People Who Have Ended A Toxic Relationship With Their Mother Reveal What Mother's Day Meant To Them
Not everyone has a great relationship with their mother, unfortunately. Mothers are still human beings, and can make the same mistakes and bad choices as anyone else.
Some people who have had toxic relationships with their parents have chosen to cut ties with them to improve their own lives. Mother's Day can be especially hard for these people, but not always. Sometimes it can be a day to celebrate the changes in their lives, or the other women who have been good role models.
Reddit user u.foxjasond asked:
Nothing. It's a Sunday, which means gardening day.
I haven't talked to her in about 5 years and don't have my kids celebrate Mother's Day.
My peonies are blooming!
Today marks my freedom away from her. It has been exactly one week since my daughter and I have moved out of her household. I am still having flashbacks from the trauma and pain and have to remind myself that I did the best I could and that is was not my fault. But, realizing that I cannot help someone who refuses to help themselves, not only sacrificing myself but my daughter as well through the process was the best thing I could do for everyone. Sometimes all there is left to do is walk away.
I celebrate the women in my life who have been healthy influences for me. Grandma's, aunties, my mother in law, ect.
I'm a mother now too through foster care so that adds another layer of complications to the mix. My daughter is 13.
Its been about ten years since ive seen my mom. She rejected me for being too ugly, which she told me. She never really took care of me. I'm 29, now and all the hurt that she caused me growing up and a mother figures absence for my life has me kind of bitter.
I have no family, either. My mom told them how terrible of a kid i was and they all took her side. So today is the day that i watch other people celebrate their moms (i sell wine so we get hit Hard!) and i have to be reminded that i am momless. I'm sure it'll be easy to say "get over it, flippermode, you're 30", and for the most part, I don't think about her. But on mother's day or less so Thanksgiving or Christmas, everyone asks what I'm doing for my mom, I have to tell thr moms that i know Happy Mothers day to people who already have kids to say it to them or else I'm rude. I don't go to church because everything will be mom related, including sermon.
Sorry for being so negative. It's tough. I'm still struggling to learn things that moms should have taught their daughters in their youth. She messed me up so bad and she's out living her best life and I'm just hardly hanging on.
I really didn't need to type all of that. I'm on lunch at my job and I'm physically and mentally exhausted. 3 more hours. If you have any questions, please ask instead of assuming. Ill be happy to answer. Lol
I just cant wait for this day to be over.
Mainly a day of guilt where I force myself to text my mother Happy Mothers Day, even if I'm lying through my teeth, just so she doesn't feel utterly abandoned. Of the five children she has (myself included, also as the only daughter), I am the only one who will even bother. I wish I didn't have to, though. I don't like talking to her in any way, shape, or form, but I feel responsible for what sanity she has left. I can't stand days like today.
It makes me feel sad. I do my best and try to focus on my wife and her awesome mothering skills. But the sad little boy in me that just wanted a normal mother feels sad. My parents were shi!ty humans and worse parents, nothing will ever change that. I just have to find the good in things and not dwell on the pain.
I've been struggling because I definitely used to believe I had a good mom. But after beginning therapy and seeing that the funny little things from my childhood that I thought were just oddities were actually abuse and seeing the dynamic of other relationships, I have distanced myself.
It's doubly hard this year because I'm pregnant with my first and have been dreading how to tell my family. She's been making attempts to guilt my husband and I for about a year with texts about how much she loves and misses us.
However, she won't do anything to better our relationship, she won't even Google what good mother/daughter relationships looks like.
I know I am worth more than this.
Love is a privilege, not a right.
I do my best to remember the good times, but otherwise it's just another Sunday. It's one of those days I avoid my Facebook news wall, because I don't need to see all the unoriginal posts about mothers. "Your mom will never stop loving you....Your mom will always have your back..." etc.
I am spending the day alone with a huge bottle of wine, pizza, and ice cream. To me, this day is a day of reflection on my childhood, celebrating my first year no contact, and thinking about all the good I can do for families in the future as a social worker.
Yesterday I remembered that Mother's day is almost always a beautiful day, but as a kid I was forced to spend it with people I didn't like. Realizing I don't have to do that any more made me happy.
It's hard working in customer service, especially with irate customers. You need to be able to empathize and understand where your customers are coming from, show sympathy, and be willing to help them with their problem. However, if they come at you ranting and raving about an issue which clearly has nothing to do with you, well, then you're free to rant about them on the internet.