IRL

People Share The Most Unreasonable Thing Someone Asked Them To Do At Work.

When you're just trying to get through the work day in one piece and someone asks you to clean the rafters by being lifted 20 feet in the air on the forks of a fork life, it's time to reevaluate your career trajectory.

Here are twenty-nine of the wackiest things people have been asked to do at work.

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Many thanks to all the Redditors who responded. Check out more answers from the source at the end of this article!


29. You're being a big help, pal.

I'm in the navy and I had to sweep water off of the pier as it was raining..

thatoneguywitalook


28. Pulling weeds is never fun.

Pull weeds in Iraq before a congressman came to visit.

Anastik


27. I'm not sure that's how that works...

To work for two months without being paid, as a "trial" to "see what kind of an employee I would be", before he decided if he was going to offer me a paid job or not.

He was somewhat surprised when I declined the offer.

Lasiorhinus

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26. This one is just sad :(

I was asked to layoff a group of employees for another manager. She begged me to do it, and I initially refused. This manager selected and approved the list of people being let go - and was 100% responsible for even needing a layoff. She over-hired in her area because she misrepresented her projected needs and let her group's performance fell below standard.

No one wants to be part of a layoff on the receiving or giving side (unless you're a total sadist) - AND I really believe if you are laying your people off you need to have the courage to do it yourself. Period. I wound up doing it, because everyone in the building already figured out something was happening based on her behavior and it seemed excessively cruel to postpone things since everyone was on edge.

(continued...)



I felt like the Angel of Death that day, people couldn't even make eye contact with me as I walked the halls because if I stopped at someone's desk they knew they were losing their job. My people were terrified, and I still feel terrible about how that day went down because I couldn't say anything until it was done. :(

Layoffs are horrible, and this manager hiding from their responsibility made it even worse. Fortunately my boss agreed and he fired her for it.

dainty_flower


25. If you can't be in two places at once I just can't bother to pay you...

Worked at a grocery chain as a courtesy/utility clerk. The vendor for 7up and Dr. Pepper screwed up stacking their pallets, so they all fell over, creating a nice pile of broken glass, sticky soda, and wet, messy cardboard.

Boss made me clean it all up and told me not to leave it even for a second. Got it all cleaned up in about two hours. Not bad save for me nearly getting shanked by some large glass shards on the floor.

But where it became unreasonable was the very next day, I got called into the office and written up. By the same boss. Why? I had failed to do floor inspections. He expected me to be able to be in two places at once.

That was fun to contest...

Xodium


24. Please. PLEASE JUST STOP!

Got asked by my boss to go to the building site next door and ask the builders to stop construction as they were being too loud. Not for a specific length of time, just to stop working. I had to ask him what he thought that would actually achieve.

squidtooth

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23. The discount makes all the difference.

Years ago when I worked inventory at the local electronics store, a lady released a blood storm in the bathroom and I was chosen to clean it up. It was like someone combined The Shining and Twister in there. I did get a super discount on my next TV though. Won't do that again.

jurtin


22. Odd, but I'd probably just do it...

One time, a customer asked me for all the money in the registers. Since he had a gun, I didn't feel it was that unreasonable at the time.

Looking back, it was a bit of an odd request.

Butthole__leasures

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21. How was it there long enough to dry up?

My first job was in retail. Smelled something funky near my break room. Went to check it out and found dried up diarrhea on the ground and went and told my manager. He asked me why I was telling him and not busy cleaning it. Turns out everyone knew but didn't say anything because they didn't want to clean it.

Fabulous_tiger23


20. I got people to feed!

A manager asked me to wrap my arm up in a bin bag and stick my hand into a toilet to try and unblock it.

I was a waiter/barman, taking food out to customers. Highlighted this to him and he insisted that I do it.

I promptly told him to "Eff off" and mentioned health and safety.

(continued...)


He ended up doing it.

On a side note he was fired two weeks later for making inappropriate comments to female staff members. He was a Douche-bag.

WhatsTheMatterMcFly


19. Let me pay you for your work this week next week, then move next week to the following, etc.

I was asked to do this quality assurance thing before the weeks end. When I asked if she wanted me to wait until next week because otherwise I get into overtime, she responded by saying

"Do it this week, but put it in next weeks payroll".

Ummm... no. It made me so angry.

faithfuljohn

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18. I swear it's true!

