People Share The Most Unbelievable Lie They've Ever Gotten Away With.
Everyone has been caught in a lie at some point in their lives, but what about when you say something totallly ridiculous and the person you're telling just accepts it?
Here are 22 ridiculous lies people actually got away with.
Many thanks to the Redditors who responded. You can check out more answers from the source at the end of this article.
1. I have an immense sex-drive. Everybody else would say the same obviously, but random boners etc were pretty common for me between 16-20.
I was with this girl, hanging out and watching a movie, my favourite excuse to get together for sex. Me, on a dry-patch at the time, was getting a bit agitated as it was taking to long. When we finally progressed a bit I got a boner fast and she reacted with a "Can't you control yourself?". This would usually kill it, but no, not today!
So I try to explain: I told her that I have high testosterone levels, and that I have to take medications to keep my sex drive "at bay". I kept explaining that I would have to wank like 5 times a day just to keep the semen from overflowing. At the time I didn't know what happens when sperm is not used, so I further explained that my balls would grow to basketballs if release didn't happen, and that it would eventually just come out by itself.. I even told her that for a period I had to go to a nurse to ejaculate, since the build-up would leave me with giant balls and random ejaculations. She actually believed EVERY word, and we ended up doing it like rabbits all night because she "felt bad for my condition".
2. Mum: "what's that burning smell?" Me: "Nothing, I was just burning bits of paper." Mum: "Ok, go to bed, you've got school in the morning."
I was burning paper if paper was made out of marijuana.
3. A college girl from Oregon once asked me what language they spoke in Canada, and I replied "Canadian." I told her I spoke "Canadian," she believed me and asked me to speak it, so I started speaking an unintelligible "language" and she was amazed. I wonder if she ever found out the truth.
4. This kid James in my grade had a really racist family, but he wasn't very much so - he liked everyone. When we were kids he told everyone that he couldn't see "colored people", and that's why they couldn't play together.
This worked because our teacher confirmed that James was colorblind (red/green IIRC). Undeterred, one of the Indian boys in my grade invented a game where James kept his eyes closed at all times, so that he it wouldn't matter who he could see and who he couldn't. James went along with it because he didn't hate non-whites. And we all played together.
5. I convinced a highly qualified 22 year old colleague that vultures are mythical beasts invented by Walt Disney for the Jungle Book.
6. Told a guy in secondary school that I was colour-deaf. He would randomly shout colours at me for about 2 years and I would pretend to be oblivious.
7. I got the original iPhone for my birthday years back. I dropped the son of a bitch and shattered the screen two days later. I felt horrible, so I won't home and connected it to the charger and 15 minutes later proclaimed that the charger had somehow shattered my screen while I was away. I called AppleCare and they said they had been having reports of this happening. My jaw almost hit the floor.
8. My fundamentalist Christian family believes I'm still a virgin...I'm 22 and celebrating my five year anniversary with my fiance this month.
9. I told my elementary school principal that I had firecrackers in my pockets because my grandfather had instructed me to use them to scare off any woodland creatures that might attack me on my way to school. The principal, wanting to expose me as the liar I was, dialed my grand-dad and asked if this was true.
Grand-dad backed me up & chewed out the principal for challenging his parenting methods.
10. I farted in the line at the Hollywood Video, when I was younger, and blamed it on my dad.
I shouted "Ew! Gross Dad! That smells so nasty!"
Everyone believed he was the one that farted.
My father never said anything to me about it on the way home.
11. Don't worry, dad. I'm not gay.
12. My brothers and I, in middle school, convinced a kid that cats were illegal now because of the high amount of allergic people, and he'd have to take his cat down to the police station to get it registered and deported.
13. That getting cancer wasn't a big deal, and that I was coping just fine.
It is. I wasn't.
14. Me:"Sorry i was late couldn't catch the train"
Teacher: "It's okay but hurry up now."
We don't even have a train station...
15. "Yeah we can stay friends, I'd love that."
16. I convinced my boss that i'm actually a valuable asset to the company.
17. "Yeah we have polar bears and wolves in the streets of Copenhagen"
18. I am an ESL teacher in Asia. If a student of mine has been to Australia I always ask them if they ate a meat pie.
The answer is usually yes, so my follow up question is then: "Did you like the Koala meat in the pie?"
The look of disgust, shock, confusion, and then disgust again, is absolutely priceless.
I usually then tell them the truth. Usually.
19. In college I didn't own a cellphone or a landline. My girlfriend shanghai'd me into getting a Facebook account to keep some manner of communication available, and I loved the girl, so I hung up my Christopher McCandless badge and caved.
I hated it. I didn't care about what you had for dinner or that you broke through with that galpal of yours or that you poked me or that you and your two best friends ordered some food that looked so appetizing.
But the worst were the event invites. Stop world hunger by eating at Panda Express! One Stop Shop Shark Attack CD Release Party! Free 7-11 Slurpee Day! That last one was the worse. So I retaliated. I fought back against the Facebook. I became interested in men. I proposed to my girlfriend. I converted to Rastafarianism. And I accepted a job as Regional Manager at Pizza Hut.
And one my duties as "Regional Manager" was to invite people to my Free Pizza Hut Delivery Day. I created the event. I made up some stuff about an anniversary of the company and saying the password "cheesy". And I set the date. On the day of the event, thirteen thousand people were attending. Local Pizza Huts were flooded with phone calls and requests. A few even gave out dozens of free meal, fearing they had missed some information. I received hundreds of messages from attendees raging at me; someone called me the Antichrist, I think. And eventually Pizza Hut sought legal action.
