They're called exes for a reason. Before you think about taking your ex back, take a second to reflect on all of the reasons why you left them in the first place. Everything happens for a reason, and for these Redditors, the reasons are abundantly clear.
Kindaherekindanot asked: Why is your ex an ex?
50. A complete lack of empathy doesn't make for a good partner.
"I was in the emergency room with kidney stones (didn't know it was kidney stones at the time, just knew I was in the most pain I'd ever been in). She got pissed because "you're not paying attention to me." Seriously, I'm in an emergency room hooked up to an IV with pain killers flowing through me, at this point I'm half conscious 'cause of the morphine, and apparently I'm a piece of s**t for not paying attention to her.
It came to a head when I asked her to get a nurse because something didn't feel right (they had gave me something I was allergic to and I was starting to have an allergic reaction). She said, "Fine, I'll just be your babysitter." At that point I just told her to go home, that her negativity was making me feel worse. She threw a fit, and left in a rage.
Next day I didn't even call her for a ride back home when I got out of the hospital, I called my aunt and had her drive me home. The moment I got home I started packing. If you have to be the center of attention and can't feel any empathy whatsoever while I'm in the goddamn emergency room, you're a garbage human I don't want anything to do with."
49. How about no.Giphy
"Been married 18 years, so my ex was an ex from about 23 years ago.
Reason he's my ex? Got my "friend" preggers, when I confronted him he suggested we stay together and have threesomes. Yeah... Nope."
48. Holy crap.
When I was nearly robbed. Before the story came out she said damn I didn't know that your great great grandparents medals were stolen. She hired two guys to rob me 'cause I told her my brother was having an serious asthma attack and I'll be at the hospital. She wanted to show me that she found the medals."
47. Was it ever fun though?
"Someone I dated for a month or two. Started talking about marriage and having kids after the third or fourth date. Would call me in the middle of the night because she needed help with something that any fully functional adult should be able to do by themselves, i.e. stuff like lifting a 10 lbs object from the floor and placing it on a counter. Finally broke it off when she told me I'm gonna have to cut any and all ties to one of my best friends because I'm not allowed to talk to other girls now that we're dating.
She ended up stalking me for like six months, threatened to a) kill me in my sleep or b) walk up to the police and tell them I had assaulted her (Glad she typed that out in detail so I could just easily screencap everything in case I ever needed the evidence), called me at 4 AM multiple times after getting faced at a bar and when I'd switch my phone off, she'd send me 80+ messages that usually evolved from trying to guilt trip me to take her back into borderline psychotic ranting and empty threats. She eventually screwed some old dude, got an STD, and claimed it was my fault because I had forced her to do that by not wanting to be with her.
So that was fun while it lasted."
46. DEAL. BREAKER.Giphy
"Because he wouldn't shut up and talked all the way through Monty Python's The Meaning of Life."
45. .....sneeze fetish?
"He had a sneeze fetish that he obsessed unhealthily over. In my sleep he'd ball up cat hair and try to put it into my nose. I didn't know he was doing this to me until I had a nasty sinus infection and had my sinus flooded out at urgent care. Out came small balls of cat hair.
The final straw was cheating on me with a girl who had a bigger nose than me. She was his ex and he just couldn't get over that nose despite the fact she was literally psychotic.
They were perfect for each other. Not my loss. But my mistake ever trying to be tolerant and understanding of him.
Makes great material for the biography I'll never write."
44. Absolutely not.
"He threatened suicide every few weeks."
He constantly performed "tests" on me to see if I loved him enough or that I could be trusted. I always failed them.
He would demand I stay up on the phone almost every night until 1am or later listening, not TALKING, to him. I would be expected to stay awake and listen to his rambling anecdotes for hours silently. If I spoke, I'd make him lose his train of thought.
If I fell asleep, I got screamed at or a day of the cold shoulder.
These are just a few examples.
I was a young teenager who got sucked into a cycle of psychological abuse for a few years.
I'm fine now for the most part."
43. A heartbreaker AND a racist.
"He thought people finding out he was dating an Asian-American would be embarrassing.
So bullet dodged but I wish I could say I was the one who decided that."
