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Parents Share The Stupidest Thing Their Kids Have Ever Done

Parenting is a joy---most of the time. Sometimes it really keeps our pride in check. Other times, we realize how necessary we are as a parent/legal guardian after we watch out children do something that could have literally almost killed them. That second one doesn't happen SO often, but when it does, it's a doozy.


u/TimeComedian asked:

Parents, when did you realize your kid might be terminally stupid?

Here were some of those answers.



Your Big Brother Was Right

When I was 9 or so my big brother said that I couldn't karate-chop a 2x4 in half. On edge. I promptly chopped the 2 inch edge so hard I broke my hand. Then I didn't tell my mom for a week until my hand turned black. It's still not right.

Don't let your kids watch ninja movies.

smckinley903

A Noble Effort To Conceal

The one time my son came into the house from the backyard and loudly declared "I'm going to sit like this" with his hand covering his forehead. When we finally convinced him to move his hand, we discovered he was covering a huge goose egg that was already turning black and blue. Turns out, he took the rubber mallet and hit the volleyball as hard as he could thinking it would pop. Spoiler alert: it didn't pop.

We were grateful he didn't use the claw hammer.

sillysymposiums

The Human Fish

He has a way of getting things stuck in him, once he just stuffed a .5 pencil lead down his ear and I had to pin him down so it would not go any deeper. Just the other day he got a metal coat hanger stuck in his mouth like a fishing hook. He also got a shoe lace he was playing with stuck around a pole, more like he was just stupid and he was pulling on both ends when it was around the pole. He's my sibling to be clear.

ky131012

Unusual Removal Methods

Giphy

Years ago my little brother (about 5 at the time) and I were left home alone. I figured he was okay watching TV and drinking his juice box, so I went upstairs. All of a sudden, I hear him screaming. I rush downstairs to see him freaking out and blood gushing from his nose.

"What happened??!?"

(Barely coherent, through tears): "I stuck the straw up my nose and it got stuck and I tried to get it out with this pencil"

He was eventually fine but... Jesus Christ.

MetsJail

Your Existence Is A Miracle

My little brother used to enter into meaninglessly stupid bets with his friend.

Once, they bet that they could withstand more slaps than the other. They stood there slapping each other in the face for 20 minutes until one gave up.

Another, they bet they could shake hands longer than the other. This was at Disney world. They went on for about two days. They slept together. They pooped together.

Another time they bet who could eat more sand. They swallowed it. Each had several handfuls.

I don't know how they survived childhood.

8MAC

Career Goals

When preschool teacher asked my then 4.5 year old son what he wanted to be when he grew up for their graduation photo...

I got back a photo of him holding a card that said "a chicken".

Halibeam

It Will Always Hurt

When my son was 8ish, he took a can of hairspray and PURPOSELY sprayed his eyes to see if it hurt.

After 20 minutes of screaming, crying, and splashing water in his eyes, he can finally see again.

So he sprays himself again to see if it would hurt the second time....

Penya23

Like Family To The ER Staff

My little brother used to catch crabs by sticking his finger down the hole in the sand, waiting for it to pinch him, then yanking it out of the hole.

Once, we caught a chameleon, not native to our area, in a tree we were cutting down. My brother wondered what their bite would be like. So he pressed it's mouth to the soft part of his hand between your thumb and pointer finger. Fun fact they have sharp teeth, don't let go and can bite fairly hard for their ~1ft size.

He had 2 rings of puncture holes on his hand. Countless other stories of injuries. My father and I each went to the ER about once a year in my childhood. My brother generally made it 2-3 times a year. The ER had a beautiful salt water aquarium and let us name a fish each. We also got a Christmas card from the staff for 3-4 years when we were both in high school. My brother has had a successful underwater construction business since he graduated high school. He recently finished his second degree in engineering so it all worked out.

LeMansDynasty

TiMeR

Giphy

This may have been me at one point in my life.

When I was very young, either kindergarten or first grade, I asked my mother about death. I knew that everyone died, but I wanted to know when I would die.

My mother kindly told me that "everyone's life has a timer, but we can not know for certain exactly when ours will expire." I thought about this for a little bit, and the thing that kept coming to mind was our little kitchen timer. This little timer only went up to 99 minutes.

My young mind came to the conclusion that I had at most 99 minutes to live, because a timer could not possibly go any higher than that. I was not entirely sure how long 99 minutes was, but I was absolutely sure that I would die that day.

That night, being afraid to go to sleep, my parents asked what was up. When I told them they laughed and calmly explained that some timers go longer than 99 minutes, and that it was safe to go to bed.

judahnator

Fire Hazard

Giphy

My brother was cooking top ramen, and he had seen us either cook it in the microwave or in a pot on the stove. So he naturally put it in the metal pot and put the whole thing in the microwave. It was pretty bad.

He was 15 at the time.

Coldatlasthe1st

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We always think we know what is right and what is wrong, what's the truth and what's a lie. The reality is that most of what we know is just an opinion or a partial truth that we've filled in with our own rational (or irrational) explanation. These opinions that we pass off as 'facts' are far from it and it takes a lot of courage to look at yourself and admit you were wrong or misinformed about something. Everyone likes to pretend they're on a different level, but the truth is you're not so different from the people you disagree with. Meditate on that.

Here are a some people admitting strong opinions they no longer have, and what it took to change those views. Redditor u/segafarm asks:

What is the strongest opinion you once held but no longer hold, and what make you change your mind?

