but a hospital gown and socks balancing a chair on the scale...


12. No apology necessary my boy.

I went to the hospital when I was as teenager and my doctor was rather attractive. She had to check me for testicular cancer. The room was curtained off and my parents were waiting right on the other side, in earshot.

She was looking away when I pulled my pants down and she said, "Oh my god," in an annoyed voice when she turned to find my junk out. I thought I had done something wrong and said sorry. As it turned out, my pork and beans hadn't been what had annoyed her, it was that her beeper had gone off (I guess she had been extremely busy).

The story isn't too embarrassing at face value, until you realize my parents could hear but not see this short exchange. I don't want to imagine what they thought caused a pubescent teenager to have to apologize to a hot doctor examining his testicles.


13. Zigged when you should have zagged...

I was at the doctor's office for a physical before my freshman year of college. The doctor was this assertive and intimidating female, and it came time for the hernia check. Now, for my whole life this procedure involved the doctor cupping a testicle and asking me to cough. However, I guess they only need to feel just above the genitals (where my ovaries would be if I was female) these days, but I was not aware.


So I am sitting on the exam table, and the doctor asked me to unbutton my pants for the hernia exam (I was ignorant that they didn't need to come down). Then she turned away to go get a glove. At this point, I pulled my pants down to my knees. She walks over with a perfect poker face and calmly places her hand on my lower stomach and asks me to cough. She checked both sides twice, the entire time with my genitals needlessly exposed.


14. It's like, at this point, just pick your poison.

When I was delivering my second child I was determined to not have a bowel movement and did an enema to help prevent this from happening. It did clean me out, however it caused the worst gas I had ever had in my life.

I had an epidural so I couldn't really feel anything and by the time I was ready to push I figured the gas had passed. I let the doctor know I was ready and he went right down there "in the danger zone". He timed my contractions and let me know it was time for a good push. I pushed with all my baby delivering might and ripped the biggest, longest fart right in his face. I saw his hair literally blow back. Didn't help that he was young and attractive.


15. Wait... you're a DENTIST!!??

When I was studying to become a dentist I was following a doctor in the ER a couple of weekends as part of my education in general medicine. Well, one late Saturday a young girl, around 18 I think, comes in with her parents because of severe stomach pains.

The doctor asks a few questions and then asks the girl to take off her pants and lay down on her side. The doc then puts on a glove and shoves a finger up the girl's rectum. I had seen this before, standard procedure, but never with a cute girl as the receiver. So I was already a bit embarassed when the father turns to me and asks me how many years I've got left until I'm a doctor. "Well umm.. I'm actually studying to become a dentist." Really made me feel I was at the wrong end of things.


16. Well.. I wondered!!

I attempted chemical hair removal for the first time the day before my appointment with the gynecologist.

Her response: "And that is chemical burn."


17. Always with the crying...

When I was pretty young (around 12 or 13 I think) I had some weird stomach issues going on. They found some odd results with an X-Ray and told me they wanted to do something called a "Berian Enema"(?).

So I go into this room, and they tell me they're going to put a hose in my butt and fill my intestines with a milky liquid. I looked terrified, and my doctor asked me what was wrong. I told him it sounded painful but that I was also very ticklish. He told me not to worry about it - it wasn't that bad.

So a female doctor starts to shove this thing in 13 year old me's butt and I started giggling. And then laughing. And then crying.



Have you ever found yourself in an argument so stupid and/or pointless that you were sure you were being punked? Like you keep looking away from the other person to check your surroundings for places Ashton Kutcher and a camera crew could come popping out of?

You're not the only one.

u/Anti-hollowkid asked: What is the dumbest argument you've ever been in?

Brace yourselves, folks. Some of these arguments are breathtakingly bonkers. The sheer number of people who are willing to argue with someone over provable facts and what that other person likes or doesn't like is just ... stunning. It's stunning, you guys. Just not in a good way.

I Know What I Like


My wife and I once argued over whether or not I liked mustard on my hot dog. I was for me liking mustard, she was against me liking mustard.

The argument lasted way longer that you could ever imagine it would.

- AardvarkAndy

A Stair Step

My brother and I argued if our staircase had 13 or 14 steps, based on an argument about if the floor of the second floor counts as a stair-step or not. We still have no solution.

