People Share The One Secret They've Kept From Loved Ones That They'll Take To Their Graves

From stealing money from a rich friend, to replacing his girlfriend's dead pet fish with another, people share the one secret they've kept from loved ones that they'll take to their graves.

[Source can be found at the end of the article]

We had an old cat growing up named Tuna. He was 16 or 17 and had a long and happy life but was really deteriorating. My mom did not want him put down as he was her cat and she seemed to be in denial about how near death Tuna was. 

One day, she comes home from the store and my dad calmly tells her that he found Tuna dead under a tree in the sun. She was happy he died peacefully and on his own terms. What she doesn't know is that she actually ran him over as she was leaving for the store. She obviously didn't feel him under the tire but my mom killed her cat and we all lied about him dying in his sleep.


During junior year of high school, my class was registering for next year's classes, so they brought us down to the computer lab. But, there werent enough computers for everyone. Knowing one of the councilors very well, she let me use the instructor computer at the front of the room.

Well, just so happened, that another councillor was logged into that computer, so I had full permissions.

In addition to registering for next year's classes, a couple of my Bs turned to As from past classes.

A few months later, I barely beat out a good friend for a scholarship because my GPA was slightly higher.


In Dutch, when you boil an egg and then place it into cold water to make it easier to peel an egg, it's called "to scare" the eggs.

One day when I was about 6 or 7, my mom asked me to "scare" the eggs. So, little joker I was, lifted the lid of the pan and yelled "BOOO!"

My mom cracked up and has been telling this story ever since, for over 20 years. She's come to love the story and still truly thinks that I wanted to really "scare" the eggs. Truth is I knew what "scaring an egg" meant and only wanted to make her laugh because she was in a sad place and time back then.

It's made her laugh for over 20 years. That means it's the best joke I've ever pulled off and I'd die before I'd let her find out I was just kidding.


When our family cat of many years died, dad insisted on putting it in the trash with everything else to be hauled away, whereas mom and I pleaded - to no avail - to bury it in our back yard. As I've noted here once before, he remained adamant and wouldn't allow it.

At night, I went out and removed our dead cat from the trash and gave it a proper burial in a remote area of the back yard and placed a small grave marker over the spot where it's interred.

Dad will never know.


Riding in the car with one of my best friends. He suddenly has a very distressed look on his face and frantically starts stuttering about needing to find a restroom. I will never forget the sound not 10 seconds later of him pooping himself in the driver seat. I laughed my head off all the way back to his house. I promised I'd never tell anyone.


One of my deceased friends constantly cheated on another. He was her first partner, they were together for a while, she loved him, and part of her still does. He cheated on her non-stop. They broke up after a while and he later passed away in an accident. Her and I got close and I never told her because it wouldn't do any good.


The wife of a close friend knows that the friend was closeted and was gay before they got married. She believes that she is the only reason he decided to be straight instead. She admitted this to me on a 12-hour road trip once and then realized she'd said too much and swore me to secrecy. I didn't tell her that, before getting married, the close friend admitted to me that he wanted to be gay but that he never dared to out of fear of judgment of his rural, conservative family. He almost didn't get married because he didn't think he could pull it off, but it seemed like he did to save face with his family. They have been married over 20 years now.


My sister was an extremely stuck up girl in high school. She was obsessed with her purity and purity culture in general. My junior year of college my phone broke and I had had to use her old flip phone from high school until I got a new one. I found her nudes that she was sending to older men and what they sent back. I also found texts of when and where they planned to hook up as well as her prices. No joke, I threw up in my mouth, then took the phone outside where I smashed it with a sledgehammer and threw all the pieces I could find in the local river.


Everyone in my family, including my siblings and my dad's mom, believe my dad died of cancer. He really died because he got Hep C from IV drug use and later developed cirrhosis of the liver. When my dad got sick, my parents both told everyone it was cancer. It wasn't until 7 years after he passed that my mom told me the truth.


Over the summer I took care of my girlfriends familys house and pets while they were on vacation. They had 2 French bulldogs and her little brother had a pet fish. I was fine taking care of the dog since I had some myself but the fish... I ended up over feeding it and the water became unhealthy. Next thing I knew it passed away. I gave it a proper funeral flush, and went to the nearest PetCo and bought a similar looking fish (blue veil-tail betta) and cleaned the water before putting him in the aquarium. When they came back from vacation they noticed he seemed a little bigger, I just told them that he probably eats more, and they believed me. Im taking this with me to the grave, and I never told my girlfriend about it either.


