Mortified People Share Their Worst 'This Isn't What It Looks Like!' Moments.

Have you ever been caught doing something that, out of context, seemed totally suspicious? Here, mortified people share their worst "this isn't what it looks like!" moments.

1/25. I was a swim coach for teenage high school girls when I was in my mid twenties. The job often required getting in the pool, demonstrating swim strokes, etc.

I was at the mall, and I saw one of my students walking towards me with her parents. I said hello to her twice before she noticed me, and once she realized who I was she said, "Oh hey [my name], I didn't recognize you with all of your clothes on!"


2/25. I was masturbating with a blanket covering my body, when my cat came up and sat on my chest. My brother walked in and saw. I hope he doesn't think I was jerking it to the cat.


3/25. A few years ago, I (22-year-old male) took my 4-year-old nephew for a walk to a park near my house. After a few minutes of running around, he tells me he needs to pee. Since we had just gotten there and I didn't want to walk back already, I told him we could find a place for him to pee outside. I guess my sister had never done this with him before, and I'll never forget the look of pure excitement on his face when I told him he was allowed to pee outside.

We walk to the end of the park so we're not around too many people, and I tell him he can pee behind this bush in front of us. Now he is having trouble getting his pants unbuttoned, so I go behind the bush and proceed to help him get his pants pulled down.

Well right as I was doing this, some little kid, probably about 10, had thrown his football right near this bush where my nephew was peeing, and when he ran over to get it, he saw me bending over and struggling to pull a four years olds pants off behind a bush.

He runs away screaming to his mom about a creepy guy touching some little boy behind the bush, and I just made my nephew hurry up and we got the hell outta there before there was any confrontation. It still makes me laugh to think about.


4/25. One time I was helping out my girlfriend in her office at the Microsoft building where we both worked. While she typed away, I was under her desk (one of those table things with no sides), fumbling with Ethernet cables.

A gaggle of office gossips came in to talk to my gf, and from the conversation, I realized they had no idea I was under there. Eventually one of them saw me, and I emerged, and they were all...unduly delighted. And thus was the myth of my office cunnilingus born.


5/25. Years ago, my good friend landed his first girlfriend and was pretty psyched about it. He was also hanging on to dear life with this girl and would rarely bring her around the rest of his friends. This kinda annoyed us and so we purposefully tried to embarrass him one time.

His family never locked the house so it was natural for any of his friends to let ourselves in. He would come home and one of us would be there, watching TV or something. No knock policy. We took advantage of this while he was out with his girlfriend one night and also while his parents were out of town.

We let ourselves in, went to the basement and dug up old Halloween costumes they had over the years. An astronaut costume, a crayon, a caveman, a donkey, and a Hulk Hogan costume. Then we hid around the room and waited until he got home.

Eventually we hear the door open and everyone is tickled to death that he's going to come downstairs and see all of us in these ridiculous costumes. The door to the room opens and we hear footsteps coming downstairs. The lights turn on and

It's his grandparents.

They were checking on the house, just making sure nothing was left on while the parents were on vacation and they saw all of us standing there in these costumes. It was awkward for a good 10 seconds until someone tried to explain we were pranking their grandson before he got home.


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6/25. This guy I started seeing came into my bar to hang out with me while I worked and we ended up leaving for about twenty minutes to grab some food down the street. It was a super hot day, so we were both already sweaty and I was sun burnt from the previous day.

He playfully roughed up my hair while we were walking, but I didn't realize how much. So we get back and the only customers at the bar were my regulars and they're all just giving me like "way to go!" looks after he left and kept dropping sly remarks. It wasn't until I looked in the mirror and saw how disheveled I looked that I realized they thought we were out in my car having sex. I ran out mortified and they still don't let me live it down to this day.


7/25. Every time a sex scene comes on in a movie. Someone always barges into my room.


8/25. Many years ago I had just transferred to a new college in town and started a new semester. There was this hot guy in my class that I had my eye on but I hadn't worked up the nerve to talk to him yet. One weekend my gay male friend convinced me to go to church with him and since he and I both loved kids but didn't have any of our own, we thought it would be fun to "borrow" a friend's newborn baby girl and dress her up and take her to church.

