IRL

People Imagine What Earth Meal They'd Feed Aliens Visiting The Planet

Imagine you run into an alien and he follows you home because he's hungry. What would you feed him? Would you feel threatened? Personally, I'd probably choose pizza and chocolate, then ask for ride off this planet.

NOTTallestEgg asked: Some alien comes to your house and says "ey give me some earth food to eat," what do you give him?

Submissions have been edited for clarity, context, and profanity.


Oh the hostility!

A Knuckle Sandwich. Bastard ain't getting my food.

biochem-dude

I swear. You cant just come up into my planet waltzing on up as if you own the place all entitled and smug asking for my food. That's not how it works. I don't know you.

thanksm888

Someone has thought this through.

I'd make him some fettuccine alfredo with fresh garlic bread. Then, I'd prepare my dinning room, use my fine china set, uncork the wine bottle I got in Paris in 2004, light some candles, and dim the lights. I'd put my dinning playlist on the speakers on a soft, sensual volume, then truly get to know him. I'd be an attentive listener, and try to grow a bond with him. Offer him lodging in my house as he must be very tired from his long journey. I'd tuck him into bed after a long night. The next morning, I'd take him out to town to experience authentic human day and all the wonders of life on earth. At this point, if all has gone to plan, he'll be reluctant to return to his home planet, for my hospitality is a rare sight in his travels across the galaxy. I'd convince him to stay with me, and help warm his cold, cynical view of the universe as a place of apathy, and at the same time, win his heart.

As he has no experience of human culture besides what I show him, my questions about ring size and his favorite colors would seem trivial to him. But, when the time is right, I'd ask his hand in marriage. At this point, I can safely show him off to the rest of the world. Life as an international celebrity would be difficult, seeing as I'm now known across the country and soon the world as 'the guy who has an alien boyfriend,' but our burning love for each other would be great enough that we could survive it. The final step of my master plan is to live a happy life with him deep in the wilderness of Siberia, in a beautiful cabin built with the money earned as international celebrities. As his lifespan is multiple times longer than the average humans', I'd inevitably die first, but on my death bed, I'd inform him that I love him with all my heart, and I'd pass away peacefully in the arms of my intergalactic lover.

cums_on_feet

As soon as I see some dense wordage like that I always scroll to the bottom to see if Mankind got thrown off of hell in a cell. Now I'm going to be disappointed if the new Meta doesn't always end in "I'd pass away peacefully in the arms of my intergalactic lover."

DeadskinsDave

It is kinda weird, but delicious nonetheless.

An egg; and then I'll proceed to explain what it really is.

lucasaielo

Like a fart in solid form?

poopywizard132

It's actually a chicken menstruation, inside a solid shell

lucasaielo

Can't argue with this logic.

A grilled cheese sandwich for my extra-terrestrial friend....and one for me cause they're delicious.

pinkstarwhal

While watching Doctor Who, no doubt.

Fish sticks and custard.

bulletbill2477

I was going to be sad if no one said this.

satanic-octopus

This is the only good answer!

smegheadgirl

How rude, yet crafty.

Something raw, maybe even marginally alive. At least one of the bacterium or virii or parasites in the food should infect the alien and incapacitate it without raising interplanetary issues.

Then we take it's tech.

SketchBoard

No, not Sbarro -_______-

Pizza. I live in NYC. I'd consider my duty to share that experience.

skunkwaffle

Sbarro, right?

YesterdayWasAwesome

My favorite New York pizza place. I'm going to go get me a New York slice!

XCXCHARLI

Hahaha.

Indian food. When he's on the toilet all night I can snoop through its stuff and maybe check out its spaceship.

London82

You will also get some samples in your toilet for DNA and stuff!

kayp02

They're still pretty good though.

An unfrosted Pop Tart. I don't want them thinking anything on this planet is worth taking over. Just get the f*ck off Earth and never come back.

AllofaSuddenStory

I can only eat the unfrosted pop tarts. The frosted ones are far too sweet.

Monjara

Fun fact: unfrosted Pop Tarts have more calories than the frosted ones.

AllofaSuddenStory

I was skeptical but it seems you are correct.

"Unfrosted Pop-Tarts have a slightly thicker crust to compensate for the lack of frosting, resulting in a few more calories per serving," a Kellogg's representative told Quartz.

https://www.businessinsider.com/why-unfrosted-pop-tarts-have-more-calories-than-frosted-2015-6

Maie13

I'd go on this date.

First ask of there is any way to determine chemical reactions to our food before I figure out what to make. To double check things won't kill him. Then show him a globe and start to describe the foods from all around the world. How each culture has signature dishes that includes food native and foreign to area based on trade routes. The once we have determines no reactions. I would probably start with simple delights. I would insist he stays with me a few days to really get a feel of everything. One breakfast would have pancakes and maple syrup. Showing him where this is more common and where is known for maple syrup. Lunch would probably be Vietnamese. Something simple then one of the Vietnamese sandwiches that was created because of French trade with Vietnam. Explaining how this wouldn't exist without trade routes and how the conquering of other colonies. Explain the history of humans fighting a little and how it did have last impacts on foods. For dinner I would then move more towards greek or Italian. Shakshuka for breakfast the next day. The full english version so I can tell them where it originated, and then when it was adapted. For lunch probably middle eastern or Indian cuisine. The unique colors due to richness of spices. Then Mexico for some taco, then tres leches for dessert. Last day would be an eggs Benedict dish for breakfast. Lunch would be traditional ramen. Dinner would steak and potatoes, dessert would be australian pavlova. All of this made from scratch and try to piece it together with some human history. I would be honest about the beauty of this world and humanity. But also honest of the strife caused by humanity too. And use these to ask questions of their civilizations and social structures.

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