- RazerWolf04

My dad is a stairbuilder and I spent many summers working at his warehouse, so I can clear this up. 14.

- Apples9308


My husband and I have this thing where we only say "I love you" on Saturdays. Every other day it's "I love you, but only on Saturdays." I don't know how it started, but it's been going for 11 years now.

We're both shiftworkers, so sometimes we have to stop and think what day it actually is. We had an argument recently over whether it was Saturday or not. I said it was Saturday, he said it was Friday. It was Monday.

- FormalMango


I remember when I was about 13 my parents had an hour-long shouting match that ended with them almost getting divorced. The issue? Whether or not the nation of Iraq has a coastline.

My mother arguing that Iraq had a coastline, while my stepdad argued that it did not. This was back in 2004, and they are still quite happily married to this day. That incident is something they look back on and laugh about, and both of them admit it was really a pretty stupid thing to argue over.

- dontcryformegiratina


With an ex:

"I owe you $80 for the bills of ours that you pay, and you owe me $40 for the bills of ours that I paid. Here's $40 in cash; we're even."

She did not understand this.

I literally had to go get another $40 out of the ATM, and hand the $80 to her. Then I had her hand me the $40 she owed me.

"Now how much do you have in your hand?"

She still didn't understand.

She somehow has a college degree.

- Speedly

Mini Wheats

When we were kids my brother and I got in a physical fight because he said I like mini wheats and I insisted I didn't. His argument was that I always sang the mini wheats song and I was deeply offended that he wasn't aware that it was just stuck in my head but I hated the cereal. I actually did like the cereal I'm not sure why I was arguing with him about it but I remember how genuinely angry I was.

- shicole3



I'll tell you about the only legal trouble I've ever been in, the fight that got me arrested. It started over whether we should return a box of crayons or not, and to this day I don't have any idea how it escalated to the point of the cops being called, but they were and I was the one taken in.

- CorrectionalChard

That's Unfair

My boyfriend insisted that when two people are in an argument and one makes a point so reasonable and logical the other one can't disagree with it - it's unfair. I tried, logically and reasonably, to explain several times why that is just winning the argument, proving your point thoroughly and is completely fair.

His answer was that I was being unfair.

- ShyAcorn

Pure Masochism

How the ch in masochism is pronounced. My friend caught me saying "masoKism" while he would say "masoSYism."

To be fair, he grew up speaking French, in which the ch in masochism is pronounced in "his" way. But he insisted that I was the wrong one here and that was just infuriating.

- argofire

Emailing NASA

A woman was adamant that looking at the big solar eclipse on the television was unsafe unless you were wearing glasses. She wouldn't believe us and insisted on emailing NASA to check.

- derawin07

A Non-Standard Ruler? 

I worked for a company that made signs. We had a customer ask for signs that were 7mm wide that were to go on a door. Our sign makers figured the order meant inches because 7mm is pretty small, so made them 7 inches. I got a phone call from the customer who went mad at me for making them the wrong size. So I put a reorder through for 7 mm.

Argued with the sign makers over it but they eventually agreed to do it after I shown them the order in writing. I even had the customer put her complaint in writing, reiterating the size they wanted.

7mm signs went out and a day later I get the customer on the phone literally screaming at me.

Cue the dumb argument - we ended up having an argument over how big a millimetre is, and obviously everyone in the office were laughing, but this customer just wouldn't accept it and said we must be using a non-standard ruler to measure.

Ended up being escalating to the sales department manager who refused to issue a refund. We still don't know what they actually meant.

- Lovelocke

This Unusual Vegan Argument

Was in a pub with a few friends, and some random Dude dropped an ear, and somehow figured I'm vegan. Well, people like him are the reason I usually avoid mentioning it. He came up to me and insisted on starting a discussion about veganism. He claimed that by the end of it, I would be eating meat again.

He listed some stupid arguments, I told him I was not convinced and then tried to keep on drinking beer with my friends. He followed me, and wanted me to "try to convert him to a vegan." I stupidly listed some of my reasons thinking it would make him go away. He told me he still was not convinced, so I was like whatever. Again, I really just wanted to drink beer with my friends.

That dude followed me all night and expected me to try make him vegan. Doesn't matter what I said, and all the reasons that for me are obviously good enough to be vegan. He'd be just like "No, that doesn't convince me, therefore your argument and how you life is stupid."