Bartender. On good Friday at 9 pm a lady had the nerve to ask me to tell another customer to quit swearing because it was good Friday. I told her as nicely as I could that we're all adults and that I simply wouldn't feel ok with telling another paying customer to stop swearing.

My boss saw the conversation and me walking away while she had a sour expression on her face. He asked me what that was about so I told him. He actually had the nerve to tell me that I needed to go tell the guy to watch his mouth. Now keep in mind my boss was a cool guy so I could speak openly to him. Not the best bar manager, he was a banker before and got the job because he was the owner's friend and just got tired of banking.

So I responded to him like I wish I could've responded to her. Which was something along the lines of "I literally will walk out of this job right now before I impose her will on another customer because of her beliefs." To which he said "good point."

chickenpist


17. Those emails went straight to the top!

Back when I was the manager of a movie theatre I had just got done working 14 hours because someone called in sick, tried to submit payroll to accounting, the fax wouldn't go through, asked the accountant to go to the office (about 2 blocks from her home) and see if she could fix it. She said she was too tired, and that I should instead drive the 50 miles to hand deliver it.

I ended up doing it, because if I didn't then my staff wouldn't get paid, but there were about 8 nasty e-mails I sent afterwards to various higher ups. A few weeks later I quit that job to become a bus boy. Single best career move I've ever made.

smellyluser

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16. That's just inhumane!

To not have to go to the bathroom. Dead serious here. My boss recently told all the employees there will be no more bathroom breaks. Considering we already don't get a second break, and some of us don't get a lunch either.

MsRinne


15. "Better to destroy it and get nothing in return."

Not as horrifying as some of the others, but in the early 90s I worked at [a well-known US depot for office supplies]. One time, for reasons I never understood, an edict came down that a certain class of inventory was to be destroyed and discarded.

That meant that perfectly good merchandise including office furniture, lamps, computers, printers, copiers, fax machines, and some other random bits were to be taken out back and literally smashed to pieces with a hammer, then thrown in the bin.

(continued...)


The most amazing part was that under no circumstances was this stuff allowed to be given away, sold, or otherwise allowed to survive and benefit anyone. Several employees begged and pleaded to be allowed to buy some of the things but nope. Better to destroy it and get nothing in return. It wasn't a huge number of items, but it was easily $10,000 worth of stuff.

RonPolyp


14. I feel like we jumped from A to B on this one...

I was working as a Deskside technician for an IT company a couple of years back and when one day it was quiet and we didn't have much to do, my boss had me pick grapes from his plant at his house.

Elestin

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13. Good on you!

I was asked to teach an ESL class in the closet of the library. The librarian did not clean out the closet; the custodian merely shoved a few desks into it. When there was another class in the library proper, I had to close the closet door. We could hardly breathe with all the dust and lack of ventilation. I quit shortly thereafter and reported the school to the Office for Civil Rights for discriminating against non English-speaking students.

an0nymuse


12. I hope that they actually went...

I was once "asked" not to go to my uncles funeral. I was told, and I quote, "Well, he won't know you're not there."

Quit very shortly thereafter and reported the "manager" to executive management. Jerk.

dianasaurusmex


11. Well, things worked out in the end.

My OWN review. My boss was too lazy to do my department's reviews so he told me to do all of them. I told him to mess off. He said he would take me to HR. I told him I would bring the email where he asked me to review my coworkers, which was his job.

I got a great review and he bought me lunch. :)

machzel08

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10. Nope! Not doing it!!!

When I was about 16 I got hired to do cleanup on a paint factory that was over 100 years old. They had big varsol (paint thinner) tanks on a hill behind the plant that were gravity fed into the factory and had clogged.

The boss wanted us to physically climb down into the tank which was waist deep full of varsol, and remove it all with 5 gallon buckets.

(continued...)



This was a while ago back in Newfoundland and safety gear didn't exist on the island yet. We all refused, and after that spent most of our time smoking on the roof. We all got fired a few days later, although some of the other stuff we did there will probably show up as some strange form of cancer at some point in the future.

ThatNewfie


9. Ouch...

Train a guy, who was making more than I was, to be my boss.

PrimalMusk

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8. That sounds amazing!

Once a week my boss makes me to go and get an ice cream cake and sit and eat it with her. She says she can't fit into her clothes. I guess she wants me to not fit into my clothes either...

queenie886


7. And then...?

I used to work in a food processing plant when I was in high school. The job sucked, it was hot on the lines, and the place smelled horrible. I got told by my boss that I had to go outside and pick up cigarette butts from the sidewalk where the other workers went outside during breaks to smoke.

