People Share Their 'We Will Never Speak Of This Again' Moments.
Have you ever experienced one of those moments that you just couldn't speak of again to anyone? A real-life "Did this really happen?" type of situation. Well, you, my friend, are not alone. The following AskReddit responses reveal some of the most outrageous WTF moments users have had to keep a secret up until now (when they shared them on the internet).
While working for the local church's "Prisoner Outreach Program," my grandmother met a female inmate with whom she fell in love. Upon the inmate's release, [they] were planning on running away together. However, [almost as soon as she was out], the inmate locked her in the closet and made off with all the cash she'd liquidated from her savings account. That's why my grandma had to work as the lunch lady at my middle school and why we've financially supported her her whole life. Yeah, nobody ever says anything.
My just barely 3-year-old son was embarrassed he peed his pants while his friends were over. So, he hid his pee pants and came out of the bathroom naked. Proceeded to play with his friends. Climbing up on the table and accidentally whacking one of the little girls on the head with his junk. She screamed and that's when we realized he was naked. If those two ever date, it will be the best most embarrassing story ever. The mothers were horrified, but the other dad and I had to leave the room to try and contain our laughter.
Was buying a house and needed to have the last 90-day bank account statements printed out for a mortgage lender. My mom was helping me through this process and also got the call from the lender. She calls me and needs the password to my bank account so she can print out the info. Password: 420buttsex69. Never has this ever been brought up ever again.
Ordered a vibrator on Amazon and forgot to change the address. The last address used was my parents so the vibrator arrived and, of course, I had failed to specify the first name on the package. So, [my] mom opened it assuming it was for her. Awkward.
I was winging for a buddy at a bar in Toronto. He had pretty much closed the deal on a really cute girl, but I heard her say, "I got to check with my friend real quick," her super gross friend, who I was keeping distracted 12 feet away. So, I grabbed [her friend] mid-sentence and kissed her. It was a sloppy, wet, commitment of a kiss, and she reciprocated. I heard my buddy's girl say, "Oops, never mind!" Heard my buddy start laughing and saw them leave together. Then, I immediately texted [him] saying, "Never speak of that."
When I was 13, I was at the mall, and I had just eaten pizza. The family went shopping. I decided to look at shoes. I thought I had a fart coming on, and I farted. Immediately, something wet hit my shoe. I had shorts on, and I had just pooped all over my shoe and the floor. I walked out of the mall and sat outside until my parents found me. Went home and threw away my clothes. Never spoke of it since.
My dad took me to see the movie Face/Off when I was 7. We walked out of the theatre, and he grabbed me around my shoulder [and said],"Never ever tell your mother we saw that movie."
I kicked a hole in my sister's door when I was 13 because she stole my Britney Spears CD. We covered the hole with a poster and didn't tell my parents about it until we moved rooms when I was 18.
My parents weren't exactly pleased, but we couldn't get in trouble for it because of how much time had passed and because we were both technically adults by then.
I put my head in my friend's horse mask, only to realize, it was where he left all of his used masturbation tissues. It was a bonding moment. I took 3 showers.
When I was at my SO best friend's house during summer. The three of us were all hanging out in the pool when my SO had to go inside to check on the food. Well, [her] best friend decided to jump into the shallow end and hurt herself. Her top came off from the splash, and she was screaming in pain. So, being a good guy, I rushed over to help her, but of course, my SO walked outside the moment I had my arms around her trying to get her out of the pool with her top off screaming.
Not only was it a "This-is-not-what-it-looks-like" moment, but it was [also] pretty awkward holding her without a top on while she was wet.
When my dad announced he ordered a bunch of equipment online to grow shrooms in our house.
Not as bad, but one time, my two buddies and I went to a strip club. One of my buddies orders a brand new beer, but goes [to] get a lap dance right when it arrives. My other buddy and I drink the beer. We had our own beers, but this friend of mine is very George Costanza-like when it comes to money. He kept asking for two weeks what happened to his beer.
Long story short, I'm coming home from a high school party at 3 AM and trying to sneak up the stairs to my bedroom. Right as I enter the hallway, my grandmother comes out of her bedroom and sees me standing there wearing nothing but a jock strap and running shoes, covered in mud, bleeding from my lip, and holding my sides due to what ended up being two bruised ribs.
She said we'd talk about it in the morning. We never spoke of it.
When I was a child, my best friend at the time had one of those electronic wheelchairs for no apparent reason. We would always drive up and down the neighborhood in it. One time my friend decided that I should drive it, me being the child I was, I was terrified, so the moment I grab the handles to control it, I rear-ended his parent's Mercedes. We both put the wheelchair in the garage and [went] back inside his house. When his mom confronted us about it later, we both pretended like we had no idea what she was talking about.
[My] mom was going through my dresser looking for items to donate, didn't know she was going to be doing that, walked in just as she found my vibrator. She looked at it for a second like, "Wtf is this?" while I stood there in horror. Once she figured it out, she looked at me with disappointment, got up, threw it into the trash bin and went back to looking for clothes to donate.
Shortly after I first discovered internet porn, my dad called me over to the computer. He had, of course, looked at the history and found the totally weird stuff I had been googling. He calmly showed me how to delete the browser history and told me to make sure my mom never found out about it. We've never spoken about it since.
My cousin fell on the family cat and killed it. No one said a word about it, they just took it away and no one ever mentioned it again.
This [one] time at college my friend Liz found out the condom fell off inside her the night before. Our other friend Rachel tried to help her [get] it out to no avail. I went with her to get the morning after pill that morning. The condom fell out later that day, and we never spoke of it again.
Traveled thousands of miles to a concert for a band's farewell tour. Fell asleep during said loud rock concert. My husband and I had to leave early for being old and vowed never to speak of it again.
My cousin and I ran a golf cart into a garage door at the course I worked at. It's a bond that seals us.
So, a long time ago when I was just a kid, I had a fascination with stealing from cars. I wouldn't take [anything serious just] loose change, cigarettes, the car lighter if I knew they were smokers, [but] never anything valuable. My last petty theft left me with nightmares though. Everything was going great. I had just come across a really old fancy lighter and figured that was good enough to call it a day. On my way out, I realized I put my hand in something wet. It was blood. The driver's seat was coated in it [and] so was my Levi jacket now. The blood seemed half coagulated and slumped into a huge log at the bottom of the seat. I couldn't piece it together in my head, got freaked [out], and bolted. Tossed my jacket on my way home and never mentioned a word of it until today.
That time I blacked out in college and was running around my apartment naked thinking I was a zombie trying to eat my roommates.
I took about 15 minutes writing out my "We will never speak of this again" moment, but felt so ashamed of it, that I couldn't even share it with strangers on the internet.
We were packing for a family vacation and I was looking for something and thought it might be in my parents' room. Walked in on my mom blowing my dad. The moment our eyes met was probably one of the most awkward moments I've ever seen.
Whoops. That snip was just a hair too far....
Your first bad haircut probably made you want to die a little when you looked in the mirror. Imagine how the person cutting your hair must have felt. Although, maybe they didn't care at all, as evidenced by the bs excuse they gave you when you finished in the barber chair.