People Share The Craziest Theories They Had As A Child.

We all thought a lot of things as children that turned out to be completely false. Here's some insight into the minds of, shall we say, "creative" children.


Many thanks to the Redditors who responded. You can check out more answers from the source at the end of this article.

1. That scientists "wrote" scientific laws. I remember being mad at Newton for making things heavy.


2. I used to cry whenever Looney Toons would come on. My parents couldn't figure out why.

I didn't understand animation when I was little. I knew that bugs, daffy, and elmer weren't real animals, because animals didn't walk upright and talk. So, they had to be people in suits (I don't think I knew about robots). I also knew that nothing, human or no, could survive what these toons were being put through. Appalled, I wondered who would be willing to get into a bugs bunny suit and jump off a cliff to their doom? Obviously, old people who didn't want to live anymore. Each time bugs would get blown up or shot or thrown off a cliff, they would unzip the suit, take the body out, and the next person would get in. I knew these people were other kid's grandparents, and so I cried for those kids.


3. When I was younger (about 4ish) whenever I had chips for dinner I would sort the smaller chips from the bigger chips and only eat the large ones, the smaller one would be placed in my pocket to be found by my mum when she washed my clothes. The reason I did this was because I believe that the smaller chips were 'little chips' and that one day they would grow into 'adult chips', my intention was to keep the chips and allow them to grow into adulthood but being a child my attention span wasn't that long and I always forgot they were in my pockets.


4. When I was younger, I thought that at some point people just grow up. As if there's a day where adulthood just hits you and you suddenly stop being a kid and your mindset changes to act more maturely and you suddenly begin to care about grown up things and not about kid things. I thought this even up to my teenage years until my extended family was in a big arguing phase where everyone was acting like kids in high school. I asked my mom why they were all acting like that and she replied with something I'll never forget.

"What, did you think people actually ever grow up?" I replied, "Well of course." She said, "Nobody ever actually grows up. They just get older."

My mom has infinite wisdom.


5. When I was really young I thought that actors lived in the TV and the VCR so while I was watching them I would occasionally walk away or turn off the TV so they could have a break and eat or use the bathroom.


6. I thought everybody had a finite amount of breaths available in their life -- when they spent them, that's when they died.

I reacted strangely to this information...


So when I was bored I would hold my breath for a long time, in hopes of extending my life and not wasting my breath on boring moments.


7. I grew up believing that girls peed out of their butts. I was told that girls "didn't have penises." Never got the "you have a penis and girls have vaginas" part. Just heard "girls DON'T have penises." Therefore... My thought: If girls don't have penises, how does their pee get out? My solution: OBVIOUSLY it comes out of their butt.


8. For a (very) brief period, I was convinced - convinced, I tell you - that I'd discovered a means by which I could cure every disease that plagued mankind.

It was so simple... so elegant... so obvious, really, that I was surprised nobody had yet thought of it. Of course, that was the beauty of the solution: Not only was it sure to work as a veritable panacea, but it would be incredibly easy to prepare and administer. The only reason that it hadn't been tried was simply because nobody else had made the simple connection that I had:

Germs, as everyone knows, make you sick.

Soap kills germs.

Shots hurt, but they keep you from getting sick.

Therefore, an injection of soap would kill all of the germs in a person's body, and keep them from ever getting sick again!

Unfortunately, clinical trials of the idea were thwarted when "the authorities" caught me filling a turkey baster with bubble bath and rightly assumed that no good could come from it.


9. I used to think the coca cola trucks carried the soda like oil. Without any bottles and just splashed from side to side. And then they filled the bottles when they got to the store.


10. That there were "humans" and "human beans." Earmuffs and headphones designed for one won't sit right on the other.

Source: At preschool/kindergarten age, I attempted to put a set of earmuffs on the dog. They didn't stay put and my mom said "those are meant only for human beings." I misheard and wrote my own crackpot theory.


11. That our shoulder blades contained wings for when we become angels.


12. When I was really young, before I understood how the planet worked (not that I do now but certainly better), I used to have this world view that we lived inside of the planet, rather than on top of it.


It seemed logical to me, given that we would obviously just fall of the the planet if we lived on the surface, right?! I basically thought we lived in bubble.


13. Sugar and salt neutralize eachother.

Adding the same amount of both would result in no taste.


