Mortified People Share The Worst Thing They Accidentally Said To Someone.

Have you ever said something out loud that sounded *much* better in your head? Did it make you feel like you wanted to crawl into a hole, never to show your face again? Here, 29 mortified people share the worst thing they accidentally said to someone.

I'll just...show myself out.


1/29. When I was a child, my friends mom passed away. He loved Batman so I said, you're only one parent away from being like Batman.

blinkooo

2/29. Once my wife asked, "Do you want a Twinkie?"

My response was, "Hell no. I just ate."

She cried and went back upstairs. It turns out what she actually said was, "Do you want a quickie."

ryanakata

3/29. My sister had just been dumped by her fiance. She was devastated. We were at Denny's, where they use to eat a lot, and we were thinking about what to order. She said "You know what Bryan used to love?" meaning something he always ate there. Without skipping a beat I said, "You?"

She cried.

CaptMurphy

4/29. My friend is holding his infant daughter.

In my head: "She's so lucky to be born in our modern world, medicine is advancing so fast she may well see the cure to old age, practical immortality."

Out of my mouth: "I wonder how long she'll live?"

Nobody's ever given me a dirtier look.

OtherLutris

5/29. "I've got the herps."

I said this to entire group of high school students from my church.

What I MEANT was, "I have a combination of the hiccups and burps." Which I had previously, to my own amusement called "hurps."

Cranthony

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6/29. Server here. Woman asked me what I recommended. I said, "Middle-aged women usually like the salads."

I dont even know what the heck is wrong with me.

[deleted]

7/29. I was at a dentist appointment and the doctor and hygienist were both trying to look at my teeth and I said, "I can only handle one person in my mouth at a time."

tomatostew

8/29. My dad, mom and I were at a funeral for an older lady we'd known for years (I was probably about thirteen). Her son, who my parents had never met, was in the receiving line.

When we got to him, my mom is talking about his mother and how much everyone loved her, etc. When we're getting ready to walk away, my mother smiles at this guy, a little misty eyed, and says, "We just loved her to death."

Fortunately (or unfortunately, depending on your perspective) for her, this guy was a genius because, without skipping a beat, he deadpans it and says, "So, you're the reason for all this."

I swear my dad and I laughed the entire way home.

Tardis_tits

9/29. I was a server waiting on a Black family (I'm white). We had a great rapport. Then the son said something to which I responded, "Well that's the pot calling the kettle *slight pause* hot."

They stared at me for a beat then started laughing hysterically.

BlackGold09

10/29. "You look pretty today."

Apparently what I really said was, "You look ugly every day except for today"

I don't understand women.

M_Brambo

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11/29. It was raining. A classmate had forgotten her umbrella and was talking about how soaked she was.

My genius quip: "Oh don't act like this is the first time you've ever been wet around me."

It may have only been a few seconds, but the silence and staring at me that followed is burned in my mind forever.

Hardtopickaname

12/29. This wasn't me, but my brother in law, who is Indian, told one of my sisters that she looked very fat in her bridesmaid dress. To him it was a compliment, he was trying to say that the dress fit her well. To her it was the most insulting thing anyone could ever say.

SnowyG

13/29. I told my ex-wife that she looked like Meat Loaf. It was the hair. She had just shaken her head, and her hair was glowing sort of shimmery-like.

Clearly, I am a moron, but in my defense, we were both drunk as hell. She cried really hard.

Hrhomer

14/29. Ive performed a lot of carpal tunnel surgeries, so when talking to my pre-op nurses, I informed them that most of the jobs that I have had were "hand jobs." It made so much sense in my head.

heOriginalChode

15/29. When I was around 10, I asked a girl if she was recovering from the chickenpox. She wasn't. It was just acne.

Fruityloopies

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16/29. On our second date: "I'm proud of my ability to talk people into things. One day, I'll talk you into something and you will be so ashamed."

I scared her away.