Of course while I am at church with a straight acting gay male and a tiny newborn baby, totally looking like a little family, I look across the way and see the hot guy from my class! He gave me a little smile and I just wanted to scream "He's gay and she's not mine! I'm totally available!" Needless to say I did not hook up with the hot guy from class.


9/25. A few years ago I was at a friends BBQ with about 20 adults and 8 kids. My daughter was there along with three other girls all around her age (8). They were all sharing a bedroom and about to go to sleep and they asked me for a bedtime story.

Not being able to think of one I told them how the solar system was formed using different balls in the room. Once I had done my Astronomy 101 they started asking all types of questions on all different topics. They said I was great because I explained everything well and their parents didn't.

Then one girl asked about sex. I quickly replied that they need to talk with their parents about that, but they didn't stop. Four 8-year-old girls started chanting SEX, SEX, SEX at me, quite scarily. I said I couldn't answer that and said goodnight.

I went back out to the party grabbed a beer and forgot about my embarrassing situation. I'm there talking to a couple of friends when I hear the chant again, getting louder and louder.

They continue chanting SEX, SEX, SEX as they run up to me, grab my hands trying to pull me inside. Crap, this doesn't look good. Three sets of parents run up and grab their kids and take them off to different corners of the yard asking them what's going on.

Luckily they were all level headed and we had a laugh about it, but I was sure I was about to go onto some sort of list. On the bright side, I haven't been asked to babysit since.


10/25. Living in military dorms, I had two male friends over for dinner. We hung out in my room and left the door open, for our safety. Well, we got to wrestling and they both tickled me mercilessly. One of the guys grabbed some duck tape and threatened to tape me. Cue my roommate walking in. Awkward.


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11/25. I was working on an essay in high school. It was literally the last thing I had to do before graduating, and at the time, I didn't have a printer at my house. So, I just typed it up at my friend's house so I could print it off there. My friend (a junior) thought it would be funny to randomly interrupt me by doing pelvic thrusts in my face (we're both dudes).

I was spending pretty much all day typing up this essay with this guy randomly interrupting my zone in the most annoying way possible. So the first thing I do after I finish the essay is walk into the room he is in playing video games. He was, at this point, on a hard level, so I stand straight in front of him for a double point comeback, both blocking his view of the T.V. and pelvic thrusting. Right then his mom came in to ask us what we wanted for dinner. She drops what she was holding, puts her hands on her cheeks and says, "BOYS NO! THAT'S VULGAR!" in the most 1950's mom voice possible.


12/25. I was looking at a thrift store when I was a teenager and went into the little boy's section (Im a girl) to check out their t-shirts. There were tons with goofy sayings and I exclaimed, "I LOVE little boys!" to which a mother pulled her young son away from me.


13/25. I was trying to crawl over a friend to get up from the couch to use the restroom. A male friend, I may add (I am female). This is at the time as a teenager when your parents have zero trust for you being in the same room as someone of the opposite sex.


They sent my little brother to check on me and my friends, to make sure we weren't having an orgy apparently. He comes into the room just as Im attempting to crawl over my friend and fall, straddling his lap. My brother's eyes get huge and he runs upstairs screaming, "Moooooooooooooommmm!!!!!!!!

Of course, I stumble awkwardly over my friend, knee him in the junk, and run upstairs after my brother saying, "No! no! it's not what it looked like!!" And of course, saying that just sounds incriminating. My mom stormed downstairs and kicked all of my friends out, threatening to call all of their parents. Every person in the room testified that it wasn't anything improper going on, it was just a misunderstanding. They still had to go home and I couldnt have friends over for a month after that.


14/25. Once upon a time two years ago, during my senior year of high school, I was preparing for my favorite teacher's birthday by buying her a card while stopping at CVS. Since we'd been close throughout the year, I decided opted for a "Happy Birthday Mom" card, to make her feel extra beloved on her special day.

As I'd already trekked across the store to get the card, I began racking my brain for household supplies I was low on. "Oh, [ex's name] is sleeping over this weekend; I'd better get us some condoms!" Being the thoughtful boyfriend I was, I picked up a massive 36 pleasure pack, then made my way to the register, thoughts of my weekend's activities fresh in my head.

