People Share Stories Of Things They've Done That No One Believes To Be True.


This article is based on the AskReddit question "Reddit, what thing/s have you done which most of us probably won't believe you did?"

[Source can be found at the end of the article]

28. Whoa!

Wrote a software program that saved the company >$10,000,000 (that's millions) each and every year. Program used for at least 10 years. Promotion and bonus.


27. Once in a life time

During freshman year of college, I was hanging out on the ground floor of the dorm with some friends and our RA.

One friend hailed an elevator and held the door for us to get in. While walking towards the elevator, I was swinging my carabiner (that had my keys it) around my finger and it slipped off.

The keys went flying and went straight through the opening between the floor and the elevator without touching the ground.

We fished it out with a straightened metal clothes hanger.


26. Success!

When I was a teenager I fenced in Singapore and was ranked 16th nationally.

There were only 17 girls competing. One dropped out due to illness.


25. The average Minecraft player

I go to college in a different state. I miss my dogs more than I miss my family. Once I missed my dogs so much that I gave 3 wolves in Minecraft a tour of my world and pretended they were my dogs. After 10 minutes of doing this I realized what I had become and stopped.


24. Witnessing new technology take off

Sat on the top floor of an Indy business with the CEO of a research institute and my patent attorney discussing a computer for the "internet" (a word not used yet at the time) in 1988. The engineers thought being able to get info from anywhere was the " greatest idea since sliced bread.

Mind you, Im an old man. I used a slide rule at the start of college. I got to watch all this unfold and met some mighty interesting folks along the way.


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23. Living on the edge

Banzai/Kamikaze skydiving.

Basically, you throw your parachute out first and then have to chase after it. It's not as horrifying as it first sounds, because you are still tied to the parachute by a long chord. It's just difficult to pull it on and tighten it up properly while you're falling.


22. Fun activity!

Urban exploration. I break into derelict buildings and adventure down disused sewers and things. I could travel the entire length of the town I live in underground. I sometimes used to use the route to get to work before a massive flood the other summer ruined that. I still urban explore, though. Love it. Also found out that local councils pay people to live in abandoned hospitals and schools and places so long as they keep it in good condition and keep out trespassers. Found that out when I was chased from an derelict school by some drunk person wielding a plank of wood.


21. Skills!

One time I was tubing and while going full speed my dad threw a grape out the back of the boat to me and I caught it in my mouth while on the tube. First try too.


20. Its not every day you find a diamond

My friend and I got wasted downtown in a big city so we called an Uber to go home. We got in a random car which was not an Uber with a guy named Diamond. Diamond actually got us home safe and sound after taking us to a gas station to get snacks.


19. No regrets!

I got in a fight with a kid in high school, ended up punching him in the face. I was a fairly nerdy kid, but I played football and didn't put up such things. Rumor around the school was this kid who I punched "wanted to kill me." It's high school, so no one really takes stuff like that seriously.

Fast forward a year from then, this guy isn't at graduation. Apparently the day of graduation, he shot and killed someone over $500. Charged and convicted of murder, 20 years.


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18. Just a sleepy child

I fell asleep in my parent's room when I was 4. I woke up to my mom crying and police in the room. Apparently they couldn't find me and thought I was missing. Whole neighborhood was searching for me. Little did they know I was sleeping peacefully in my Superman underwear.


17. Full of talent

Two things, one significantly funnier than the other.

A) I killed a fly with a hair tie by shooting it like an elastic.

B) My incredibly inebriated friend made a piece of pizza straight up disappear.

It was his birthday, so we make pizza at his place (he's a natural born cook) and get drunk. He's not used to his alcohol, however, and gets way more plastered than me and my other friend who was there, who we'll call Lyla.

So basically he's almost passed out sitting on the kitchen floor, me and Lyla are discussing if we should call his parents. We do, but they won't be home for at least 45 minutes, either one of them.

The drunk one, we'll call Dirk, asks if we're still hungry.

"No, Dirk. We're good. Thanks though!"

Dirk doesn't believe us. So, he chucks a piece of pizza at us, except it doesn't go at us, it goes in a parabola above us.

Now Dirk's house had those curtains that short of jut out from the wall a bit, by like an inch, before the actual curtains lay.

Dirk's pizza falls in the crack between the wall and the curtain mechanism.

And to this day we have not found it.


