Mortified People Share The Most Unintentionally Creepy Thing They've Ever Said.
Have you ever said something out loud that sounded much better in your head? Here, people share the most unintentionally creepy thing that has ever come out of their mouths.
1/30. My dog was sick so I went to Walgreen's to get a rectal thermometer for my dog. I looked for Vaseline but all they had was some off-brand lube. I stopped an employee to ask if that lube is safe for dogs. Oh, the look of horror that she gave me.
2/30. In an elevator with my wife, who is petite while I am tall. Gentleman gets in and after some small talk asks, "And is this your daughter?" For reasons still unknown and, to this day, I still question myself about, I enthusiastically responded, "I wish!"
After one floor of dead silence, I mumbled, "I don't think that came out right..." and the gentleman just mumbled, "Yeah, mm-hmm" and promptly got off on the next floor.
3/30. One day I'm walking and I see there is a squirrel like a foot from me. I whisper, "I'm so close to you," smiling at it, and a lady I had not previously noticed turned around and gave me the most upset and scared look while she got the heck away from me.
4/30. Male, and I normally wear boxer underwear. But as it happened, one night out at clubs, I happened to be wearing some distinctively patterned briefs that I'd received as an Xmas gift. Standing on the sidewalk at closing I catch a glimpse of a girl in white pants, and the light is such that I can see the print on her panties. Lo and behold, it's the same as the one's I am wearing. Thinking this gives us an instant connection, I start towards her yelling, "Hey, check it out," while unzipping my pants
5/30. I was hanging out with some friends, and one couple had a crying baby. It was giving me a headache, so when it suddenly stopped crying, I mumbled in what must've been a super creepy voice, "Oh yeah, that's nice."
Everyone else got silent, so I looked up. The baby was breast feeding.
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6/30. I was at PetsMart with my girlfriend. I walked around while she shopped for "dog christmas presents" and I looked at the fish and the small animals. In one area of the store, there are cages that contain guinea pigs, some of which are fluffy with long hair and look cuddly. There was a young lady with shoulder-length blonde hair looking intently at one of the guinea pigs. My girlfriend had the exact same haircut.
I came up behind her, put my face kind of beside her head and above her shoulder and said in a whisper, "They look so soft..." (in reference to the guinea pig). At the same time I rested my hand on her hip, pretty low towards the butt area.
Of course it wasn't her, it was some college girl looking at guinea pigs.
The worst part is that I realized when I touched her that it wasn't my girlfriend and consequently let out a this shaky gasp of shock and horror directly into her ear, like I was breathing on it. She whipped around and started to say something to me but stopped and just ran out of the store when she saw who it was. I had a full beard. There was an employee like 5 feet away who saw the whole thing and did absolutely nothing.
7/30. I worked at a summer camp. There was an 11-year-old female camper who had a tank top that said "sexy" on it.
On our time off all the counsellors were hanging out and talking about inappropriate things campers would say/do. I tried to join in the conversation by saying "Did you guys see the girl with the sexy tank top?"
Just as I said that another counsellor had walked into the group and exclaimed, "What the heck is wrong with you? She's like 11.
8/30. A female friend of mine - to whom I was admittedly attracted - had been expressing her reservations about an upcoming vacation with her family. Though it wasn't being overtly presented as such, the trip was meant as a way of re-solidifying her parents' marriage, which had been a touch rocky at the time. They would all be driving from San Francisco to Redding (which is a small town in the middle of absolutely nowhere in Northern California), where they'd stay at a bed-and-breakfast inn for a weekend before continuing northward for some unknown destination.
In keeping with the alleged purpose of this so-called vacation, my friend's parents had booked two rooms at the inn. To her dismay, though, my friend discovered that her mother would be occupying one room, her father would have the other, and that she and her sister would each have to bunk with one of their parents. This was worthy of lament on its own, but it was made unforgivably worse by the verbal diarrhea that I offered in an attempt at providing comfort:
"Aw, it won't be so bad!" I told my friend. "Your father will probably enjoy sleeping with you."
A moment passed before I realized what I had said. Then, with a feeling of growing horror, I tried to explain myself. "Wait, I didn't mean it like that!" I hurriedly said. "I mean, like, he's probably sick of sleeping with your mom. No, wait, I mean... I just mean that he wants to spend some quality time with his daughter."
If I had stopped there, I might have been able to salvage the situation... but as it happened, I decided that the best course of action would be to keep talking. "I can't say that I blame him, really. I'd love to sleep with you."
She and I don't talk much these days.
9/30. Right in the middle of sex and while trying to talk dirty I said, "I can feel your woooomb."