Didn't matter how often I told him that I honestly don't care; 5 minutes later he would come up to me again "I'm still not vegan, so veganism is stupid, all your arguments were stupid, now give me a good reason to become vegan!" At one point, I was literally yelling at him that I don't give a single flying f about what he eats and why, that it's in no way my responsibility to "turn somebody vegan" and in no way his business what I eat.

Honestly, for that dude, I would have bought a whole ham, just to shove it up his stupid annoying face.

- onlytruebertos

Monty Python

In college my roommate and I argued about a line in Monty Python & the Holy Grail. The scene with the Black Knight where the line "Alright, we'll call it a draw" is uttered. We argued about who said that line, whether it was King Arthur or the Black Knight.

It went on for hours longer than it should have because I was stubborn and refused to admit I was wrong.

- Skrivus

Albert or Arnold


Whether Albert Einstein or Arnold Schwarzenegger would be more useful to have around during a Zombie apocalypse. How on earth would Albert Einstein come in handy!?

- Gerrard1995

Below Sea Level

I live on an island and when you go upland and you look out the sea looks like it's higher than or on the same level as the land. It's just a weird perspective thing because of the horizon. One day some kid says that it's because the island is under sea level.

I'm like wtf bro all of us would be with the fishes. He argues that no that's not true and if I just go upland I'll see. We then spend a good 5 minutes of my time arguing about it until I decided to leave this kid in his stupidity. He even said we shouldn't believe everything adults tell us and sometimes we need to think for ourselves.

This kid was older than me and was going to a good school. Lost my respect for him ever since then.

- -justforclout-


Someone tried to fight with me over how to spell my name.

Now, my name is in a lot of languages with slightly different spellings. I would have accepted any of those spellings, but this one was just... Not even close. It didn't make any logical sense.

An analogous example is if my name was Thomas and someone was insisting it was spelled Tomash. And not just the name Thomas in general, but that me specifically, on my birth certificate, was named Tomash. I know how to spell my own name.

I swear to god, it went on for like an hour.

- TK-DuVeraun

Whales Are Mammals

I was in an online chat room one day, and we were talking about whales. I commented on how whales are mammals and the next thing you know, someone was arguing with me and trying to convince me that a whale was a fish.

- kawaii_psycho451


Stupid microwaves. Having a man child talk down to me about how microwaves work only for him to google it and prove me right. He slept on the sofa that night.

- sun_phobic

Shower Schedule

My friend keeps telling me that the norm is that a person should shower once a week. This has been going on for years. I'm almost convinced he's trolling me.

- LibrarianGovernment

No Balloons For Grandma

My cousin and I argued over a balloon going to Heaven. We were at his big sisters prom send off and he let a balloon go and it went high into the sky.

He then said this balloon will go up past space and go to Heaven and reach grandma (God rest her soul). And I was like no it's not and it's probably not even gonna reach space. Releasing balloons is terrible for the environment and kills/harms so much wildlife.

He got really mad and defensive and started telling me to google it and do my research and I'm like I don't have to google it you idiot. He was mad at me for a good week.

- Dskee02

Spontaneous Dolphin Existence


How dolphins reproduced. It took me a few solid minutes of explaining to her that dolphins have reproductive organs and that they did not just pop into existence. The argument began with her saying she wanted to work with sea creatures.

Personally, I hope she was messing with me cause I lost a little faith in humanity that day.

- thebeststory

Male Chickens

I repeatedly had the argument with a friend over whether roosters were chickens. She was convinced that only the females were chickens (hens). We were 18 at the time.

- bee_zah

Lightning McQueen

Me and my friend were drinking underage, we ended up in an argument of whether lightning McQueen's eyes were blue or green. Somehow throughout the whole thing both of us never thought to straight up google a picture.

- 23071115

But ... Ice Floats

Waiter/Host here.

Woman wanted ice on the bottom of her drink.

Now read that sentence again and try to imagine arguing with that particular brand of stupid.

- FarWoods

Time Zones Exist

Coworker claimed that it was the same time of day and the same season on the whole globe. Had to get 4 coworkers to confirm to him that time zones do in fact exist.

- JustARegularToaster


My brother is colorblind. And he CONSTANTLY tries to correct me on what color things are.

