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People Share Things They Found Out About Their S.O. That Make Them Reevaluate Their Relationship

I'm going to need a minute to process.

The basis of love always leads back to trust. That is the foundation of any relationship. But trust is most essential to the core of a romantic relationship. You believe the person you are seeing and falling for is exactly who they say they are. However on many occasions people have discovered a little too late that the person they were head over heels for has been keeping a secret or two or ten. And not merely inconsequential things, sometimes life altering facts.

Redditor u/keejus wanted to see what are some details that can change the course of love after they are discovered by asking... What's something you found out about your S.O years into the relationship that made you reevaluate the whole relationship?



50. Do NOT sublimate! 

Didn't have much to do with my SO's (ex's) parents for the first few years. This changed after we were married, and I discovered that she was basically a psychological carbon copy of her father, and I her mother. Only problem with that was, her father was a domineering man who wore his wife down over many years to the point where she was basically mute and offered no resistance to him.

What he wanted, he got. My ex was already showing a tendency to bully me into supplication, and I realized I was heading down the same path as her mother. I had already started giving up trying to argue about anything with her. I saw my future quite clearly one day and left. OkeyDoke47

49. The Rollercoaster... 

She would ignore my opinion about anything. It started small, like forcing me to watch movies I didn't like with her. After that she made dinner with foods I disliked. Then, go to theme parks even though I told her I didn't want to go in a rollercoaster.

Over the years it escalated to her saying 'we' wanted at least 3 children. I've never wanted kids and she knew that. I started to notice I didn't want to spend time with her anymore, it was exhausting. So bye. cinemafreakred

48. So Now What? 

I recently found out that my SO thinks marriage is stupid and never intends to do it. hkiara321

47- The Classics....

We were watching a "Guess that song" video in bed one night and the song "Y.M.C.A" played and she asked who sang that. I laughed it off but she double downed. My wife didn't know who the Village People were.

I should have seen the signs that she was some crazy alien posing as human just to take over the world.

I guess the first sign would have been when she asked for a bite of my burger and then immediately bit the wrong side, not the side I had a few bites from but the completely opposite side. We had already been dating for a good 9 years at this point so it wasn't a cootie thing.

She's a monster. Betamaletim

46. The Truth will Out.. 

He had lied to me about being raped. That really didn't sit well with me.

Then he cheated on me, and attempted to cheat on me repeatedly. And did not listen when I said "no." This doesn't even scratch the surface.

We're still in contact, because he otherwise starts to harass me if I try to cut it off entirely.

Good times! eatmeloveme

45. Sobering Facts...

Two years into our relationship I went to rehab for alcohol. And instead of leaving, he stayed with me, and I found out that the man I thought was good was in fact great. This was 2 1/2 years ago. We're still together and I'm still sober. amacmf

44. We Landed!

1 year later found out they clap when the airplane lands... captnsupr

43. The Crap Show... 

I got one of these. Dated a girl for years, we had a lot of mutual friends. One of them died in a storm in his car-- a tree fell on him and crushed him. We went to the funeral separately, she had said she wouldn't be attending.

When we saw each other there it seemed odd. Turns out she'd be sleeping with him for some time while we were together. I re-evaluated my a** right up on out of that crap show man. Gungityusukka

42. 90219 FOREVER!

Shortly after my then boyfriend moved in with me, I stayed home sick from work. I normally left before him each morning. I walked in on him ironing his shirt watching Saved by the Bell. After I picked my jaw up off the floor, he went into great detail on his likes and dislikes of the whole series.

I then also learned he knows 90210 and Melrose Place backwards and forwards. He's a pretty high profile banking executive. I could not have been more surprised. I decided to keep him.CoconutMacaron

41. Your way Sucks... 

It was either her way or our way. There was no my way.

This took a long while to sink in, cause it was normally our way. powerkrout

40. Hot and Cold...

She gets in the shower before turning the water on. Falkaane


39. Dreams don't Lie... 

He often had sex dreams about almost every single guy he knew, he talked in his sleep so it was very easy to know. I didn't realize it until about 4 months into our year long relationship. It started with him having a sex dream about his ex, which didn't really bother me because they had a history. Then about a month later he had one about his RA, there were a few other people who he had dreams about.

