IRL

People Share Their Craziest Movie Theatre Experiences.

There are a lot worse things than kicking the seats.

Giphy

This piece is based on a Quora question. Link on the last page.


1. I took a girl on a first date to see Passion of the Christ. In retrospect, I could have chosen a more romantic film.

Everything was going just swell until the scene where they actually tortured Jesus.

She couldn't watch. She'd turn her head every time he got whipped. And then when he got flogged, she had to go.

When she got to the aisle...she fainted and fell face down.

Everyone near her screamed. They stopped the film. Ushers rushed to her and called an ambulance as she was bleeding from her mouth. They asked me to go through her purse and find her ID.

There I was, a young man feeling scared for my date, and utterly embarrassed at the situation, and I was asked to navigate my way through the purse of a woman I barely knew.

A mother seated in front of me sensed my frustration and reached her hand into the purse. In seconds she produced the ID.

The ambulance took my date to the hospital, and I followed in her car.

Her mother (!) met us at the hospital and explained to the doctor about her daughter's long history of crippling anxiety. That's when she turned and met me for the first time, the guy who chose to take a woman with a history of anxiety to see Mel Gibson's extremely violent Passion of the Christ.

Giphy

Somehow that first date turned into second and third dates, and she became my girlfriend.

To this day she swears that I forced her to see that movie. I tell her that I'm not falling for it.

Obi Okorougo

2. I was watching a movie with my girlfriend at the time. Someone decided this would be a good time to try smoking crack in a movie theatre. (continued...)


Keep reading on the next page!

At least I think it was crack. That is what I was told later. Anyway, he wasn't too far from me, maybe a couple of seats. This is when I learned I am allergic to crack. It caused a heck of a reaction in me, physically not mentally.

Giphy

I guess now I know not to smoke crack. Not that I had any intention of ever trying it anyway, but there you go.

Why someone thought it was a good idea to start smoking drugs in a movie theater full of families I will never know.

Jennifer Ellis

3. At the end of Troy, when Achilles gets hit by Paris's arrow, the girl in the row in front of me shouted: "They shot him in his Achilles heel? Oh, come on!"

Giphy

Mani Cavalieri

4. When I went to see I am Sam, a woman sat 2 seats away with an approximately 7 year old girl. The child kept asking questions loudly all the way through such as, 'Mummy, what's a prostitute?'

'That's a woman who has sex for money, dear,' the woman would reply just as loudly and then look across at me with a conspiratorial look as though to say, 'Isn't she precocious?'

Giphy

Christine Leigh Langtree

5. I went to see Speed when it first came out. It was super exciting, but at some point I had to pee. Badly. I ran to the bathroom only to find a long line. I got irrationally furious that women have to put up with long bathroom lines, plus I was irrationally desperate to get back to Keanu Reeves. So I ducked into an empty theater nearby and peed on the floor.

Giphy

Yes. I did that. But unfortunately, an employee saw me go in there. (continued)


Keep reading on the next page!

I guess it looked suspicious, because as I was walking out, the employee was walking in. I hurried back to my theater, wondering how long it would take him to find the puddle on the floor. When I got back to my seat, I put my hair up in a ponytail and put on a jacket. Sure enough, usher comes in with a flashlight and starts walking around, clearly searching for someone. I slouch down next to my date. (Poor dude.)

Turns out an usher can't accomplish much with a flashlight in a crowded theater. He left, the movie ended and my date wondered why I insisted on leaving through an obscure side door directly into the parking lot.

Giphy

For years afterwards I was hugely embarrassed whenever I thought of my impulsive peeing. Only two other people know about it.

Anonymous

6. During the movie Juno, there's a scene where one of the characters said that flavored lube made her boyfriend's "junk taste like pie." Way, way too loudly, I said, "I wish my junk tasted like pie!"

Giphy

Everybody in the theatre laughed, and I became "that guy" for the rest of the evening. There was a group of cute girls sitting next to us who kept looking over at me and giggling. You don't have to say everything you think.

Robbie Woods

7. This was one of the most embarrassing moments of my life.

When I was a child of about four or five, my babysitter decided to take me and my brother to a movie called "The Shaggy D.A."

The movie, if I recall, was ostensibly a kid's movie about a lawyer who for some reason begins to turn into a dog.

Giphy

Anyway, at the point of the movie when the man starts growing fur, I started screaming my head off. My babysitter reached for me. I screamed louder. By this time people were trying to figure out who was murdering a small child in the audience. For some reason, in my terror I decided to run. (continued...)


Keep reading on the next page!

In the dark, screaming, I ran into one of the aisles and crawled under a seat.

The ushers were called in. My babysitter, apologizing profusely, tried to coax me out. Still wailing my brains out, I soon realized I was stuck. But the only thing I could think about was that terrifying man-beast on the screen.

They actually had to stop the movie, turn on all the lights, and take apart the seat to pull me out. The management, the patrons, and of course my babysitter were all pretty upset about my little stunt. Needless to say, I was not taken to the movies for quite awhile after this incident. To this day, movies involving human/animal transformations still kinda creep me out.