42. The dog seals the deal for this break-up.Giphy
"He had his mom texted me to break up with me just before a big vacation we were going to take together. We were both adults.
Also his dog was extremely aggressive towards me (but I would be too if I hadn't been walked in two weeks)."
41. Now was it blood, or was it ketchup?
"She stabbed me during an argument about whether ketchup should be kept in the fridge or the pantry."
40. Good for this person for getting help.
"He broke up with me for a reason that didn't make sense.
8 months later I realized it was because I was getting help for my depression and becoming more independent and not letting him control me. He didn't like the fact that he didn't own me anymore and having me as a play toy wasn't fun for him anymore.
Months after we broke up was when I realized he had been emotionally and verbally abusing me for years."
39. Bullet dodged, indeed.
"Because he wanted to start selling drugs to his friends.
We've been living together for maybe 3 years, and I didn't agree to this idea, at all. But the thing is, his business started to grow way too fast, and I got tired. So tired that one day, after I saw the stash, I decided I wanted to live on my own. And he dumped me for that, but I only heard the big new the day after, when he invited his ex over at our apartment while I was working. OH WELL, big bullet dodged, because a week after I left, he got busted and now has a criminal record.
But hey, I'm finally over with these years of toxicity. And I got to keep the doggo, and this big old boi is the love of my life, no doubt."
38. The whole package.Giphy
"Found out I really didn't know him until we married and moved in together
- Was a mama's boy.
- Told me "you're my wife, you do what I tell you".
- Couldn't make decisions on anything.
- Couldn't keep a job.
- All talk no action when it came to work.
- Criticized me constantly, especially in front of others.
- Sex was bad."
37. An uncommon problem to have.
"Because his penis was too big!
No joke! Legit, too big. It hurt, way too much. I tried to bear it for a while hoping it didn't get better. I started avoiding spending time with him so I could avoid sex. Realized that wasn't fair and broke it off. Weirdest breakup ever, but we're still good friends. Kind of a pro and con situation for him."
36. There is so much wrong with this.
"Cheated on me, then blamed the guys death on me (he died in a motorcycle crash at speeds 200+km/h) he was at her place and I surprised her by showing up unexpectedly and he left out the back door.
Accused me of having incestuous relationship with my mother and sister when I would choose to spend time with them instead of her.
She also was physically and emotionally abusive. Just an all around horrible woman that broke me and gave me long lasting trust issues.
This was almost 12 years ago now, and the affects are still present, even after therapy. She was my first love I guess, she was the first sexual partner, looking back at it I should have listened to her father when he said I should run.
35. OKCupid Kills.
My friend sent me a screenshot of the secret OKCupid profile saying he was looking for flings. I truly feel blessed knowing my friends are so solidly in my corner. pm_me_cool_maps
34. Time to Make a Change.Giphy
Said she wanted a change.... coincidentally at the same time that I finished paying for her college. CarlosAVP
I have a friend this happened to, twice (the same guy). Just sad. Plinthastic
33. So Far Away....
Neither of us wanted to relocate coasts. It's boring but true. I wish her the best in life. She was awesome. TNinLosAngeles
This happened to me. We had a great relationship but I was moving to England and he didn't want to come — just not part of his plan. It was mutual and I still love him as a human, and we still talk. verymerry19
32. Asexually Yours....
We dated for about 6 years, and I thought things were going quite well. When we started dating, she thought she was asexual and so sex wasn't really a main focus in our relationship, which wasn't a dealbreaker for me so I rolled with it.
About a month or two before we broke up, I could feel some distance being forged between us. At first I chalked it up to her being busy with a new job and family obligations - but more and more she would reference one of her coworkers. I'd be lying if I said it didn't bother me, but I trusted her completely, so I didn't tell her not to talk to him or anything, and she reassured me that there was nothing going on between them.
Well, one night we're talking over messenger and our conversation took a pretty serious turn where she basically admitted to me that she didn't think she was as asexual as she thought she was, and that she didn't find me appealing in that way at all. It devastated me, but I ultimately accepted it. Naturally, I asked if her coworker had any role in her decision to breakup, which she was adamant that he didn't.