Jade-Colored Glasses

I used to think that being cynical/negative was realistic and somehow smarter than being positive. I've since realized that a "be prepared for the worst but expect the best" is far better. We can't control the outcome of anything in life. Being negative makes you miserable rather than protected from bad things happening.

nanaimo

Cant' Have A Conversation With A Parrot

I used to be a conspiracy theorist. Believed that 9/11 was committed by the US government and that we never landed on the moon.

Once I started looking outside of the echo chamber I was in and started looking at alternate explanations, theories and listening to different viewpoints I soon realized how ridiculous those notions were.

Not-A-Real-Subreddit

A Big, Mysterious Universe

I used to be a strict, hardline atheist. I was the kind of bastard that would bring the subject up for no reason, just to argue. I don't know what the hell my problem was. Now I feel like, the universe is big, I don't know what all might be out there, I don't really care. I live as if there is no afterlife, because that makes sense to me. But if you don't, and you believe in one, that's perfectly fine, and maybe you're right. Who knows?

CDC_

Portrait Of An Artist As A Young Man

I used to believe anyone can be a successful artist if they just put the time and effort into it. There is no such thing as talent, only hard work.

What changed my mind: Art school. There were quite a few people that tried hard, but just weren't able to achieve professional level art.

berfica

You're Not Your Emotions

For the longest time, I thought my emotions were in a sense the most "real" part of me. I was always a very emotional person and I didn't make a real effort to control it as I thought it was a good thing, that I was just being honest with myself. Over time though, I started to become very depressed and the negative emotions just keep adding on and on. I thought "this is just how I am I guess". Unfortunately it started hurting other relationships I had, and everything changed when my girlfriend broke up with me. After a lot of reading I found that emotions are not who we are at all. They're just reactions and there's nothing that requires us to act on them or feed them. I'm learning to let it go through me instead of hanging on like I used to.

inca829

Don't Forget Big Willie Style

I used to think that hip hop was bland, repetitive, and all about clubbing and sh*t. Then one of my friends pointed me towards people like Kendrick Lamar, Eminem, Nas and Run The Jewels, who all have great songs and clever lyrics, and I realized that Hip Hop is pretty great.

6quid

The A**holes Will Always Find A Way

I used to think that the catholic church was responsible for all of the hateful people in it. I gave people the chance to challenge my opinion and someone explained it very nicely to me. Basically, the hateful people use the church as an excuse, if you remove the church they will gladly find another excuse.

TianaLeFong

High Times

Giphy

I used to tell myself that I would never stop smoking weed, and that I'd be happy if my kids grew up to be pot smokers... Now I have a kid, don't smoke, and realize what an idiot I was when all I did was smoke all day. I could probably be in a much better position if I hadn't smoked all through college.

But I mean, I still think pot's okay... Just in moderation.

edgar__allan__bro

The Road Less Traveled

"All taxation is theft, man! I made my money without any help from public institutions or the infrastructure they support, I should be able to keep every last dime of it!"

Naturally that was when I was 18, living at home rent free, and working at Pizza Hut as a delivery driver who relied upon public roads for pretty much every cent I made.

ExtremelyLongButtock

All Those PSA's Didn't Do Much

The whole D.A.R.E anti-drugs. Yes crack and heroin is bad, but they over dramatized what happens when you do smaller drugs. Weed isn't even a gateway drug, alcohol is more of a gateway drug. When I saw weed for the first time I thought it was tobacco (This was after all the D.A.R.E training too). Letting the government teach you your morales and philosophy is a thing that sheep do. Don't be a sheep.

PlantTreesForToday

Where Would We Be Without The Kindness Of Strangers

I used to think people on welfare and state assistance just weren't trying hard enough. I grew up spoiled and entitled and it seemed like any kind of charity was a stigma.

Then, my husband became chronically ill, and the economy took a shit. My family has been close to homelessness more than once, and have relied on state insurance and assistance off and on throughout the past few years. There are definitely people out there who abuse the system, but some just get stuck in a horrible cycle of poverty.

I also work in a school that has a high number low income and refugee families. It has really opened my eyes to the struggles that some people face.

BuffyandtheHellcats

He's Still There For You, The Best He Can Be

I could go through life and could seek meaningful advice from my Dad who has always been there for me.

Now he has been reduced to a feeble condition, I am starting to understand I'm out there on my own, and even what he's sure of is suspect given his mental and physical facilities have been rapidly deteriorating in his late seventies. I feel horrible that I have noticed this long before he did - or at least admitted as much.

june606

Clear Your Mind

This was before I received an ADHD diagnosis. When my doctor referred me to an ADHD specialist, first of all I refused to believe him and was kind of slighted that he even suggested that I could possibly have ADHD.

I had a very strong opinion that if I get a diagnosis that I would refuse to take prescribed amphetamines because they are "bad" and "addictive" and that they would ruin my life.

Then I actually tried the prescription and it was like magic.

Xingua92

Going Through The Whole Spectrum

Used to be fairly open with my views on immigration policy. Then I worked for a while down near Corpus Christie doing immigration work. I'd say one out if every hundred people that came through our office was going to somebody who actually wanted to work and try to make a living here. So many people simply wanted to exist enough to get welfare. Many were young men who we would later defend against exportation as a result of their criminal activity. I began to despise the work of defending these men and wished they would be deported.

Now, I'm dating a foreign girl and we are in the legal immigration process. She has advanced degrees and skills, so that makes things a little easier. But it does make me resent people who just bypass the system. We can't bypass the system because I imagine my participation in immigration fraud could get me disbarred.

RogerDeanVenture



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