IRL

People Share What It Was Like Growing Up With LGBTQ Parents.

Every single family is unique they have their own problems, their own strengths and their own quirks.

Here, people reveal what it was like growing up with LGBTQ parents.



1. "I went to Catholic school for 15 years so that was tough at times."

I've had an incredible upbringing. Based on all of the families I've seen, I'd say we communicate and know each other better than 95% of families. I doubt that has very much to do with their being lesbians, though, but rather just them being people they are and by virtue of that me being who I am.

I can admit it's really nice to know that I was an incredibly wanted child--similar to being adopted, my parents had to work very hard to be able to have me (and this was late 80s when they started trying so it also wasn't super common or accepted). I grew up in Louisiana so there were people who weren't fans of our set up, and I went to Catholic school for 15 years so that was tough at times (try writing "TRUE" on a religion test stating that gays should not be able to have children), but I wouldn't trade anything.

I argue with my parents like normal children do, they argue with each other, and honestly 99.4% of the time I forget that my family is in any way unique or different. I've definitely enjoyed opening some minds in the past 21 years, though.

BnInTheKitchen

2. Even if you don't always see eye-to-eye, you can still relate to people on a human level.

I'm not adopted but my mother "realized" she was gay 5 years into her marriage with my father, divorced him, and moved in with some chick who is now her ex. It was a little awkward for me growing up,- especially considering my religious affiliations and how deep those roots go in me (I'm a fairly conservative minister now).

But it's amazing. I don't say this often enough but I absolutely love my mom and her partner, they're both great people. So open and loving to everyone, always helping me with girl problems- it's pretty dang awesome. As a kid I wasn't bullied as much as I had those douche-y kids coming up to me saying "Your mom is only a lesbian because she hasn't met me", I got that a TON in high school.

The biggest way it has influenced me is in my understanding of others. My mother was raised in a very strict "King James Only" kind of Christian household and I've had so many conversations with her in tears telling me that she doesn't want to have feelings for the same sex and that if she could change she would. This stuff rocks my world, being a Christian minister it forces me to challenge the religious norm and truly inspect an issue that is glazed over by the church. Thinking through my mother's life and the "issues" she has have made me a billion times more empathetic towards people- not just the homosexual community but humanity as a whole. My mother and her partner remind me on a daily basis that we're not just discussing laws and policies, we're discussing the everyday lives of living, breathing people.

JordanBlythe

3. "Family is family."

I lived with my mom and her partner for 10 years until I was 18. We lived just like any other family. If anything it made me value women more (I'm male). I definitely went through a phase at around 16 where I was just starting to explore faith and had a hard time processing what I thought were biblical principles with respect to my mom being gay. It led to some rough patches for us at home. I eventually grew up and learned to think for myself and realized that what I felt so sure of as a teenager about the my home situation was ass backwards. Although my mom and her partner split a few years ago, I still go and visit her and call her my stepmom and her daughter my stepsister.

Family is family and as a child you don't see the difference.

Thoranus

4. "I've grown up with both at almost every milestone of my life, so as far as I'm concerned they're both my mothers."

I am the son of a lesbian mother, who wanted a child badly enough that she was artificially inseminated as a single mother (before the maternity leave stuff) and was already having trouble making ends meet. I never would have known that we weren't very well off financially from the way my mother and I were. My mother "dated" 2 women I think in the time since I was born and has been with the same partner for about 20 years now (story continued on the next page...).

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From as early as I can remember to about age 10, we lived alone together, watching Star Trek: TNG and playing Zelda and Final Fantasy together every night. Felt like a pretty standard childhood, although I've since learned that not all parents play video games with their kids.

She has always been incredibly open with me about anything, and never tried to force any sort of choices on me. She considers herself roman catholic (not practicing in any way though) but told me when I was young and asked about such things, that when I was older I would choose for myself.