Then finally one day a few weeks before we broke up he had a extreme sex dream about his straight college roommate. Now normally he'd just moan the person's name and stuff, but this dream I woke up to him fondling me calling me his roommates name. I had to pull him off of myself quite a few times before he finally stopped. myalwaysthrowaway

38. Tis the season.... 

That he was a cross dresser, sexted girls online pretending to be a lesbian and oh he possibly got a prostitute pregnant during a deployment. That was a fun Christmas eve. REDDIT

37. The Snowflake... 

She was president of the ski club. So I was stoked to find someone who was also super into skiing. Turns out she doesn't actually like skiing. Just drinking and organizing things. tomassimo

36. Monetary Concern....

He let me know of the huge life insurance policy he had on me to put my mind at ease about finances. It scared me enough to leave him. Maldecir

35. Life is Fleeting...

My husband and I have been married for nearly a year and together for almost six. I just found out the other day that when he was born he had a very low chance of survival and shouldn't actually be alive today. I had no idea, and it really makes the relationship that much more precious. HoboTheDinosaur

34. 50/50

Everything was "50-50" until it came to money. In that case, she felt that the boyfriend should be responsible for paying for everything. Her mom would encourage it too.

I do miss her but I feel wayyy happier now. cynicaluser-

33. A Family Affair! 

When I learned that he'd screwed my sister. The weekend that we had gotten engaged.

Sure would have been nice to find out before the wedding... but nope, a week after my daughter is born is when I stumbled on the news.

Hate Him. nottelling984

32. We have to Vet people.... 

I once dated a girl who I am convinced had a severe case of Munchausen syndrome. She told me she was anorexic, paranoid, an amnesiac, and schizophrenic at various points in our relationship. She (probably falsely) claimed her mother was abusive and her father was a drunk, and since they were divorced, I recommended she ask one or the other to take full custody but she never made any effort toward this.

She also faked a lisp for the first month of our relationship, then denied ever having done so once she let it slip and talked normally. The final straw was when I heard from a friend of hers that she had claimed to have been coerced into doing cocaine by me. aronenark

31. The Pattern....

She cheated on every bf she ever had.

Including me -_- Ghostspider1989

30. Bi the way...

He casually told a friend of mine he was bi sexual before telling me. We'd been dating for a year and a half. They slept together a month later. inhayler

29. It's always the Liquor... 

That he likes to contact escorts when I'm on vacation with my family but blames it on being a drunk loser so that i can throw him a pity party. That and the fact that the going out to bars and getting drunk constantly in the beginning of our relationship wasn't just the fun of getting to know each other, but something he enjoys any second he has a chance. TinyPinecones

28. Balance...

He's somewhat nihilistic and can be very pessimistic sometimes. I'm pretty positive and I don't like to over complicate things in life. I guess we just sort of balance each other. He's very much of a realist, while I tend to ignore the nasty things in life. REDDIT

27. Save the Adoral. 

I thought she was falling asleep so fast because she was waking up so early. Turns out, she was taking Xanax at night and taking her own prescription of adoral + adoral she bought from other people when she woke up. How tf I didn't realize the drug abuse was so deep is beyond me. justcallmejohannes

26. Paws Up! 

Ugh. I hate being late to these things.

My ex threatened to punch me, once she saw me, over the phone, because I had checked Instagram before texting her back. Decalcomanie

25. The needles...

We moved in together after a year and a half of dating. One night I was picking up the apartment and as I was hanging up his coat, a weird little container fell out of it that was full of needles and heroin. askmeaboutbirdlaw

24. Sex is a Drug. 

She's a narcissist and a sex addict. Lost count of the number of people who she had been with sexually. We would come across people in public and they would know her. She wouldn't say how. Used to send me nudes all the time ( we had a great sex life even with three kids) then the pictures stopped. Turned out she had been sending them to others as well. She started blowing a coworker. Guy had a newborn and she had three kids.

Tried to make it seem like it was my fault when she got caught for not doing enough around around the house. ( I worked more than her) and did plenty with the kids. Made it seem like it wasn't that big of a deal and said she wasn't going to stop cheating. Got furious with me for saying I was done and not wanted to go to couples therapy. Right before I moved out we slept together again in a moment of weakness. Right after she tries telling me none of this was her fault as she was raped once years before. So glad the divorce is finally done with. camstercage

23. Rise Above.

Pettiness. The willingness to hurt oneself for hurt someone more for small reasons can be disastrous, and certainly isn't an environment conducive to any sort of long term plans you may have. TheCharmingImmortal

22. The Secret Truth...

Three years in to a five year relationship my now ex girlfriend finally told me she had a bad eating disorder after I overheard her throwing up after a meal. It was something I had suspected in the past and questioned her on, but she was adamant with her denials.

