Many of us wish we could leave behind the troubles in our lives and start anew. But most of us don't take the plunge.
It's possible, and it was the basis for today's burning question from Redditor mufahasa, who asked the online community: "Redditors who've ran away from/ghosted on their previous lives as an adult what was your motivation and what is your life like now?"
I had a civil war with my family like 5 years ago. Lost most of my "friends" too. It was probably the sh!ttiest thing to happen to me since I discovered who they truly were while I was experiencing a horrifying tragedy.
But also the best because now I am free from all of them. Changing my name was such an enlightening feeling like being reborn. And now I can start my own family and love them the way I've always wanted to be loved.
If I am being honest I do find it difficult to open up about this to new friends that I trust. I'm not sure if I should just bury my past and never speak about it again.
I wanted to escape family drama. I did. Life is still full and rich with incident, but I no longer have to hear family members boast, lie, rage, and try to pull me into it all. Ah, peace!
I was cheated on when I lived on the east coast. So this year I picked up my sh!t and drove 1600 miles to a city I've really liked for years and am starting over now! It's been three weeks and I've not regretted it, even when I don't know anyone here, I'm meeting new people all the time that are nicer than most anyone I knew before.
I worked at a Medical Marijuana Dispensary in the LA area for 6 years. One day it got raided so that life abruptly came to an end. I had to figure out what my next move was so I packed all my stuff into a storage locker and got on a Greyhound bus to Arizona. My mom moved to Phoenix a couple years prior, so I had a place to stay, just no clue what I was going to do.
Now, I work doing inventory management and web design for a small business. I also got back into school so I'm one semester away from transferring to ASU. I'm 27 but I finally made it to university. After all that time smoking weed and being the "cool" guy... It is very humbling to be in a town where you don't know anyone.
Got tired of working 65 hours a week at night, even though I was making 75k a year it was salary and came out after taxes as 16.20 an hour. Bought a van, got it geared out and am starting a job as a white water rafting guide in May. Dunno how it'll work out yet but sounds like fun.
I had an extremely high paying job in the UK but was working ridiculous hours when I was in the UK and would frequently get late night calls that I needed to be in some random country the next day for an unspecified amount of time. I had a LOT of cash built up but no social life or friends because i just couldn't maintain them with the way I was working.
As a child my parents had decided to foster two brothers so that I wouldn't grow up as an only child, however the kids they ended up fostering were clinical psychopaths (formally diagnosed) and ended up in long term secure care. One of them escaped whilst on a day trip and went to the police claiming to be me and spinning a tale about how my father had been abusing me. Without checking the story the police arrested my dad, and one of them decided to tell the neighbours what was going on.
By time I found out and got it sorted the story had spread around the neighbourhood and kept growing with the retelling. Eventually my dad moved back to Barbados which has a US style health care system.
Before his private health care could kick in he came down sick and blew through all his savings on medical care. I stepped in and also started blowing through my savings paying for his treatment and upgrading his home to be able to support him in a wheelchair.
He eventually died from complications of the treatments and I flew out to Barbados for the last time for his funeral. He had left very strict instructions for his funeral, no fancy coffin, cremation, and remains to return to the UK to be interred along side my mother. However his family thought differently and kept hounding his partner trying to get a ridiculous gaudy funeral.
We eventually compromised and had his ashes interred in the family plot, but even then at the ceremony I had members of the family coming up to me and telling me that other family members, or even his partner were trying to steal all of his money.
When I got back to the UK the whole thing was finally too much for me so I quit my job and (eventually) moved to Australia where I work in a much lower paying job, but don't have any of the stress or workload, and can step out of my office get on a tram and go down to the beach any time I want to. Only one person connected to my family knows where I am and even they don't know enough to find me without hiring a PI. And knowing that I am 36 hours of travel time away from the lot of them is quite reassuring.
Born and raised in my hometown in Central Florida, about 19 years old and become addicted to heroin and other opiates. About 6 years of that life and doing whatever I could to not slip into withdrawals I decided to move as far away as I could (with my mother's help, God bless her soul) from any of my drug dealers and all of my friends. First couple months were terrible dealing with withdrawals and the depression that comes with it, but once I finally got past that slope I was able to finally hold down a job and become an average person.
It's been about two years since I left home and now I'm rebuilding my credit(650!), got myself a girlfriend who is pretty neat, I gotz myself a pup that I love more than anything in this world and overall just became a straight-up normal person and I'm extremely happy where I am in life now. I never thought I'd be on this side of addiction and just being able to type this is crazy to me.
Just moved halfway across the country after leaving a toxic relationship with a woman I'm convinced would keep trying to f--- with my life. I've got some savings and a place to stay but the uncertainty is real. I feel happier than I have ever been. The world is at my fingertips right now, time will tell if I'm a success story.
I left because I was the black sheep. I'm the middle child of 5 and, to my parents, the other four sibs were more successful, perfect, smart, and just plain better than me. When I met my successful spouse they called me a gold digger, but at the same time they were glad I was "his problem now."
I don't even know what I did, really. I just drew the short straw on kids whose parents can deal with them, I guess. I think my parents only had kids for show, so when teen hormones made me a bit more of a handful than my sibs, they couldn't deal and wrote me off.
Spouse had his own issues within his family. So 20 years ago we moved to another country. Barely even said goodbye. We're wildly successful now with teen kids of our own (even hormonal difficult ones, and guess what Pops? I still love them to death.) Family back home have been through divorces and misery since then, but not us. We're doing well. We're still in love. Life is great. Truly the best revenge is living well.
When I was 22 years old I ghosted my PhD program.
I went straight from undergrad to PhD in computer science at Georgia Tech. I had great grades and test scores but I really had no idea what I wanted to do. Before my, uh, departure I had a 4.0 GPA and a research assistantship and I was absolutely miserable: overworked, struggling to make ends meet, clueless on what I wanted to do, no free time whatsoever. Just miserable.
Then one day in database theory class I read a letter from my friend about how if I was really unhappy, just stop. Just get up, wherever I was, and leave. Just do it.
So I did. I got up in the middle of database theory class. I walked to the door of the classroom. I dropped the textbook, written by the professor who I thought was a pretty big jerk, into the trash can with a resounding thud.