I wasn't a smoker, and I was pretty pissed at first, but being outside picking up nasty cigarette butts was actually more enjoyable than working inside on the lines. I had a serious self re-evaluation of my job that day.

wh1skeyk1ng


6. Ugh, I wouldn't be able to stand it!

When working overtime or even a regular 8 hour day, our break is still 15 minutes, which is timed, and we are expected to use the bathroom during our timed breaks. Running back and forth to the bathroom isn't a break!

danrennt98

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5. All of them?!

I was once ordered to rake up pine needles. "All the pine needles". At a camp. A camp named 'Pinewoods'. Aptly named.

Anonymous


4. You wouldn't get me up there for a million dollars!

Told to get onto a forklift that had a piece of plywood thrown on the forks, without a harness, and an air hose put into my hand, and then lifted about 20 feet into the air and told to clean the rafters of the wood shop up.

(continued...)


After about 5 seconds of spraying, the dust cloud got so thick you could barely see.

ElizaberryLoL


3. "I have an unpleasant job for you to do, but you have to do it."

I used to work in a restaurant that was above a pro shop (golf). Across the street was a ski area (Bear Mountain, CA), and the guy that owned the restaurant where I worked also owned the seasonal snack bar/restaurant in the chalet at the bottom of the ski slope.

He had a big chest freezer in the chalet where he kept a bunch of meat, and some doofus turned off all the electricity (including that going to the freezer) when the ski slope shut down for the season. My boss didn't discover it for almost two months.

He told me, "I have an unpleasant job for you to do, but you have to do it."

When he lifted the lid on the freezer, the shock of how bad it smelled literally made me vomit right there on the floor. I could tell my boss was close to hurling as well, but he'd already been exposed to the horror once already, so he was prepared.

He told me to put it all in garbage bags and tote it out to the dumpster (bin bags and wheelie bin for you Brits).

He told me that dealing with the smell and the slime was really nothing more than "Mind over matter".

He looked me square in the eye and told me, "I don't mind so it don't matter."

I was 14 years old and living on my own. I needed that job. I did it.

katmaidog

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2. The audacity!

"Hide" my breast milk after it's pumped. I had the audacity to carry it from the room I pumped in to the freezer as if it wasn't a bag full of shame milk.

FranklyDEvil


1. Pretty sure it doesn't work like that...

Retired paramedic. I was told to IMMEDIATELY place a freshly delivered newborn back inside the mother. She delivered in a transport ambulance en route to Weil Cornell and lost it that her baby wasn't born in a hospital and further not born in a good hospital.

The mother told me to "hold the baby in with your hand". I explained it wouldn't work and that we were having this child on 3rd ave. In the middle 50s and she flipped! So she and I had a agreement I would say the baby was still inside her body till we backed up at the hospital. I guess this satisfied the requirement of being born at a hospital vs. next to a dry cleaners on 3rd ave.

So as far as that kid knows she was born in the Weil Cornell ER ambulance bay.

c3h8pro


Source.

Have you ever found yourself in an argument so stupid and/or pointless that you were sure you were being punked? Like you keep looking away from the other person to check your surroundings for places Ashton Kutcher and a camera crew could come popping out of?

You're not the only one.

u/Anti-hollowkid asked: What is the dumbest argument you've ever been in?

Brace yourselves, folks. Some of these arguments are breathtakingly bonkers. The sheer number of people who are willing to argue with someone over provable facts and what that other person likes or doesn't like is just ... stunning. It's stunning, you guys. Just not in a good way.

I Know What I Like

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My wife and I once argued over whether or not I liked mustard on my hot dog. I was for me liking mustard, she was against me liking mustard.

The argument lasted way longer that you could ever imagine it would.

- AardvarkAndy

A Stair Step

My brother and I argued if our staircase had 13 or 14 steps, based on an argument about if the floor of the second floor counts as a stair-step or not. We still have no solution.

- RazerWolf04

My dad is a stairbuilder and I spent many summers working at his warehouse, so I can clear this up. 14.

- Apples9308

Saturdays

My husband and I have this thing where we only say "I love you" on Saturdays. Every other day it's "I love you, but only on Saturdays." I don't know how it started, but it's been going for 11 years now.

