People Share Family Secrets They've Discovered That Made Them Reevaluate Their Relatives

People Share Family Secrets They've Discovered That Made Them Reevaluate Their Relatives

Family is a strange thing; you can't choose them, you just have to deal with them. So many families share and hold onto so many secrets. When you're a kid they're always chattering about it UNTIL... you enter the room and everybody falls silent or laughs like hyenas for no reason. That's when you KNOW... something is up!

Redditor sirferrell asked everyone to divulge What was your family secret that you found out? The things you learn even 'Melrose Place' couldn't match!

CHA-CHING!!

My step great grandfather and great grandmother never actually married. They put on a fake ceremony of sorts but didn't legally wed so she could continue getting her deceased husband's social security, life insurance, etc. Didn't find out until great grandma died. They had lived together for around twenty years.

THE FEMALE WOODY ALLEN...

My mother's sister got kicked out of the house when she was 14 because she was stealing from her parents. When you're poor and one of seven children... yeah, you don't do that.

Anyway, she soon gets pregnant and has the baby at 15. Gives it up for adoption. That's not the family secret, though.

She finds and marries a guy in his forties when she's 18, and the guy has several children, the oldest of whom are around her age. She stays with this man for over 20 years, and has a few kids with him.

Then one day, she decides to run away with his daughter. My aunt and her stepdaughter (who is her age!) have been together now since I was a very small child.

WHERE DO WE BUY THE MOVIE RIGHTS?

Turns out I have a black uncle. Didn't find out until my grandmother told my aunt in a semi-lucid moment while she was bedridden.

No, it's not what you think. When my father was a kid, his family employed a black housekeeper/maid/whatever-you-call it who was around 16 or 17. My dad recalls that sometimes she'd bring her little brother to come by and play with my Dad and his siblings. Then something happened - apparently things were bad at home, or maybe the parents got in a car wreck - I think it was more the former, but I don't recall. Anyway, while the daughter was old enough to become emancipated, she wasn't going to be allowed to take custody of her younger brother and he was going to be put into foster care.

So my grandfather called his lawyer friend, and very quietly adopted the boy so that he could continue living with his sister. Keep in mind my grandfather was a doctor, and this was a small town in the rural south during the 1950's/1960's. It likely would have been somewhat-to-significantly damaging to his reputation had this been made public - hence the secrecy.

Anyway, never met the guy, family hardly knows anything about him, though I know he has a family and is doing alright. So yeah, I have a black uncle. And my grandmother missed taking that secret to her grave by just a few months.

I'M YOUR PRIVATE DANCER.... DANCER FOR ME $$$

My uncle died suddenly of a heart attack. At a strip club. After a private dance. And the stripper was a nursing student who performed CPR on him for a while until paramedics arrived.

OH FATHER...

Me, in a way. or who my dad was, depending on how you look at it. The details would take a pretty long while to type out, but essentially, my mom hid me from my dad and told me my entire life that he was dead before I was born(to prevent me looking into it.). She made up a random guy, provided pictures of him, (but never of my mom with him) gave a story on how he died and I spent 20 years never thinking to question it. Apparently my dad and my grandmother would find ways to try and contact me, but my mom and my grandma on mom's side would shut it down and threaten them if they did. Whole thing is crazy. At 20 my dad found me on Facebook and told me the whole story, providing pictures of the two of us together when I was barely a toddler, as well as pictures of him with my mom. Apparently they had a falling out and my mom wanted absolutely nothing to do with him. My dad and I are very cool now, the whole story is absolutely heartbreaking, especially for my dad's mom. She wanted to get to know me so desperately, and only did in the last two years she was alive. My dad and I text once a week, and it's pretty grand when it happens.

SOMEBODY HAS BOUGHT THERAPISTS SOME HOUSES...

Take your pick:

  • grandpa tried to kill my dad
  • grandma gave birth to my dad when she was 12
  • my cousin is a adult film "star"
  • LOVE KNOWS NO BOUNDARIES...

