People Imagine What They'd Say If They Were The First Person To Step Onto Mars
"One small step for man..."
Colonizing mars has been one of humanity's biggest "somedays" since science fiction was invented. What's up there? What will we find?
What are we going to say once one of us steps out onto the surface?
Clearly, that's the most pressing question all of our best scientists should be solving. Turns out, there's more than one answer.
Reddit user, [usernamedeleted], wanted to know about what you'd say if you touched down first when they asked:
As Any Good Internet Commenter Would Say...
And then a couple other people mistakenly say first and then people say second until they all get confused
"Everywhere You Go..."
"Our journey began with one small step and one giant leap. Today, we take another of each, and begin to find our stride." -RamsesThePigeon
This is what I was looking for. Nothing else matches this
I prefer the fictional John Boone in Red Mars. "Here we are."
You can read into what you like, and it's short enough that you can't mess it up.
Against All Odds...
"Well NASA, I made it, despite your directions."
Just When You Thought You Were Safe...
Finally, some f-cking peace and quiet.
NASA: "Welcome to Mars! We'll be monitoring your vitals, diet, and daily activities. There will be constant video and audio contact with ground control."
Hashtag Getting Paid
"Pepsi is out of this world" while holding a can.
I'm the first person on Mars, there will be billions watching. You better believe I'm cashing in.
Weird question, but who buys Pepsi? I've never been to someone's house and been offered a Pepsi.
That's because Pepsi is for people of the house and family only. The rest get Sam's Choice Doctor Thunder.
Be Sure To Say It As Loud As Possible
"I declare Martian law"
That's not how it works, you can't just say it.
I didn't say it.
I declared it.
Beware All The Dynamite
"I claim this planet in the name of Duck Dodgers, in the 24½ century!"
"I claim this planet in the name of Mars! Isn't that lovely? Hmm?"
Just Gotta One Up The Armstrong
"Whoopie! Man, that may have been a small one for Neil, but that's a long one for us."
That's actually a paraphrased quotation from another astronaut who said almost exactly that upon his first step on the moon.
Probably What We'd All Do
I'd probably trip on my way out of the shuttle, so the first thing I would say on Martian soil would be a frustrated "motherf-cker!"
We All Know The Obvious Best Choice
I'm the Scatman Ski-bi dibby dib yo da dub dub Yo da dub dub Ski-bi dibby dib yo da dub dub Yo da dub dub (I'm the Scatman) Ski-bi dibby dib yo da dub dub Yo da dub dub Ski-bi dibby dib yo da dub dub Yo da dub dub Ba-da-ba-da-ba-be bop bop bodda bope Bop ba bodda bope Be bop ba bodda bope Bop ba bodda Ba-da-ba-da-ba-be bop ba bodda bope Bop ba bodda bope Be bop ba bodda bope Bop ba bodda bope Ski-bi dibby dib yo da dub dub
You're going to make every AP history class in the decades following a living hell.
You catch more flies with honey than with vinegar, or so the saying goes.
The same can be said for your interactions with cops, most of whom are perfectly happy to let minor infractions slide––When was the last time you were actually ticketed for jaywalking?––provided you're not a total Karen should you interact them.
Your local police officer likely doesn't care about jaywalking or the fact that you went five miles over the speed limit unless you give him a reason to, as we learned when Redditor Takdel asked police officers: "What stupid law have you enforced just because someone was an a-hole?"