In 2008 I joined Canadian Nurses Association with hopes and dreams of becoming a registered nurse. However, after four years, I left the profession. The story I tell everyone is that my multiple sclerosis made the job too difficult to perform. That is not the case.

The real reason is that I developed a morphine addiction after a bad accident, and had started to steal the meds from the residents instead of disposing of them after they passed away. I left to get treatment, and didn't go back because I didn't want to fall into that trap again. I am now 5 years clean.


I work at an investment bank, however to get the job I had to do a variety of assessments which among others included an Excel modelling test.

Now I'm quite experienced with Excel, have built lots of complex financial models, but what this task involved was to make some corrections to a very poorly built financial model (not intentionally bad, just whoever did it didn't know their stuff well).

They leave me in a room with a laptop to complete this task. I open up the spreadsheet and have very little idea where to start, this is just making no sense. As I'm scanning through the tabs desperately trying to find things I'm able to do, I notice something saved on the desktop: some previous candidate's attempt was saved there!

Well I opened it up and started copying what that guy had done and added a few tweaks of my own.

I ended up getting the job.


In my teens I was playing some online game and had chosen a female avatar (I am not female.) This guy started flirting with me and I just rolled with it. I don't know why I did it, I'm most certainly not gay but even though I was literally cat-fishing this (assuredly also) poor teen guy, I enjoyed the time I roll-played a girl. I leave out the last bit when telling the story to my friends. I still feel a little guilty I just randomly stopped playing one day and never even said bye. Hope he went and found a nice (and real) girl. He was a gentleman.


I took the boat out with my wife and her parents. We took a tube and a car charger air pump to inflate it. My father-in-law (who grew up on the gulf of Mexico) and I backed the boat in while my wife and mother in law took the boat out as we put the truck and trailer back in the lot. As we were walking down to the dock I asked if he had a "plug" to plug the air pump into. He thought I said "did you get the plug?" like to the back of the boat. He freaked out realized he left the plug out and we sprinted to the dock. We ended up having to swim about 60 yards out to the boat as it stalled before my wife got it back to the dock. We had to be towed back in to the boat ramp. It completely ruined the family lake trip and my father-in-law beat himself up over it for a couple of days. He thought I was a hero for remembering the boat plug and my pride just can't come to terms with telling him that isn't actually what I asked.


I was helping my aunt move some boxes when she got a new house and I found a letter from her to my grandparents in Ireland. They wanted to wait to come to America when their first grandchild was born which was my older sister. 

However, the letter she wrote stated that my mom had cheated on my dad and the child she was carrying wasnt actually their grandchild and to wait to come to America when her son, my oldest cousin, was born 6 months later. Im not sure if any of it is true but I took the letter and never told anyone about it, Im a little worried to find out the truth.


My father bought me a beautiful Fender Stratocaster for my 15th Birthday. It was unique, and gorgeous. I sold it to a guitar shop when I was 20 because I needed the cash. I never had the heart to tell him. I even found one exactly like it almost 10 years later, after I had become financially stable. I bought it in an instant. He still thinks I have the guitar he got me for my birthday. I still don't have the heart to tell him.


My granny blames my brother for my dad's accident. He wasn't there, he was 11 at the time but my granny said it was all his fault for changing his mind on what he wanted to do that day which then led to my dad's accident. It wasn't his fault, it was the fault of the woman not paying any attention and hitting my dad's motorbike with her car. My brother doesn't know and it'll be a cold day in hell before I ever let him find out.


My story started with my bike getting stolen but it was not too much of a hassle since my mom had good insurance to cover it. I got a new bike that was way better than the old one, and not even 3 days later I find my stolen bike the next street over. I took my old bike, slashed the tyres and threw the bike into the harbor only for me to see it every time I got there, seeing the rusting corpse of what was once my bike.


When I was young, my class held a bake sale in which every child had to bring in some baked goods to be sold, the money raised for some school project or another.

Well, we'd never done this before. My mother didn't have a lot of close friends at the time, so she winged it: she made rum balls. I'm not sure if you've ever eaten rum balls, but they're not sweet and they have a peculiar rum taste - not what you'd normally sell at elementary school bake sales.