    My French grandmother was in love with a German soldier when she was a teenager in occupied France. He died at the front, but I found some old love letters he wrote her when we cleaned her apartment after she recently passed away.

    THERE'S A TWIST!!

    My uncle is older than my mom, and when they were kids he would tease her incessantly that she was adopted. She was pretty scarred by that (and other older brother terrorist antics...).

    I don't know the details, but he was registering for something when he was around 60 years old and needed his birth certificate (and either lost his or never had one). He went to the local courthouse where he found out he was adopted. His adoptive parents (my mom's parents) were both dead by then so he couldn't ask them all the questions he had.

    IT'S ALWAYS ABOUT THE LIQUOR!

    Great grandfather was a federal judge and also a successful bootlegger. One of the cowboys who had worked on our families ranch used to joke that the reason he never got fired in the 40+ years he worked for us was because he knew where on the ranch some rival bootleggers are buried. I always thought he was joking until a few years ago while going through some old oil leases I found a letter forbidding any drilling (test or otherwise) or roadwork on a particular half section of the ranch.

    Have you ever found yourself in an argument so stupid and/or pointless that you were sure you were being punked? Like you keep looking away from the other person to check your surroundings for places Ashton Kutcher and a camera crew could come popping out of?

    You're not the only one.

    u/Anti-hollowkid asked: What is the dumbest argument you've ever been in?

    Brace yourselves, folks. Some of these arguments are breathtakingly bonkers. The sheer number of people who are willing to argue with someone over provable facts and what that other person likes or doesn't like is just ... stunning. It's stunning, you guys. Just not in a good way.

    I Know What I Like

    Giphy

    My wife and I once argued over whether or not I liked mustard on my hot dog. I was for me liking mustard, she was against me liking mustard.

    The argument lasted way longer that you could ever imagine it would.

    - AardvarkAndy

    A Stair Step

    My brother and I argued if our staircase had 13 or 14 steps, based on an argument about if the floor of the second floor counts as a stair-step or not. We still have no solution.

    - RazerWolf04

    My dad is a stairbuilder and I spent many summers working at his warehouse, so I can clear this up. 14.

    - Apples9308

    Saturdays

    My husband and I have this thing where we only say "I love you" on Saturdays. Every other day it's "I love you, but only on Saturdays." I don't know how it started, but it's been going for 11 years now.

    We're both shiftworkers, so sometimes we have to stop and think what day it actually is. We had an argument recently over whether it was Saturday or not. I said it was Saturday, he said it was Friday. It was Monday.

    - FormalMango

    Iraq

    I remember when I was about 13 my parents had an hour-long shouting match that ended with them almost getting divorced. The issue? Whether or not the nation of Iraq has a coastline.

    My mother arguing that Iraq had a coastline, while my stepdad argued that it did not. This was back in 2004, and they are still quite happily married to this day. That incident is something they look back on and laugh about, and both of them admit it was really a pretty stupid thing to argue over.

    - dontcryformegiratina

    $40

    With an ex:

    "I owe you $80 for the bills of ours that you pay, and you owe me $40 for the bills of ours that I paid. Here's $40 in cash; we're even."

    She did not understand this.

    I literally had to go get another $40 out of the ATM, and hand the $80 to her. Then I had her hand me the $40 she owed me.

    "Now how much do you have in your hand?"

    She still didn't understand.

    She somehow has a college degree.

    - Speedly

    Mini Wheats

    When we were kids my brother and I got in a physical fight because he said I like mini wheats and I insisted I didn't. His argument was that I always sang the mini wheats song and I was deeply offended that he wasn't aware that it was just stuck in my head but I hated the cereal. I actually did like the cereal I'm not sure why I was arguing with him about it but I remember how genuinely angry I was.

    - shicole3

    Crayons

    Giphy

    I'll tell you about the only legal trouble I've ever been in, the fight that got me arrested. It started over whether we should return a box of crayons or not, and to this day I don't have any idea how it escalated to the point of the cops being called, but they were and I was the one taken in.