We're both shiftworkers, so sometimes we have to stop and think what day it actually is. We had an argument recently over whether it was Saturday or not. I said it was Saturday, he said it was Friday. It was Monday.

- FormalMango

Iraq

I remember when I was about 13 my parents had an hour-long shouting match that ended with them almost getting divorced. The issue? Whether or not the nation of Iraq has a coastline.

My mother arguing that Iraq had a coastline, while my stepdad argued that it did not. This was back in 2004, and they are still quite happily married to this day. That incident is something they look back on and laugh about, and both of them admit it was really a pretty stupid thing to argue over.

- dontcryformegiratina

$40

With an ex:

"I owe you $80 for the bills of ours that you pay, and you owe me $40 for the bills of ours that I paid. Here's $40 in cash; we're even."

She did not understand this.

I literally had to go get another $40 out of the ATM, and hand the $80 to her. Then I had her hand me the $40 she owed me.

"Now how much do you have in your hand?"

She still didn't understand.

She somehow has a college degree.

- Speedly

Mini Wheats

When we were kids my brother and I got in a physical fight because he said I like mini wheats and I insisted I didn't. His argument was that I always sang the mini wheats song and I was deeply offended that he wasn't aware that it was just stuck in my head but I hated the cereal. I actually did like the cereal I'm not sure why I was arguing with him about it but I remember how genuinely angry I was.

- shicole3

Crayons

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I'll tell you about the only legal trouble I've ever been in, the fight that got me arrested. It started over whether we should return a box of crayons or not, and to this day I don't have any idea how it escalated to the point of the cops being called, but they were and I was the one taken in.

- CorrectionalChard

That's Unfair

My boyfriend insisted that when two people are in an argument and one makes a point so reasonable and logical the other one can't disagree with it - it's unfair. I tried, logically and reasonably, to explain several times why that is just winning the argument, proving your point thoroughly and is completely fair.

His answer was that I was being unfair.

- ShyAcorn

Pure Masochism

How the ch in masochism is pronounced. My friend caught me saying "masoKism" while he would say "masoSYism."

To be fair, he grew up speaking French, in which the ch in masochism is pronounced in "his" way. But he insisted that I was the wrong one here and that was just infuriating.

- argofire

Emailing NASA

A woman was adamant that looking at the big solar eclipse on the television was unsafe unless you were wearing glasses. She wouldn't believe us and insisted on emailing NASA to check.

- derawin07

A Non-Standard Ruler? 

I worked for a company that made signs. We had a customer ask for signs that were 7mm wide that were to go on a door. Our sign makers figured the order meant inches because 7mm is pretty small, so made them 7 inches. I got a phone call from the customer who went mad at me for making them the wrong size. So I put a reorder through for 7 mm.

Argued with the sign makers over it but they eventually agreed to do it after I shown them the order in writing. I even had the customer put her complaint in writing, reiterating the size they wanted.

7mm signs went out and a day later I get the customer on the phone literally screaming at me.

Cue the dumb argument - we ended up having an argument over how big a millimetre is, and obviously everyone in the office were laughing, but this customer just wouldn't accept it and said we must be using a non-standard ruler to measure.

Ended up being escalating to the sales department manager who refused to issue a refund. We still don't know what they actually meant.

- Lovelocke

This Unusual Vegan Argument

Was in a pub with a few friends, and some random Dude dropped an ear, and somehow figured I'm vegan. Well, people like him are the reason I usually avoid mentioning it. He came up to me and insisted on starting a discussion about veganism. He claimed that by the end of it, I would be eating meat again.

He listed some stupid arguments, I told him I was not convinced and then tried to keep on drinking beer with my friends. He followed me, and wanted me to "try to convert him to a vegan." I stupidly listed some of my reasons thinking it would make him go away. He told me he still was not convinced, so I was like whatever. Again, I really just wanted to drink beer with my friends.

That dude followed me all night and expected me to try make him vegan. Doesn't matter what I said, and all the reasons that for me are obviously good enough to be vegan. He'd be just like "No, that doesn't convince me, therefore your argument and how you life is stupid."

Didn't matter how often I told him that I honestly don't care; 5 minutes later he would come up to me again "I'm still not vegan, so veganism is stupid, all your arguments were stupid, now give me a good reason to become vegan!" At one point, I was literally yelling at him that I don't give a single flying f about what he eats and why, that it's in no way my responsibility to "turn somebody vegan" and in no way his business what I eat.