I did not realize the mistake I'd made until the mid-20s woman at the register let out a groan of disgust while she bagged my "happy birthday mom" card and 36-pack of Durex pleasure condoms.


15/25. When I was probably in 8th or 9th grade I was a really big Detroit Pistons fan. I would read online blogs about them a lot. There was one that was called "" but once I accidentally typed in "". And like you might expect it was a gay porn site. Few weeks later, mom is checking the history and finds this and asks me about it. Super awkward


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16/25. For those of you that don't know what Visual Novels are, they are basically a cross between a video game and a comic book and usually are made by Japanese developers. VNs can often time contain pornographic content that may or may not be switched off in the menu.

Anyways, I have a friend that was playing a VN called Utawarerumono without knowing that there was porn scenes in it. This particular game was also a strategy game and he didn't bother also downloading the English patch for it as well.

So while he was burning through the game and ignoring all of the text he couldn't read anyways, he thought that it simply was just your run-of-the-mill Turn Based Strategy game. Apparently his sister came down to talk while he was playing and he had just gotten to one of those parts of the game and all he could say was "I swear to god, I didn't know."


17/25. I gave blood yesterday and they "lost" the vein when it apparently did a weird twinge and rolled after they stuck it. They tried to find the vein again, but after stabbing my arm muscles a few times and causing considerable bruising, they gave up.

When I picked up a friends girlfriend today who used to do heroin, she looked at my arm, looked me in the face with a furrowed brow, and asked very plainly, "... did you miss?"

It took me a minute to realize that she assumed I was a heroin junkie.


18/25. I work from home and have an office beside my downstairs bathroom. My in-laws were staying for about a week at the time. One morning I had an early morning meeting and so I skipped my shower and planned to shower after my meeting. So instead of getting dressed I took my clothes down to my office and wore my bath robe to the meeting.

When I was done I took my shower and realized my clothes were still in my office. So I went in to my office, sat at my desk, and started dressing. I had my shirt and socks etc. on and was just putting my pants on when my boss sent me an instant message.

So I immediately responded and my father-in-law walked in just in time to see me behind my desk with my pants around my ankles. He tried to act nonchalant and went about his business. If I tried to explain it would have sounded made up so I didn't try. We both just went about our business.


19/25. Getting walked in on while setting up a wank session- the webpage up was the Icelandic penis museum, a random wiki link (homepage is wiki random).

Mum walks in on me with a raging bone applying lube. Switched pornhub tab over to Icelandic penis museum tab. Had to switch it back and hang my head, and myself.


20/25. I was Skyping my friend and her dad when I was in high school and they had been outside in their pool all day. My friend had to leave the room to go do something, and bout that time my own dad walks into my room to see me skyping a shirtless middle-aged man.

"Dad this isn't what it looks like."


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21/25. I used to deliver food at a Chinese restaurant while I was in college. I was also fond of drinking large amounts of alcohol as were all of my friends. Pretty much every time I would roll into work hungover possibly wearing the clothes from the night before if I didn't have time for a shower.

This is what happened on the day in question.

I arrive at work and go back into the kitchen to check to see if there were any orders. After coming back into the dining area a waitress shows me a sock and asks me if it was mine. I said no because I was wearing both of my socks... She said that she saw it fall out of my pants and then started speaking Mandarin to the other wait staff and laughing.

They thought I was stuffing my junk to make it look bigger when in reality I was just wearing the jeans from the night before that one sock got stuck in. That's what I get for being hungover.


22/25. For a couple of days this lady had been bringing her dog to our yard to poop, so the next time she came by my mom had me tail her. The overall plan was to find out where she lived so we could take her dogs crap and light it on fire on her porch.

When she figured out I was tailing her I backed off and headed home. When I got home I walked in the door and yelled, "I'm back from stalking that lady!"

On the other side of the house I saw some of my dad's friends and immediately thought about what I just said and yelled, "Ok there is context to this!"