    - CorrectionalChard

    That's Unfair

    My boyfriend insisted that when two people are in an argument and one makes a point so reasonable and logical the other one can't disagree with it - it's unfair. I tried, logically and reasonably, to explain several times why that is just winning the argument, proving your point thoroughly and is completely fair.

    His answer was that I was being unfair.

    - ShyAcorn

    Pure Masochism

    How the ch in masochism is pronounced. My friend caught me saying "masoKism" while he would say "masoSYism."

    To be fair, he grew up speaking French, in which the ch in masochism is pronounced in "his" way. But he insisted that I was the wrong one here and that was just infuriating.

    - argofire

    Emailing NASA

    A woman was adamant that looking at the big solar eclipse on the television was unsafe unless you were wearing glasses. She wouldn't believe us and insisted on emailing NASA to check.

    - derawin07

    A Non-Standard Ruler? 

    I worked for a company that made signs. We had a customer ask for signs that were 7mm wide that were to go on a door. Our sign makers figured the order meant inches because 7mm is pretty small, so made them 7 inches. I got a phone call from the customer who went mad at me for making them the wrong size. So I put a reorder through for 7 mm.

    Argued with the sign makers over it but they eventually agreed to do it after I shown them the order in writing. I even had the customer put her complaint in writing, reiterating the size they wanted.

    7mm signs went out and a day later I get the customer on the phone literally screaming at me.

    Cue the dumb argument - we ended up having an argument over how big a millimetre is, and obviously everyone in the office were laughing, but this customer just wouldn't accept it and said we must be using a non-standard ruler to measure.

    Ended up being escalating to the sales department manager who refused to issue a refund. We still don't know what they actually meant.

    - Lovelocke

    This Unusual Vegan Argument

    Was in a pub with a few friends, and some random Dude dropped an ear, and somehow figured I'm vegan. Well, people like him are the reason I usually avoid mentioning it. He came up to me and insisted on starting a discussion about veganism. He claimed that by the end of it, I would be eating meat again.

    He listed some stupid arguments, I told him I was not convinced and then tried to keep on drinking beer with my friends. He followed me, and wanted me to "try to convert him to a vegan." I stupidly listed some of my reasons thinking it would make him go away. He told me he still was not convinced, so I was like whatever. Again, I really just wanted to drink beer with my friends.

    That dude followed me all night and expected me to try make him vegan. Doesn't matter what I said, and all the reasons that for me are obviously good enough to be vegan. He'd be just like "No, that doesn't convince me, therefore your argument and how you life is stupid."

    Didn't matter how often I told him that I honestly don't care; 5 minutes later he would come up to me again "I'm still not vegan, so veganism is stupid, all your arguments were stupid, now give me a good reason to become vegan!" At one point, I was literally yelling at him that I don't give a single flying f about what he eats and why, that it's in no way my responsibility to "turn somebody vegan" and in no way his business what I eat.

    Honestly, for that dude, I would have bought a whole ham, just to shove it up his stupid annoying face.

    - onlytruebertos

    Monty Python

    In college my roommate and I argued about a line in Monty Python & the Holy Grail. The scene with the Black Knight where the line "Alright, we'll call it a draw" is uttered. We argued about who said that line, whether it was King Arthur or the Black Knight.

    It went on for hours longer than it should have because I was stubborn and refused to admit I was wrong.

    - Skrivus

    Albert or Arnold

    Giphy

    Whether Albert Einstein or Arnold Schwarzenegger would be more useful to have around during a Zombie apocalypse. How on earth would Albert Einstein come in handy!?

    - Gerrard1995

    Below Sea Level

    I live on an island and when you go upland and you look out the sea looks like it's higher than or on the same level as the land. It's just a weird perspective thing because of the horizon. One day some kid says that it's because the island is under sea level.


    I'm like wtf bro all of us would be with the fishes. He argues that no that's not true and if I just go upland I'll see. We then spend a good 5 minutes of my time arguing about it until I decided to leave this kid in his stupidity. He even said we shouldn't believe everything adults tell us and sometimes we need to think for ourselves.

    This kid was older than me and was going to a good school. Lost my respect for him ever since then.