Honestly, for that dude, I would have bought a whole ham, just to shove it up his stupid annoying face.

- onlytruebertos

Monty Python

In college my roommate and I argued about a line in Monty Python & the Holy Grail. The scene with the Black Knight where the line "Alright, we'll call it a draw" is uttered. We argued about who said that line, whether it was King Arthur or the Black Knight.

It went on for hours longer than it should have because I was stubborn and refused to admit I was wrong.

- Skrivus

Albert or Arnold

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Whether Albert Einstein or Arnold Schwarzenegger would be more useful to have around during a Zombie apocalypse. How on earth would Albert Einstein come in handy!?

- Gerrard1995

Below Sea Level

I live on an island and when you go upland and you look out the sea looks like it's higher than or on the same level as the land. It's just a weird perspective thing because of the horizon. One day some kid says that it's because the island is under sea level.


I'm like wtf bro all of us would be with the fishes. He argues that no that's not true and if I just go upland I'll see. We then spend a good 5 minutes of my time arguing about it until I decided to leave this kid in his stupidity. He even said we shouldn't believe everything adults tell us and sometimes we need to think for ourselves.

This kid was older than me and was going to a good school. Lost my respect for him ever since then.

- -justforclout-

Tomash

Someone tried to fight with me over how to spell my name.

Now, my name is in a lot of languages with slightly different spellings. I would have accepted any of those spellings, but this one was just... Not even close. It didn't make any logical sense.


An analogous example is if my name was Thomas and someone was insisting it was spelled Tomash. And not just the name Thomas in general, but that me specifically, on my birth certificate, was named Tomash. I know how to spell my own name.

I swear to god, it went on for like an hour.

- TK-DuVeraun

Whales Are Mammals

I was in an online chat room one day, and we were talking about whales. I commented on how whales are mammals and the next thing you know, someone was arguing with me and trying to convince me that a whale was a fish.

- kawaii_psycho451

Microwaves

Stupid microwaves. Having a man child talk down to me about how microwaves work only for him to google it and prove me right. He slept on the sofa that night.

- sun_phobic

Shower Schedule

My friend keeps telling me that the norm is that a person should shower once a week. This has been going on for years. I'm almost convinced he's trolling me.

- LibrarianGovernment

No Balloons For Grandma

My cousin and I argued over a balloon going to Heaven. We were at his big sisters prom send off and he let a balloon go and it went high into the sky.

He then said this balloon will go up past space and go to Heaven and reach grandma (God rest her soul). And I was like no it's not and it's probably not even gonna reach space. Releasing balloons is terrible for the environment and kills/harms so much wildlife.

He got really mad and defensive and started telling me to google it and do my research and I'm like I don't have to google it you idiot. He was mad at me for a good week.

- Dskee02

Spontaneous Dolphin Existence

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How dolphins reproduced. It took me a few solid minutes of explaining to her that dolphins have reproductive organs and that they did not just pop into existence. The argument began with her saying she wanted to work with sea creatures.

Personally, I hope she was messing with me cause I lost a little faith in humanity that day.

- thebeststory

Male Chickens

I repeatedly had the argument with a friend over whether roosters were chickens. She was convinced that only the females were chickens (hens). We were 18 at the time.

- bee_zah

Lightning McQueen

Me and my friend were drinking underage, we ended up in an argument of whether lightning McQueen's eyes were blue or green. Somehow throughout the whole thing both of us never thought to straight up google a picture.

- 23071115

But ... Ice Floats

Waiter/Host here.

Woman wanted ice on the bottom of her drink.

Now read that sentence again and try to imagine arguing with that particular brand of stupid.

- FarWoods

Time Zones Exist

Coworker claimed that it was the same time of day and the same season on the whole globe. Had to get 4 coworkers to confirm to him that time zones do in fact exist.

- JustARegularToaster

Colorblind

My brother is colorblind. And he CONSTANTLY tries to correct me on what color things are.

"Hey could you hand me that red _____?"

"that's orange"

"no, it's red"

"orange"

"YOU CANT EVEN KNOW"

It is the base of our most common and heated arguments.

- droneb2hive

Andre 2000?