16. Dont dream it, live it!

Put everything we own in storage, put two relatively successful careers on hold, broke a lease on an UWS Manhattan penthouse, and traveled the world for 2 years straight. 36 countries across 5 continents, scuba diving in some of the best dive sites in the world, and memories for a lifetime. People don't believe we would give up all we had, but we did and are far happier for it.


15. Friday the 13th horror!

Before I started high school, I went to Devil's Lake, Wisconsin on Friday the 13th. I decided not to rock-climb and found I had made a great personal decision that cured my fear of heights.

One of the girls in the group I was camping with was attacked by rock spiders while rock-climbing and got tangled up in the rope. She was the one girl in entire all-female group (including myself) who had a phobia of spiders before that - so she screamed for the entire time she was attacked and the hours it took for someone to get her down. It ended up storming after we set up the tents later that day and went to bed that night too.

So, I got to watch someone be attacked by spiders in real life, on Friday the 13th, and I'll never be able to forget that screaming. I decided that day that my fear of heights was ridiculous since there's a lot more to fear in life. I'm now superstitious of Friday the 13th and am unwilling to ever go back to Devil's Lake, Wisconsin.


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14. Note taken

Dated both royalty (a countess) and the niece of a president.

I'm a fairly regular dude, normal built, zero fancy bloodline or big industry heirloom. Simply have good manners and am not afraid approaching people. I even have factual, undeniable proof for both (actually still dating the president's niece, and hope it stays that way.)


13. When you zone out, magic happens

I was dazing out into another world in 2nd grade and my hand felt an instinct to twitch, flip the pencil I was holding into the air, and come back into my hand in the same position, whilst I was still zoned out and just staring at nowhere.

The teacher stopped the lesson and exclaimed, "That was a cool magic trick! But don't do it again, ok?"

I used to zone out so much in elementary because it was like sleeping and dreaming at the same time, but still awake.


12. When the unexpected happens

One day me and 3 friends were very thirsty at school and the tuck shop was closed as the students running it were writing exams. So we go to the vending machine and low and behold it's all empty except for cream soda. Anyways we pitch in all our cents and press the button... 4 cream soda cans came out.


11. Will do anything to be in a movie

Not as cool as some of these on here but I was an extra for a movie starring Paul Rudd over the summer. They needed performers for a scene and paid for us to travel out of state for the scene. We had to shoot it in a 50 degrees Fahrenheit lake. They'd have us do three takes, get out of the water to warm up in front of heaters, and then get in and do two more. The lake was absolutely freezing and really gross but I got to meet a famous actor and be on a movie set. They're very quiet.


10. Close call!

I pulled a little kid out a malfunctioning escalator that would have ended in his brutal death.

My girlfriend and I were vacationing in Aruba, and checked out the one shopping mall on the island. A Spanish speaking family was riding up the escalator. The mother was berating the kids in Spanish, when one of the kids got his shoe stuck in the escalator.

My girlfriend and I were leaning on the second story railing watching this all happen. In the span of a few seconds, everyone realized this was now an emergency. The kid was about 5 feet away from the top of the escalator where he would be pulled in to an unthinkable death.

I ran over to the kid, grabbed his arm, and just pulled as hard as I could. His little foot slipped out of his shoe and we both fell, him landing on top of me. His shoe was torn up by the escalator. His family was freaking out, and his mother scooped him up and whisked him away. The little grandmother (I'm assuming that's what she was) said something to me in Spanish and grabbed my hand in an attempt to thank me I guess. Then they left.

I was also really stoned for this whole experience which made it super surreal.


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9. Lost and found

Got lost at festival for about 12 hours. Literally could not find my tent. I got out of it in the dark to wee and had nothing with me. I'm naturally bad at direction but there were so many tents the same. Wandered for about 12 hours finally found my friends and they thought I hooked up. Wouldn't believe I just wandered for 12 hrs. I was dehydrated and so exhausted.


8. Lucky!

Met and chatted casually with Scarlett Johansson (and Kal Penn) my freshman year of college. They came to our campus campaigning for Obama in 2007 (he was with them of course). It was obscenely cold outside (the speech was being given outdoors at night) in mid-November and a friend of mine was in charge of organizing the event so while they were waiting before it was going to happen, he took them somewhere inside out of the cold. I walked by where they were hanging out and sat down and talked with them.

Biggest irony of this story is that my head was far in the sand when it came to movies so I barely knew who Scarlet Johansson was.