23/25. Alright so my friend (male) and myself (female) had a hide and seek game planned out for all our friends. We were going to give people items to find so we went to the dollar store to get some items. One of our friends was scared of condoms so we thought lol lets get some.

So we head to the check out with a box of condoms, granny panties, children's toys, rope and a plastic flamingo.

We got the weirdest look from the cashier.


24/25. A few years ago my friend fell down concrete stairs coming out of a bar and broke her foot, got a black eye and a big gash on her cheek, I took her to the hospital, and not thinking about it at all I responded to them asking how it happened with "she fell down some stairs" the look I got for the rest of the hospital stay were absolutely horrible.


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25/25. When I was in secondary school, at the age of around 11, I used to engage in some pretty depraved tomfoolery in the playground. The bottom of the school's garden had a public footpath running along it, one which was rather popular with dog walkers - consequently, one could often find a lot of dog poo peppered throughout the path and surrounding grass.

One of the games we played was aptly named Poo On A Stick, of which the rules were as follows: somebody would find a branch, spear it onto a piece of dog poo and then proceed to chase the rest of the players until successfully launching it at them.

The person hit would then be tasked with holding the stick and the game would resume until the bell rang or until we tired. There was no real way of winning, for the game just entailed chasing one another with a piece of poo on a stick, but that's the result of a game designed by a group of 11-year-olds.

Anyway, on one summer's day, as we were playing this game - a chap by the name of Henry decided to join us uninvited. He was from the year above and had the reputation of a rapscallion. He wielded the stick high and proud before chasing my friend Gumble into a corner and smearing the poo all along his shirt and trousers. Henry clearly had no respect for the rules of the game or the passion of the sport, for he had wantonly broken a number of sub-laws (namely, no smearing), and saw the game more as an opportunity to attack people with poo - rather than an exercise in peer building and frittering away the hour of lunch, which is what it was.

Horrified by what had happened to Gumble and eager to avoid the same fate, I darted inside the school and sat in my classroom. I watched the game continue behind the safety of a window, Henry still gleefully chasing my terrified peers with a poo-impaled stick. I then accompanied Gumble to the bathroom to help him clean-up, where he promptly broke down in tears after realizing the extent to which his clothes were covered in poo. I made him take off his shirt and trousers, leaving him standing in just his y-fronts. As I began to clean his clothes, our headmaster - Mr. Barker - walked in to find what he thought to be me rubbing poo into Gumble's clothes as he stood wailing, near-naked.

Gumble, of course, explained what had really happened. Henry was made to apologize and given a month's worth of lunchtime detentions. But Poo On A Stick was sadly banned, too.



Have you ever found yourself in an argument so stupid and/or pointless that you were sure you were being punked? Like you keep looking away from the other person to check your surroundings for places Ashton Kutcher and a camera crew could come popping out of?

You're not the only one.

u/Anti-hollowkid asked: What is the dumbest argument you've ever been in?

Brace yourselves, folks. Some of these arguments are breathtakingly bonkers. The sheer number of people who are willing to argue with someone over provable facts and what that other person likes or doesn't like is just ... stunning. It's stunning, you guys. Just not in a good way.

I Know What I Like


My wife and I once argued over whether or not I liked mustard on my hot dog. I was for me liking mustard, she was against me liking mustard.

The argument lasted way longer that you could ever imagine it would.

- AardvarkAndy

A Stair Step

My brother and I argued if our staircase had 13 or 14 steps, based on an argument about if the floor of the second floor counts as a stair-step or not. We still have no solution.

- RazerWolf04

My dad is a stairbuilder and I spent many summers working at his warehouse, so I can clear this up. 14.

- Apples9308


My husband and I have this thing where we only say "I love you" on Saturdays. Every other day it's "I love you, but only on Saturdays." I don't know how it started, but it's been going for 11 years now.

We're both shiftworkers, so sometimes we have to stop and think what day it actually is. We had an argument recently over whether it was Saturday or not. I said it was Saturday, he said it was Friday. It was Monday.

- FormalMango


I remember when I was about 13 my parents had an hour-long shouting match that ended with them almost getting divorced. The issue? Whether or not the nation of Iraq has a coastline.