When I hear people saying that it is a poor environment for children to grow up in, and that it will be the end of our species, it infuriates me. My mother once told me (not sure how we got on the topic) with a completely straight face that she wouldn't ever wish for me to be gay, because it was so incredibly hard for her growing up, and still is. So when I see people say that gay parents means gay children, I just shake my head at the ignorance.

Back to my 2nd mother now, she was married to a man and had 3 children with him before she realized something wasn't quite right and came out as a lesbian. She had a son who was 1 year older than I, so we were around 9-10 or so when we met, and we've been brothers ever since. This was about the only awkward part of my childhood, because there was still a taboo about being from a gay family, so among my friends, my brother was my cousin; and among his friends, I was the "adopted" one. The reason for that was because he and his 2 sisters are black, and I am white, so people could see we weren't complete brothers. I can't speak for all of Canada, but once we were past the teenage-stage of our lives we didn't have to hide it anymore. No one really cares about my gay mother, they're all much more fascinated by my lack of a father.

We usually call our parents "the moms." "You wanna come with me to the moms' Saturday?" Even though only one was my mother at birth, I've grown up with both at almost every milestone of my life, so as far as I'm concerned they're both my mothers.

Furious_ferret

5. It shows that if people are loving, they'll raise great kids.

I'm not, but my first girlfriend had two mums. She wasn't adopted. Her mother was bisexual and her dad ran off when her mom was still pregnant and then her mom met her wife and they got married when she was like a year old. Her moms were awesome. She was smart, happy, and extremely well rounded. I know they still argued and whatever, but from everything I saw they were totally normal parents who loved the crap out of their daughter.

Oh, and yeah. She got some crap at school for it, but no more than she got for being a lesbian. I think it's pretty rare that gay parents make gay babies so she got teased a bit by our gay friends for being a statistical anomaly. We lived in a pretty liberal area though so other kids probably have it worse at school in the southern USA and stuff.

reithegenki

6. "I have two moms and I am also gay."

I have had same sex parents since I was ten. My biological mother came out after her and my bio father had divorced.

I'm also gay. I'm not entirely sure what it means. I didn't come out until sixth grade, but looking back I think I have "been gay" from birth. I love having two moms. The woman my mom married is 100 times better than my bio father and I'm so thankful to have her in my life. It was kinda weird having friends come over when I was younger or it was awkward when they asked who that woman was at various events where parents attend or when she would drop me off or pick me up from school because I didn't know how they would take it. I was always afraid they would freak out, tell their parents, and we wouldn't be friends anymore (I grew up in a small, conservative town). I always called her our roommate. Now that I'm grown up and out myself, most people think it's really cool.

I think it's really cool for that matter. To wrap up, I think it is the greatest thing ever and feel like I actually benefited from having my mom's wife in my life and being able to be who I am without any judgement.

sprinkle_monster

7. You get a bit from each of your parents.

My brother was three and I was in the womb when my Dad came out. My earliest memories involve him and his partner, Adam. The hardest thing was just the fact that I lived with my mom and didn't get to see him a lot. So I had three parents I guess. But I'll just talk about Dad and Adam.

The most relevant thing about these two is how they play off of each other to teach me things. My father is a really intelligent and well-spoken man. He always taught through stories of his life. He taught me tolerance, even in a world that doesn't necessarily tolerate him. He is more serious than Adam. Adam is quite a goofball. He teaches me that life is lived in the moment.

So they taught me about life. If anything I would say that being the child of a same sex couple has been enlightening. I see so many different perspectives of life than other people. Am I different than your average child? Perhaps. But that's just because I am not afraid to be myself.

And that's something my fathers have taught me that I will never forget.

SatansGinger

8. It's not only your parents that determine whether you have a good childhood or not.

My childhood and adolescence were terrible, not due to having lesbian parents, but due to the bigotry, hatred, and ignorance of the people that exist in this country. To me there is no hope that any of these anecdotes, especially mine, is going to ever turn these people toward rational thought, but luckily they're not going to live forever.

sooperdoopersekrit


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9. We all just want to find love.