7. Ninja moves

Had a cell phone come out of my pocket on a rollercoaster, reached out with my foot in mid fall and pinned it to the floor. All In the course of a few second drop. I have a witness but people still don't believe it.

The same phone later fell 2 feet into the floor and then shattered. C'est la vie.


6. Worth it!

I was chopping vegetables in college and dropped my chef's knife. I'd been playing a lot of hackey sack at the time, and instinct told me to kick the knife.

I kicked the handle, caught it in mid air, and then the danger of what I'd just done set in. But I was ok. I put the knife down, hands shaking, and stepped back for a minute.


5. Great aim

Years ago, I had a great dog. Her name was Chelsea. Well, one day, shes standing at the far end of the kitchen and Im about 25 feet away near the sink. She had these rope chew toys, like a section of rope with knots tied at either end kind of thing. The white one was laying on the floor near me by the sink. I was in my sock feet, and just kind of scooped it up and flicked it toward the other end of the room. Imagine my surprise when it landed in my dogs open mouth.

She was more stunned than me. It was just suddenly there and shes like WTF? The expression on her face was golden. She just tilted her head down and let it fall out. There were no other witnesses and no one believed me.


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4. When a famous actor calls your house

Answered my house telephone and it was Robert De Niro on the line back in 1996. He said Hi this is Bobby here, I'm looking to speak with John." I said There's no John here. Who is this? He said, "Bob De Niro. I said, Robert DeNiro? the actor? (It sounded just like him.) He said "Yes , the actor. I was told I could get John at this number. I said, "There's no John here, Robert, sorry about that. Then I hung up. Ten minutes later my dad walked into the house with this old guy and he introduced me to him as John. John says to me "Did Bobby call for me yet? This was before everyone had cell phones. I said, "Yeah but I hung up. The old guy was Jon Voight and I didn't know who he was. It was just before he got famous again for Mission Impossible and Enemy of the State and Anaconda and all those movies. I was a teenager and didn't know anything about Midnight Cowboy or Deliverance. My dad was helping him research a role.


3. True survivor

Not that unbelievable, but slipped down a rocky face into Arctic water (I was in Norway), climbed out, and survived. I found a guy in the immediate area with the car, and I got him to drive me to a family member's house, a long walk away in a moment where too much time in the cold air was dangerous since I was soaking wet in freezing water. I was around 13 at the time.


2. The staring contest

When I was seventeen, I won a staring contest with a cougar. I was out in the woods with my girlfriend at night, talking, looking at the stars etc. And there is this.... Impossible to describe noise. I turn on a light, turn around, and there are two eyes, staring at me. At the time, I thought it was a bobcat (we had been seeing a lot of sign, misread it). I yell at it. It just stares. I pull out my Ka-Bar knife, send her over to the staff house (maybe a hundred yards away) to get a couple co-workers with rifles (it's way too close to the camp for comfort) and I start talking to it, walking towards it, making sure it stays focused on me, not her. We stare at each other maybe five minutes 'till it must have heard the others coming and simply disappeared.


1. Brilliant move

When I worked for Dept of Homeland Security at Dulles Airport, I found a compromised area of the airport. So after getting approval from the higher ups who knew I was going to do this, what I did was I brought in a toy handgun. Then, in front of my supervisor, a bunch of screeners and a few TSA bigwigs, I sat down on the floor against a wall in the non secure side and nonchalantly took the toy gun from my backpack without them noticing me and I slid the gun to the secure side of the airport. I slid it under a large gap in-between a flight information sign (you know, they say delayed, delayed, on time, delayed etc...) and the wall.

We all got in line and went through the security checkpoint where I walked them around to the sign. I pointed to the ground and there lay the gun.

The look on their faces was pure horror! They thanked me and thanked me. After that day I was promoted and they actually created a new position within TSA in every airport in the country due to me. This was back in 2002 when TSA was still new. But yeah, I was proud to have done my part. True story. I worked there for another couple years and then moved on.



Have you ever found yourself in an argument so stupid and/or pointless that you were sure you were being punked? Like you keep looking away from the other person to check your surroundings for places Ashton Kutcher and a camera crew could come popping out of?

You're not the only one.

u/Anti-hollowkid asked: What is the dumbest argument you've ever been in?

Brace yourselves, folks. Some of these arguments are breathtakingly bonkers. The sheer number of people who are willing to argue with someone over provable facts and what that other person likes or doesn't like is just ... stunning. It's stunning, you guys. Just not in a good way.