My mother arguing that Iraq had a coastline, while my stepdad argued that it did not. This was back in 2004, and they are still quite happily married to this day. That incident is something they look back on and laugh about, and both of them admit it was really a pretty stupid thing to argue over.

- dontcryformegiratina


With an ex:

"I owe you $80 for the bills of ours that you pay, and you owe me $40 for the bills of ours that I paid. Here's $40 in cash; we're even."

She did not understand this.

I literally had to go get another $40 out of the ATM, and hand the $80 to her. Then I had her hand me the $40 she owed me.

"Now how much do you have in your hand?"

She still didn't understand.

She somehow has a college degree.

- Speedly

Mini Wheats

When we were kids my brother and I got in a physical fight because he said I like mini wheats and I insisted I didn't. His argument was that I always sang the mini wheats song and I was deeply offended that he wasn't aware that it was just stuck in my head but I hated the cereal. I actually did like the cereal I'm not sure why I was arguing with him about it but I remember how genuinely angry I was.

- shicole3



I'll tell you about the only legal trouble I've ever been in, the fight that got me arrested. It started over whether we should return a box of crayons or not, and to this day I don't have any idea how it escalated to the point of the cops being called, but they were and I was the one taken in.

- CorrectionalChard

That's Unfair

My boyfriend insisted that when two people are in an argument and one makes a point so reasonable and logical the other one can't disagree with it - it's unfair. I tried, logically and reasonably, to explain several times why that is just winning the argument, proving your point thoroughly and is completely fair.

His answer was that I was being unfair.

- ShyAcorn

Pure Masochism

How the ch in masochism is pronounced. My friend caught me saying "masoKism" while he would say "masoSYism."

To be fair, he grew up speaking French, in which the ch in masochism is pronounced in "his" way. But he insisted that I was the wrong one here and that was just infuriating.

- argofire

Emailing NASA

A woman was adamant that looking at the big solar eclipse on the television was unsafe unless you were wearing glasses. She wouldn't believe us and insisted on emailing NASA to check.

- derawin07

A Non-Standard Ruler? 

I worked for a company that made signs. We had a customer ask for signs that were 7mm wide that were to go on a door. Our sign makers figured the order meant inches because 7mm is pretty small, so made them 7 inches. I got a phone call from the customer who went mad at me for making them the wrong size. So I put a reorder through for 7 mm.

Argued with the sign makers over it but they eventually agreed to do it after I shown them the order in writing. I even had the customer put her complaint in writing, reiterating the size they wanted.

7mm signs went out and a day later I get the customer on the phone literally screaming at me.

Cue the dumb argument - we ended up having an argument over how big a millimetre is, and obviously everyone in the office were laughing, but this customer just wouldn't accept it and said we must be using a non-standard ruler to measure.

Ended up being escalating to the sales department manager who refused to issue a refund. We still don't know what they actually meant.

- Lovelocke

This Unusual Vegan Argument

Was in a pub with a few friends, and some random Dude dropped an ear, and somehow figured I'm vegan. Well, people like him are the reason I usually avoid mentioning it. He came up to me and insisted on starting a discussion about veganism. He claimed that by the end of it, I would be eating meat again.

He listed some stupid arguments, I told him I was not convinced and then tried to keep on drinking beer with my friends. He followed me, and wanted me to "try to convert him to a vegan." I stupidly listed some of my reasons thinking it would make him go away. He told me he still was not convinced, so I was like whatever. Again, I really just wanted to drink beer with my friends.

That dude followed me all night and expected me to try make him vegan. Doesn't matter what I said, and all the reasons that for me are obviously good enough to be vegan. He'd be just like "No, that doesn't convince me, therefore your argument and how you life is stupid."

Didn't matter how often I told him that I honestly don't care; 5 minutes later he would come up to me again "I'm still not vegan, so veganism is stupid, all your arguments were stupid, now give me a good reason to become vegan!" At one point, I was literally yelling at him that I don't give a single flying f about what he eats and why, that it's in no way my responsibility to "turn somebody vegan" and in no way his business what I eat.