And I left. Cleared out my cubicle. Drove to my apartment. Got a shitty second shift job so I could go job hunting in the mornings. Told no one. Sent no email, called no one, returned no calls, explained nothing.
I've not been back to that campus in 25 years.
I was in bad shape at the time, with depression and general anxiety and severe anemia, all without knowing it. But I did make it through. It took about a month to find a great job that I've been at for the past 25 years. Though it took many years and a trip to the ER I eventually got my depression, general anxiety, and anemia all addressed. It's still a balancing act, I still need help sometimes, but it's generally good.
Work paid for me to get my Master's degree. I like my job pretty well, and I really like my coworkers and immediate management.
All in all, though it seemed like my life was falling apart at the time it was honestly one of the best decisions I've ever made in my life.
I left town because I was constantly being harassed by an ex boss. She didn't like that I had to go on medical leave to address an issue, so she called everyone in our field and told them that she found me in bed with her husband. I ended up switching fields and going back to school. I pursued legal action against her, and once I graduated school and started looking for a job, I found she had still blacklisted me at several agencies. I booked a U-Haul, packed up everything I owned and drove my cat and I halfway across the country. I'm pretty successful out here. I have a great paying job, two wonderful children, my own house and minimal relationships with other people.
It's coming up on two years since I did this. I was married to a man I had been with since we were 14. After 18 years together I left. I left my house. I left all my friends behind. My dog and cat both died very shortly after, just bad timing and bad luck. I quit my job and I moved out of state.
I'm grateful every day that I had the bravery to do it. I'm happier than I've ever been and much happier than I even thought possible. Now I have a partner who is kind, warm, loving, and supportive and every day is filled with laughter and love. I have a job that I enjoy and I'm good at that pays well. I have a sweet little dog I adopted who lights up my life. I'm traveling and going out and trying things I've always wanted to do but was never allowed to.
I never thought any of this would be possible for me. It was incredibly painful to escape my marriage and old life. But I'd do it again just the same. No one has yelled and screamed at me or made me worthless since I left. I no longer have to hide it if I struggle with chronic pain or my anxiety disorder.
No one tries to control me and beat me down and keep me locked away from going anywhere or making any friends. No one making me doubt myself or gaslighting me. I don't ever dread coming home any more or have to walk on eggshells constantly.
It took me a long time to believe that I deserve to be happy and to be treated with kindness, understanding, and respect. If anyone feels trapped in a similar situation like I did, please reach out to me. I'm happy to listen and share what I can from my experience.
Finished my service in the peace corps, went home for a few days to the east coast, then got in my car with my dog (who I rescued and raised during my peace corps service and brought home with me) and the few belongings I had, and drove across country to the Midwest, to a town where I knew no one.
Stayed at a random super 8 motel because I was broke and no other places would allow dogs while I looked for a place. Felt totally overwhelmed adjusting back to American culture. It was bliss to have a shower all to myself and a bed, but I was also pretty lonely except for the fact that I had my dog.
Eventually found a room in some divorcees basement, did that for a while and worked some waitressing jobs. Upgraded to a house with three random Craigslist roommates, only one of whom had to be evicted for being a creep. Worked as a nanny, and a TEFL teacher, and then as a sex ed teacher for planned parenthood.
Still struggling adjusting back to life in America, struggling with serious depression, but mostly working my ass off at multiple jobs to make ends meet.
Then I applied and was accepted to law school. Did that, met my fiancé there, graduated, and am now a trial attorney.
Bumpy but interesting road, wouldn't change a thing.
Born and raised in a crappy little California city. Hated it. It was crowded, noisy, polluted, and full of crime. Not to mention there was a huge unemployment rate.
Hopped from job to job after school, dated girl after girl, hung out with friend after friend. None of it had any lasting effect.
It's like nothing was clicking, no matter what I did. Hell, I thought I would be one of those empty shells that live life going through the paces, but never actually living, you know? After a while, everything was just annoying me. Girlfriends were annoying me, friends were annoying me, even family was getting on my nerves. I go on a "clear my head" vacation to a family member in Oregon, and god damn it, it actually works.
I come home to my sh!t apartment, take one look at my roommate, and declare "I'm done with this. All of it." I give my roommate 30 days notice, quit my job, tell my girlfriend to hit the road, tell all my friends to get bent, and move in just over a month.
I moved here with only a tiny snapshot, but it's like it was meant to be. With my wife for over 12 years, working a great job, own a great home, happier than I have ever been. I just needed to get away from the bad juju to make it all happen.
Sometimes, wiping the slate clean and taking a chance on nothing but a hunch is what the soul needs. Best of luck to you out there who have done the same.
I only told a few people, but I picked up and moved across country mid college career. Just dumped everyone out of the blue. My family was toxic, the guy I was living with was abusive. I felt like I needed a fresh start. I was unhappy and thought I could reinvent myself as the person I wanted to be. Turns out that with no friends and no family around, toxic or otherwise, I was still the same unhappy person I was back in my old town! I shrugged off the fake persona I'd been trying on and found a student therapy group to address the core reasons I was unhappy. That was the real turning point. With healthier habits, I made new, healthier friends.
I got my life in order. I managed to cobble together a decent relationship with my parents and some of my family. I got married. Things are good now. I probably didn't need to move to make the changes I did, but at the time it felt like I needed the space away from people who knew the 'old' me. Plus, my husband was here so if I hadn't moved, I wouldn't have met him! I'm glad I went!
In 1998 I upped and left London, first stop Amsterdam for 6 months, next stop Berlin for 6 years, next stop, Sydney for 2 years, next stop Frankfurt for 1 year, next stop Kiev where I still live and have done so for the last 12 years.
Not really ghosting as my Mum & Dad & brother all know what I am up to but I lost all my old London friends and replaced them with new friends where ever I ended up.
Facebook has allowed me to regain contact with a few old friends from my previous lives.
I also run my own company in Kiev which would have been impossible to achieve in London had I stayed.
For me it was certainly very positive.
My only regret is that I didn't do it earlier, I moved to Amsterdam at age 34 I should have done so at 24.
I was heavily addicted to narcotics and prescription drugs. I met someone involved in law enforcement that I fell in love with. They helped me dig myself out of a life I never thought I'd get out of. I haven't looked back...things come along in life that you may just want way more than you ever realized you would.