I Know What I Like


My wife and I once argued over whether or not I liked mustard on my hot dog. I was for me liking mustard, she was against me liking mustard.

The argument lasted way longer that you could ever imagine it would.

- AardvarkAndy

A Stair Step

My brother and I argued if our staircase had 13 or 14 steps, based on an argument about if the floor of the second floor counts as a stair-step or not. We still have no solution.

- RazerWolf04

My dad is a stairbuilder and I spent many summers working at his warehouse, so I can clear this up. 14.

- Apples9308


My husband and I have this thing where we only say "I love you" on Saturdays. Every other day it's "I love you, but only on Saturdays." I don't know how it started, but it's been going for 11 years now.

We're both shiftworkers, so sometimes we have to stop and think what day it actually is. We had an argument recently over whether it was Saturday or not. I said it was Saturday, he said it was Friday. It was Monday.

- FormalMango


I remember when I was about 13 my parents had an hour-long shouting match that ended with them almost getting divorced. The issue? Whether or not the nation of Iraq has a coastline.

My mother arguing that Iraq had a coastline, while my stepdad argued that it did not. This was back in 2004, and they are still quite happily married to this day. That incident is something they look back on and laugh about, and both of them admit it was really a pretty stupid thing to argue over.

- dontcryformegiratina


With an ex:

"I owe you $80 for the bills of ours that you pay, and you owe me $40 for the bills of ours that I paid. Here's $40 in cash; we're even."

She did not understand this.

I literally had to go get another $40 out of the ATM, and hand the $80 to her. Then I had her hand me the $40 she owed me.

"Now how much do you have in your hand?"

She still didn't understand.

She somehow has a college degree.

- Speedly

Mini Wheats

When we were kids my brother and I got in a physical fight because he said I like mini wheats and I insisted I didn't. His argument was that I always sang the mini wheats song and I was deeply offended that he wasn't aware that it was just stuck in my head but I hated the cereal. I actually did like the cereal I'm not sure why I was arguing with him about it but I remember how genuinely angry I was.

- shicole3



I'll tell you about the only legal trouble I've ever been in, the fight that got me arrested. It started over whether we should return a box of crayons or not, and to this day I don't have any idea how it escalated to the point of the cops being called, but they were and I was the one taken in.

- CorrectionalChard

That's Unfair

My boyfriend insisted that when two people are in an argument and one makes a point so reasonable and logical the other one can't disagree with it - it's unfair. I tried, logically and reasonably, to explain several times why that is just winning the argument, proving your point thoroughly and is completely fair.

His answer was that I was being unfair.

- ShyAcorn

Pure Masochism

How the ch in masochism is pronounced. My friend caught me saying "masoKism" while he would say "masoSYism."

To be fair, he grew up speaking French, in which the ch in masochism is pronounced in "his" way. But he insisted that I was the wrong one here and that was just infuriating.

- argofire

Emailing NASA

A woman was adamant that looking at the big solar eclipse on the television was unsafe unless you were wearing glasses. She wouldn't believe us and insisted on emailing NASA to check.

- derawin07

A Non-Standard Ruler? 

I worked for a company that made signs. We had a customer ask for signs that were 7mm wide that were to go on a door. Our sign makers figured the order meant inches because 7mm is pretty small, so made them 7 inches. I got a phone call from the customer who went mad at me for making them the wrong size. So I put a reorder through for 7 mm.

Argued with the sign makers over it but they eventually agreed to do it after I shown them the order in writing. I even had the customer put her complaint in writing, reiterating the size they wanted.

7mm signs went out and a day later I get the customer on the phone literally screaming at me.

Cue the dumb argument - we ended up having an argument over how big a millimetre is, and obviously everyone in the office were laughing, but this customer just wouldn't accept it and said we must be using a non-standard ruler to measure.

Ended up being escalating to the sales department manager who refused to issue a refund. We still don't know what they actually meant.

- Lovelocke

This Unusual Vegan Argument

Was in a pub with a few friends, and some random Dude dropped an ear, and somehow figured I'm vegan. Well, people like him are the reason I usually avoid mentioning it. He came up to me and insisted on starting a discussion about veganism. He claimed that by the end of it, I would be eating meat again.