Not even two weeks later, I find out that the two of them started dating, which really made me go into a deep depression. I'm happy to say that it's been a little over a year since then, and I've lost over 130 pounds (and am finally at a healthy weight for the first time in my adult life), my social life is the best it's ever been, I got my degree, and have an excellent new job. At one point I thought my life was over, and in some regards, I was right - my life as I had known it was over - but my new life is so much better. JustAverageTemp
31. Cheater. Cheater.
4 years never cheated. She cheated twice. Nobody's perfect excuse, I have problems too.
I'd work all day to pay bills, she brought a homeless guy home. Let him live in our house while I worked without my knowing. Ate my food, played my games, banged my lady while I paid for it all.
Months later attempt to rekindle the flame, goes sour. A week later "Im pregnant" text. lots of long nights and deep thinking about life. Accept that i must be a father to my child. Another week passes "Its not actually your's it's (homeless guys). I just thought you would be a good dad."
Bye Felicia. jnmwr
30. Jurassic Beliefs.Giphy
She didn't believe in dinosaurs. moreberriesthanyou
"Stop telling people I don't believe dinosaurs exist, because I wouldn't wear the stupid t-rex costume in the bedroom!" Pope_Beenadick
She hit me with a car. Yeah it's been a few years. Life moves on :) greyz3n
28. The Depressed.
You can't always stick two severely mentally ill people in a relationship and expect it to work out great.
Edit: Thanks everyone. My ex is not a bad person, just horribly depressed. i-ride-dragons
27. Come to the Cabaret....
She didn't want to commit, but she didn't want to be alone. She liked to pretend that she didn't need my company, and that life was a cabaret, but she did, and it really wasn't for her. Something in her was afraid of getting too close. I just got tired of it. Tall_Mickey
26. Just There.
I was just someone convenient for her. We were coworkers.
We used to talk a lot and clicked when it came to sense of humor and goofing around. To quickly became good friends and then started dating. I was giving her genuine affection without an ulterior motive. Her family constantly put her down and and was two-faced when it came to being nice. I was the counter to that. I was the escape.
I finished my degree and moved with her four hours away. It was close enough to visit if we wanted but too far for her family to drop by unannounced. We finally had a calm life away from the stress and strife that her family caused.
Then after she had her calm life she no longer needed her escape and couldn't ignore the fact that she never actually wanted me as a person. She only wanted what I represented; what I no longer needed to provide. So she started cheating on me with someone who she was actually attracted to behind my back and his wife's back. Seven years, gone. Zediac
25. We're Not It.
He wanted to date someone exactly like him, and I couldn't be that person. He made me feel guilty for not enjoying everything he enjoyed. If he hadn't ended things, I was going to. We just weren't compatible. M0u53trap
24. Back Home.
Diagnosed with ADHD, early signs of dementia, hypothyroidism and polycistic ovarian syndrome. She had to go back to her country to focus on her treatment and therapy, but we still talk to each other sometimes. Sucks cause she was the best person I've ever met. podente
23. Forever Ex.
This was the worst one. We were in a long distance relationship. It wasn't working out for him though so he broke up with me. We still kept daily contact however. When he came back to visit (my city is his home), he told me that he missed me and so we hung out the entire week he was there, had sex and all that. I was pretty sure we were going to make it work and get back together (that's what I was hoping) Turns out, when he went back to his other country, I found out by luck that he was actually in a relationship with another girl. So yeah... he cheated on her with me...
The best part? This was a girl that I had some red flags up on when we were still together and he was actually dating her while we were still together. Yup... Felt like a complete idiot and that's how he became my ex forever. RiceCrispix
22. Bye Girl.
Faked a pregnancy when I tried to break up.
Cheated (multiple times).
My hands started sweating and my heart was racing when I saw pictures of her recently. This happened over 2 years ago. This tiny girl terrifies me. hatethiscity
He cheated on me. His excuse was "It wasn't anything sexual. I just wanted to show her my penis then she grabbed it and put it in." His words not mine. UnderMyUmbreon
20. Sucker Punch.
My girlfriend was verbally abusive on a regular basis. She would also get physically abusive when she drank too much. She wasn't really strong enough to hurt me seriously, but when the person you love starts trying to suckerpunch you it is really frustrating. I still miss her a lot.
