People Reveal How Their Fantasies Turned Into Nightmares

People Reveal How Their Fantasies Turned Into Nightmares

_Sex is something that must evolve with passion and culture. And nowadays people are trying ALL kinds of new crazy. (Thank you Christian Grey!!) But what '50 Shades' doesn't come with is a warning label. Everything you believe is a great idea at first may come with some practice. _

Redditor moseph999 *_asked Redditors who got to live out a sexual fantasy and had it go horribly wrong, what happened? _Get ready people.., are some things going on behind closed doors!! \

SEX SHOULDN'T BE THIS STRESSFUL!

My good friend who is a huge 50 Shades fan mailed me some glass ben-wa balls, with instructions to insert them, wear them out dancing with my bf so they'd get me all turned on, and then surprise him with my newfound kinkiness when we went home.

Thankfully I decided to test-run those suckers beforehand because either I did something wrong or I have a vagina like a bear trap. They went in just fine, felt pretty nice when I walked around, but I could not get them out. I tried everything - including, in a moment of desperation, a plastic spoon and lotion. Nada. After several hours I become more and more panicked and called the nursing hotline at my school. The nurse on the phone assembled a team of other amused nurses who fired off suggestions like "squat in the bathtub and poop!" and _"use suction from your vacuum hose!"

So yeah I called my boyfriend to come help at 2am. But this story gets better, because as he's driving over one of the phone-nurses suggests I sumo-squat and hop down the stairs one at a time. Shockingly, this actually worked!

Stick to what you know, y'all, and don't take sex advice from 50 Shades of Grey.

IT'S CALLED FINESSE...

She asked me to slap her butt. I did.

She asked me to slap it harder. I did.

She started crying and said I slapped it too hard.

READ THE FINE PRINT...

There was a post a while ago in one of the sex subs that I remember well enough. The guy watched cuckold porn and wanted to try it. His wife wasn't sure and he ended up convincing her that they should. She broke down and said okay. They find a third and get down to it. Well, she starts enjoying it and the husband realizes right then that he's not into it. He doesn't fantasize about being a cuck. He fantasizes about being the bull. But, he pretty much has to endure it because he didn't want to just tell the guy to go home. He ended up having some major issues because he didn't think things would end up that way and couldn't shake the feeling that his wife cheated on him.

Moral of the story, start with maybe a softer intro to a fetish rather than realizing you aren't into it when some dude is with your wife and you're stuck there watching.

SOMETIMES IT'S NOT ALWAYS A GOOD IDEA...

Many years ago I, male, had a fwb, female, that was bi who had another fwb, also female, that she decided she wanted to introduce me to. The three of us hit it off and after hanging out socially a few times, I was invited back to the house of woman #2 one evening.

What you imagine happened, happened. While it was clear that this was really their night and I was just there as an accessory, I was totally cool with that and we had a blast... up until the end.

I'm still not 100% sure how this happened but apparently the part of my anatomy called the frenulum tore at some point and it was a little while before anyone noticed. There was a lot of alcohol and the lights were out minus one very dim lamp in the corner.

Imagine the awkwardness of the three of us shuffling to the bathroom upon noticing all the blood and closely checking to figure out where this all came from.

I ended up having to see a urologist who was very curious how this injury happened and said that he wanted to see me again in a while to check how it was healing. That would tell him whether or not he would have to complete the circumcision. It still hurts sometimes and this was over ten years ago.

WHY MAKE IT A DATELINE NBC EPISODE?

I wish it went better but I was chased out of a house by the father and 3 brothers of the woman who was tied to the bed. We had wax, rope, ice and other stuff we thought would be cool but that whole "they're going to be gone for two days" thing didn't work out.

ANYTHING YOU CAN DO I CAN DO BETTER!

Had a threesome with a couple. She cried because I made her orgasm and he couldn't. Things got really awkward and we never spoke again. Sorry, bro.

I CAN'T. I JUST CAN'T!

My wife had a blowout during anal. Apparently, my wife read somewhere that to take a few laxatives before hand to clean out. She did... all over me.

LET'S ALL JUST BE VIRGINS..

