IRL

People Share Their Greatest Skill That Is Completely Illegal.

Not everyone can be a world-class baker. Not everyone can be an amazing writer. Some of us are pickpockets, lock pickers, and car thieves. We can't always choose what we're talented at.

Reddit users shared what their talent was that was also illegal. You can check out more answers from the source at the end of this article.




Picking locks and breaking into houses.

Some of the older kids where I grew up didn't want to get in trouble for breaking into houses and stealing stuff, so they taught me how to do it. It doesn't look as bad when it's a nine year old girl versus teenage boys.

I never did a break and enter over the age of 9 or 10, though.

Whenever someone locks themselves out of their house or apartment, they call me.

spaghatta111

Using gyms without a membership. Whenever I'm away from home and still wanna work out, I jog to whatever gym so I'm nice and sweaty and just kinda stroll past the front desk, while pointing towards the back and making a facial expression like "Eeeh?" They just smile and wave me through.

liquorlanch

Driving 5 mph over the speed limit.

swangdb

Taping baseball games without the express written permission of Major League Baseball.

TheLegendarySheep

Jaywalking. It's an important skill to have in Boston.

meguin

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Stealing plant cuttings and propagating from them.

lual

Shoplifting, but it's not like I intentionally do it.

I'll be at my local deli talking to the owners at the counter, buy a few lotto tickets and just BS'ing and start playing with a lighter or a pack of mints.

Walk out of the deli and stick my hand in my pocket and oops I should have put it back.

I always return or pay for what I took, it's a running joke with the guys for the last few years, they still can't catch me in the act.

MadLintElf

Putting one Canadian penny in a roll of American pennies. THE FOOLS HAVE NO IDEA!!!

_Volsta

Going on websites without my parents permission.

PM_ME_BAGEL_POR

Piracy. Never gotten a virus.

Note for FBI: I mean portraying a pirate as an actor and virus as in MRSA.

adrianmakedonsk

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Oral is illegal in Tennessee.

Soo guess.

immortalalphoeni

Carding doors. I can get into most doors without a deadbolt in a matter of seconds. I've never used this skill to commit a crime, but I've used it on my own house or a friend's when the keys got locked inside. People are always amazed at how easy it is, use your deadbolts!

Ralphus99

Stealing balloons.

I just really love balloons and I'm really good at getting them covertly.

Can't help myself.

b8l

Pickpocketing. I didn't learn how to do it on purpose, and I've never done it to steal. I'm just really good at taking things out of people's pockets without them noticing. I'm also really good at putting things into people's pockets.

I used to do this to my now-husband out of convenience. Most women's clothes don't have pockets, so sometimes I'd just stick something in his pocket if I didn't want to hold it anymore. If I needed it back, I just took it back out. It seemed more practical than constantly asking for him to hold things and then give them back. He figured it out a few months in when he reached into his pocket and found my stuff. He was a little freaked out and told me to just ask him from then on, so that was kind of the end of my pickpocket career.

mynamesnotmolly

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Plagiarizing papers, I speak several languages so I find a paper on a similar topic online and translate it.

Insanehouswif

Not me but close friend. He probably stole close to a $1000 worth of clothes/shoes on our trip to NYC. He walked into the Nike store there put on a jacket and walked out like nothing, the only one I personally witnessed but other friends confirmed his stories about the rest.

ifunnyzeno

Extracting DMT from plant sources. I got some of that Heisenburg in me, chemistry just clicks for me. I started out doing the basic teks online, then once I had a few under my belt and understood the objective of each process I started making my own tweaks to optimize the process. I only ever did it for personal consumption, but really took pride in some of the results like this coffin shaped beauty I pulled after a single recrystallization process. It's no blue meth, but I was pretty proud.

I would also do extractions from Syrian rue to get the MAO inhibitor needed to make the DMT active orally, I would then combine the proper doses of each into a capsule and fill the rest up with powdered ginger to offset nausea. It would give you a consistent experience, bypass the vomiting typical to oral DMT concoctions like ayahuasca, and remove all the nonactive substances that could cause headaches and diarhea. with raw plant matter you have no idea the dosage, and it varies from batch to batch so extracting gave me control over exactly how much I took.

Been about 10 years since I've done an extraction. I think most of the plant sources have been cracked down on by this point, I stopped messing with it once people were getting orders seized and arrested at the post office for picking up plant matter.

evilf23

When I was a teen I was a lifter. Between ages of 13-16, I'd lift bread, candy, occasionally a game if I felt ballsy. I never got caught except for once by my older brother. Let's just say he talked sense into me and I know better now, but that was a much darker time for me. One of two moments in my life I really hold regret over.

pepsicance

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Using the self checkout lane to buy organic fruits and vegetables at non-organic prices.

PolishTe

Lock picking. It's a skill that really comes in handy and it's not too hard to learn. I've never used it for anything illegal, only for when friends have locked themselves out of the house or something. You'll never see a door or pad lock as a secure thing again though.

rustybuttnipples

Breaking into buildings. Comes from parkour and urban exploring, but has been very useful since. Came back to my friends house we were staying at after a festival once, it was 2 in the morning, he lived on the third floor and I tried buzzing and calling him and got nothing. After like five minutes I just looked up, saw the open window and climbed up the brickwork and in.

TheWorstGuitarist

My skills are limited to pre90s models...but I was a really good car thief once upon a time. I can drive off in an older porsche, Benz, BMW, or jaguar almost as quickly without keys as I can with them.


PoweRaider

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I'm a 4th generation moonshiner, though to be fair, my rum is better than my corn liquor. Also, I have never sold a drop, so my bootlegger cred is somewhat compromised...

Skydogsguita

Not to toot my own horn, but I roll perfect cone-shaped joints and spliffs with machine-like precision.

Live in a non-recreational state and am relatively healthy so still illegal for me, but whatever I'm not stopping. Weed is my happy pill.

handmethelighter

Growing mushrooms. Started as a way just to get psychedelics, then became a passion. Nowadays I only grow tubs of edible, non-exciting mushrooms. But, mycology is terribly interesting and very easy to get into if you have about $75 laying around.

Suburbisattv

Source.

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