We were both creeped out, stopped for a minute to laugh, and continued.
10/30. During an impromptu speech, I meant to say, "Even though I can't shoot hoops with the kids anymore, it's still a part of me."
I, accidentally, said:
"Even though I can't shoot kids anymore, it's still a part of me."
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11/30. Picking up a chair I bought on Craigslist from a single, attractive woman. She expressed concern that it might not fit in my car. I said, "No problem, I can throw it in the trunk. I have some rope just in case I need to kidnap someone." She was clearly frightened.
12/30. I suddenly yelled, "You all are making me hard!" to a class of high school students when I was a student teacher.
What I had actually meant to say is something like, "You all are making this hard to do."
Yeah...I didn't really live that one down. Every time I asked certain students to do something they would say "Ok, Mr. FeelAsleepOnKeyboard, I certainly wouldn't want to make you hard again."
13/30. This happened way back when I was about 14. I went to the movies with a couple friends, and this cute girl about my age came up and said,"If I give you a hug, will you give me a quarter?" pointing to the gumball/tiny toy machines.
I reach in my pocket and realize all I have is a $5 bill, so I say, "What do I get for $5?"
Yeah, did NOT think that one through. First time I ever got slapped by a girl
14/30. Very nice grocery store cashier told me she hoped I have a wonderful day. I have no idea what possessed me to respond with a friendly, "Thank you, I hope you never die." She was probably scared to walk to her car that night.
15/30. Was at the university, and some girls were out in the grass in bikinis trying to get a tan. My friend says, "Damn, those girls look great."
I look over, and think they really aren't to my tastes. Just down the street were some people passing out hotdogs for student elections. I get sidetracked and say, "They'd probably taste great with some mustard."
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16/30. There's a gas station behind the restaurant I work at. So, one day, whilst on break, I walked over and bought a bunch of snacky items and a couple scratch offs.
On my way out, a girl bumps into me, and I dropped my items. She's wearing nothing but a sports bra and running shorts, she's also covered in sweat. I'm assuming she just finished jogging.
She's apologizing profusely, and I don't want her to feel bad, so I just say, "Hey, don't worry, it happens all the time."
"Sweaty girls bump into you all the time?" she asks.
Without thinking, I say "Oh god, I wish."
She turned red, apologized, and left.
17/30. One of my friends was speaking with a young hostess at work about how cold their basements were. He had just put in a space heater and was calling it his man-cave as he was explaining his new set up. He then proceeded to ask the girl how her "woman cave" was, if it was warm and moist like his is.
Needless to say, they won't make eye contact anymore.
18/30. The 3DS has a feature where it recognizes other 3DS consoles in the area and you can then see the other person's Mii. The more people you meet the more access you get to mini-games.
I often carry it with me to work and once told my wife that I was "picking up kids."
I actually meant that I was picking up their signal from their 3DS.
19/30. I bartend on the weekends at a major chain restaurant. The POS stations (the computers where we plug all the orders in) won't allow credit card tips over 30% without manager approval. They need to swipe a card to make it work. So it was the end of the night, just me and my manager behind the bar, and I say to him, "Can you help me put this tip in it's too big to enter."
20/30. I was moving into a new apartment and had my door open because I was loading stuff in.
The new neighbor came out into the hall and we passed each other. She was young and female.
She looks inside my apartment through the open door and jokes, "I'm not worried about you being a rapist, because a rapist wouldn't have a bed like that."
What I should have said, was nothing.
What I did say is "You'd be surprised".
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21/30. I once told a colleague that he had something in his teeth, he said he didn't care and what I wanted to say was, "I wish I had the balls to do that" and what came out was..."I want your testicles."
Got away lightly with a weird look for that one.
22/30. Was driving back from a first date with a girl. It went poorly. I was even more shy, nervous, and awkward back then. We're driving through an area with lots of plains, not a car in sight for miles. Gas is starting to run low and I decide we should head for a gas station.
And then I blurted out, "Man, we could both die out here and nobody would ever find our bodies."
She looked horrified for a few seconds. I then realized, "Oh man...we should find a gas station" was something I didn't say out loud before that; I just thought it in my mind. I stumbled towards explaining what I actually meant by that morbid comment. Needless to say, the rest of the trip was kinda quiet and weird.
23/30. I was working for my college campus TV station and determined to prove myself. Bill Clinton was coming to campus for Hillary's presidential campaign (2008) and I was going to find a story if it killed me. Everything that went wrong could. On the day of the rally I overslept, so no time for a shower and a shave. When I got to the campus tech center all the cameras were rented out already, so I had to run home to grab my crappy old personal Handi-cam that had seen better days. Ran back over to the site, realize I forgot my press pass but just kept walking into the crowd out of sheer momentum.