    - -justforclout-

    Tomash

    Someone tried to fight with me over how to spell my name.

    Now, my name is in a lot of languages with slightly different spellings. I would have accepted any of those spellings, but this one was just... Not even close. It didn't make any logical sense.


    An analogous example is if my name was Thomas and someone was insisting it was spelled Tomash. And not just the name Thomas in general, but that me specifically, on my birth certificate, was named Tomash. I know how to spell my own name.

    I swear to god, it went on for like an hour.

    - TK-DuVeraun

    Whales Are Mammals

    I was in an online chat room one day, and we were talking about whales. I commented on how whales are mammals and the next thing you know, someone was arguing with me and trying to convince me that a whale was a fish.

    - kawaii_psycho451

    Microwaves

    Stupid microwaves. Having a man child talk down to me about how microwaves work only for him to google it and prove me right. He slept on the sofa that night.

    - sun_phobic

    Shower Schedule

    My friend keeps telling me that the norm is that a person should shower once a week. This has been going on for years. I'm almost convinced he's trolling me.

    - LibrarianGovernment

    No Balloons For Grandma

    My cousin and I argued over a balloon going to Heaven. We were at his big sisters prom send off and he let a balloon go and it went high into the sky.

    He then said this balloon will go up past space and go to Heaven and reach grandma (God rest her soul). And I was like no it's not and it's probably not even gonna reach space. Releasing balloons is terrible for the environment and kills/harms so much wildlife.

    He got really mad and defensive and started telling me to google it and do my research and I'm like I don't have to google it you idiot. He was mad at me for a good week.

    - Dskee02

    Spontaneous Dolphin Existence

    Giphy

    How dolphins reproduced. It took me a few solid minutes of explaining to her that dolphins have reproductive organs and that they did not just pop into existence. The argument began with her saying she wanted to work with sea creatures.

    Personally, I hope she was messing with me cause I lost a little faith in humanity that day.

    - thebeststory

    Male Chickens

    I repeatedly had the argument with a friend over whether roosters were chickens. She was convinced that only the females were chickens (hens). We were 18 at the time.

    - bee_zah

    Lightning McQueen

    Me and my friend were drinking underage, we ended up in an argument of whether lightning McQueen's eyes were blue or green. Somehow throughout the whole thing both of us never thought to straight up google a picture.

    - 23071115

    But ... Ice Floats

    Waiter/Host here.

    Woman wanted ice on the bottom of her drink.

    Now read that sentence again and try to imagine arguing with that particular brand of stupid.

    - FarWoods

    Time Zones Exist

    Coworker claimed that it was the same time of day and the same season on the whole globe. Had to get 4 coworkers to confirm to him that time zones do in fact exist.

    - JustARegularToaster

    Colorblind

    My brother is colorblind. And he CONSTANTLY tries to correct me on what color things are.

    "Hey could you hand me that red _____?"

    "that's orange"

    "no, it's red"

    "orange"

    "YOU CANT EVEN KNOW"

    It is the base of our most common and heated arguments.

    - droneb2hive

    Andre 2000?

    Giphy

    I'm late, but I saw this question and instantly remembered that I was booted from a Facebook group because I called someone out on a lie that was not only bull, but extremely pointless. She was friends with the moderator and they made the case that my argument over such a little lie was more of a problem than the lie itself (though they didn't refer to it as a lie.)


    The woman said that she used to babysit for Andre 3000 and that his name was Andre 2000 - but he changed it after the year 2000 had passed. This was so easily disproven it was ridiculous. Their debut album came out in 1994 and he was already going by Andre 3000 at that time.

    The argument wasn't a huge long drawn out thing, but the fact that either of us were on Facebook at separate times meant that the responses were over a long period of time so this argument lasted a few days.

    It was stupid.