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I'm late, but I saw this question and instantly remembered that I was booted from a Facebook group because I called someone out on a lie that was not only bull, but extremely pointless. She was friends with the moderator and they made the case that my argument over such a little lie was more of a problem than the lie itself (though they didn't refer to it as a lie.)


The woman said that she used to babysit for Andre 3000 and that his name was Andre 2000 - but he changed it after the year 2000 had passed. This was so easily disproven it was ridiculous. Their debut album came out in 1994 and he was already going by Andre 3000 at that time.

The argument wasn't a huge long drawn out thing, but the fact that either of us were on Facebook at separate times meant that the responses were over a long period of time so this argument lasted a few days.

It was stupid.

- P1ST0L_Wh1PP3D

Stars Like Our Sun

I was arguing with my grandpa about stars he didn't believe that there are other stars like our sun. Basically he thought there is only the sun, the moon and the earth.

fox_boi2

Richard Nixon

I have a degree in history. I mostly focused on nationalism. Wrote a 50 page paper on it and Richard Nixon with around 50 100 sources. Looked at micro film for hours on end. Part of the paper focused on how Nixon being chair of the house committee of Unamerican Activities was used as a powerful weapon to use against political enemies. It also inspired Joe McCarthy. Have had people tell me I was wrong and Nixon was never elected to a position besides the president and Joe McCarthy came before Nixon. I stopped trying to talk history to people.


I also know quite a bit about the history of the Balkans its amazing how many Serbs refuse to believe Tito did anything wrong.

Wrote 100 page paper on nationalism in Israel. Its frustrating to talk about because for some reason a lot of people think Palestinian firing rockets randomly into Israel is ok but if Israel retaliates the people get up in arms over a targeted air strike that kills 3 people.

grumblecakes1

Balloon to Heaven

My cousin and I argued over a balloon going to Heaven. We were at his big sisters prom send off and he let a balloon go and it went high into the sky. He then said this balloon will go up past space and go to Heaven and reach grandma (God rest her soul). And I was like no it's not and it's probably not even gonna reach space.

And he got really mad and defensive and started telling me to google it and do my research and I'm like I don't have to google it you idiot. He was mad at me for a good week.

Dskee02

Binder Clips

I got into an argument with a co-worker over how we were attaching two pages of a letter together: small binder clips or paper clips.

He felt that paper clips would leave a "dent" in the paper when removed, but binder clips won't. He refused to staple them together. I felt that binder clips would also leave a "dent", so we might as well just use the paper clips.

It ended with him saying: "Do what you want [me], I don't care!" and storming off.

justantherredditgirl

Jewish

Once got accused of faking being Jewish. Why? I have no clue. We argued over the course of a month, any time I'd bring it up and she heard about it, she'd begin going after me for "faking it".

My mother's side is ethnically Jewish. Grandparents were practicing.

Aslkurloz

Nutella

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3 friends and I once got into an argument about how to pronounce Nutella. It lasted for about 3-4 months. It was hilarious how serious we took it, it'd get heated but never for real serious.

I think someone even called the company that made it to check, or that may have been for the Cheetos company. We were really bored in high school.

vault_tec_redditor

Lingerie Boxes

Late to the party, but there it is.

I'm a manager at a small store. We're only 4 working there, so my team and I grew very close and we joke around a lot. Once during a slow shift, my employee and I had an argument because we were looking at the lingerie boxes, and I thought that two specific boxes had the same woman on it, but she was 100% positive they weren't the same person.

Looking back, I don't know why it was such a big deal to us at the time, but we even called another employee who lives across the street to come and tell us what the heck was up with that. Turns out I was right, and she was pretty salty about it. It was a great night.

Meh75

Wicked Witch of the West

I almost got into an argument with an old girlfriend over Glinda the good witch from Oz. She insisted that Glinda was manipulating Dorothy to assassinate the Wicked Witch of the West and convince the Wizard to leave to create a political void she could fill.

I conceded the issue when I heard the whole premise because I thought it was too damn stupid to get worked up over.

weirdatwork2017

Keep Your Hands to Yourself

Just the other day I legit got in an argument with my co-workers on why I don't like my butt being grabbed by anyone (I'm a guy). Seriously.

They went on about "I don't mind it. Mike and I do it all the time and we don't care." Yeah, that's nice dude, but I'm not you, and there's something called "Keep your hands to yourself" (which was taught to a good portion of us growing up). Just like how Karen wouldn't like it if I touched her boobs or her grabbing your crotch or frankly ANY area you wouldn't like being grabbed, keep away. In general, you should not be touching me in any areas after I've told you not to several times before.