I was looking to find anything and then I heard them: "Go Hillary girl power yayyy!" A few rows behind me are three girls with a handmade glittery sign for Hillary. I think it's perfect and in my excitement I walk up to the girls, camera out, not even introducing myself, and say leaning in close "Hey girls, you make that sign yourself?"
Then their mother grabbed my arm and asked, "What are you doing?"
And then I had an out of body experience, realizing I was a smelly, unshaven, disheveled dude with no press credentials and what looked like my personal jerk off cam. I ran away pretty quick.
24/30. I used to work at the UPS store and male customer came in and without even thinking I said, "Wow you have a huge package!" It was awkward to say the least.
25/30. I was at a Halloween party at a friend's house and there was a girl there named Turquoise. The next day, I was trying to remember her name and so I asked my friend, "Hey, what was that colored girl's name again?" I am white, my friend is Black. He almost punched me in the face until he realized what I was getting at.
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26/30. I worked at a cafe/bistro in Kona, Hawaii as a dishwasher when I was an awkward 19-year-old. When it was slow, they would send the servers home and I'd walk orders out to tables.
One day this lady was breastfeeding her kid in full view at her table and of course I was the only one available to take her drink out to her, so I take her coffee out to her and try like hell to avoid eye contact. I end up spilling a small carafe of milk at her table. SUPER! So, I had to come back out to clean up the milk mess and be more awkward and I was trying to make small talk, so this came out of my mouth: "I can't believe how much milk those li'l things can hold!"
Yeah, I actually said that. Her jaw dropped and I just walked back inside and sat in the employee bathroom on the toilet for like half an hour with a really, really hot face just replaying the moment over and over in my head. My face still gets hot with embarrassment just thinking about it.
27/30. I'm a preschool teacher. As I was leading my class down to the indoor playroom a couple weeks ago a child asked where we were going. I said, "To the climber! It's nice to spread our legs!" which didn't seem quite right to me, though I couldn't figure out why.
I also noticed another teacher giving me a weird look.
Later, I realized I meant to say "stretch our legs" and felt pretty embarrassed and creepy for the rest of the day.
28/30. I attended a Pixar masterclass in Chicago in 2012. It was a two day lecture series held by Mathew Luhn (Story Artist) and Andrew Gordon (Animator). As an animation student at the time, I could barely contain my excitement through both lectures. These guys created the films and stories that lead me to dedicate my life to animation. I swear I only used the edge of my seat for the 16 or so hours that they were presenting. I learned a lot and enjoyed every minute of it.
After the masterclass concluded, they were kind enough to hang around and sign our workbooks. In true awesome animator style, they didn't just put their names in our books but would also draw characters from the movies that they were involved with. I was excited to just shake the hands of these men and tell them thank you for not just the class but also the career and life inspiration. I waited in line patiently. I could see them drawing Mike Wasowskis and Buzz Lightyears on peoples' books and was trying to figure out what I would ask for. My turn finally approaches and I walk up to Mathew Luhn, shake his hand and ramble about appreciation, hand him my book and he says, "What can I give you today?"
I look him straight in the eye and say, "I was hoping you could give me a Woody."
29/30. I was at brunch in the cafeteria at my college sitting with a group of friends. I got a cup of coffee, which I usually took black, except for the one at that cafeteria, because it was so terrible that you needed to add something to make it drinkable. I sat down I tried to pour a little bit of creamer, but ended up overdoing it and it spilled onto my lap. That's when I loudly said, "Shoot, I just creamed my pants!" My friends all looked at me for a second and then laughed when they realized what had happened.
30/30. I was driving once in pretty industrial city and I see two ducks, a male and a female clearly lost waddling around no where near any water. I pulled up to the corner, rolled down the window and said, "You guys need a ride?"
Both ducks looked at me and I drove off laughing maniacally. I was the only one in the car. It took a few days to realize how weird that was.
Fame always come with a price!
Fame is a tricky, tricky mistress. It can be intoxicating and make you crave it; until it ruins you or until it does you right. And thanks to cable television and the internet anyone can be famous for literally anything and nothing all at once. Who knew being a "Meme" could garner you a fan club? What does one do with that sort of fame.
Redditor u/AnswersOddQuestions wanted to hear from those who are part of Meme fame by asking.... People who have had their pictures end up as memes. How has it affected your life?
I wanna be Memed!