He listed some stupid arguments, I told him I was not convinced and then tried to keep on drinking beer with my friends. He followed me, and wanted me to "try to convert him to a vegan." I stupidly listed some of my reasons thinking it would make him go away. He told me he still was not convinced, so I was like whatever. Again, I really just wanted to drink beer with my friends.

That dude followed me all night and expected me to try make him vegan. Doesn't matter what I said, and all the reasons that for me are obviously good enough to be vegan. He'd be just like "No, that doesn't convince me, therefore your argument and how you life is stupid."

Didn't matter how often I told him that I honestly don't care; 5 minutes later he would come up to me again "I'm still not vegan, so veganism is stupid, all your arguments were stupid, now give me a good reason to become vegan!" At one point, I was literally yelling at him that I don't give a single flying f about what he eats and why, that it's in no way my responsibility to "turn somebody vegan" and in no way his business what I eat.

Honestly, for that dude, I would have bought a whole ham, just to shove it up his stupid annoying face.

- onlytruebertos

Monty Python

In college my roommate and I argued about a line in Monty Python & the Holy Grail. The scene with the Black Knight where the line "Alright, we'll call it a draw" is uttered. We argued about who said that line, whether it was King Arthur or the Black Knight.

It went on for hours longer than it should have because I was stubborn and refused to admit I was wrong.

- Skrivus

Albert or Arnold


Whether Albert Einstein or Arnold Schwarzenegger would be more useful to have around during a Zombie apocalypse. How on earth would Albert Einstein come in handy!?

- Gerrard1995

Below Sea Level

I live on an island and when you go upland and you look out the sea looks like it's higher than or on the same level as the land. It's just a weird perspective thing because of the horizon. One day some kid says that it's because the island is under sea level.

I'm like wtf bro all of us would be with the fishes. He argues that no that's not true and if I just go upland I'll see. We then spend a good 5 minutes of my time arguing about it until I decided to leave this kid in his stupidity. He even said we shouldn't believe everything adults tell us and sometimes we need to think for ourselves.

This kid was older than me and was going to a good school. Lost my respect for him ever since then.

- -justforclout-


Someone tried to fight with me over how to spell my name.

Now, my name is in a lot of languages with slightly different spellings. I would have accepted any of those spellings, but this one was just... Not even close. It didn't make any logical sense.

An analogous example is if my name was Thomas and someone was insisting it was spelled Tomash. And not just the name Thomas in general, but that me specifically, on my birth certificate, was named Tomash. I know how to spell my own name.

I swear to god, it went on for like an hour.

- TK-DuVeraun

Whales Are Mammals

I was in an online chat room one day, and we were talking about whales. I commented on how whales are mammals and the next thing you know, someone was arguing with me and trying to convince me that a whale was a fish.

- kawaii_psycho451


Stupid microwaves. Having a man child talk down to me about how microwaves work only for him to google it and prove me right. He slept on the sofa that night.

- sun_phobic

Shower Schedule

My friend keeps telling me that the norm is that a person should shower once a week. This has been going on for years. I'm almost convinced he's trolling me.

- LibrarianGovernment

No Balloons For Grandma

My cousin and I argued over a balloon going to Heaven. We were at his big sisters prom send off and he let a balloon go and it went high into the sky.

He then said this balloon will go up past space and go to Heaven and reach grandma (God rest her soul). And I was like no it's not and it's probably not even gonna reach space. Releasing balloons is terrible for the environment and kills/harms so much wildlife.

He got really mad and defensive and started telling me to google it and do my research and I'm like I don't have to google it you idiot. He was mad at me for a good week.

- Dskee02

Spontaneous Dolphin Existence


How dolphins reproduced. It took me a few solid minutes of explaining to her that dolphins have reproductive organs and that they did not just pop into existence. The argument began with her saying she wanted to work with sea creatures.

Personally, I hope she was messing with me cause I lost a little faith in humanity that day.

- thebeststory

Male Chickens

I repeatedly had the argument with a friend over whether roosters were chickens. She was convinced that only the females were chickens (hens). We were 18 at the time.

- bee_zah

Lightning McQueen

Me and my friend were drinking underage, we ended up in an argument of whether lightning McQueen's eyes were blue or green. Somehow throughout the whole thing both of us never thought to straight up google a picture.

- 23071115

But ... Ice Floats

Waiter/Host here.

Woman wanted ice on the bottom of her drink.

Now read that sentence again and try to imagine arguing with that particular brand of stupid.

