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People Share The Weirdest Drunk Confession They've Ever Heard

Oh we've ALL been "there!"

Once someone consumes that final "shouldn't have" drink, the truth shall be free! Alcohol let's down our guard and gives us the courage to speak all sorts of absolution and crazy. We all want to be honest but the everyday dry moments of life make it arduous; not that truth telling this way is a responsible or smart choice. Most of the time, when the truth is "outed" with vodka, it only leads to trouble and more chaos.

Redditor u/Kazoo_le_Kazoo asked for everyone to divulge some odd overheard conversations.... What's the most weird/terrifying confession you've heard from someone that was drunk?


Paging Olivia Benson....

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Bartender here..... so many stories...... probably most terrifying is the woman who came into my bar years ago and had 2 shots and a drink and was real quiet for the first hour. Then she called me over and asked if I could call the police. I said what was the problem. She then told me that she had just stabbed and sliced the neck of a mugger in the alley and wanted to make sure he was dead first before she reported it.

NOTE: police were called, mugger found dead, woman not arrested or charged. She denied ever telling me that she wanted to wait an hour before calling the police----claimed that she had passed out in the alley and woke up then came into the bar in shock. Analytica0

I hate hospitals.... 

I had a neighbor, she was young and a serious alcoholic. She'd been a nurse before I met her but was under some type of investigation because pills at her job had gone missing.

One night she was super drunk and told me that she had put pillows over some of the elderly patients faces and suffocated them because she couldn't stand to see them suffer anymore (bedsores and just in pain).

I asked her about it when she'd sobered up and she denied saying that to me. She passed away about three years ago so I'll never know if what she said was true or not. chompalligator

Sticky Fingers.... 

That they steal money from passed out drunk hookups. That's the last time this person came to hang out at my place. altonssouschef

Depends on standby.... 

My now ex-girlfriend confessed to having to wipe my butt after I drunkenly took a dump during post-21st birthday shenanigans. Amuses me now but I was embarrassed for a long time after. DrunkenPorcupine

If it makes you feel better, I watched my now ex-boyfriend poop in a bathtub while he made sad eye contact with me and just whispered "I'm sorry." Luckily his brother was there to do the clean up, I don't think our relationship would've survived that. bhkgb456

Sashay Away!

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Once, a dude wearing a Tigger costume walked into a Halloween house party I was in. It was like 4am so we were all already smashed.

He sat on my lap and tried to convince me that I am a trans guy and should transition and date him.

Then he told me in detail how he violently hates his mum and exactly how he would like to murder and dismember her.

He then also tried to convince me that I hate my mother (I do not) and I should kill her. When I said no, he yelled at me, left through the front door and threw himself down the stairs.

He was fine. FreshAvocado13

Ahoy Not Matey! 

Fisherman for a decade or so. One trip in dutch harbor we had a guy leave, and had to hire an emergency warm-body replacement right off the dock to make our trip feasible.

The replacement guy came down off of meth, hard, during the trip. Not that unusual, plenty of fisherman call fishing their "sea-hab," as in a fishing trip is a small period of forced sobriety and work.

We fired him mid trip and confined him to his bunk, reported him to the police when we got to town (which did nothing), and slashed the tires to his van he lived in. Screw that guy. WInslow907

Your brain on drugs.... 

I work at a bar and our staff had a huge problem with heroin a couple years ago. It was to the point that management was regularly having to sweep the bathroom for needles. Anyway, one of the guys was a friend of mine and I thought he was an overall good guy despite his crippling addiction. One night we were having a few drinks after work and he got a little too drunk and admitted that a couple months prior he had bought stuff from someone he didn't know and didn't trust so he called up a girl he'd used with before and told her he had stuff and could he come over. He let her go first and she immediately had a terrible reaction to whatever was in the drugs; seizing and ODing in front of him. He left her house without notifying the police or trying to help. He ODd himself a couple months after. taylors77

Some friends you need to avoid... 

Not me, but a friend. He was out with a girl he didn't know too well & they got drunk; she said she was initiated into a gang. They just collected stray people they didn't know, took them to a warehouse, beat them up, & when they were thoroughly beaten/broken down she & the other recruits administered an overdose of heroin. Killing them.

There are weird people out there; you need to be careful. StupidSTUPIDLogin

Hi, Dr. Phil.... HELP!!!!!!!

My uncle, who has always been an oasis of sanity and understanding in my family, got super drunk and told me he doesn't really care about anyone, not even me, and that he fantasizes constantly about murdering everyone he loves, starting with the people closest to him first. He would take his time doing it.

I told him he'd been winning the fight against those thoughts every day for forty years, and he'd been 100% successful so far, and tried to change the topic. He started laughing and started carrying on about how fun it would be to give in to those urges and how no one would be able to stop him and he got so...excited by it? That he had to go sit out in the subzero weather at 3am on the porch for a couple minutes to calm down.

He was really graphic with what he wanted to do to his sister (my mom) and told me that when he lived with my grandmother, he would sometimes stand over her while she slept thinking of how much he hated being around her and wishing he could smother her. He has had waking blackouts in the past so I took this issue to my parents who have dealt with it before and haven't really been close to him since. I think he doesn't remember telling me any of this. theredbreen1

Maybe exchange names first?

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Not long ago my friend was outside for a smoke at a small house party and a girlfriend of a mutual friend came up to him and decided to let him know that she had gotten an abortion earlier that week. She didn't even introduce herself, just went straight to that. SIPwater

Why me????