So unless you're sleeping me or dating me, keep your damn hands off my toosh.

Frisby2007

Telekinesis

My best friend and I argued over whether or not telekinesis was possible. Her argument was that humans don't yet know what the human brain at 100% usage was capable of, and that telekinesis was inside the possibilities.

I said the brain does use 100%, just at different times.

We didn't speak to each other for four days.

dude_bizarro

Ghosts

How dolphins reproduced and whether or not ghost existed (back to back with the same person). It took me a few solid minutes of explaining to her that dolphins have reproductive organs and that they did not just pop into existence (the argument began with her saying she wanted to work with sea creatures).


How it shifted to the existence of ghosts is a solid and reasonable question to ask (I don't remember why). I had to then proceed to tell her that ghost hunting TV shows do not constitute as undeniable evidence.

Personally, I hope she was messing with me cause I lost a little faith in humanity that day. This was in high school SO... hopefully she was kidding.

thebeststory

Dogs and Chocolate

Giphy

I told this stupid woman that chocolate is toxic to dogs. She went on to tell me how a little bit will just make them hyper and then they will calm down. I told her to google it. Her and her bf shut right up. Now they have a kid. Good luck, Jeremy and Andrea. morons.

I should also add that this argument started because Jeremy was giving his tiny dog chocolate and I told him it was toxic.

KlutzyHedgehog

Is water wet?

My roommate and I have a recurring argument over whether or not water is wet l, and whether or not a person is considered wet underwater.

For the record, it is no to both questions.

SFCopperhead

Mission Trip

A kid a church telling me about the mission trip I went on. Not only was I not on that trip, but I had never been on any mission trip. We were good friends, so it's not like he would've mistaken someone else for me.

He insisted I was there as if an entire week long trip would just fall out of my memory. He even had stories of things we'd done together. I'm not sure if he thought I was lying, joking, stupid, or crazy, but I was pretty sure he was some combination thereof.

SirRogers

Dragon Tales

One time I got into a shouting match with my mom and little brother in the car. The issue? The names of the two-headed dragon from the PBS kids afternoon show Dragon Tales. I swore it was Zack and Macie.

It was actually Zak and Wheezie. I don't even remember why we were yelling about it.

MistalQueensglaive

Green Or Yellow?

When I was about 15 or so my mother and I spent about 20-30 minutes arguing about the color of a shirt. We agreed it was blue/green, but to me it was just a shade more blue, while to her it was just a bit more green.

Turns out, your eyeballs yellow as you age and hers were 24 years yellower than mine, so I think that skewed her color vision.

BugsRatty

Stars In Their Multitude

Giphy

I once got in an argument over whether or not a line from the song "Stars" in Les Mis says "...but mine is the way of the lord" or "mine is the way of the law".

I didn't even really care what he thought but he was so adamant and cocky that it got me heated. By the end of it we were shouting at each other and I had to apologize, which I think is what he wanted the whole time.

theedjman

Colorblind

My brother is colorblind. And he CONSTANTLY tries to correct me on what color things are.

"Hey could you hand me that red _____?" "that's orange" "no, it's red" "orange" "YOU CANT EVEN KNOW".

It is the base of our most common and heated arguments.

droneb2hive

Hot Water

About five years ago, my girlfriend (now wife) once had a very intense argument about whether or not hot water cleaned things better than cold water.

She genuinely believed that water temperature didn't matter. This is someone who has not one, but two masters degrees.

We argued for something like 2 hours, and we seriously almost broke up over the whole thing.

moniker5000

Biology Class

I had an argument with a girl IN THE MIDDLE OF A BIOLOGY CLASS in high school about how humans are not mammals. She thought a human was a human and we are not mammals because "mammals are animals and humans are not animals"

I tried explaining to her the difference between reptiles and mammals and how humans fall under the mammal category to try and educate her... but she just wouldn't listen.

I still have no idea why the BIOLOGY teacher did not get involved...

10d4plus8

Solid Or Liquid?

Some classmates and I got into a heated debate as to whether or not the human body could count as a soup, salad, or sandwich. The teacher got mad at us, but hey! All we were doing was watching a movie.

For the record, my logic lays with soup- Liquid contained within a solid, at a hot temperature.

ScreamingPotoo