My birth father is gay, and came out shortly after I was born. We still had a great relationship growing up and I would spend my summers at his house, and many weekends. Since I was very young at first, I didn't know he was gay, and just thought I had a lot of "uncles," which were what we would call his boyfriends. He eventually settled down with another man and being that he was gay and couldn't have kids of his own he treated us like his own.

Growing up in this environment was very normal to me, and helped me realize that all people are the same, and deserve nothing but love and compassion. I was a jock in high school and most of my friends had a significant problem with gay people. I felt a deep sense of responsibility to stick up for any gay kids in my high school and let them know that we all weren't jerks. So in this sense I feel it really helped my become a well rounded, less ignorant human being. Other than that, everything is pretty much the same being that we are all human and pretty much the same.

Toodl

10. There is no good argument against a loving home and caring parents.

I just want to point out that as the child of a single parent, I also find a lot of the arguments they make regarding this personally offensive since most of it focuses on the lack of both gender roles. They make the assumption that each gender can only do certain things. My mother taught me to cook and embroider, as well as how to maintenance a car and how to patch a hole in the drywall. I never really noticed any difference between myself and my friends who had both parents. In fact, I was (and still am) closer to my mother than most of them were to either parent.

Nyxalith

11. Kids will be kids.

A coworker of mine and her wife (they finally got married a few months ago!) adopted two children who were already brother and sister, not wanting to tear them apart. Their kids call them Momma A and Momma B (with A and B being replaced by each parent's name), so they aren't confused by just saying Mom. Watching the kids interact with others, you could never really tell that anything is different. They're polite and generally well-behaved.

Xervicx

12. "They're wonderful ladies, and they clearly love him very much."

A good friend of mine was raised by two moms. His father and mother were married, but divorced when he was a baby. His mother had custody of him, and she met and fell in love with another woman when he was 2 or 3. They are still together. He said that his life was pretty much exactly like every other kid, except that when someone at school wanted to tease him, it wasn't for being too smart, or bad at sports, but for having two moms. He also grew up in a pretty liberal area, so even that didn't happen that much. They're wonderful ladies, and they clearly love him very much.

Delores_Herbig

13. "In the end, love is love."

My parents divorced when I was 12 when my mom came out saying she was in a relationship with another woman. I ended up living with my mom and her girlfriend until I was 17 and moved out on my own.

At first being really immature and in an attempt to make sense of it I fell in with kind of a religious crowd and was convinced my mom was seduced by the devil (story continued on the next page...).

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After I grew up a bit and lived on my own and saw more of life I realized that my mom was probably gay her entire life but because of her upbringing suppressed it and tried to lead a 'normal' life. I've also realized that my mom's partner is not the incarnation of evil and is in fact a very great person who, among other things, makes my mom really happy.

I'm an atheist now and feel pretty ashamed when I think back to the way I felt when I was a teenager and I'm pretty glad I never expressed my thoughts on it to them. It will always be my little secret.

My mom is retired now and is living happily with her partner of 16 years. My dad is doing great, has a girlfriend and him and I are very close. My kids call my mom grandma and her partner grandma (name).

The strangest part about my coming around to respecting and now being strongly for LGBT rights is kind of a philosophical problem. In a way I owe my existence to attitudes of 50 years ago. If LGBTQs had always been accepted in the way we are moving towards it is guaranteed certain that my brother and I would not exist.

In the end, love is love. The whole experience led me to understand that love comes regardless of the labels society puts on relationships and I'm proud my kids will grow up thinking absolutely nothing strange about the idea of same-sex relationships and only identifying it for what it is, love.