Honestly, for that dude, I would have bought a whole ham, just to shove it up his stupid annoying face.

- onlytruebertos

Monty Python

In college my roommate and I argued about a line in Monty Python & the Holy Grail. The scene with the Black Knight where the line "Alright, we'll call it a draw" is uttered. We argued about who said that line, whether it was King Arthur or the Black Knight.

It went on for hours longer than it should have because I was stubborn and refused to admit I was wrong.

- Skrivus

Albert or Arnold


Whether Albert Einstein or Arnold Schwarzenegger would be more useful to have around during a Zombie apocalypse. How on earth would Albert Einstein come in handy!?

- Gerrard1995

Below Sea Level

I live on an island and when you go upland and you look out the sea looks like it's higher than or on the same level as the land. It's just a weird perspective thing because of the horizon. One day some kid says that it's because the island is under sea level.

I'm like wtf bro all of us would be with the fishes. He argues that no that's not true and if I just go upland I'll see. We then spend a good 5 minutes of my time arguing about it until I decided to leave this kid in his stupidity. He even said we shouldn't believe everything adults tell us and sometimes we need to think for ourselves.

This kid was older than me and was going to a good school. Lost my respect for him ever since then.

- -justforclout-


Someone tried to fight with me over how to spell my name.

Now, my name is in a lot of languages with slightly different spellings. I would have accepted any of those spellings, but this one was just... Not even close. It didn't make any logical sense.

An analogous example is if my name was Thomas and someone was insisting it was spelled Tomash. And not just the name Thomas in general, but that me specifically, on my birth certificate, was named Tomash. I know how to spell my own name.

I swear to god, it went on for like an hour.

- TK-DuVeraun

Whales Are Mammals

I was in an online chat room one day, and we were talking about whales. I commented on how whales are mammals and the next thing you know, someone was arguing with me and trying to convince me that a whale was a fish.

- kawaii_psycho451


Stupid microwaves. Having a man child talk down to me about how microwaves work only for him to google it and prove me right. He slept on the sofa that night.

- sun_phobic

Shower Schedule

My friend keeps telling me that the norm is that a person should shower once a week. This has been going on for years. I'm almost convinced he's trolling me.

- LibrarianGovernment

No Balloons For Grandma

My cousin and I argued over a balloon going to Heaven. We were at his big sisters prom send off and he let a balloon go and it went high into the sky.

He then said this balloon will go up past space and go to Heaven and reach grandma (God rest her soul). And I was like no it's not and it's probably not even gonna reach space. Releasing balloons is terrible for the environment and kills/harms so much wildlife.

He got really mad and defensive and started telling me to google it and do my research and I'm like I don't have to google it you idiot. He was mad at me for a good week.

- Dskee02

Spontaneous Dolphin Existence


How dolphins reproduced. It took me a few solid minutes of explaining to her that dolphins have reproductive organs and that they did not just pop into existence. The argument began with her saying she wanted to work with sea creatures.

Personally, I hope she was messing with me cause I lost a little faith in humanity that day.

- thebeststory

Male Chickens

I repeatedly had the argument with a friend over whether roosters were chickens. She was convinced that only the females were chickens (hens). We were 18 at the time.

- bee_zah

Lightning McQueen

Me and my friend were drinking underage, we ended up in an argument of whether lightning McQueen's eyes were blue or green. Somehow throughout the whole thing both of us never thought to straight up google a picture.

- 23071115

But ... Ice Floats

Waiter/Host here.

Woman wanted ice on the bottom of her drink.

Now read that sentence again and try to imagine arguing with that particular brand of stupid.

- FarWoods

Time Zones Exist

Coworker claimed that it was the same time of day and the same season on the whole globe. Had to get 4 coworkers to confirm to him that time zones do in fact exist.

- JustARegularToaster


My brother is colorblind. And he CONSTANTLY tries to correct me on what color things are.

"Hey could you hand me that red _____?"

"that's orange"

"no, it's red"



It is the base of our most common and heated arguments.

- droneb2hive

Andre 2000?