    - P1ST0L_Wh1PP3D

    Stars Like Our Sun

    I was arguing with my grandpa about stars he didn't believe that there are other stars like our sun. Basically he thought there is only the sun, the moon and the earth.

    fox_boi2

    Richard Nixon

    I have a degree in history. I mostly focused on nationalism. Wrote a 50 page paper on it and Richard Nixon with around 50 100 sources. Looked at micro film for hours on end. Part of the paper focused on how Nixon being chair of the house committee of Unamerican Activities was used as a powerful weapon to use against political enemies. It also inspired Joe McCarthy. Have had people tell me I was wrong and Nixon was never elected to a position besides the president and Joe McCarthy came before Nixon. I stopped trying to talk history to people.


    I also know quite a bit about the history of the Balkans its amazing how many Serbs refuse to believe Tito did anything wrong.

    Wrote 100 page paper on nationalism in Israel. Its frustrating to talk about because for some reason a lot of people think Palestinian firing rockets randomly into Israel is ok but if Israel retaliates the people get up in arms over a targeted air strike that kills 3 people.

    grumblecakes1

    Balloon to Heaven

    My cousin and I argued over a balloon going to Heaven. We were at his big sisters prom send off and he let a balloon go and it went high into the sky. He then said this balloon will go up past space and go to Heaven and reach grandma (God rest her soul). And I was like no it's not and it's probably not even gonna reach space.

    And he got really mad and defensive and started telling me to google it and do my research and I'm like I don't have to google it you idiot. He was mad at me for a good week.

    Dskee02

    Binder Clips

    I got into an argument with a co-worker over how we were attaching two pages of a letter together: small binder clips or paper clips.

    He felt that paper clips would leave a "dent" in the paper when removed, but binder clips won't. He refused to staple them together. I felt that binder clips would also leave a "dent", so we might as well just use the paper clips.

    It ended with him saying: "Do what you want [me], I don't care!" and storming off.

    justantherredditgirl

    Jewish

    Once got accused of faking being Jewish. Why? I have no clue. We argued over the course of a month, any time I'd bring it up and she heard about it, she'd begin going after me for "faking it".

    My mother's side is ethnically Jewish. Grandparents were practicing.

    Aslkurloz

    Nutella

    Giphy

    3 friends and I once got into an argument about how to pronounce Nutella. It lasted for about 3-4 months. It was hilarious how serious we took it, it'd get heated but never for real serious.

    I think someone even called the company that made it to check, or that may have been for the Cheetos company. We were really bored in high school.

    vault_tec_redditor

    Lingerie Boxes

    Late to the party, but there it is.

    I'm a manager at a small store. We're only 4 working there, so my team and I grew very close and we joke around a lot. Once during a slow shift, my employee and I had an argument because we were looking at the lingerie boxes, and I thought that two specific boxes had the same woman on it, but she was 100% positive they weren't the same person.

    Looking back, I don't know why it was such a big deal to us at the time, but we even called another employee who lives across the street to come and tell us what the heck was up with that. Turns out I was right, and she was pretty salty about it. It was a great night.

    Meh75

    Wicked Witch of the West

    I almost got into an argument with an old girlfriend over Glinda the good witch from Oz. She insisted that Glinda was manipulating Dorothy to assassinate the Wicked Witch of the West and convince the Wizard to leave to create a political void she could fill.

    I conceded the issue when I heard the whole premise because I thought it was too damn stupid to get worked up over.

    weirdatwork2017

    Keep Your Hands to Yourself

    Just the other day I legit got in an argument with my co-workers on why I don't like my butt being grabbed by anyone (I'm a guy). Seriously.

    They went on about "I don't mind it. Mike and I do it all the time and we don't care." Yeah, that's nice dude, but I'm not you, and there's something called "Keep your hands to yourself" (which was taught to a good portion of us growing up). Just like how Karen wouldn't like it if I touched her boobs or her grabbing your crotch or frankly ANY area you wouldn't like being grabbed, keep away. In general, you should not be touching me in any areas after I've told you not to several times before.

    So unless you're sleeping me or dating me, keep your damn hands off my toosh.

    Frisby2007

    Telekinesis

    My best friend and I argued over whether or not telekinesis was possible. Her argument was that humans don't yet know what the human brain at 100% usage was capable of, and that telekinesis was inside the possibilities.

    I said the brain does use 100%, just at different times.