"Hey could you hand me that red _____?"

"that's orange"

"no, it's red"



It is the base of our most common and heated arguments.

- droneb2hive

Andre 2000?


I'm late, but I saw this question and instantly remembered that I was booted from a Facebook group because I called someone out on a lie that was not only bull, but extremely pointless. She was friends with the moderator and they made the case that my argument over such a little lie was more of a problem than the lie itself (though they didn't refer to it as a lie.)

The woman said that she used to babysit for Andre 3000 and that his name was Andre 2000 - but he changed it after the year 2000 had passed. This was so easily disproven it was ridiculous. Their debut album came out in 1994 and he was already going by Andre 3000 at that time.

The argument wasn't a huge long drawn out thing, but the fact that either of us were on Facebook at separate times meant that the responses were over a long period of time so this argument lasted a few days.

It was stupid.

- P1ST0L_Wh1PP3D

Stars Like Our Sun

I was arguing with my grandpa about stars he didn't believe that there are other stars like our sun. Basically he thought there is only the sun, the moon and the earth.


Richard Nixon

I have a degree in history. I mostly focused on nationalism. Wrote a 50 page paper on it and Richard Nixon with around 50 100 sources. Looked at micro film for hours on end. Part of the paper focused on how Nixon being chair of the house committee of Unamerican Activities was used as a powerful weapon to use against political enemies. It also inspired Joe McCarthy. Have had people tell me I was wrong and Nixon was never elected to a position besides the president and Joe McCarthy came before Nixon. I stopped trying to talk history to people.

I also know quite a bit about the history of the Balkans its amazing how many Serbs refuse to believe Tito did anything wrong.

Wrote 100 page paper on nationalism in Israel. Its frustrating to talk about because for some reason a lot of people think Palestinian firing rockets randomly into Israel is ok but if Israel retaliates the people get up in arms over a targeted air strike that kills 3 people.


Balloon to Heaven

My cousin and I argued over a balloon going to Heaven. We were at his big sisters prom send off and he let a balloon go and it went high into the sky. He then said this balloon will go up past space and go to Heaven and reach grandma (God rest her soul). And I was like no it's not and it's probably not even gonna reach space.

And he got really mad and defensive and started telling me to google it and do my research and I'm like I don't have to google it you idiot. He was mad at me for a good week.


Binder Clips

I got into an argument with a co-worker over how we were attaching two pages of a letter together: small binder clips or paper clips.

He felt that paper clips would leave a "dent" in the paper when removed, but binder clips won't. He refused to staple them together. I felt that binder clips would also leave a "dent", so we might as well just use the paper clips.

It ended with him saying: "Do what you want [me], I don't care!" and storming off.



Once got accused of faking being Jewish. Why? I have no clue. We argued over the course of a month, any time I'd bring it up and she heard about it, she'd begin going after me for "faking it".

My mother's side is ethnically Jewish. Grandparents were practicing.




3 friends and I once got into an argument about how to pronounce Nutella. It lasted for about 3-4 months. It was hilarious how serious we took it, it'd get heated but never for real serious.

I think someone even called the company that made it to check, or that may have been for the Cheetos company. We were really bored in high school.


Lingerie Boxes

Late to the party, but there it is.

I'm a manager at a small store. We're only 4 working there, so my team and I grew very close and we joke around a lot. Once during a slow shift, my employee and I had an argument because we were looking at the lingerie boxes, and I thought that two specific boxes had the same woman on it, but she was 100% positive they weren't the same person.

Looking back, I don't know why it was such a big deal to us at the time, but we even called another employee who lives across the street to come and tell us what the heck was up with that. Turns out I was right, and she was pretty salty about it. It was a great night.


Wicked Witch of the West

I almost got into an argument with an old girlfriend over Glinda the good witch from Oz. She insisted that Glinda was manipulating Dorothy to assassinate the Wicked Witch of the West and convince the Wizard to leave to create a political void she could fill.

I conceded the issue when I heard the whole premise because I thought it was too damn stupid to get worked up over.


Keep Your Hands to Yourself

Just the other day I legit got in an argument with my co-workers on why I don't like my butt being grabbed by anyone (I'm a guy). Seriously.