Drunkymcclown

14. Definitely some perks to having same sex parents.

Best part, I get double the mother sympathy. Bad day? I can call both of them and have them shower me with love and compliments. There is nothing better for the soul than a mom telling you how awesome you are when you've heard the opposite for eight hours from your boss.

bluerazz_

15. Every family is a bit unusual, anyway.

I was raised by two moms and two dads. My dads are married to each other. My moms were married, but are now divorced. I can honestly say that I wouldn't have it any other way. Sometimes it is pretty weird explaining my family to people, but I still would not change it. I have both male and female role models, and a unique perspective from how unusual my family structure is. Also it is pretty fun saying that I have the gayest family in the world.

ZCDUBZ

16. The most annoying part is really just explaining it to other people.

My biological parents were married until I was 3, so single parents for awhile. Dad remarried when I was 9 and when I was 10, mom came out of the closet and got a civil union with stepmom (now a marriage). When all the drama died down, things got pretty normal. It does get annoying explaining the whole thing to people, but it's really nothing unusual for me.

rcg99

17. Pretty much every teen goes through a period where they hate their parents, regardless of their sexual orientation.

I have two moms, although I'm the biological son of one of them. I think I probably had one of the best upbringings of anyone I know. My moms are some of the most sensible, good-hearted, selfless people in existence as far as I'm concerned, and provided an incredibly loving and supportive environment for me and my brother.

When I was in my younger teens, I definitely went through a period of hating my parents for depriving me of a "normal" childhood (story continued on the next page...).

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I've always been somewhat effeminate and much better at connecting with females than with males, and I have no doubt that that's because of my upbringing.

As I've gotten older though, I've kind of levelled out. I would never in a million years trade a second of my childhood for anyone else's.

PurdyCrafty

18. Everyone should have the right to choose whether or not to have kids.

Not me, but a coworker. He's gay and has adopted kids. I can't say from the kid's perspective, but they seem well adjusted and polite. They lost power for an extended period of time (Sandy) and the two dad's took turns taking the kids with them to work. The kids were kids, but still well behaved. So as a non kid-haver, I approve.

kuj0317

19. It must be great having parents that fully understand what you're going through.

My girlfriend and I are in a lesbian relationship, and her mom has been with her girlfriend for like, 10 years. It's funny because her mom and this woman have been living together for like, 9 of these years (even moved states together twice) but never admitted to being a lesbian until my girlfriend came out to her. So they kinda came out to each other at the same time.

I love it because they're both SUPER crafty. My girlfriend and I have a fixer-upper together and her moms have helped us replace the front door, replace the kitchen floor, repaint most of the house, and repaired my kitchen cabinets. And they raise chickens so we get free, fresh eggs all the time.

hannahprettyinpunk

20. "Taught me to be open and understanding."

Having two moms has taught me to be open to understanding people whose family makeups are less common, and it made the entire gay marriage legalization thing very important to me as it was happening.

All in all, I suppose by now I know for sure that there is nothing inferior about being raised by same-sex parents, as used to be the predominant thought in the US up until sometime in the 2000's.

Aloysius_Chinigan

21. More parents equals more perspectives.

I have two lesbian moms and two gay dads... it's an odd situation I know. I'd say the overall best part is just having four different viewpoints to grow up with. I think it's made me understanding of most people's personal issues on a different level than most.

SSSambo

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22. "Normal family, through and through."

My biological mother is a lesbian and in a 10+ year relationship and we're just a normal family, through and through.

TheMightyDendo

23. Always there to lend a hand.

I once dated a guy with lesbian mothers. Let me tell you, when my crappy craigslist car had any sort of issue, his other mom would always come to the rescue.

macaroni_veteran

24. Some definite upsides to being raised by LGBTQ parents.

I was raised by two moms. I can't really think of anything that would make it any better or worse.

I guess I was eligible for a pflag scholarship... so I'll go with that.

Jonowar


25. That is what matters most.

So many great people grow up in messed up households. And so many messed up people grow up in great households. But I can can guarantee you growing up in a loving household, no matter the gender makeup of the parent or parents involved, is what matters most.

Rockmaker77

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