I was raised in Utah for a good deal of my life and went to college there. I met my husband there too. I had a music persona and small career as a local musician. One day we decided we didn't like living there and wanted to escape. We planned to keep ties, said our goodbyes, and moved two states over.
During that time I was still on Facebook and called all my old friends. I still had my music persona. It wasn't going well and I grew a huge disdain for my timeline. I felt stifled by my own life and still held down in Utah.
We moved a few states to the east last year. I deleted my Facebook and kept an insanely small circle of people in my contacts. I also got rid of most of our stuff and my music persona.
I was really worried I'd miss all that, but I don't. I'm a year and a few months into my new life, and despite chronic illness, I feel free. I feel like a blank slate and I can be whomever I want to be. I am playing the guitar at home in private, and when I'm ready (if I want to!) I can make a new and better music persona. All those people I thought were my friends? Haven't heard from a one of them. They could find me of the want, but they don't. And tbh I don't miss them tho sometimes I wonder how they are.
Life is good. I recommend starting over to anyone with a difficult, sad, lonely past. Sometimes when you figure out who you are after trauma and illness, you realize you never had an identity before, and you were just being who you thought you should be. Now I get to be who I am. Feels great.
I left because my boyfriend of three years left me while I was living with him. I had nowhere to go except my parents' house, in my hometown, a hometown where I'd been [assaulted] and bullied in high school, and where my ex who killed himself was buried.
I decided to move to a city in Texas, with a friend who I'd trusted. I packed up all that could fit into a hatchback and left, trusting her word that I could stay with her for a month, finding a job before my lease started. Second day there- her car was repoed and I had to drive her to work. Fourth day there- she informed me her house was being foreclosed on and had known for months. 5th day there- half of my stuff is in a storage unit because we "had to make room in the car" for theirs and I'm living in a hotel room. 6th day there- I'm almost trafficked while going to smoke at the pool.
I ran back home with my tail between my legs, but my nest-egg halfway intact and alive and not homeless.
I no longer talk to her and now I live in a city close-ish to the small town. I still plan to move to North Carolina, at some point, when I get my sh!t together.
TLDR: It doesn't always work out.
I moved to Indiana at 20 to see if the grass was really greener around my dad. It turns out it is, but only because his wife goes out and paints it a bright green every day. For four years I was subjected to pure toxicity. My dad's wife has always hated me and has worked hard to drive a wedge between us. We "made up" about a year after I moved back there, and for three years I was so happy to be in the family that I didn't notice the constant undermining and belittling she was subjecting me to.
At one point a roommate's girlfriend tried to kill me, convinced everyone I'd tried to kill myself, and got almost everyone to cut ties with me. Being the resilient and stubborn person I am, I stuck with Indiana for a few years after that. Finally, at the age of 24, I broke down during a phone call with my mother. A few years prior she had moved to Vermont with my brother and amazing step father. After a LOT of coaxing on her end, I agreed to give it a shot, thinking it might be a good place to catch my breath while I figured out my next step.
It's been 6 years now, and I have no plans of leaving. Within a year I had finally gotten it together to graduate high school. A few years after that I earned my associate's degree. I have a job that I love, and recently got my first of what I suspect will be many promotions. I met the love of my life and have created a happy, albeit chaotic home for myself. And my friends! Oh my goodness, my friends! I don't know that I knew before Vermont that friends could be people who build you up and cheer you on.
Cut contact with my parents and family for about a year and a half. They didn't accept me because gay and getting married. Were basically tiger parents.
I really think there might be nothing left for me in Minnesota. I have a graduate degree and license but no job. I have never truly been or lived alone. (Okay, I was by myself in an apartment for nine months, but my parents, aunt, then-girlfriend, and friend very frequently). I was a student then, and my aunt acted as a local "fixer" of sorts. I could not stop people from visiting and had to report my grades, schedule and activities.
I spent most of the summer with my girl, then she moved in in September. Although more understanding on many aspects (like, I don't have to hide my anxiety and can mostly speak freely eat, and wear what I want), she still likes to be in control. It's a bear, trying to stand up for myself. Whether out of habit or whatever, I still ask if I want to go somewhere or spend on nonessentials.I have an okay life other than the job thing. I am learning how to communicate better, we are okay for money, have good insurance, and do great work together with our adopted and foster cats.
Sometimes though, I want to ghost everything. I wonder who I would be if I could actually be alone. Maybe I would just sit around in my underwear eating Skittles.
My anxiety makes this idea of being alone enormously scary. I guess I'm not used to or capable of choosing. But if I won the lottery tomorrow, I would move to Hawaii and never come home, except some time in northern MN. I went to camp there and got to be a kid for once.
I hung out with a pretty rough crowd, when things got serious I turned tail and never looked back.
My life is wholesome and blue collar AF now. I'm really happy.
I'm not sure if this fully counts because I go back to work for a few months/see my dad every year, but after finishing university I landed a temp job in another country. I felt so liberated being away from a toxic group of "friends" from high school that ended up at the same university as me. They scrutinized my every action and tried to control my life. One specific friend had been toxic for years before university and then spent university purposefully seducing any of my partners/fwbs to "prove" how much better than me they are.
I had an unhealthy attachment to this person and their goal was to monopolize on that and gaslight me/tear me down. My parents had recently divorced and it was bad enough that I didn't go to my own graduation to avoid their issues with each other. I didn't get accepted into the program I had planned to do right after university, so I spent a few months as a nanny and keeping a bottle of whisky under my bed to deal with my malaise. The place was one I had moved to right before high school and had never felt any belonging or full acceptance in. I was lost and weak and lonely and broke.
I ended up staying in the other country and have been here for almost 5 years (with the exception of going back each summer). I have less friends, but no one in my life that makes me hate myself. I visit my family but not long enough to resent them or destroy my mental health. I'm still broke (because I teach and don't qualify for the same benefits as citizens since I'm a resident) but I'm calmer and rarely deal with the mental health issues (anxiety attacks, self-harm, purging, etc) that I did before. When I go back to visit, I only see a couple of people and work the rest of the time. I don't notify anyone that I'm around and ask those that do see me to keep it quiet. My life now is very simple but pleasant.
I moved miles away from my home when I overheard my stepmom and dad say they're tired of me. I moved to a place near the beach and got a job in a cafe, life's good. No drama.