- FarWoods

Time Zones Exist

Coworker claimed that it was the same time of day and the same season on the whole globe. Had to get 4 coworkers to confirm to him that time zones do in fact exist.

- JustARegularToaster


My brother is colorblind. And he CONSTANTLY tries to correct me on what color things are.

"Hey could you hand me that red _____?"

"that's orange"

"no, it's red"



It is the base of our most common and heated arguments.

- droneb2hive

Andre 2000?


I'm late, but I saw this question and instantly remembered that I was booted from a Facebook group because I called someone out on a lie that was not only bull, but extremely pointless. She was friends with the moderator and they made the case that my argument over such a little lie was more of a problem than the lie itself (though they didn't refer to it as a lie.)

The woman said that she used to babysit for Andre 3000 and that his name was Andre 2000 - but he changed it after the year 2000 had passed. This was so easily disproven it was ridiculous. Their debut album came out in 1994 and he was already going by Andre 3000 at that time.

The argument wasn't a huge long drawn out thing, but the fact that either of us were on Facebook at separate times meant that the responses were over a long period of time so this argument lasted a few days.

It was stupid.

- P1ST0L_Wh1PP3D

Stars Like Our Sun

I was arguing with my grandpa about stars he didn't believe that there are other stars like our sun. Basically he thought there is only the sun, the moon and the earth.


Richard Nixon

I have a degree in history. I mostly focused on nationalism. Wrote a 50 page paper on it and Richard Nixon with around 50 100 sources. Looked at micro film for hours on end. Part of the paper focused on how Nixon being chair of the house committee of Unamerican Activities was used as a powerful weapon to use against political enemies. It also inspired Joe McCarthy. Have had people tell me I was wrong and Nixon was never elected to a position besides the president and Joe McCarthy came before Nixon. I stopped trying to talk history to people.

I also know quite a bit about the history of the Balkans its amazing how many Serbs refuse to believe Tito did anything wrong.

Wrote 100 page paper on nationalism in Israel. Its frustrating to talk about because for some reason a lot of people think Palestinian firing rockets randomly into Israel is ok but if Israel retaliates the people get up in arms over a targeted air strike that kills 3 people.


Balloon to Heaven

My cousin and I argued over a balloon going to Heaven. We were at his big sisters prom send off and he let a balloon go and it went high into the sky. He then said this balloon will go up past space and go to Heaven and reach grandma (God rest her soul). And I was like no it's not and it's probably not even gonna reach space.

And he got really mad and defensive and started telling me to google it and do my research and I'm like I don't have to google it you idiot. He was mad at me for a good week.


Binder Clips

I got into an argument with a co-worker over how we were attaching two pages of a letter together: small binder clips or paper clips.

He felt that paper clips would leave a "dent" in the paper when removed, but binder clips won't. He refused to staple them together. I felt that binder clips would also leave a "dent", so we might as well just use the paper clips.

It ended with him saying: "Do what you want [me], I don't care!" and storming off.



Once got accused of faking being Jewish. Why? I have no clue. We argued over the course of a month, any time I'd bring it up and she heard about it, she'd begin going after me for "faking it".

My mother's side is ethnically Jewish. Grandparents were practicing.




3 friends and I once got into an argument about how to pronounce Nutella. It lasted for about 3-4 months. It was hilarious how serious we took it, it'd get heated but never for real serious.

I think someone even called the company that made it to check, or that may have been for the Cheetos company. We were really bored in high school.


Lingerie Boxes

Late to the party, but there it is.

I'm a manager at a small store. We're only 4 working there, so my team and I grew very close and we joke around a lot. Once during a slow shift, my employee and I had an argument because we were looking at the lingerie boxes, and I thought that two specific boxes had the same woman on it, but she was 100% positive they weren't the same person.

Looking back, I don't know why it was such a big deal to us at the time, but we even called another employee who lives across the street to come and tell us what the heck was up with that. Turns out I was right, and she was pretty salty about it. It was a great night.


Wicked Witch of the West

I almost got into an argument with an old girlfriend over Glinda the good witch from Oz. She insisted that Glinda was manipulating Dorothy to assassinate the Wicked Witch of the West and convince the Wizard to leave to create a political void she could fill.

I conceded the issue when I heard the whole premise because I thought it was too damn stupid to get worked up over.


Keep Your Hands to Yourself

Just the other day I legit got in an argument with my co-workers on why I don't like my butt being grabbed by anyone (I'm a guy). Seriously.