All afternoon, kids will be kids ... those rum balls were thrown, tossed and squashed into the gymnasium floor. Parents bought them and gave them to their kids, who had one bite and .... ugh! off they went on their journey. I didn't have the heart to tell my mother that people hated her rum balls; I told her that they were all sold early because - rum! But in truth, everyone hated them and they ended up everywhere but in people's mouths.


That my cousin isnt really my uncle's son. My aunt went to a sperm bank. When she married my uncle he was fixed and she insisted she didnt want a kid... until mom got pregnant with me (only granddaughter). Then all the sudden she needed a baby, so they went to a sperm bank and had my cousin. He is loved and my uncle loves him, but the kid doesnt know. Hoping he doesnt have any mystery illnesses pop up because it might kill him to know the truth. I wasnt even supposed to know but dad gets gossipy when hes drunk.


Before I met my fianc, I was the other woman for someone who was cheating on his girlfriend. The guy I was with told me he still loved me and so I sacrificed everything - morals, happiness, time - for him, and he threw me away like a used condom. That was the absolute lowest point of my life and I came dangerously close to killing myself due to several other factors.

My fianc knows that it was a bad situation, he knows I was very close to ending my life, but he will never know the details of it. Even though it was before I met him, I know it would crush him to know I was in such a messed up situation.


When I was about 13 I was visiting my aunt and seeing my baby cousin for the first time. While I was holding my baby cousin my aunt and mother left the room and I was alone holding the baby. So of course I dropped her. Probably about 4 feet to the ground on carpet. No one saw, I picked her back up and said she just started crying for no reason. almost 20 years later and she seems alright.


I slept with my friend's boyfriend while they were still together. She and I weren't friends at the time, in fact, I did not like her all that much when I slept with him. When I broke up with the boyfriend I stole from her we bonded over how much of an idiot the guy is. 3 years later she came out as gay, but I could still never tell her because she would feel so betrayed.


When I was 8 years old I stole money from my best friend. My friend was from a rich family and she was very, very spoiled. She would brag about her saved money that she had in a little safe in her room. Meanwhile my family had lots of financial issues, my mother was a single mom with three kids and things were tough. I could see how stressed my mom was from not being able to make ends meet.

So one day I was at my friend's house, she had to go to the dentist but didn't want me to come with so I was told to wait there. And I took it. Not all of it, maybe a third of it, I think it was about 500 dollars. Then I put it in my mom's wallet, a little at a time.

I don't think she ever noticed. I never told anyone. I feel terrible about it.


I was mad at my sister in 7th grade (she was in 5th) and I happened to invite my best friend over and let her play on my computer. Then after everyone went to sleep, I logged into my sister's Neopets account and sold her baby paintbrush for super cheap and transferred something like a million Neopoints to my account. This was before there was a transaction log. I thought she would be a little bit mad. She was so devastated. Her password was like 'happy123' and she thought she got hacked. She was crying, barely eating, so distraught, I couldn't bring myself to admit it. A couple weeks later that friend kissed my crush so I told my sister my friend had hacked her Neopets account. Sorry kiddo!


I slept with my boss. We had an office function where drinks were involved. Not many but enough to loosen the mood. My boss and a few others were talking in the parking lot and everyone left but her and I. I could feel there was tension there but I didnt act, we said goodnight and I left. She called me a few minutes later and asked me to stop by her house because she had some paperwork she wanted me to drop off, when I got in we had another beer and what happened happened.

I havent told anyone for a couple really obvious reasons, she would definitely lose her job and she soon after got into a serious relationship. I honestly dont trust telling anyone and strangely enough it hasnt affected our work life.



Have you ever found yourself in an argument so stupid and/or pointless that you were sure you were being punked? Like you keep looking away from the other person to check your surroundings for places Ashton Kutcher and a camera crew could come popping out of?

You're not the only one.

u/Anti-hollowkid asked: What is the dumbest argument you've ever been in?

Brace yourselves, folks. Some of these arguments are breathtakingly bonkers. The sheer number of people who are willing to argue with someone over provable facts and what that other person likes or doesn't like is just ... stunning. It's stunning, you guys. Just not in a good way.

I Know What I Like


My wife and I once argued over whether or not I liked mustard on my hot dog. I was for me liking mustard, she was against me liking mustard.