I was a semester down in my Masters and was miserable. I was three months married with my husband in my home state five states away. My depression and anxiety were worse than they had ever been, so after I came home to my apartment that had cockroaches in it and trash and rotting food lying all over from my disgusting roommate, I snapped and decided that I couldn't do it anymore.
My job prospects were looking pretty dismal too, so when I didn't get a full ride scholarship for it, it just wasn't worth it if I hated it so much. I am now happily back with my hubby and working at a job completely a 180 from my degree but I'm loving every minute of it!
My family was full of toxic, greedy and dishonest people. Through some legal action had my friend's mum and dad "adopt me" (wasn't actual adoption, just some form) and we moved to a different city at the age of 14. Haven't heard from them since it all happened six years ago.
I was living in a small midwestern town, 19 years old struggling to juggle 3 jobs, an opiate addiction and a full college schedule. I was living with an abusive boyfriend since I was 16, and just needed out. I reconnected with some friends who lived in a huge tourist city 18 hours away, flew down for a few days to visit, went back for 2 days and packed my clothes in my car and left.
Started dating one of the friends, he ended up being far more abusive than the previous boyfriend. With him for 2 years and my life went even more to sh!t.
Found the love of my life after him, we're married and expecting now. I've never been happier. I don't talk to anyone from my past life really, not even family. I've been clean for years, have wonderful friends and the best SO and I couldn't ask for more.
If I could go back I wouldn't change it. Even after the horrible things I went through during those 2 years. My current life is worth it all.
I really didn't like Washington DC's culture. Took a one way ticket with an overweight checked bag to Phoenix, and FedEx'd my computer surrounded by my clothes for insulation.
I kind of ghosted the DC people, where they had a month after I told them, but haven't looked back... I wasn't a fan of the "me first" or the "what can you do for me" culture in DC, Phoenix is so much better. I regret nothing. It's something I needed to do for my own happiness.
I said "I'm not running away from problems, I'm chasing happiness" and I found it.
I have moved A LOT in my life, so it's not that big of a deal. Starting over gets me excited, rather than worried. I enjoy having the potential to reinvent myself if I choose to.
I've done this multiple times quite recently.
I worked as the lead student representative at my university campus, and had what I thought was a really supportive person as my deputy. I arranged to go to a conference on a weekend, but then the university arranged an open day for a new campus opening nearby and encouraged the student council to attend and speak to potential students.
As I had already paid for accommodation for the conference, I said I couldn't go to the open day, and my deputy agreed to go and oversee things in my stead. The night before the open day/conference, I sent the group of student reps a message wishing them luck with the open day and turned in for the night.
I woke up at 6AM after a rough night to a message from my deputy chewing me out for never being there at these events and how she was always expected to take the lead on these things. She hadn't said anything before then, but all of a sudden everything blew up. I resigned from the student council before 7:30AM and blocked her on social media.
One of the perks, however, of being the lead student representative of my campus was that I got to go to a national conference at the end of the year, where I had also made a lot of friends who happened to live in my city. We'd catch up every once in a while for drinks and the like, and I confided in them that I had resigned from the student council.
It took about a month, but once they realised I could no longer provide a vote for their group at the conference they all stopped talking to me. I thought at first I was imagining it, but about three weeks ago I finally realised I wasn't, and removed them from my social media (main form of communication) as well. My friend count went from 150 to 25 in one afternoon.
So yeah, life is fun.
I'm in the run away category.
I had no real motivation other than feeling like I didn't belong and what I was doing wasn't right. I don't know how else to explain it. Just a constant feeling that I wasn't where I was supposed to be at the time. I had a good group of friends, low to no drama, fantastic family, a boyfriend who was admittedly pretty unstable but he was working on it. I knew I couldn't up and ghost.
It wouldn't be fair to my friends and family who I had a great relationship with. Within 3 weeks I was in a different state. Said boyfriend got a new job and I moved with him thinking it would last. I went with a promotion within a few blocks of where he would be. It all just clicked so well that I couldn't ignore the opportunity so I sold almost everything and said goodbye to everyone to move with him.
He broke up with me and I was pretty upset for a while over it. With time I realized how emotionally abusive he was though and that it would have never actually worked.
It will be two years and I've been through so much medically, physically, and mentally. I now have a boyfriend I adore and I knew the second we met I'd marry this one. Thankfully he agreed haha. For some time I didn't feel out of sorts but that feeling is coming back more and more by the day. As if I'm not where I'm supposed to be right now. I know my coworkers feel it as I'm constantly getting asked what I am doing long term.
My boyfriend is on board with a move as soon as one of us has stability of some kind before the transition. It's not a matter of making the change as much as it is I'm not sure where we go from here, just that here isn't right. I don't believe in fate necessarily and I don't believe I'm depressed. But that off feeling is really hard to ignore.
I've done it twice so far.
Grew up with meth head parents. I got tired of all the Insane sh*t I had to endure. Joined the Army and left the week after I turned 18. Greatest decision of my life.
Saw an equal amount of f**ked up sh*t in the Army during 7 years of service, with some of that time spent in combat. I got out. Ghosted all my fake Army friends and moved to the complete opposite coast.
My life experiences have just been too eye opening. It's difficult to meet relatable people who have endured tons of trauma and aren't psycho as a result. So I've grown accustomed to my lone wolf lifestyle. Things aren't where I'd ideally want them. But glass half full it's definitely an improvement in quality of life.
Cut out the whole family, no contact since 1992. Without useless drama and people pulling me down, became a physicist in Los Angeles doing very well. Sometimes you have to just take the jump to save yourself.
I've done that... 3 times now? First was college so I'm not sure it that counts, but that was the first time I moved to a state I knew no one and had no friends when I moved.
The second was because college was going about as well as a plane in a tailspin. I was behind, my friends had all graduated, and I failed 4 of 5 classes that semester. So after that I took the minimum number or credits in a night class for my loans to not be considered due and tried to figure out what to do with my life. One of my buddies had a spare room in a town I liked, so I went for it. Quit college, moved states with no plan other than "work and figure out what I wanted to do". After a year and a half, discovered I missed engineering. So I decided to get my sh!t together and get my degree.