Poop_sauce

17/29. Told my wife, "I didn't marry you for your looks" when attempting to compliment her intelligence.

Phatlad

18/29. My girlfriend and I had a chance to move out of the country for my work and the company would pay extra if we were married. I suggested that we quick hit the courthouse and do a legal wedding. Followed it up with, "It's not like we would really be married." Big mistake

mouippai

19/29. First week working at a jewelry store. I'd been told by the manager to listen to how other associates interacted with the customers and then come up with my own ice breakers to try and get the customers interacting with the jewelry (a customer is more likely to buy if they hold the jewelry or try it on).

One night two older ladies come up to the front counter.....

Me: "Hi, how are you tonight?"

"We're good, just looking."

"Ok, let me know if there's anything I can pull out for you to fondle."

TheSuperSucker

20/29. I was in a Computer Science class and we were converting binary to decimal and vice-versa. I asked the teache,r "Can you do 69?" referring to converting 69 from decimal to binary.

He and the rest of the class howled after he responded with, "Yes I can".

Protater

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21/29. Girl told me she planned on becoming a personal trainer. I say, "Don't you have to be fit to be a personal trainer?"

IAmTheBaneFish

22/29. I was driving home from dinner with my brand new fianc and we were talking about our lives, who does what jobs around the house etc and I said: "My life would be exactly the same whether you were in it or not."

He was very upset. I meant it in the context of housework/ cooking/ cleaning, because I do everything myself. He did not take it that way.

Squashedfrog462

23/29. I was at the movies years ago with my then boyfriend, now husband. When we were buying the tickets, she asked if I was a student (students get discounts).

In my head, "I go to the School of Hard Knocks" sounded amazing. It sounded like a rebellious guitar riff. It sounded like unicorns. It sounded like eagles screaming. Like I would pull down my shades and saunter away.

OUT LOUD? Nah. Groans. Face palms. Deep burning shame.

Ughhh.

21skulls

24/29. I was in art class and my teacher only had half of her right arm (until her elbow).

She was carrying some equipment and without thinking I said, "Do you need a hand?"

The whole class gave me a horrible look and I realized what I had just said. The funniest part was her response.

She looked at her hand and said, "Well, I need half."

nickybu

25/29. I was in boot camp (Navy) and we did these things called stealth jumping jacks. All eighty of us had to do them in two lines, only clapping on the fifth repetition.

After two hours doing these things, starting all over with five more being added every time someone messed up, I got put in charge of getting our timing down.

I had everyone freeze with their legs open and hands up, then went around behind one of the lines of recruits. I said in my loudest voice, "Everyone look between your legs. If you can see me there, you're doing it right."

We laughed so hard that the chief came in and exercised us all night.

CompMolNeuro

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26/29. I packed my carry on bag really full for a flight to California and when my bag was pulled for additional search I said to the TSA officer,"Careful when you open that, it might explode."

loreola

27/29. Touching girl's face with my hand: "I'd think you were pretty if I was blind."

LaCuevaMan

28/29. My girlfriend was working from home, and not getting a lot of work done. I was trying to get her to have sex, and the way that I pleaded was, "Come on, aren't you excited to get paid to have sex?"

travvo

29/29. "You look even better with your clothes on."

Not at all what I meant. I meant that she looked beautiful no matter her level of undress. Nerves and speaking before my brain worked out the words made for an awkward moment.

As if being nude in front of somebody for the first time isn't nerve wracking enough, I had to blurt that out.

DoubleLiveGonzo

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Fame always come with a price!

Fame is a tricky, tricky mistress. It can be intoxicating and make you crave it; until it ruins you or until it does you right. And thanks to cable television and the internet anyone can be famous for literally anything and nothing all at once. Who knew being a "Meme" could garner you a fan club? What does one do with that sort of fame.

Redditor u/AnswersOddQuestions wanted to hear from those who are part of Meme fame by asking.... People who have had their pictures end up as memes. How has it affected your life?

I wanna be Memed!

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