Threesome with 2 smoking hot girls. I was doing Girl #1, while the other girl was rubbing her, then my penis slips out and I thrust... right into a long sharp fingernail. Girl #2's nail scraped a big gash, and blood went everywhere. I proceeded to scream like a girl, and let's just say, that ended the night.

LIKE A VIRGIN.... HEY..

Just turning 18 and losing your virginity only to be interrupted by a cop because you were doing it in a mall parking lot is always an interesting event to relive.

NOW YOU SEE ME...

Today me and my gf had friends over and they were chill enough to have sex in the same room as us. I thought it would be a hot kinky type of thing but I ended up getting super uncomfortable hearing them. Now I have the 10,000 yard stare and they're still here but clothed now.

WHERE'S THE THERMOMETER? FOR SERIOUS....

Bathroom sex after a hot steamy shower ... I almost fainted because I was overheating so much... I just sort of stopped and sat down on the floor unable to get up and feeling really weak. We went back out and laughed about it.

REMEMBER... YOUR EYES ARE BIGGER THAN YOUR STOMACH!!

I wanted a well endowed guy to put it all in.

I threw up.

DON'T SLEEP WHERE YOU PEE!

I slept with my boss after years of flirting and sexting. The night of he got so drunk he spilled beer on the bed, broke some furniture stumbling around, and peed on me in his sleep. I didn't stay the night. He avoided me for months. I don't hook up with coworkers anymore.

SOMETIMES 2 IS ENOUGH!!

I always liked the idea of a threesome, so I when I finally got to try one I was kind of disappointed that I ended up as the third wheel -- especially because my then-boyfriend and the girl we picked ended up paying a lot more attention to each other and practically forgot I was there. (The threesome was his suggestion, not mine, but I was definitely up for it.)

After about an hour of being all but ignored no matter what I did, I thought Forget this and went to go and read a book in the living room. We didn't last much longer as a couple -- for a variety of reasons, but that was definitely one of them.

LIGHTS. CAMERA. ACTION.

Elevator door opened mid blow job.

It was security.

There's cameras in elevators folks.

HONEY DOESN'T CACTCH ALL THE FLIES...

Read it in the book that sex in the tub filled with milk and honey would enhance the sexual experience. Be me, 15 yo on limited allowance that somehow managed to talk my girlfriend into it. We pool our money together and buy 10 gallons of milk and and that squeeze bear shaped bottle of honey. We also steal some milk from cafeteria in those little cartons as well as some pockets of honey from 7/11. It's D day. Microwaving milk and cooking it as well while adding honey was like a 3 hour job. Whenever we poured one thing in, by the time we did another the first one would get cold and honey would settle on the bottom of the tub. We give up and pour everything in and start adding hot water. Well bath is half full and it looks like it's time to reach sexual enlightenment. We get in and it stinks, gets sticky and getting cold. I pretty much finish in 45 seconds than try to go down on her using honey as an aphrodisiac by rubbing it on. Finally she gets done or she says so because she is fed up so we stop and try to clean up. Drain gets clogged, we can't get the honey off quick enough, my dad is pulling into the driveway and it's a total disaster. Few weeks later I get a urinary tract infection but since I'm a broke immigrant I have no health insurance so I suffer for few weeks. She develops yeast infection and a uti as well. Also since I spent all my money on supplies that means no lunches and visiting her for the rest of the month. Yeah so it sucked and from that day I'm not buying into that romantic writing crap and smell of boiled milk gets me aroused a bit yet my Johnson starts aching.

SLIPPERY WHEN WET....

Years ago tried to have shower sex with the hubby. Was way more cramped than expected, but we persisted. While in the middle of the act I went to put my leg up on the edge of the tub, to try and get a more comfortable position. Unfortunately he thrusted a bit more forcefully than I expected. Due to the way we were oriented I was already leaning slightly forward, and was standing on my non-dominant leg. When this happened I lost my balance just enough to have my foot slip out from under me. I fell straight down and banged my chin on the tub faucet. Ended up having to get stitches. Told the doctor I fell in the shower, didn't mention the whole sex-gone-wrong part.

Pixabay

In life, sometimes there's wrong and "technically not wrong" - and the difference can often be hilarious.

Keep reading... Show less