Giphy

Alyson Truman

8. My then-boyfriend, who is now my husband and I went to a revival screening of "Citizen Kane". I had seen the movie, he had not.

Giphy

During the first hour of the movie, he suddenly blurted out in a half whisper to me, but loud enough for the people around us to hear, "Rosebud's the sled, right?"

The people in front of us turned around and glared at us while I pretended not to know who he was.

And no, I didn't answer him.

Charlotte Lang

9. I sat down to watch the newest Johnny Depp movie around 4:30 pm when, suddenly, a man sat down a few seats away from me. Everything was normal until he started moaning as if he was having a great moment playing with himself. I had to fill my mouth with popcorn to stifle the laughter.

Giphy

The couple in front of him moved seats and I stayed there, trying to be strong to his moaning...

The movie starts, I think "Yay! He's going to shut up now." I was completely wrong about that. (continued...)


Keep reading on the next page!

"Is he having an orgasm while watching Johnny Depp touching his ridiculous moustache? What is happening here?" were my questions at the moment...

I looked at my best friend. My best friend looked at me. We laughed. Then... he screams. A laugh-scream. The loudest laugh I've ever heard in my life. He kept doing it during the whole movie.

This is why I watch movies at home.

Juliana Roche

10. My worst movie experience was a few years back, my girlfriend (now wife) and I were going to see the animated movie Robots. So we sit down, and as the trailers and ads start playing, the theatre is filling up nicely, with about 3/5ths of it full of children and parents.

Then something strange happened. They played the trailer for that XXX: State of the Union movie with Ice Cube.

Giphy

Strange I thought. Why would they play an action movie trailer before a kids movie?

The movie started very forebodingly. Extremely dark, and definitely not animated. Obviously they were showing the wrong film.

What I didnt know was that the movie that was switched out was the remake of the Amityville Horror. And if you have seen that film, you know that the very first scenes show someone murdering their entire family. And right before the film was ended and switched, a young child was shown being discovered by the gun-wielding maniac, and then a loud shot being heard.

If you have never heard a whole theatre of children screaming and crying - applaud you.

Giphy

After that, the proper movie was shown, which we did sit through and found mildly amusing. Afterwards we were given some free vouchers for half-price tickets by a contrite manager. Somehow I dont think that was enough.

Scott Lowe

11. I deliberately sat upfront and away from everyone so I could have my own space.

Right when the movie started, a man sat at the end seat in the aisle right behind me. No big deal, right? But then he slowly moves closer to me, one seat at a time. Eventually, he is sitting right behind me. I catch a glimpse of him through my peripheral vision. He looks like he's on drugs. And then he starts acting like he's on drugs. (continued...)


Keep reading on the next page!

He leans forward and tells me, "Hey, can I borrow a dollar?"

I refuse.

Thirty seconds later, he leans in again. "I'm really thirsty. Can I borrow five dollars."

I refuse.

And so began a regular cycle of him telling me how he feels, followed by a request for money and a statement of intent to purchase.

"Hey, I'm really hungry. Can I have ten dollars for a hot dog?"

"Hey, I'm hungry. Could you spot me twenty for some candy?"

This went on for several minutes.

Eventually, I get fed up. I was going to exit and complain to the manager or an employee, but before I could leave the aisle, the guy jumped up and sprinted out of the theatre.

Giphy

Aaron Ellis

12. In 1979 in the city of Chattanooga, TN a friend of mine with whom I shared a love of daring cinema got a shot at booking the Saturday midnight movie at a local theater. We got together and planned a whole agenda of mind-blowing films that were going to enlighten Chattanooga moviegoers. Well, actually getting our hands on the films we wanted wasn't nearly as easy as we thought it would be. But we did get our first choice and were able to book Eraserhead for our premiere groundbreaking midnight movie.


We expected a lot of college students to attend this viewing and a few showed up. But most of the people filing in were a little on the redneck side. And they were sneaking in beer and liquor. Hmmm, wonder what a bunch of rednecks will think of David Lynch. Well, over half the audience walked out before the film ended, most of them cursing the film in various ways. When the film ended the words Directed By David Lynch appeared on the screen. Someone in the audience screamed, "Kill David Lynch!" and threw a beer can at the screen.

Giphy

That kicked it off. A rain of beer cans showered the screen. What a mess! That was our first and last booking for the Saturday midnight movie at that theatre.

David Durham

(Source)

Social thumb credit: BlueSkyImage / Shutterstock.com

Westend61/Getty Images

When you're a kid most adults will tell you one thing or another is "cool" and "fun." Odds are you're too young to form any kind of opinion on the matter one way or another. You're a kid, right? You don't know what you're eating for breakfast. However, when you get older and form that larger worldview, you realize that yeah, maybe that one time when you were a kid actually wasn't fun.

These are those stories.

Keep reading... Show less