Drunk girl that was hitting on me randomly went on a rant that it was unfair that her friend has slept with 30-odd people and was STD free, yet she had only slept with like 15 and ended up with Herpes...

I mean... what was I meant to do with that?? JavaPolava

Deal from a dealer... 

Last night I was at a comedy club. It was the 9-11 set, do late enough that most people had probably had dinner and some pre-show drinks.

This one couple was seated at the front, center table, literally at the base of the mic stand. Through three different comedians he's hooting and hollering, clapping at everything, laughing at jokes during the set up etcetera, classic drunk distraction. So finally the third comedian decides to lay into him a bit.

He claims to have been together with the woman for 20 years (she corrects him: 6 months). When asked about his job, he claims to be "in the miracle business" (she corrects: real estate).

When asked about having troubles in relationships, he offers (brags, really) that he went to prison for three years for selling 200 pounds of weed each month. Sure, a bit awkward this drunk fool is hijacking the show to talk about selling drugs at wholesale. scottishbee

I Know Nothing....

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This wasn't just alcohol I think, but I might have heard a guy confess to deliberately driving his car into a canal to destroy 'evidence.' I don't know what evidence though. enplanedrole

The Plot Thickens... 

In 2006 my mom's boyfriend told me he killed a man and told me how he did it. He told me it was the best way to kill a person and I needed to know for self defense.

My mother had allowed us to have a party at her house and we were all pretty drunk at the time. The story gets really weird weeks later when my friend is over and she has a picture of her deceased father on her keychain. My mom's boyfriend freaks out and takes me aside and explained that was the man he killed years ago. I was always under the assumption that he was just found dead from like a heart attack or something but actually he was murdered the same way my mom's boyfriend described to me. I researched a little and found that it was in fact a cold case from about 2000 or 2001. I called the tip line number and told them what I knew but as far as I know nothing ever came of it.

My mom's boyfriend is dead now and I still believe he murdered my friend's dad. mstdoll

Don't play with markers....

This is a less weird and more funny story my uncle heard, but I feel it's worth posting here:

A few guys were drunk one day so they decided to go about messing around and moved all the markers in the ground on a construction site for a big building. Apparently, nobody noticed until after construction had been completed, and the construction company had to knock the whole thing down and rebuild it.

They probably only admitted this to my uncle because they were drunk when they told the story. Raphe9000

The truth will out...

I had been talking to a guy for a while, he was friends with my best friend. He had a "crazy ex gf" who was trying to pin a bunch of crap on him and called him abusive etc. I didn't believe it because he was cute and I was young and dumb.

One night we were over at my best friend's place drinking, and later on in the night when we all went to pass out (me and him in guest room) he started telling me how everything she said was true, and how he had put his hands around her neck and did all this other crap.

The next day he didn't remember anything and kept trying to kiss me etc, I told my friend what had happened and we never spoke to him again after that. Also, his ex ended up pressing charges, so thankfully there was a little justice there. noirealise

Know your audience....

Having some drinks at my friend's house with her fiancè. I've met this dude twice at this point. We were in the middle of a beer pong game when he says he has a confession. He then goes into a room and brings back this GIANT dildo. He proceeds to tell his fiancè and myself he bought it because he likes to stick it in his butt while whacking off. I laugh instantly because I think the whole thing is a joke (I mean why the heck would you tell a stranger this??) My friend (his fiancè) goes to crying hysterically and I realize it is not a joke. He says he has had it for a few years now and has always wanted her to know & he felt this was the perfect opportunity. I spent the rest of the night convincing my friend he still loves her and that doesn't change who he is. I mean come on, everyone has their fetishes, I do not judge in any way! But keep them private and to yourself and your significant other! just_hereto_lurk

No Family is Perfect....

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A story as told to me by my boss. His neighbor passed away from brain cancer. She had been fighting it on and off for about 15 years. Because of the chemo for all those years she had been unable to conceive but she and her husband wanted a family. They decided to adopt.

They adopted a 6 month old boy that had come for a "troubled home." I didn't get more details than that. The kid is about 10 years old now and has all kinds of issues. He is suspected of killing his puppy, he hurts and bullies my boss' son, stories of a budding sociopath.

After the wife passes away my boss went over to his house for some company. The guy gets pissed up and confesses to my boss "I gotta get rid of Nathan (the adopted son)." He says he never bonded with him and he doesn't want to deal with him anymore now that the wife is gone. Magster921

Pain never fully goes away....

Not a confession I heard, but one I told when I got too drunk. I was telling my friends how I missed my friend who died in a car accident and I told them i was trying to suppress my feelings during the funeral. Next thing you know I was balling my eyes out and saying he didn't deserve to die at 19. Still remember my friends trying to calm me down but I missed him like he was my brother. Still do even after I sobered up... imighthaveananswer

Parenthood...

My uncle got drunk and told me that even though my aunt/his wife had explicitly stated that she did not want a third child, he lied to her about wearing a condom and got her pregnant. She tried to get an abortion but either he or circumstances prevented her. She loves her third kid to death but I was pretty horrified with this story. babyboybelcher18

REDDIT

It seems like everybody should observe a basic level of respect at a funeral.

But alas. Some people are challenged to find respect even in time of deepest grief. And unfortunately, someone has to hear them.

There's a coffin going into the ground and you still can't get your mouth in order? Come on.

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