The third time was once I got my degree. This time it wasn't moving to a new state but a new country. I got a job in Germany, this time on top of not knowing anyone, I didn't even know the language. I like the job, the company, and the country, but don't know how long I'll stay here... The language, making friends, and dating are not going well. I'm curious what the next change will bring.
Did it twice.
Once as a teen. Was put in a group home in New Mexico because mom was nuts and she got put in an institution, no foster homes wanted a 17 year old (so sad no one wanted poor me). So group home it was.
When I turned 18 I left the group home and instead of going back to the town where all my friends were (it was a small town but I had a ton of friends and a fiance), I just left and moved to Nebraska with my older sister. Didn't talk to any of them again.
About a year and a half later I did kinda the same thing when I joined the military. Left another girlfriend behind and some friends. I was a bad boyfriend and friend I guess.
My mother and father disowned me because they are Trump / Q Anon / InfoWars freaks and I am normal. My mom is also a giant drama queen. They did it just as college was starting last year, leaving me basically penniless and too late for loans.
I wrote back saying, more or less "this is dumb, but OK, you'll never hear or see me again," and I got a new SIM/phone number, pulled the plug on social media, and bailed on where I was living.
I recently changed my name via just saying "this is my name now" and getting it notarized which is legal in my state, and have a new ID and changed my transcripts to my new name, for when I hopefully make it back to college. I changed my name to something super generic so searching for me if they track down my name via my transcript (which supposedly they won't be able to do) is going to be super hard.
Why am I wasting my timing doing this? Because I know they are looking for me and while they may not have been serious about disowning me (I think they expected me to crawl home), I was serious af about them never seeing me again.
But, I am going to stay disappeared from those people's lives for good, and I am contemplating moving overseas and trying expat life for a while (although that will take changing my name in court so I can get a passport in my new name), but that has a lot of risks too.
My life now basically sucks. I have had to do some pretty hardcore dangerous stuff to survive (and I still do it), and I do miss my cousins and my brother a lot. Christmas was pretty depressing. But I am very hopeful that I will make it through this and have a much better life afterwards, so that keeps me focused on the future.
I did call my brother a couple of times from a pay phone and not say anything and he knew it was me and started talking, but when he told me my parents were actively looking for me, I realized I was being stupid so I won't make that mistake again. I would definitely rather die in the street than ever see them again.
Family troubles. Big ones. Nothing was working out between my parents and I, but at least I was cool with my little bro.
Ended up telling everything I had on my heart to them and I left the country, working 2 countries away now. Everything is fine for them now. They're happy again together. My dad clearly is making efforts, he drinks less, he helps my mom... My brother is fine also.
But it's so lonely here.
I've done this once and am about to do it again.
5 years ago I moved from ME to AZ because my father moved to AZ, and my life in ME seemed to be insignificant and heading no where fast.
For a long while I enjoyed my new life, everything was pretty good. But after long enough I started to see the evil in those around me. People I had growth to trust began turning on me.
Also I have missed a couple specific people from back home basically sense I had left. So now in roughly a month I'm packing up and driving back across the county to ME. Time to go home.
I grew up in an abusive home and just couldn't take it anymore. So, the summer after my first year in college I took what little money I had made at my job and split. Came up to Canada to live with my boyfriend (now husband). We're now married and I'm going for residency! Really glad I got out of my sleepy little town and away from my sh*t parents.
My life growing up was dysfunctional to say the least. I have a narcissist for a mother, a charismatic alcoholic p.o.s father, and three sh*t head half brothers. My oldest brother being the family patriarch/most successful/manipulative. The only thing they all have in common, is only thinking about themselves. Inevitably, we had a falling out and I ghosted them.
After that, I spent a few years with a girl who lived with her parents. I spent a lot of time at her house, I basically lived there. As time went on, naturally, I became part of the family. I thought I understood her family dynamic at first, often criticizing things they could work on, when in reality; being a part of her family was the closest thing to a normal family I've really ever had.
Before her fam: Being a young adult, my sense of normality came from being part of my oldest brothers charade to be young again: Nightclubs, yearly Vegas trips, drinking, partying, etc. Nothing wrong with this in moderation, but being the youngest it says something when the shit got old for me and not for them. Everything else in my family has always been bare minimum effort, always with an expectation of something in return. Unconditionality was infrequent to say the least.
After her fam: All the things I often criticized; her family dinners, camping trips, Sunday's spent hanging out, the opening presents Christmas morning. I honestly find myself missing the most. I always chalked it up to not being able to relate to her family, their personalities, styles of communication; when honestly some part of me probably felt like I didn't deserve it. I'll never forget how strange it felt when they went out of their way to get me a surprisingly generous Christmas gift one year.
Moral of my story: While everyones family dynamic and things they find important or memorable may be different. Removing myself from what I thought was normal for so long, if only for a short time, after initially rejecting it and now having lost it; taught me I value things I never would have thought I would have. Things I wish to share with my kids one day. Most importantly Unconditional Kindness.
My only regret is not being able to thank them for that.
I grew up in a small town with two best friends. The three of us were extremely tight from elementary school through our early 20s (with a brief interlude when I left for college) but it completely fell apart about 11 years ago. One of my friends was engaged to a real psychopath that liked to toy with her, and it made her toxic, insecure, and paranoid as hell. He came over one Sunday to fix my old snowblower (which I was planning to sell since I had recently moved to an apartment).
I offered him a beer, he took that as an opening and tried to kiss me/feel me up aggressively. I turned him down pretty harshly but decided not to tell my friend, who was pregnant at the time and easily upset. WELL, he was pissed off, turned around and told her that I tried to seduce HIM.
Long story short she believed him, went into an emotional tailspin, tried to kill herself, did not succeed, and lost the baby in the process. My other friend decided "no smoke without fire" and believed him as well. Word got out around my small town pretty quickly and it felt like everyone turned on me in a heartbeat - after all, my two best lifelong friends believed I had tried to seduce one's fiancé and caused her to lose her baby. It was deemed wierd that I had invited him over to fix my snowblower in the summer (even though it was because I had moved to an apartment). Even the people who weren't 100% sure who to believe stayed the hell away.