This was not the end, in fact, it was really just planting a seed of doubt. Two years from this point we were still together and I was still trying to support her through treatment of her disorder.


Eventually more of her secrets start to come out. Secretive alcoholism, childhood abuse, cheating.

Even with all the secrets and lies it was not easy to cut ties, but it was needed in order to keep my own sanity. STANAGs

21. The Beans Have It! 

We are Texans.

He likes beans in his chili. But I've decided I can make it work. KinseyH

20. Rush to delivery! 

One weekend we were supposed to go out on a date and he stood me up. I couldn't get ahold of him at all. I was freaking out thinking he was dying in a ditch somewhere!

Turns out he had gotten married over the weekend to the girl who had given birth to his child. I never knew about them.

Faeula

19. Max isn't the dog?

About 1 year in he told me he was about to get full custody of his son. I didn't know he had a son.

rtyjj


How do you not mention that to someone in a year?! I get that you're afraid it might scare some people off, but that's important info.

gnat_outta_hell

18. Oh hell no! 

A year in I found out she lied to be about getting an STD test. Turned out she had more than one STD, which somehow I tested clean for.

Notasupervillan


Microbiologist here, thats actually pretty common.

Most STIs have a higher % rate for transmission from Men to Women than Woman to Man. Eg, Chlamydia
A woman with Chlamydia has a 32% chance of infecting her male partner with ever sexual encounter.
A man with Chlamydia has a 40% chance of infecting his female partner with every sexual encounter.

Quailpower



17. Some people shouldn't be allowed amongst society! 

When I had my first child. The pregnancy wasn't a surprise or an accident. We talked and planned. He got a little overbearing during the pregnancy, like insisting on breastfeeding without even discussing it with me. I put it down to new dad nerves, and not knowing any better.

Turns out that was only the tip of the iceberg. He believed that children were completely and totally a wife's responsibility. He wouldn't change a diaper. He wouldn't pick up the baby when it cried. No way would he get up in the middle of the night. He expected me to work a full-time job, plus do all the childcare.

At that point, I was confused and appalled but I told myself he just needed time to adjust.

I realized how delusional I was when the baby got sick while he was on a fishing trip. The doctors thought baby had meningitis. So not just sick, but life-threatening sick. I called and asked him to come home. He refused. He'd paid for two more days of fishing. He didn't want to lose the money.

rusty0123

16. Am I crazy?

She would lie about tiny, inconsequential things. Made me question my own perception of truth and self-instinct. Eventually caught her in a lie, and she denied even when presented with full proof. It wasn't something huge, but it was something that opened my eyes a little. My friend swears I was being gaslighted. Gaslit?

deruvoo

15. Never a good deal...

That he was doing meth up until after our first son was born. Found this out after we were divorced though.

Misanthrope_penguin

14. Send my to you new lover... 

Out of nowhere, a year into being married, he said he wants to join the Marine Corp. He also wanted me to drop out of law school, birth babies, take care of his mother, and a run a household all while he's deployed. Hard pass.

superslakher

13. It's all about them! 

I realized he would always blame me for his angry outbursts and mistakes- he punched a wall and screamed about a homework assignment he didn't understand because I was sitting on the couch quietly. Then after he was finished blaming me and realized I was upset, he became all sad and wanted me to comfort him.

What a pathetic human being. I'm glad I've grown past accepting that sort of behavior.

NotoriousTNT

12. DIdn't I see you on a Dateline episode?

That my husband wanted to start fires and kill police officers, and was planning on framing me for it so his girlfriend could move in while I did his time in prison for him.

1ofZuulsMinions

Daaamn, that is cold. Sorry to hear.

Falith

11. The ride leaving can't go fast enough. 

Mine crashed and totaled MY car and blamed ME. He is incredibly reckless on the road and rear ended a guy at a RED LIGHT when we were going to TURN SO EVEN IF IT WAS GREEN HE SHOULD HAVE BEEN SLOWING DOWN. But fifty feet from the intersection, where another car was stopped.