So I shut down my Facebook.
20. I used to work at the Space Needle, and my favorite thing to tell tourists was "The Space Needle was built as the center piece to the 1962 World's Fair. The Space Thread and Space Thimble were also proposed as additional art installations, but they were denied funding." I'll never know exactly how many people believed me. But guessing by the "You don't say!"s and the "Well I'll be darned!"s, I would guess at least fifty.
21. Me and a friend convinced this girl that Haggis was a real animal, indigenous to Scotland. Like a pig/sheep cross breed whose hind legs were bigger than its front ones. It roamed the hazy moors of Scotland like a lopsided, majestic emperor.
22. So last year, six friends and I, from Australia, went on a roadtrip in the US. Rough summary, we drove something like 9000 miles in a rad old Dodge Ram Van, Going from LA to New York through the Southern States, up through Canada, camping in the national parks on our way back down the west coast, ending back up in LA with a few days in Vegas to end the trip. This took us six weeks.
On our first drive, learning to stay on the wrong side of the road, we got stopped coming in to Texas from New Mexico. They'd set up a sort of random checkpoint at this point on the highway.
After a whole lot of other drama the totally cool border guy stops and asks us: 'Are you guys in a band?'
We all pause. 'Nah, not really.'
'You should say you are... you know, just for the heck of it. See ya later boys!' and this guy just waves us off.
We lingered on it for a bit, but that's about it. See, these guys were in bands, and whenever someone asked us, we'd just say yeah, 'he is in this band, he's in that one, bla bla bla.' It took way too much effort - we didn't have the time, six weeks is a tight schedule for 9000 miles! I kept a running tally in my notebook though, and by the time we reached Raleigh, it was well over thirty people had asked us.
I think we made it to Washington DC before the possibilities hit us. We were out at some tapas-sushi-cocktail fusion place, and the waitress asked us if we were in a band. It was like some group delusion fell over us. I'd just started hitting sake, which always makes me puke but guarantees a good night.
'Why yes. Yes we are in a band.' The waitress goes wild, and then starts running back behind the bar and kitchen to grab people. We throw the most intense and productive group huddle ever: 'What are we called? Who does what? What songs do we play? What are we doing here?!'
We nailed out the details quick smart.
But what were we called? That was obvious. We'd named our car already: Ramona the Ram Van.
So this lady runs back, with like three bar staff. They're asking us all sorts of things. What music we play, what kinda shows we're doing. We pretty quickly came up with some essential rules.
Now, it got way out of hand, just too silly. We'd go to like, museums, and the ticket lady would say, 'are you guys in a band?' Why yes, we are. 'Oh my god! Where are you from?' Australia. We'd go off, go through the whole venue and come out at the exit - only to find the ticket woman and every other employee waiting for us.
At one point, we were walking around the natural history museum, and a girl walked up to a couple of my friends, who were just chilling. 'Hey, are you guys in a band?' Yeah, we are. 'What are you called?' We're called Ramona. 'I've never heard of you.' Do you listen to much Australian music? 'No.' There you go then!
This teenager runs back to her friends, and they're all yelping at each other. 'Who are they?' one asks. 'Uhhh, Ramona, from Australia, as if you don't know!' Then they'd come back and get pictures taken.
We hit our first bump in San Fran. We were eating at this rad Mexican place, and this absolute hotty from the table behind us leans over and asks if we're in a band. Well, actually, we are, I say. We chit chat with this girl and her two friends for a while. They're two guys. I am smitten by the woman. We hang around for a while, and as we go to leave, they ask us where we're going. Well, there was this bar near our hotel called 'The Owl Tree' that we were thinking of checking out. Sure thing, they said they'd follow us.
We didn't expect anything, so as we're sitting in The Owl Tree, chatting about how heart-meltingly attractive the girl is, they walk in. They kept their promise. They come up to us eager to tell us a story... as we'd left the Mexican place, the table next to them asked them who we were. 'Fallout Boy!' they said, and the two teenage girls swooned.
Anyway, I spend the next three or four hours talking to this girl about my life as a tour manager. By the end I'm off my rocker drunk, but I'm keeping it together. This girl was called Bertina or something - worked as a manager at GAP. I've never heard the name Bertina, or even sure I heard it right, so I've just resorted to call her Brittanica since then, since it seems funnier. Anyway, we end up at a dubstep club. I'm buying everyone else expensive drinks and saying, 'hey, the production company is paying for it!' while furiously gesturing that those other kents are paying me back tomorrow, when the act is up. Well, I go off to the bathroom, come out, and everyone is gone. Turns out one of my friends enjoyed those G&Ts I was getting him a little too much and got everyone kicked out. Even Brittanica. I was devastated. I rang everyone, got lost, eventually found the hotel, bought beer as was eventually asked of me, and got up to the room to find everyone passed out anyway. I was raging!
I don't think Britannica ever found out the truth. Her friend, one of the guys, had bust out his phone and looked it up, I think, and was suspicious, but I never saw him tell the others.
Social thumbnail Photo Credit: Elena Kharichkina / Shutterstock
Racism is an insidious, and unfortunately prevalent, force in all of our daily lives. Maybe we're on the receiving end of it, being treated differently and losing opportunities because of others' preconceived notions.
Or maybe we're on the other side of things. Even those who aren't actively racist or discriminatory still have to process the world through the filters of the things they've been told about people who are different.