The argument lasted way longer that you could ever imagine it would.

- AardvarkAndy

A Stair Step

My brother and I argued if our staircase had 13 or 14 steps, based on an argument about if the floor of the second floor counts as a stair-step or not. We still have no solution.

- RazerWolf04

My dad is a stairbuilder and I spent many summers working at his warehouse, so I can clear this up. 14.

- Apples9308


My husband and I have this thing where we only say "I love you" on Saturdays. Every other day it's "I love you, but only on Saturdays." I don't know how it started, but it's been going for 11 years now.

We're both shiftworkers, so sometimes we have to stop and think what day it actually is. We had an argument recently over whether it was Saturday or not. I said it was Saturday, he said it was Friday. It was Monday.

- FormalMango


I remember when I was about 13 my parents had an hour-long shouting match that ended with them almost getting divorced. The issue? Whether or not the nation of Iraq has a coastline.

My mother arguing that Iraq had a coastline, while my stepdad argued that it did not. This was back in 2004, and they are still quite happily married to this day. That incident is something they look back on and laugh about, and both of them admit it was really a pretty stupid thing to argue over.

- dontcryformegiratina


With an ex:

"I owe you $80 for the bills of ours that you pay, and you owe me $40 for the bills of ours that I paid. Here's $40 in cash; we're even."

She did not understand this.

I literally had to go get another $40 out of the ATM, and hand the $80 to her. Then I had her hand me the $40 she owed me.

"Now how much do you have in your hand?"

She still didn't understand.

She somehow has a college degree.

- Speedly

Mini Wheats

When we were kids my brother and I got in a physical fight because he said I like mini wheats and I insisted I didn't. His argument was that I always sang the mini wheats song and I was deeply offended that he wasn't aware that it was just stuck in my head but I hated the cereal. I actually did like the cereal I'm not sure why I was arguing with him about it but I remember how genuinely angry I was.

- shicole3



I'll tell you about the only legal trouble I've ever been in, the fight that got me arrested. It started over whether we should return a box of crayons or not, and to this day I don't have any idea how it escalated to the point of the cops being called, but they were and I was the one taken in.

- CorrectionalChard

That's Unfair

My boyfriend insisted that when two people are in an argument and one makes a point so reasonable and logical the other one can't disagree with it - it's unfair. I tried, logically and reasonably, to explain several times why that is just winning the argument, proving your point thoroughly and is completely fair.

His answer was that I was being unfair.

- ShyAcorn

Pure Masochism

How the ch in masochism is pronounced. My friend caught me saying "masoKism" while he would say "masoSYism."

To be fair, he grew up speaking French, in which the ch in masochism is pronounced in "his" way. But he insisted that I was the wrong one here and that was just infuriating.

- argofire

Emailing NASA

A woman was adamant that looking at the big solar eclipse on the television was unsafe unless you were wearing glasses. She wouldn't believe us and insisted on emailing NASA to check.

- derawin07

A Non-Standard Ruler? 

I worked for a company that made signs. We had a customer ask for signs that were 7mm wide that were to go on a door. Our sign makers figured the order meant inches because 7mm is pretty small, so made them 7 inches. I got a phone call from the customer who went mad at me for making them the wrong size. So I put a reorder through for 7 mm.

Argued with the sign makers over it but they eventually agreed to do it after I shown them the order in writing. I even had the customer put her complaint in writing, reiterating the size they wanted.

7mm signs went out and a day later I get the customer on the phone literally screaming at me.

Cue the dumb argument - we ended up having an argument over how big a millimetre is, and obviously everyone in the office were laughing, but this customer just wouldn't accept it and said we must be using a non-standard ruler to measure.

Ended up being escalating to the sales department manager who refused to issue a refund. We still don't know what they actually meant.

- Lovelocke

This Unusual Vegan Argument

Was in a pub with a few friends, and some random Dude dropped an ear, and somehow figured I'm vegan. Well, people like him are the reason I usually avoid mentioning it. He came up to me and insisted on starting a discussion about veganism. He claimed that by the end of it, I would be eating meat again.

He listed some stupid arguments, I told him I was not convinced and then tried to keep on drinking beer with my friends. He followed me, and wanted me to "try to convert him to a vegan." I stupidly listed some of my reasons thinking it would make him go away. He told me he still was not convinced, so I was like whatever. Again, I really just wanted to drink beer with my friends.