It didn't matter that he had always been an @sshole and a player and their relationship and her emotional state had been on the rocks for ages. And I was ashamed too - wondered if I had led him on in some way, devastated for my friend, couldn't hold my head up, started avoiding people. For 2 years, I was either angry or depressed all the time, I stopped going out, lost 30 lbs (I was 130 to start with), cried all the time. It never occurred to me to seek therapy. I also never seriously considered just standing up for myself, confronting him publicly, laying it all out in the open in one big blow up
I finally got out because a college friend of mine happened to be road tripping across country, paid me a visit, and was shocked at how much I changed. He convinced me to go with him. I did. Turns out the only good thing about having depression and never going out to socialize for almost 2 years (except for work) was that I had a heathy savings account (it's amazing how little you spend when you stop trying to keep up appearances for others). I told my landlord I was leaving the next day, paid extra 2 months and left the deposit in exchange for him getting rid of my stuff and having the apartment cleaned, packed my bags and left with my friend. That road trip helped remind me there was a much bigger and brighter world out there than my sh!tty little town and all the drama left behind.
At the end of it, I crashed at his home for 3 months before I got back on my feet, got my own place, got a steady job. I was really lucky with the latter - it was the height of the Recession then and the job market was rough. He and I stayed friends for 2 more years before we started dating. We've been married now for 6.
Four or five years into my new life, I reached out to my other friend (not the one who lost her baby) - in part for closure and part, if we're honest, due to morbid curiosity. She didn't want to talk. More than a decade of friendship and she still didn't want to hear me out. It was really at that moment that I was able to truly leave things behind.
It seems surreal, but I rarely think of that part of my life anymore. My memories of that time aren't all that sharp - those two years were a blur. Sometimes I wonder what happened to them, if my former friend came out okay and got away from that guy. But it doesn't keep me up at night. I look at my life now and I'm a happy person, stable, content in my life, secure. I can honestly say now that the whole thing hasn't left any lasting trauma on me except that I doubt I'll ever let myself have friendships that went that deep and hurt that much. I have a lot of friends, a few that are closer than others but none super close. Except my husband of course. And I don't miss it really.
Have you ever found yourself in an argument so stupid and/or pointless that you were sure you were being punked? Like you keep looking away from the other person to check your surroundings for places Ashton Kutcher and a camera crew could come popping out of?
You're not the only one.
u/Anti-hollowkid asked: What is the dumbest argument you've ever been in?Brace yourselves, folks. Some of these arguments are breathtakingly bonkers. The sheer number of people who are willing to argue with someone over provable facts and what that other person likes or doesn't like is just ... stunning. It's stunning, you guys. Just not in a good way.
I Know What I LikeGiphy
My wife and I once argued over whether or not I liked mustard on my hot dog. I was for me liking mustard, she was against me liking mustard.
The argument lasted way longer that you could ever imagine it would.
A Stair Step
My brother and I argued if our staircase had 13 or 14 steps, based on an argument about if the floor of the second floor counts as a stair-step or not. We still have no solution.
My dad is a stairbuilder and I spent many summers working at his warehouse, so I can clear this up. 14.
My husband and I have this thing where we only say "I love you" on Saturdays. Every other day it's "I love you, but only on Saturdays." I don't know how it started, but it's been going for 11 years now.
We're both shiftworkers, so sometimes we have to stop and think what day it actually is. We had an argument recently over whether it was Saturday or not. I said it was Saturday, he said it was Friday. It was Monday.
I remember when I was about 13 my parents had an hour-long shouting match that ended with them almost getting divorced. The issue? Whether or not the nation of Iraq has a coastline.
My mother arguing that Iraq had a coastline, while my stepdad argued that it did not. This was back in 2004, and they are still quite happily married to this day. That incident is something they look back on and laugh about, and both of them admit it was really a pretty stupid thing to argue over.
With an ex:
"I owe you $80 for the bills of ours that you pay, and you owe me $40 for the bills of ours that I paid. Here's $40 in cash; we're even."
She did not understand this.
I literally had to go get another $40 out of the ATM, and hand the $80 to her. Then I had her hand me the $40 she owed me.
"Now how much do you have in your hand?"
She still didn't understand.
She somehow has a college degree.
When we were kids my brother and I got in a physical fight because he said I like mini wheats and I insisted I didn't. His argument was that I always sang the mini wheats song and I was deeply offended that he wasn't aware that it was just stuck in my head but I hated the cereal. I actually did like the cereal I'm not sure why I was arguing with him about it but I remember how genuinely angry I was.
I'll tell you about the only legal trouble I've ever been in, the fight that got me arrested. It started over whether we should return a box of crayons or not, and to this day I don't have any idea how it escalated to the point of the cops being called, but they were and I was the one taken in.
My boyfriend insisted that when two people are in an argument and one makes a point so reasonable and logical the other one can't disagree with it - it's unfair. I tried, logically and reasonably, to explain several times why that is just winning the argument, proving your point thoroughly and is completely fair.
His answer was that I was being unfair.
How the ch in masochism is pronounced. My friend caught me saying "masoKism" while he would say "masoSYism."
To be fair, he grew up speaking French, in which the ch in masochism is pronounced in "his" way. But he insisted that I was the wrong one here and that was just infuriating.
A woman was adamant that looking at the big solar eclipse on the television was unsafe unless you were wearing glasses. She wouldn't believe us and insisted on emailing NASA to check.
A Non-Standard Ruler?
I worked for a company that made signs. We had a customer ask for signs that were 7mm wide that were to go on a door. Our sign makers figured the order meant inches because 7mm is pretty small, so made them 7 inches. I got a phone call from the customer who went mad at me for making them the wrong size. So I put a reorder through for 7 mm.
Argued with the sign makers over it but they eventually agreed to do it after I shown them the order in writing. I even had the customer put her complaint in writing, reiterating the size they wanted.
7mm signs went out and a day later I get the customer on the phone literally screaming at me.
Cue the dumb argument - we ended up having an argument over how big a millimetre is, and obviously everyone in the office were laughing, but this customer just wouldn't accept it and said we must be using a non-standard ruler to measure.
Ended up being escalating to the sales department manager who refused to issue a refund. We still don't know what they actually meant.
This Unusual Vegan Argument
Was in a pub with a few friends, and some random Dude dropped an ear, and somehow figured I'm vegan. Well, people like him are the reason I usually avoid mentioning it. He came up to me and insisted on starting a discussion about veganism. He claimed that by the end of it, I would be eating meat again.