14. I thought quicksand was going to be a huge problem.


15. Butt cheeks were filled with poop.


16. I used to wonder if the entire world was just acting and I was the only one who wasn't.


17. That parents have an unlimited supply of money, but they won't share it with you to buy toys and stuff.


18. I really believed a stork brought babies to their parents.

When I saw a pregnant lady, I was horrified, thought she ate her baby cause she didn't want to care for it.

That the sun moved, not Earth. I could see the sun in different spots, but I couldn't see Earth in different spots.

I thought my father was dying when I accidentally walked in on him naked at the age of 5. How else could he have that weird looking thing between his legs?! I promised him I would keep it our little secret so we didn't have to worry my mom.


Two days later my mom sat me down to explain the difference between boys and girls. I got jealous and asked when I would get an awesome tail then. My parents still tease me about this to this day.

I thought you only got boobs when you were deemed worthy enough and old enough (like in your 20s after you finished school.) Imagine my surprise in 5th grade when I realized I had boobs and other girls didn't. I thought I was a freak.

After I was told about the birds and the bees, I thought I could only get pregnant from a bird or bee. Spent a few weeks freaking out over that. Once I realized that was stupid, I thought I could get pregnant from anything that was a male...avoided my male cat for a while.

My parents never kissed in front of me...first time I saw two teenagers kissing I thought they were zombies and trying to eat each others face.

I got plenty more, but...I don't want to look dumber than I already do...


19. Cows were males and horses were females of the same species. Same with Dogs (males) and cats (females).


20. I Used to think that people took planes to get places because their destinations were in the sky.


21. I also thought that teachers had no lives outside of teaching at school. I figured that they teach at school, go home, grade papers, go to sleep and repeat every year.


22. Mom and dad are having money issues? Duh guys, just go on a game show!


23. I used to believe that people had a finite allotment of words - use them up, and you'd be mute for the rest of your life.

Sometimes I wish this was true.


24. That when you flexed your arm muscles, the aim was to get your lower arm as close to your upper arm as possible, so your hand would be near your shoulder. I'd go round proving to everyone how strong I was.


25. When I moved from Michigan to Tennessee at 5 years old, I thought that the cows in the field were just card board cut outs sitting out there.


26. My best friend told me that when he was a child he thought that when he sat on the toilet the Jolly Green Giant would stretch his arm all the way through the plumbing and reach up into his butt and scoop out all his poop. He was quite scared of pooping for a while.


27. I used to think that the man would pee in the woman to make babies.


28. I believed 2 things:

When a man and a woman had sex, the baby instantly came out.

You know on a toilet you have a lid, a seat, and the bowl? I used to think that the seat was for people with normal size butts and the porcelain part was for people with very large butts.


29. That boys came out of daddy and girls came out of mommy.


30. I thought that large predators (read: Mountain Lions and Bears) were immortal.

The Last Unicorn was my favorite movie as a child and there's a quote in there that you must never run from anything immortal because it attracts their attention.


Mountain hiking safety 101 was you must not run from bears and mountain lions if you encounter one on a trail because it attracts their attention and they will eat you. Ergo, bears and mountain lions must be immortal.


31. As a child I always thought Senior Health Insurance was a Hispanic gentleman.


32. I thought my first orgasm was an unlocked super power. I thought this for years until I learned what the word orgasm meant.


33. I thought that blowing into a depleted Capri-Sun juice box would replenish it with actual juice. I repeated this at least 3 times every juice box.


34. From age 5-7, I would tell my parents that I was adopted and my real parents died in a train accident. My parents got a little freaked out after awhile because I would go into detail on everything.


35. I thought that everyone had one special skill or talent and that all they had to do was discover what they were supposed to be doing with their lives and they would be happy. I felt bad for all the people who by fate or chance never got to find that one thing were supposed to be, like if someone would have been a great accordion player, but never held one in their life.


36. I used to think that taking a shower with hot water running over my stomach would burn off the fat and show the 6-pack underneath. I'm still disappointed it isn't the case.



Those of us who live in New York live this truth on a daily basis.

Sometimes, you just meet a person who isn't quite all there. It's hard to tell at first, but then you talk with them for a little while and it just becomes abundantly clear if they're two eggs short of an omelette.

The stories of how you find out are so interesting. But yet, they teach us to look for clues when we interact with others.

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