That dude followed me all night and expected me to try make him vegan. Doesn't matter what I said, and all the reasons that for me are obviously good enough to be vegan. He'd be just like "No, that doesn't convince me, therefore your argument and how you life is stupid."

Didn't matter how often I told him that I honestly don't care; 5 minutes later he would come up to me again "I'm still not vegan, so veganism is stupid, all your arguments were stupid, now give me a good reason to become vegan!" At one point, I was literally yelling at him that I don't give a single flying f about what he eats and why, that it's in no way my responsibility to "turn somebody vegan" and in no way his business what I eat.

Honestly, for that dude, I would have bought a whole ham, just to shove it up his stupid annoying face.

- onlytruebertos

Monty Python

In college my roommate and I argued about a line in Monty Python & the Holy Grail. The scene with the Black Knight where the line "Alright, we'll call it a draw" is uttered. We argued about who said that line, whether it was King Arthur or the Black Knight.

It went on for hours longer than it should have because I was stubborn and refused to admit I was wrong.

- Skrivus

Albert or Arnold


Whether Albert Einstein or Arnold Schwarzenegger would be more useful to have around during a Zombie apocalypse. How on earth would Albert Einstein come in handy!?

- Gerrard1995

Below Sea Level

I live on an island and when you go upland and you look out the sea looks like it's higher than or on the same level as the land. It's just a weird perspective thing because of the horizon. One day some kid says that it's because the island is under sea level.

I'm like wtf bro all of us would be with the fishes. He argues that no that's not true and if I just go upland I'll see. We then spend a good 5 minutes of my time arguing about it until I decided to leave this kid in his stupidity. He even said we shouldn't believe everything adults tell us and sometimes we need to think for ourselves.

This kid was older than me and was going to a good school. Lost my respect for him ever since then.

- -justforclout-


Someone tried to fight with me over how to spell my name.

Now, my name is in a lot of languages with slightly different spellings. I would have accepted any of those spellings, but this one was just... Not even close. It didn't make any logical sense.

An analogous example is if my name was Thomas and someone was insisting it was spelled Tomash. And not just the name Thomas in general, but that me specifically, on my birth certificate, was named Tomash. I know how to spell my own name.

I swear to god, it went on for like an hour.

- TK-DuVeraun

Whales Are Mammals

I was in an online chat room one day, and we were talking about whales. I commented on how whales are mammals and the next thing you know, someone was arguing with me and trying to convince me that a whale was a fish.

- kawaii_psycho451


Stupid microwaves. Having a man child talk down to me about how microwaves work only for him to google it and prove me right. He slept on the sofa that night.

- sun_phobic

Shower Schedule

My friend keeps telling me that the norm is that a person should shower once a week. This has been going on for years. I'm almost convinced he's trolling me.

- LibrarianGovernment

No Balloons For Grandma

My cousin and I argued over a balloon going to Heaven. We were at his big sisters prom send off and he let a balloon go and it went high into the sky.

He then said this balloon will go up past space and go to Heaven and reach grandma (God rest her soul). And I was like no it's not and it's probably not even gonna reach space. Releasing balloons is terrible for the environment and kills/harms so much wildlife.

He got really mad and defensive and started telling me to google it and do my research and I'm like I don't have to google it you idiot. He was mad at me for a good week.

- Dskee02

Spontaneous Dolphin Existence


How dolphins reproduced. It took me a few solid minutes of explaining to her that dolphins have reproductive organs and that they did not just pop into existence. The argument began with her saying she wanted to work with sea creatures.

Personally, I hope she was messing with me cause I lost a little faith in humanity that day.

- thebeststory

Male Chickens

I repeatedly had the argument with a friend over whether roosters were chickens. She was convinced that only the females were chickens (hens). We were 18 at the time.

- bee_zah

Lightning McQueen

Me and my friend were drinking underage, we ended up in an argument of whether lightning McQueen's eyes were blue or green. Somehow throughout the whole thing both of us never thought to straight up google a picture.

- 23071115

But ... Ice Floats

Waiter/Host here.

Woman wanted ice on the bottom of her drink.

Now read that sentence again and try to imagine arguing with that particular brand of stupid.

- FarWoods

Time Zones Exist

Coworker claimed that it was the same time of day and the same season on the whole globe. Had to get 4 coworkers to confirm to him that time zones do in fact exist.