I realized he wasn't hitting the breaks. He hates it when I say anything while he's driving so I made the mistake of waiting until the last second to start screaming "STOP!" aaaaaannnnnddddd it was my fault for yelling at him. If I hadn't said anything, he would have stopped in time. Sure. You can stop from 45 mph in 20 ft no problem.

Yet another reason I'm moving out.

purplepluppy

10. Sex is always an issue... 

She's a narcissist and a sex addict. Lost count of the number of people who she had been with sexually. We would come across people in public and they would know her. She wouldn't say how. Used to send me nudes all the time ( we had a great sex life even with three kids) then the pictures stopped. Turned out she had been sending them to others as well. She started blowing a coworker.

Guy had a newborn and she had three kids. Tried to make it seem like it was my fault when she got caught for not doing enough around around the house. ( I worked more than her) and did plenty with the kids. Made it seem like it wasn't that big of a deal and said she wasn't going to stop cheating. Got furious with me for saying I was done and not wanted to go to couples therapy. Right before I moved out we slept together again in a moment of weakness. Right after she tries telling me none of this was her fault as she was raped once years before. So glad the divorce is finally done with.

camstercage

9. Don't be so petty....

Pettiness. The willingness to hurt oneself for hurt someone more for small reasons can be disastrous, and certainly isn't an environment conducive to any sort of long term plans you may have.

TheCharmingImmortal

8. Needle in a haystack... 

We moved in together after a year and a half of dating. One night I was picking up the apartment and as I was hanging up his coat, a weird little container fell out of it that was full of needles and heroin.

askmeaboutbirdlaw

7. Oh Pretty Woman... 

He likes to contact escorts when I'm on vacation with my family but blames it on being a drunk loser so that i can throw him a pity party. That and the fact that the going out to bars and getting drunk constantly in the beginning of our relationship wasn't just the fun of getting to know each other, but something he enjoys any second he has a chance.

TinyPinecones

6. Sleeping Beauty... 

I thought she was falling asleep so fast because she was waking up so early. Turns out, she was taking Xanax at night and taking her own prescription of adderall + adderall she bought from other people when she woke up. How tf I didn't realize the drug abuse was so deep is beyond me.

justcallmejohannes

5. You got to have friends... 

He casually told a friend of mine he was bi sexual before telling me. We'd been dating for a year and a half. They slept together a month later.

inhayler

4. Age is but a number?

Found out my boyfriend of two years was actually ten years older than he originally told me (so instead of the 8 year difference I believed we had, it was actually 18... (yup), had three kids (the oldest of which was only a year younger than me), and was in the middle of getting divorced.

It was a doozy and it sucked a lot and kinda derailed my life for the next three years.

To clarify the age stuff because I'm an idiot and made it sound like I was dating an 8 year old, I was 22 when we started dating. He told me he was 30. He was actually 40.

dead_mans_toes

3. That's a WHOLE lotta baggage! 

I once dated a girl who I am convinced had a severe case of Munchausen syndrome. She told me she was anorexic, paranoid, an amnesiac, and schizophrenic at various points in our relationship. She (probably falsely) claimed her mother was abusive and her father was a drunk, and since they were divorced, I recommended she ask one or the other to take full custody but she never made any effort toward this.

She also faked a lisp for the first month of our relationship, then denied ever having done so once she let it slip and talked normally. The final straw was when I heard from a friend of hers that she had claimed to have been coerced into doing cocaine by me.

aronenark

2. Show me the Money!! 

Everything was "50-50" until it came to money. In that case, she felt that the boyfriend should be responsible for paying for everything. Her mom would encourage it too.

I do miss her but I feel wayyy happier now.

cynicaluser-

1. Don't harm the animals... 

For years she pestered me for a puppy, even though we lived in a one-bedroom apartment. We had opposite schedules where I worked at the office during the day and she had a night shift as a server so I after a bit of convincing I figured it would all work out as he would never be alone for too long and we could always take him out for walks. So I got her the puppy she wanted - a puggle.


REDDIT

Turns out she never walked him and barely took him out potty. Within a year, our carpet was a nice shade of yellow and I would constantly find poop under our couch and behind furniture. Basically she just wanted a living stuffed animal that she could show off but didn't need to take care of.

We broke up shortly after, I lost a large security deposit due to damage, she didn't want anything to do with the dog anymore and my new living situation didn't allow for dogs so we had to put him up for adoption. He went to a great family but it still stings to this day that I couldn't give the little guy the life he deserved.

Palmdale04

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