He listed some stupid arguments, I told him I was not convinced and then tried to keep on drinking beer with my friends. He followed me, and wanted me to "try to convert him to a vegan." I stupidly listed some of my reasons thinking it would make him go away. He told me he still was not convinced, so I was like whatever. Again, I really just wanted to drink beer with my friends.
That dude followed me all night and expected me to try make him vegan. Doesn't matter what I said, and all the reasons that for me are obviously good enough to be vegan. He'd be just like "No, that doesn't convince me, therefore your argument and how you life is stupid."
Didn't matter how often I told him that I honestly don't care; 5 minutes later he would come up to me again "I'm still not vegan, so veganism is stupid, all your arguments were stupid, now give me a good reason to become vegan!" At one point, I was literally yelling at him that I don't give a single flying f about what he eats and why, that it's in no way my responsibility to "turn somebody vegan" and in no way his business what I eat.
Honestly, for that dude, I would have bought a whole ham, just to shove it up his stupid annoying face.
In college my roommate and I argued about a line in Monty Python & the Holy Grail. The scene with the Black Knight where the line "Alright, we'll call it a draw" is uttered. We argued about who said that line, whether it was King Arthur or the Black Knight.
It went on for hours longer than it should have because I was stubborn and refused to admit I was wrong.
Albert or ArnoldGiphy
Whether Albert Einstein or Arnold Schwarzenegger would be more useful to have around during a Zombie apocalypse. How on earth would Albert Einstein come in handy!?
Below Sea Level
I live on an island and when you go upland and you look out the sea looks like it's higher than or on the same level as the land. It's just a weird perspective thing because of the horizon. One day some kid says that it's because the island is under sea level.
I'm like wtf bro all of us would be with the fishes. He argues that no that's not true and if I just go upland I'll see. We then spend a good 5 minutes of my time arguing about it until I decided to leave this kid in his stupidity. He even said we shouldn't believe everything adults tell us and sometimes we need to think for ourselves.
This kid was older than me and was going to a good school. Lost my respect for him ever since then.
Someone tried to fight with me over how to spell my name.
Now, my name is in a lot of languages with slightly different spellings. I would have accepted any of those spellings, but this one was just... Not even close. It didn't make any logical sense.
An analogous example is if my name was Thomas and someone was insisting it was spelled Tomash. And not just the name Thomas in general, but that me specifically, on my birth certificate, was named Tomash. I know how to spell my own name.
I swear to god, it went on for like an hour.
Whales Are Mammals
I was in an online chat room one day, and we were talking about whales. I commented on how whales are mammals and the next thing you know, someone was arguing with me and trying to convince me that a whale was a fish.
Stupid microwaves. Having a man child talk down to me about how microwaves work only for him to google it and prove me right. He slept on the sofa that night.
My friend keeps telling me that the norm is that a person should shower once a week. This has been going on for years. I'm almost convinced he's trolling me.
No Balloons For Grandma
My cousin and I argued over a balloon going to Heaven. We were at his big sisters prom send off and he let a balloon go and it went high into the sky.
He then said this balloon will go up past space and go to Heaven and reach grandma (God rest her soul). And I was like no it's not and it's probably not even gonna reach space. Releasing balloons is terrible for the environment and kills/harms so much wildlife.
He got really mad and defensive and started telling me to google it and do my research and I'm like I don't have to google it you idiot. He was mad at me for a good week.
Spontaneous Dolphin ExistenceGiphy
How dolphins reproduced. It took me a few solid minutes of explaining to her that dolphins have reproductive organs and that they did not just pop into existence. The argument began with her saying she wanted to work with sea creatures.
Personally, I hope she was messing with me cause I lost a little faith in humanity that day.
I repeatedly had the argument with a friend over whether roosters were chickens. She was convinced that only the females were chickens (hens). We were 18 at the time.
Me and my friend were drinking underage, we ended up in an argument of whether lightning McQueen's eyes were blue or green. Somehow throughout the whole thing both of us never thought to straight up google a picture.
But ... Ice Floats
Woman wanted ice on the bottom of her drink.
Now read that sentence again and try to imagine arguing with that particular brand of stupid.
Time Zones Exist
Coworker claimed that it was the same time of day and the same season on the whole globe. Had to get 4 coworkers to confirm to him that time zones do in fact exist.
My brother is colorblind. And he CONSTANTLY tries to correct me on what color things are.
"Hey could you hand me that red _____?"
"no, it's red"
"YOU CANT EVEN KNOW"
It is the base of our most common and heated arguments.
I'm late, but I saw this question and instantly remembered that I was booted from a Facebook group because I called someone out on a lie that was not only bull, but extremely pointless. She was friends with the moderator and they made the case that my argument over such a little lie was more of a problem than the lie itself (though they didn't refer to it as a lie.)
The woman said that she used to babysit for Andre 3000 and that his name was Andre 2000 - but he changed it after the year 2000 had passed. This was so easily disproven it was ridiculous. Their debut album came out in 1994 and he was already going by Andre 3000 at that time.
The argument wasn't a huge long drawn out thing, but the fact that either of us were on Facebook at separate times meant that the responses were over a long period of time so this argument lasted a few days.
It was stupid.
Stars Like Our Sun
I was arguing with my grandpa about stars he didn't believe that there are other stars like our sun. Basically he thought there is only the sun, the moon and the earth.
I have a degree in history. I mostly focused on nationalism. Wrote a 50 page paper on it and Richard Nixon with around 50 100 sources. Looked at micro film for hours on end. Part of the paper focused on how Nixon being chair of the house committee of Unamerican Activities was used as a powerful weapon to use against political enemies. It also inspired Joe McCarthy. Have had people tell me I was wrong and Nixon was never elected to a position besides the president and Joe McCarthy came before Nixon. I stopped trying to talk history to people.
I also know quite a bit about the history of the Balkans its amazing how many Serbs refuse to believe Tito did anything wrong.
Wrote 100 page paper on nationalism in Israel. Its frustrating to talk about because for some reason a lot of people think Palestinian firing rockets randomly into Israel is ok but if Israel retaliates the people get up in arms over a targeted air strike that kills 3 people.
Balloon to Heaven
My cousin and I argued over a balloon going to Heaven. We were at his big sisters prom send off and he let a balloon go and it went high into the sky. He then said this balloon will go up past space and go to Heaven and reach grandma (God rest her soul). And I was like no it's not and it's probably not even gonna reach space.