- JustARegularToaster


My brother is colorblind. And he CONSTANTLY tries to correct me on what color things are.

"Hey could you hand me that red _____?"

"that's orange"

"no, it's red"



It is the base of our most common and heated arguments.

- droneb2hive

Andre 2000?


I'm late, but I saw this question and instantly remembered that I was booted from a Facebook group because I called someone out on a lie that was not only bull, but extremely pointless. She was friends with the moderator and they made the case that my argument over such a little lie was more of a problem than the lie itself (though they didn't refer to it as a lie.)

The woman said that she used to babysit for Andre 3000 and that his name was Andre 2000 - but he changed it after the year 2000 had passed. This was so easily disproven it was ridiculous. Their debut album came out in 1994 and he was already going by Andre 3000 at that time.

The argument wasn't a huge long drawn out thing, but the fact that either of us were on Facebook at separate times meant that the responses were over a long period of time so this argument lasted a few days.

It was stupid.

- P1ST0L_Wh1PP3D

Stars Like Our Sun

I was arguing with my grandpa about stars he didn't believe that there are other stars like our sun. Basically he thought there is only the sun, the moon and the earth.


Richard Nixon

I have a degree in history. I mostly focused on nationalism. Wrote a 50 page paper on it and Richard Nixon with around 50 100 sources. Looked at micro film for hours on end. Part of the paper focused on how Nixon being chair of the house committee of Unamerican Activities was used as a powerful weapon to use against political enemies. It also inspired Joe McCarthy. Have had people tell me I was wrong and Nixon was never elected to a position besides the president and Joe McCarthy came before Nixon. I stopped trying to talk history to people.

I also know quite a bit about the history of the Balkans its amazing how many Serbs refuse to believe Tito did anything wrong.

Wrote 100 page paper on nationalism in Israel. Its frustrating to talk about because for some reason a lot of people think Palestinian firing rockets randomly into Israel is ok but if Israel retaliates the people get up in arms over a targeted air strike that kills 3 people.


Balloon to Heaven

My cousin and I argued over a balloon going to Heaven. We were at his big sisters prom send off and he let a balloon go and it went high into the sky. He then said this balloon will go up past space and go to Heaven and reach grandma (God rest her soul). And I was like no it's not and it's probably not even gonna reach space.

And he got really mad and defensive and started telling me to google it and do my research and I'm like I don't have to google it you idiot. He was mad at me for a good week.


Binder Clips

I got into an argument with a co-worker over how we were attaching two pages of a letter together: small binder clips or paper clips.

He felt that paper clips would leave a "dent" in the paper when removed, but binder clips won't. He refused to staple them together. I felt that binder clips would also leave a "dent", so we might as well just use the paper clips.

It ended with him saying: "Do what you want [me], I don't care!" and storming off.



Once got accused of faking being Jewish. Why? I have no clue. We argued over the course of a month, any time I'd bring it up and she heard about it, she'd begin going after me for "faking it".

My mother's side is ethnically Jewish. Grandparents were practicing.




3 friends and I once got into an argument about how to pronounce Nutella. It lasted for about 3-4 months. It was hilarious how serious we took it, it'd get heated but never for real serious.

I think someone even called the company that made it to check, or that may have been for the Cheetos company. We were really bored in high school.


Lingerie Boxes

Late to the party, but there it is.

I'm a manager at a small store. We're only 4 working there, so my team and I grew very close and we joke around a lot. Once during a slow shift, my employee and I had an argument because we were looking at the lingerie boxes, and I thought that two specific boxes had the same woman on it, but she was 100% positive they weren't the same person.

Looking back, I don't know why it was such a big deal to us at the time, but we even called another employee who lives across the street to come and tell us what the heck was up with that. Turns out I was right, and she was pretty salty about it. It was a great night.


Wicked Witch of the West

I almost got into an argument with an old girlfriend over Glinda the good witch from Oz. She insisted that Glinda was manipulating Dorothy to assassinate the Wicked Witch of the West and convince the Wizard to leave to create a political void she could fill.

I conceded the issue when I heard the whole premise because I thought it was too damn stupid to get worked up over.


Keep Your Hands to Yourself

Just the other day I legit got in an argument with my co-workers on why I don't like my butt being grabbed by anyone (I'm a guy). Seriously.

