Guys, it took me way too long to get my love life together. I don't learn. You ever have one of those relationships where you know everything that's happening is messed up but you still don't leave? I had a dude dump a bowl of popcorn over my head at a restaurant once. Think I left? Nope. I married him.
Looking back, that absolutely should have been a moment where I bailed out (I did, eventually and I'm SO GOOD right now, calm down guys) but like I said, I don't learn. So when one Reddit user posted:
I knew I owed it to myself (and those among you who are also clueless hot messes) to learn everything I could and share it. So of course I was all up in the responses like:
Here are some of the more popular, messier, more ridiculous responses. Learn well, guys. Learn well.
He stole my debit card and traded it to his dealer for some methadone then helped me look for it when I panicked.
Eventually I saw him laughing with his dealer via text that he helped me look for my card. I confronted him about it and he was mad at me for looking at a text over his shoulder.
Yeah, bye bud.
Thing is, that wasn't even really the worst of it. That was just the straw that broke the camel's back. His parents locked EVERYTHING including the garage and the pantry. He would sell ANYTHING. He sold his xbox, my Nintendo 64 (tried to convince me I took it back home with me), his moms jewelry, his dads tools, anything in his grandmothers home... literally anything. My parents wouldn't allow him in their house. This particular time it was methadone but he also sold stolen belongings for weed, booze, plant food, X - literally anything he could get his hands on for the high.
I once found him staggering down the highway nearly falling down because he was so high. I have so many terrifying stories. So. Many.
Eventually I got him into a treatment facility for a 30 day detox/treatment that he obviously wasn't taking seriously. Apparently they still let you have nicotine in treatment and he rolled a few joints in cigarette casings. No one checked apparently to see if he brought anything in. I arranged that after the completion of that program he would be placed in a halfway house situation to "continue his sobriety."
Once he was in a safe place I walked away. I told him that I couldn't build his life for him but I gave him all the tools. Told him I loved him and to call me after 5 years sobriety.
He was a very manipulative person, as most addicts are. His whole family was like that, though. His mom at one point told me if he failed it was my fault. I was 18 and wanted to help people. After I left him he stalked me for 2 years (changing his phone number constantly, showing up at my work, writing me letters, having his friends show up places I was and take pictures of me, even convinced a new girlfriend to stalk me and try to ruin my life) and eventually went to jail on probation violations. Wrote me letters from jail that I never even read. I just threw them away. It has been 7 years since I walked away. Last time he contacted me was a little over a year ago. 10 days before my wedding day in fact. I told him I was getting married and he hung up. Haven't heard from him since.
Take A Nap
When he went on a business trip for a week and I decided to surprise him at the airport (he told me when his flight got in) so he wouldn't have to Uber an hour home. I waited down at baggage claim and his coworkers looked shocked to see me. I asked where Josh was and his boss said "Wait- he didn't tell you?! He left the convention early- his father is in the hospital! He came back two days ago!"
His father wasn't in the hospital. I called him and acted like nothing was wrong. He told me had just landed 15 minutes prior (and it was a bumpy flight). I asked him where he was, and he said about to leave the airport. I said "That's funny-- because I'm standing right outside the lower level exit!"
He went silent. Long story short, he said he came home two days early because he "wanted to take a nap. " He told me he had gotten a hotel room instead of just going home so he would be able to get good sleep. Dude then blamed ME, saying "Well, you shouldn't have picked me up from the airport without telling me you were going to! If you didn't there wouldn't be a problem!" That's when I got the fuck out of that relationship. He was clearly cheating on me.
Two months later I got my confirmation - the girl was pregnant. He ended up marrying her, switched jobs, and moved across the country.
It's been a long time, and he's recently started trying to contact me again. He was coming back to my area on a business trip, and said he could stay a couple extra days so we could spend time together. I asked him how his wife would feel about that, and he said she didn't have to know, he would just tell her his trip was longer than it actually was.
All these years later, and he's still trying to use the exact same method to cheat on his wife as he did to me. The wife he cheated on me with! Pathetic. I've blocked him from my phone and email.
Game Of ThronesGiphy
She still went over to her ex's house "to watch Game of Thrones." They're now married.
When she said she cheated on me "to provide for our daughter and make sure she had a roof over her head". I was working full time and staying with my family, we had money AND a roof.
We Don't Talk
She didn't speak to me for a 2 weeks solid, didn't answer my calls or texts. I was really confused because I didn't do anything wrong. Then she rings me up out of the blue, crying asking me why we don't speak anymore.
YOU STOPPED REPLYING TO MY TEXTS AND CALLS AND THEN WONDER WHY WE DON'T TALK!?
He tried to convince me to just take a break for two weeks so he could f*ck other girls while he was on vacation.
Bucket Of Snails
She got drunk and started calling me all sorts of mean things such as fat and a "c*ck sucking bucket of snails"
Needless to say it didn't last very long.
Bending The Rules
He ruined my birthday by being a stickler for rules. They didn't matter and everyone just wanted to have fun. My younger brother is on the autism spectrum. A small group of us were playing Monopoly and he absolutely refused to bend the rules so my brother could play, too. All we wanted was to make things simpler so my brother could keep up.
My ex sat there spewing some hurtful crap like "You can't bend the rules just because someone has a disability! Real life doesn't work that way!"
He was intentionally making my brother cry and didn't care that it was leading to a meltdown. We literally only wanted to bend 2-3 rules of the game, and it wasn't much, it was just so my brother could keep playing and having fun, too. He was being intentionally cruel to my brother because he didn't want him to play with us.
I'm so glad I dumped him. On Valentine's day two years later he sent me a text from his new number saying that he missed me. I blocked his ass.
We were getting ready for bed one night and I went to wash my face. When I came back he was already in bed. I smelled something burning and jumped up thinking there was a fire or something in the apartment. Searched everywhere, he helped me look! But he kept telling me he thought everything was fine and to just come to bed. Went to kiss my dog goodnight in her cage, the top of her head smelled like burnt hair. He wouldn't admit to anything, but it was clear he had somehow burnt her fur.
We dated a few more weeks where he started getting increasingly jealous of my dog, claiming I paid more attention to her than him. We had only been dating 5-6 months and my dog was about 8 years old, sorry bud. She wins.
He came over one day and my dog was suddenly scared of him, she's not scared of anyone. Broke up with him that night. I'm pretty sure he had done something to her and if she didn't like him, that was all I needed to know.
Later, he claimed he did accidentally burn her by dropping weed from his bowl onto her head while she was in her cage. I don't believe that and I'm pretty sure he's a psychopath. Dodged a bullet with that one.
It may sound minor, but it was an important moment for me.
We were in the stage where marriage was on the table. I mentioned that I planned to hyphenate my last name with his on legal documents. He turned on a dime, from the sweet, intelligent man I thought I knew to a vicious, sexist asshole.
We were driving in a car and he started speeding dangerously and screaming that he would never "allow" any wife of his to have a hyphenated name because "everyone knows" women who did that were bitches, and anyone who ever saw it would know that he was whipped.
That was a huge WTF moment. I wasn't ready to throw in the towel at that second, but that conversation was the turning point which opened my eyes to who he was.
What's your "WTF I'm out of here" moment?
Breaking up is hard to do.
And when you get the law involved, it's even worse. But sometimes people don't need the law's help to make things overcomplicated, they just have a grand ole time making that happen themselves.
People on the front lines of human cruelty include divorce lawyers. These are their stories.