They went on about "I don't mind it. Mike and I do it all the time and we don't care." Yeah, that's nice dude, but I'm not you, and there's something called "Keep your hands to yourself" (which was taught to a good portion of us growing up). Just like how Karen wouldn't like it if I touched her boobs or her grabbing your crotch or frankly ANY area you wouldn't like being grabbed, keep away. In general, you should not be touching me in any areas after I've told you not to several times before.

So unless you're sleeping me or dating me, keep your damn hands off my toosh.



My best friend and I argued over whether or not telekinesis was possible. Her argument was that humans don't yet know what the human brain at 100% usage was capable of, and that telekinesis was inside the possibilities.

I said the brain does use 100%, just at different times.

We didn't speak to each other for four days.



How dolphins reproduced and whether or not ghost existed (back to back with the same person). It took me a few solid minutes of explaining to her that dolphins have reproductive organs and that they did not just pop into existence (the argument began with her saying she wanted to work with sea creatures).

How it shifted to the existence of ghosts is a solid and reasonable question to ask (I don't remember why). I had to then proceed to tell her that ghost hunting TV shows do not constitute as undeniable evidence.

Personally, I hope she was messing with me cause I lost a little faith in humanity that day. This was in high school SO... hopefully she was kidding.


Dogs and Chocolate


I told this stupid woman that chocolate is toxic to dogs. She went on to tell me how a little bit will just make them hyper and then they will calm down. I told her to google it. Her and her bf shut right up. Now they have a kid. Good luck, Jeremy and Andrea. morons.

I should also add that this argument started because Jeremy was giving his tiny dog chocolate and I told him it was toxic.


Is water wet?

My roommate and I have a recurring argument over whether or not water is wet l, and whether or not a person is considered wet underwater.

For the record, it is no to both questions.


Mission Trip

A kid a church telling me about the mission trip I went on. Not only was I not on that trip, but I had never been on any mission trip. We were good friends, so it's not like he would've mistaken someone else for me.

He insisted I was there as if an entire week long trip would just fall out of my memory. He even had stories of things we'd done together. I'm not sure if he thought I was lying, joking, stupid, or crazy, but I was pretty sure he was some combination thereof.


Dragon Tales

One time I got into a shouting match with my mom and little brother in the car. The issue? The names of the two-headed dragon from the PBS kids afternoon show Dragon Tales. I swore it was Zack and Macie.

It was actually Zak and Wheezie. I don't even remember why we were yelling about it.


Green Or Yellow?

When I was about 15 or so my mother and I spent about 20-30 minutes arguing about the color of a shirt. We agreed it was blue/green, but to me it was just a shade more blue, while to her it was just a bit more green.

Turns out, your eyeballs yellow as you age and hers were 24 years yellower than mine, so I think that skewed her color vision.


Stars In Their Multitude


I once got in an argument over whether or not a line from the song "Stars" in Les Mis says "...but mine is the way of the lord" or "mine is the way of the law".

I didn't even really care what he thought but he was so adamant and cocky that it got me heated. By the end of it we were shouting at each other and I had to apologize, which I think is what he wanted the whole time.



My brother is colorblind. And he CONSTANTLY tries to correct me on what color things are.

"Hey could you hand me that red _____?" "that's orange" "no, it's red" "orange" "YOU CANT EVEN KNOW".

It is the base of our most common and heated arguments.


Hot Water

About five years ago, my girlfriend (now wife) once had a very intense argument about whether or not hot water cleaned things better than cold water.

She genuinely believed that water temperature didn't matter. This is someone who has not one, but two masters degrees.

We argued for something like 2 hours, and we seriously almost broke up over the whole thing.


Biology Class

I had an argument with a girl IN THE MIDDLE OF A BIOLOGY CLASS in high school about how humans are not mammals. She thought a human was a human and we are not mammals because "mammals are animals and humans are not animals"

I tried explaining to her the difference between reptiles and mammals and how humans fall under the mammal category to try and educate her... but she just wouldn't listen.

I still have no idea why the BIOLOGY teacher did not get involved...


Solid Or Liquid?

Some classmates and I got into a heated debate as to whether or not the human body could count as a soup, salad, or sandwich. The teacher got mad at us, but hey! All we were doing was watching a movie.

For the record, my logic lays with soup- Liquid contained within a solid, at a hot temperature.