    We didn't speak to each other for four days.

    dude_bizarro

    Ghosts

    How dolphins reproduced and whether or not ghost existed (back to back with the same person). It took me a few solid minutes of explaining to her that dolphins have reproductive organs and that they did not just pop into existence (the argument began with her saying she wanted to work with sea creatures).


    How it shifted to the existence of ghosts is a solid and reasonable question to ask (I don't remember why). I had to then proceed to tell her that ghost hunting TV shows do not constitute as undeniable evidence.

    Personally, I hope she was messing with me cause I lost a little faith in humanity that day. This was in high school SO... hopefully she was kidding.

    thebeststory

    Dogs and Chocolate

    Giphy

    I told this stupid woman that chocolate is toxic to dogs. She went on to tell me how a little bit will just make them hyper and then they will calm down. I told her to google it. Her and her bf shut right up. Now they have a kid. Good luck, Jeremy and Andrea. morons.

    I should also add that this argument started because Jeremy was giving his tiny dog chocolate and I told him it was toxic.

    KlutzyHedgehog

    Is water wet?

    My roommate and I have a recurring argument over whether or not water is wet l, and whether or not a person is considered wet underwater.

    For the record, it is no to both questions.

    SFCopperhead

    Mission Trip

    A kid a church telling me about the mission trip I went on. Not only was I not on that trip, but I had never been on any mission trip. We were good friends, so it's not like he would've mistaken someone else for me.

    He insisted I was there as if an entire week long trip would just fall out of my memory. He even had stories of things we'd done together. I'm not sure if he thought I was lying, joking, stupid, or crazy, but I was pretty sure he was some combination thereof.

    SirRogers

    Dragon Tales

    One time I got into a shouting match with my mom and little brother in the car. The issue? The names of the two-headed dragon from the PBS kids afternoon show Dragon Tales. I swore it was Zack and Macie.

    It was actually Zak and Wheezie. I don't even remember why we were yelling about it.

    MistalQueensglaive

    Green Or Yellow?

    When I was about 15 or so my mother and I spent about 20-30 minutes arguing about the color of a shirt. We agreed it was blue/green, but to me it was just a shade more blue, while to her it was just a bit more green.

    Turns out, your eyeballs yellow as you age and hers were 24 years yellower than mine, so I think that skewed her color vision.

    BugsRatty

    Stars In Their Multitude

    Giphy

    I once got in an argument over whether or not a line from the song "Stars" in Les Mis says "...but mine is the way of the lord" or "mine is the way of the law".

    I didn't even really care what he thought but he was so adamant and cocky that it got me heated. By the end of it we were shouting at each other and I had to apologize, which I think is what he wanted the whole time.

    theedjman

    Colorblind

    My brother is colorblind. And he CONSTANTLY tries to correct me on what color things are.

    "Hey could you hand me that red _____?" "that's orange" "no, it's red" "orange" "YOU CANT EVEN KNOW".

    It is the base of our most common and heated arguments.

    droneb2hive

    Hot Water

    About five years ago, my girlfriend (now wife) once had a very intense argument about whether or not hot water cleaned things better than cold water.

    She genuinely believed that water temperature didn't matter. This is someone who has not one, but two masters degrees.

    We argued for something like 2 hours, and we seriously almost broke up over the whole thing.

    moniker5000

    Biology Class

    I had an argument with a girl IN THE MIDDLE OF A BIOLOGY CLASS in high school about how humans are not mammals. She thought a human was a human and we are not mammals because "mammals are animals and humans are not animals"

    I tried explaining to her the difference between reptiles and mammals and how humans fall under the mammal category to try and educate her... but she just wouldn't listen.

    I still have no idea why the BIOLOGY teacher did not get involved...

    10d4plus8

    Solid Or Liquid?

    Some classmates and I got into a heated debate as to whether or not the human body could count as a soup, salad, or sandwich. The teacher got mad at us, but hey! All we were doing was watching a movie.

    For the record, my logic lays with soup- Liquid contained within a solid, at a hot temperature.

    ScreamingPotoo