They went on about "I don't mind it. Mike and I do it all the time and we don't care." Yeah, that's nice dude, but I'm not you, and there's something called "Keep your hands to yourself" (which was taught to a good portion of us growing up). Just like how Karen wouldn't like it if I touched her boobs or her grabbing your crotch or frankly ANY area you wouldn't like being grabbed, keep away. In general, you should not be touching me in any areas after I've told you not to several times before.

So unless you're sleeping me or dating me, keep your damn hands off my toosh.



My best friend and I argued over whether or not telekinesis was possible. Her argument was that humans don't yet know what the human brain at 100% usage was capable of, and that telekinesis was inside the possibilities.

I said the brain does use 100%, just at different times.

We didn't speak to each other for four days.



How dolphins reproduced and whether or not ghost existed (back to back with the same person). It took me a few solid minutes of explaining to her that dolphins have reproductive organs and that they did not just pop into existence (the argument began with her saying she wanted to work with sea creatures).

How it shifted to the existence of ghosts is a solid and reasonable question to ask (I don't remember why). I had to then proceed to tell her that ghost hunting TV shows do not constitute as undeniable evidence.

Personally, I hope she was messing with me cause I lost a little faith in humanity that day. This was in high school SO... hopefully she was kidding.


Dogs and Chocolate


I told this stupid woman that chocolate is toxic to dogs. She went on to tell me how a little bit will just make them hyper and then they will calm down. I told her to google it. Her and her bf shut right up. Now they have a kid. Good luck, Jeremy and Andrea. morons.

I should also add that this argument started because Jeremy was giving his tiny dog chocolate and I told him it was toxic.


Is water wet?

My roommate and I have a recurring argument over whether or not water is wet l, and whether or not a person is considered wet underwater.

For the record, it is no to both questions.


Mission Trip

A kid a church telling me about the mission trip I went on. Not only was I not on that trip, but I had never been on any mission trip. We were good friends, so it's not like he would've mistaken someone else for me.

He insisted I was there as if an entire week long trip would just fall out of my memory. He even had stories of things we'd done together. I'm not sure if he thought I was lying, joking, stupid, or crazy, but I was pretty sure he was some combination thereof.


Dragon Tales

One time I got into a shouting match with my mom and little brother in the car. The issue? The names of the two-headed dragon from the PBS kids afternoon show Dragon Tales. I swore it was Zack and Macie.

It was actually Zak and Wheezie. I don't even remember why we were yelling about it.


Green Or Yellow?

When I was about 15 or so my mother and I spent about 20-30 minutes arguing about the color of a shirt. We agreed it was blue/green, but to me it was just a shade more blue, while to her it was just a bit more green.

Turns out, your eyeballs yellow as you age and hers were 24 years yellower than mine, so I think that skewed her color vision.


Stars In Their Multitude


I once got in an argument over whether or not a line from the song "Stars" in Les Mis says "...but mine is the way of the lord" or "mine is the way of the law".

I didn't even really care what he thought but he was so adamant and cocky that it got me heated. By the end of it we were shouting at each other and I had to apologize, which I think is what he wanted the whole time.



My brother is colorblind. And he CONSTANTLY tries to correct me on what color things are.

"Hey could you hand me that red _____?" "that's orange" "no, it's red" "orange" "YOU CANT EVEN KNOW".

It is the base of our most common and heated arguments.


Hot Water

About five years ago, my girlfriend (now wife) once had a very intense argument about whether or not hot water cleaned things better than cold water.

She genuinely believed that water temperature didn't matter. This is someone who has not one, but two masters degrees.

We argued for something like 2 hours, and we seriously almost broke up over the whole thing.


Biology Class

I had an argument with a girl IN THE MIDDLE OF A BIOLOGY CLASS in high school about how humans are not mammals. She thought a human was a human and we are not mammals because "mammals are animals and humans are not animals"

I tried explaining to her the difference between reptiles and mammals and how humans fall under the mammal category to try and educate her... but she just wouldn't listen.

I still have no idea why the BIOLOGY teacher did not get involved...


Solid Or Liquid?

Some classmates and I got into a heated debate as to whether or not the human body could count as a soup, salad, or sandwich. The teacher got mad at us, but hey! All we were doing was watching a movie.

For the record, my logic lays with soup- Liquid contained within a solid, at a hot temperature.