They went on about "I don't mind it. Mike and I do it all the time and we don't care." Yeah, that's nice dude, but I'm not you, and there's something called "Keep your hands to yourself" (which was taught to a good portion of us growing up). Just like how Karen wouldn't like it if I touched her boobs or her grabbing your crotch or frankly ANY area you wouldn't like being grabbed, keep away. In general, you should not be touching me in any areas after I've told you not to several times before.

So unless you're sleeping me or dating me, keep your damn hands off my toosh.



My best friend and I argued over whether or not telekinesis was possible. Her argument was that humans don't yet know what the human brain at 100% usage was capable of, and that telekinesis was inside the possibilities.

I said the brain does use 100%, just at different times.

We didn't speak to each other for four days.



How dolphins reproduced and whether or not ghost existed (back to back with the same person). It took me a few solid minutes of explaining to her that dolphins have reproductive organs and that they did not just pop into existence (the argument began with her saying she wanted to work with sea creatures).

How it shifted to the existence of ghosts is a solid and reasonable question to ask (I don't remember why). I had to then proceed to tell her that ghost hunting TV shows do not constitute as undeniable evidence.

Personally, I hope she was messing with me cause I lost a little faith in humanity that day. This was in high school SO... hopefully she was kidding.


Dogs and Chocolate


I told this stupid woman that chocolate is toxic to dogs. She went on to tell me how a little bit will just make them hyper and then they will calm down. I told her to google it. Her and her bf shut right up. Now they have a kid. Good luck, Jeremy and Andrea. morons.

I should also add that this argument started because Jeremy was giving his tiny dog chocolate and I told him it was toxic.


Is water wet?

My roommate and I have a recurring argument over whether or not water is wet l, and whether or not a person is considered wet underwater.

For the record, it is no to both questions.


Mission Trip

A kid a church telling me about the mission trip I went on. Not only was I not on that trip, but I had never been on any mission trip. We were good friends, so it's not like he would've mistaken someone else for me.

He insisted I was there as if an entire week long trip would just fall out of my memory. He even had stories of things we'd done together. I'm not sure if he thought I was lying, joking, stupid, or crazy, but I was pretty sure he was some combination thereof.


Dragon Tales

One time I got into a shouting match with my mom and little brother in the car. The issue? The names of the two-headed dragon from the PBS kids afternoon show Dragon Tales. I swore it was Zack and Macie.

It was actually Zak and Wheezie. I don't even remember why we were yelling about it.


Green Or Yellow?

When I was about 15 or so my mother and I spent about 20-30 minutes arguing about the color of a shirt. We agreed it was blue/green, but to me it was just a shade more blue, while to her it was just a bit more green.

Turns out, your eyeballs yellow as you age and hers were 24 years yellower than mine, so I think that skewed her color vision.


Stars In Their Multitude


I once got in an argument over whether or not a line from the song "Stars" in Les Mis says "...but mine is the way of the lord" or "mine is the way of the law".

I didn't even really care what he thought but he was so adamant and cocky that it got me heated. By the end of it we were shouting at each other and I had to apologize, which I think is what he wanted the whole time.



My brother is colorblind. And he CONSTANTLY tries to correct me on what color things are.

"Hey could you hand me that red _____?" "that's orange" "no, it's red" "orange" "YOU CANT EVEN KNOW".

It is the base of our most common and heated arguments.


Hot Water

About five years ago, my girlfriend (now wife) once had a very intense argument about whether or not hot water cleaned things better than cold water.

She genuinely believed that water temperature didn't matter. This is someone who has not one, but two masters degrees.

We argued for something like 2 hours, and we seriously almost broke up over the whole thing.


Biology Class

I had an argument with a girl IN THE MIDDLE OF A BIOLOGY CLASS in high school about how humans are not mammals. She thought a human was a human and we are not mammals because "mammals are animals and humans are not animals"

I tried explaining to her the difference between reptiles and mammals and how humans fall under the mammal category to try and educate her... but she just wouldn't listen.

I still have no idea why the BIOLOGY teacher did not get involved...


Solid Or Liquid?

Some classmates and I got into a heated debate as to whether or not the human body could count as a soup, salad, or sandwich. The teacher got mad at us, but hey! All we were doing was watching a movie.

For the record, my logic lays with soup- Liquid contained within a solid, at a hot temperature.