I'm late, but I saw this question and instantly remembered that I was booted from a Facebook group because I called someone out on a lie that was not only bull, but extremely pointless. She was friends with the moderator and they made the case that my argument over such a little lie was more of a problem than the lie itself (though they didn't refer to it as a lie.)

The woman said that she used to babysit for Andre 3000 and that his name was Andre 2000 - but he changed it after the year 2000 had passed. This was so easily disproven it was ridiculous. Their debut album came out in 1994 and he was already going by Andre 3000 at that time.

The argument wasn't a huge long drawn out thing, but the fact that either of us were on Facebook at separate times meant that the responses were over a long period of time so this argument lasted a few days.

It was stupid.

- P1ST0L_Wh1PP3D

Stars Like Our Sun

I was arguing with my grandpa about stars he didn't believe that there are other stars like our sun. Basically he thought there is only the sun, the moon and the earth.


Richard Nixon

I have a degree in history. I mostly focused on nationalism. Wrote a 50 page paper on it and Richard Nixon with around 50 100 sources. Looked at micro film for hours on end. Part of the paper focused on how Nixon being chair of the house committee of Unamerican Activities was used as a powerful weapon to use against political enemies. It also inspired Joe McCarthy. Have had people tell me I was wrong and Nixon was never elected to a position besides the president and Joe McCarthy came before Nixon. I stopped trying to talk history to people.

I also know quite a bit about the history of the Balkans its amazing how many Serbs refuse to believe Tito did anything wrong.

Wrote 100 page paper on nationalism in Israel. Its frustrating to talk about because for some reason a lot of people think Palestinian firing rockets randomly into Israel is ok but if Israel retaliates the people get up in arms over a targeted air strike that kills 3 people.


Balloon to Heaven

My cousin and I argued over a balloon going to Heaven. We were at his big sisters prom send off and he let a balloon go and it went high into the sky. He then said this balloon will go up past space and go to Heaven and reach grandma (God rest her soul). And I was like no it's not and it's probably not even gonna reach space.

And he got really mad and defensive and started telling me to google it and do my research and I'm like I don't have to google it you idiot. He was mad at me for a good week.


Binder Clips

I got into an argument with a co-worker over how we were attaching two pages of a letter together: small binder clips or paper clips.

He felt that paper clips would leave a "dent" in the paper when removed, but binder clips won't. He refused to staple them together. I felt that binder clips would also leave a "dent", so we might as well just use the paper clips.

It ended with him saying: "Do what you want [me], I don't care!" and storming off.



Once got accused of faking being Jewish. Why? I have no clue. We argued over the course of a month, any time I'd bring it up and she heard about it, she'd begin going after me for "faking it".

My mother's side is ethnically Jewish. Grandparents were practicing.




3 friends and I once got into an argument about how to pronounce Nutella. It lasted for about 3-4 months. It was hilarious how serious we took it, it'd get heated but never for real serious.

I think someone even called the company that made it to check, or that may have been for the Cheetos company. We were really bored in high school.


Lingerie Boxes

Late to the party, but there it is.

I'm a manager at a small store. We're only 4 working there, so my team and I grew very close and we joke around a lot. Once during a slow shift, my employee and I had an argument because we were looking at the lingerie boxes, and I thought that two specific boxes had the same woman on it, but she was 100% positive they weren't the same person.

Looking back, I don't know why it was such a big deal to us at the time, but we even called another employee who lives across the street to come and tell us what the heck was up with that. Turns out I was right, and she was pretty salty about it. It was a great night.


Wicked Witch of the West

I almost got into an argument with an old girlfriend over Glinda the good witch from Oz. She insisted that Glinda was manipulating Dorothy to assassinate the Wicked Witch of the West and convince the Wizard to leave to create a political void she could fill.

I conceded the issue when I heard the whole premise because I thought it was too damn stupid to get worked up over.


Keep Your Hands to Yourself

Just the other day I legit got in an argument with my co-workers on why I don't like my butt being grabbed by anyone (I'm a guy). Seriously.

They went on about "I don't mind it. Mike and I do it all the time and we don't care." Yeah, that's nice dude, but I'm not you, and there's something called "Keep your hands to yourself" (which was taught to a good portion of us growing up). Just like how Karen wouldn't like it if I touched her boobs or her grabbing your crotch or frankly ANY area you wouldn't like being grabbed, keep away. In general, you should not be touching me in any areas after I've told you not to several times before.