And he got really mad and defensive and started telling me to google it and do my research and I'm like I don't have to google it you idiot. He was mad at me for a good week.
I got into an argument with a co-worker over how we were attaching two pages of a letter together: small binder clips or paper clips.
He felt that paper clips would leave a "dent" in the paper when removed, but binder clips won't. He refused to staple them together. I felt that binder clips would also leave a "dent", so we might as well just use the paper clips.
It ended with him saying: "Do what you want [me], I don't care!" and storming off.
Once got accused of faking being Jewish. Why? I have no clue. We argued over the course of a month, any time I'd bring it up and she heard about it, she'd begin going after me for "faking it".
My mother's side is ethnically Jewish. Grandparents were practicing.
3 friends and I once got into an argument about how to pronounce Nutella. It lasted for about 3-4 months. It was hilarious how serious we took it, it'd get heated but never for real serious.
I think someone even called the company that made it to check, or that may have been for the Cheetos company. We were really bored in high school.
Late to the party, but there it is.
I'm a manager at a small store. We're only 4 working there, so my team and I grew very close and we joke around a lot. Once during a slow shift, my employee and I had an argument because we were looking at the lingerie boxes, and I thought that two specific boxes had the same woman on it, but she was 100% positive they weren't the same person.
Looking back, I don't know why it was such a big deal to us at the time, but we even called another employee who lives across the street to come and tell us what the heck was up with that. Turns out I was right, and she was pretty salty about it. It was a great night.
Wicked Witch of the West
I almost got into an argument with an old girlfriend over Glinda the good witch from Oz. She insisted that Glinda was manipulating Dorothy to assassinate the Wicked Witch of the West and convince the Wizard to leave to create a political void she could fill.
I conceded the issue when I heard the whole premise because I thought it was too damn stupid to get worked up over.
Keep Your Hands to Yourself
Just the other day I legit got in an argument with my co-workers on why I don't like my butt being grabbed by anyone (I'm a guy). Seriously.
They went on about "I don't mind it. Mike and I do it all the time and we don't care." Yeah, that's nice dude, but I'm not you, and there's something called "Keep your hands to yourself" (which was taught to a good portion of us growing up). Just like how Karen wouldn't like it if I touched her boobs or her grabbing your crotch or frankly ANY area you wouldn't like being grabbed, keep away. In general, you should not be touching me in any areas after I've told you not to several times before.
So unless you're sleeping me or dating me, keep your damn hands off my toosh.
My best friend and I argued over whether or not telekinesis was possible. Her argument was that humans don't yet know what the human brain at 100% usage was capable of, and that telekinesis was inside the possibilities.
I said the brain does use 100%, just at different times.
We didn't speak to each other for four days.
How dolphins reproduced and whether or not ghost existed (back to back with the same person). It took me a few solid minutes of explaining to her that dolphins have reproductive organs and that they did not just pop into existence (the argument began with her saying she wanted to work with sea creatures).
How it shifted to the existence of ghosts is a solid and reasonable question to ask (I don't remember why). I had to then proceed to tell her that ghost hunting TV shows do not constitute as undeniable evidence.
Personally, I hope she was messing with me cause I lost a little faith in humanity that day. This was in high school SO... hopefully she was kidding.
Dogs and ChocolateGiphy
I told this stupid woman that chocolate is toxic to dogs. She went on to tell me how a little bit will just make them hyper and then they will calm down. I told her to google it. Her and her bf shut right up. Now they have a kid. Good luck, Jeremy and Andrea. morons.
I should also add that this argument started because Jeremy was giving his tiny dog chocolate and I told him it was toxic.
Is water wet?
My roommate and I have a recurring argument over whether or not water is wet l, and whether or not a person is considered wet underwater.
For the record, it is no to both questions.
A kid a church telling me about the mission trip I went on. Not only was I not on that trip, but I had never been on any mission trip. We were good friends, so it's not like he would've mistaken someone else for me.
He insisted I was there as if an entire week long trip would just fall out of my memory. He even had stories of things we'd done together. I'm not sure if he thought I was lying, joking, stupid, or crazy, but I was pretty sure he was some combination thereof.
One time I got into a shouting match with my mom and little brother in the car. The issue? The names of the two-headed dragon from the PBS kids afternoon show Dragon Tales. I swore it was Zack and Macie.
It was actually Zak and Wheezie. I don't even remember why we were yelling about it.
Green Or Yellow?
When I was about 15 or so my mother and I spent about 20-30 minutes arguing about the color of a shirt. We agreed it was blue/green, but to me it was just a shade more blue, while to her it was just a bit more green.
Turns out, your eyeballs yellow as you age and hers were 24 years yellower than mine, so I think that skewed her color vision.
Stars In Their MultitudeGiphy
I once got in an argument over whether or not a line from the song "Stars" in Les Mis says "...but mine is the way of the lord" or "mine is the way of the law".
I didn't even really care what he thought but he was so adamant and cocky that it got me heated. By the end of it we were shouting at each other and I had to apologize, which I think is what he wanted the whole time.
My brother is colorblind. And he CONSTANTLY tries to correct me on what color things are.
"Hey could you hand me that red _____?" "that's orange" "no, it's red" "orange" "YOU CANT EVEN KNOW".
It is the base of our most common and heated arguments.
About five years ago, my girlfriend (now wife) once had a very intense argument about whether or not hot water cleaned things better than cold water.
She genuinely believed that water temperature didn't matter. This is someone who has not one, but two masters degrees.
We argued for something like 2 hours, and we seriously almost broke up over the whole thing.
I had an argument with a girl IN THE MIDDLE OF A BIOLOGY CLASS in high school about how humans are not mammals. She thought a human was a human and we are not mammals because "mammals are animals and humans are not animals"
I tried explaining to her the difference between reptiles and mammals and how humans fall under the mammal category to try and educate her... but she just wouldn't listen.
I still have no idea why the BIOLOGY teacher did not get involved...
Solid Or Liquid?
Some classmates and I got into a heated debate as to whether or not the human body could count as a soup, salad, or sandwich. The teacher got mad at us, but hey! All we were doing was watching a movie.
For the record, my logic lays with soup- Liquid contained within a solid, at a hot temperature.