So unless you're sleeping me or dating me, keep your damn hands off my toosh.



My best friend and I argued over whether or not telekinesis was possible. Her argument was that humans don't yet know what the human brain at 100% usage was capable of, and that telekinesis was inside the possibilities.

I said the brain does use 100%, just at different times.

We didn't speak to each other for four days.



How dolphins reproduced and whether or not ghost existed (back to back with the same person). It took me a few solid minutes of explaining to her that dolphins have reproductive organs and that they did not just pop into existence (the argument began with her saying she wanted to work with sea creatures).

How it shifted to the existence of ghosts is a solid and reasonable question to ask (I don't remember why). I had to then proceed to tell her that ghost hunting TV shows do not constitute as undeniable evidence.

Personally, I hope she was messing with me cause I lost a little faith in humanity that day. This was in high school SO... hopefully she was kidding.


Dogs and Chocolate


I told this stupid woman that chocolate is toxic to dogs. She went on to tell me how a little bit will just make them hyper and then they will calm down. I told her to google it. Her and her bf shut right up. Now they have a kid. Good luck, Jeremy and Andrea. morons.

I should also add that this argument started because Jeremy was giving his tiny dog chocolate and I told him it was toxic.


Is water wet?

My roommate and I have a recurring argument over whether or not water is wet l, and whether or not a person is considered wet underwater.

For the record, it is no to both questions.


Mission Trip

A kid a church telling me about the mission trip I went on. Not only was I not on that trip, but I had never been on any mission trip. We were good friends, so it's not like he would've mistaken someone else for me.

He insisted I was there as if an entire week long trip would just fall out of my memory. He even had stories of things we'd done together. I'm not sure if he thought I was lying, joking, stupid, or crazy, but I was pretty sure he was some combination thereof.


Dragon Tales

One time I got into a shouting match with my mom and little brother in the car. The issue? The names of the two-headed dragon from the PBS kids afternoon show Dragon Tales. I swore it was Zack and Macie.

It was actually Zak and Wheezie. I don't even remember why we were yelling about it.


Green Or Yellow?

When I was about 15 or so my mother and I spent about 20-30 minutes arguing about the color of a shirt. We agreed it was blue/green, but to me it was just a shade more blue, while to her it was just a bit more green.

Turns out, your eyeballs yellow as you age and hers were 24 years yellower than mine, so I think that skewed her color vision.


Stars In Their Multitude


I once got in an argument over whether or not a line from the song "Stars" in Les Mis says "...but mine is the way of the lord" or "mine is the way of the law".

I didn't even really care what he thought but he was so adamant and cocky that it got me heated. By the end of it we were shouting at each other and I had to apologize, which I think is what he wanted the whole time.



My brother is colorblind. And he CONSTANTLY tries to correct me on what color things are.

"Hey could you hand me that red _____?" "that's orange" "no, it's red" "orange" "YOU CANT EVEN KNOW".

It is the base of our most common and heated arguments.


Hot Water

About five years ago, my girlfriend (now wife) once had a very intense argument about whether or not hot water cleaned things better than cold water.

She genuinely believed that water temperature didn't matter. This is someone who has not one, but two masters degrees.

We argued for something like 2 hours, and we seriously almost broke up over the whole thing.


Biology Class

I had an argument with a girl IN THE MIDDLE OF A BIOLOGY CLASS in high school about how humans are not mammals. She thought a human was a human and we are not mammals because "mammals are animals and humans are not animals"

I tried explaining to her the difference between reptiles and mammals and how humans fall under the mammal category to try and educate her... but she just wouldn't listen.

I still have no idea why the BIOLOGY teacher did not get involved...


Solid Or Liquid?

Some classmates and I got into a heated debate as to whether or not the human body could count as a soup, salad, or sandwich. The teacher got mad at us, but hey! All we were doing was watching a movie.

For the record, my logic lays with soup- Liquid contained within a solid, at a hot temperature.