Some days she was wonderful and the sweetest person ever. Others she was bitter, angry, and would do anything to try to get a reaction out of me by insulting me. Started to become my insecure high school self after a while and had to give up.
She dealt with a lot of really horrible abuse in her past and I didn't want to ever be the next abuser because of my own anger and frustration so I had to let her go. Still miss her. Still love her. Wish things had been different. TimsTantalizinTicTac
19. Toxic Cover.
I realized it was a toxic relationship when he got mad at me for not wearing makeup. luna-petunia
I should have realized it was a toxic relationship when he yelled at me until I cried for wearing makeup. rockyraccoon13
Well, she passed away so I guess she is my ex now. I still love her. _techniker
My boyfriend passed away 11 years ago now. I never considered him my ex, he's just my late boyfriend. I still miss him. Anilxe
My ex is an ex because he was manipulative and emotionally abusive.... he also hated my friends and family. He tried telling me that they were toxic for me so I could never see them. Queen_Ellie
16. A Little Weight.
Told me he was afraid I'd gain a lot of weight and "wanted to feel he could have sex any time he wanted." Guess you can't have spontaneous sex with a woman who's a little overweight. Jokes on him - I lost weight and he gained weight. VainNightwish
15. You say it's you?
She got sick of being taken for granted, and dealing with the effects of my insecurities. xmittsx87
Hi, are you my ex? You still owe me $70. realhorrorsh0w
14. She Crazy.Giphy
Because he was a self centered, emotionally abusive, alcoholic, manipulative anchor of a human being. He destroyed the house I paid for, told me no one else would ever love me, and made everything my fault.
Also he physically abused my dog.
Edit: I'm sorry for everyone else who also had to go through an ex behaving this way. No pupper deserves that. Pupper tax awfulmcnofilter
13. Secrets and Lies....
- She was in the closet so for 4 years I was her dirty little secret
- Craved attention and agreed to have her coworkers set her up on a blind date with some dude without even talking to me about it (wtf?)
- Demanded I leave my career and job in another country and go home, stay in her condo and freelance instead while she continues her career as a lawyer
- Harassed the person I casually dated after her
- Got really mad at me because I moved on and she chose to stay miserable
Haven't had any communication with her for almost a decade now after I finally blocked her all those years ago. I'm happily married for 6 years now to an amazing woman, thank god. Tourtoise
12. Just 17.
i knew him for about 3 months and he wanted to know when he could ask my dad to marry me (he thought 6 months of dating would be good) and he had our whole life planned out. We were both only 17 at the time. now he just crap talks me on twitter months after we broke up. dgsarah
11. Just Not There.
He was truly a phenomenal person but something just didn't click romantically. I just didn't feel the way I thought I should have felt about him. withered-dreams
I had a good friend in school I had a huuuuge crush on, but he wasn't feeling the chemistry. It hurt, but god, I'm so glad he was up front about it (while still remaining kind) instead of trying to pretend. We're still friends, but I'm with a guy who loves me exactly like I love him, and he found a wonderful woman who he has oodles of chemistry with, and we're both so much better for it. Reddit
10. Cut the Ties.
Not really an ex but someone I dated for a month or two. Started talking about marriage and having kids after the third or fourth date. Would call me in the middle of the night because she needed help with something that any fully functional adult should be able to do by themselves, i.e. stuff like lifting a 10 lbs object from the floor and placing it on a counter. Finally broke it off when she told me I'm gonna have to cut any and all ties to one of my best friends because I'm not allowed to talk to other girls now that we're dating.
She ended up stalking me for like six months, threatened to a) kill me in my sleep or b) walk up to the police and tell them I had raped her (Glad she typed that out in detail so I could just easily screencap everything in case I ever needed the evidence), called me at 4 AM multiple times after getting faced at a bar and when I'd switch my phone off, she'd send me 80+ messages that usually evolved from trying to guilt trip me to take her back into borderline psychotic ranting and empty threats. She eventually screwed some old dude, got an STD, and claimed it was my fault because I had forced her to do that by not wanting to be with her. So that was fun while it lasted.
9. This Again?
He didn't feel as strongly about me as I did about him. And he didn't care about how I felt during sex.
ETA: Surprised that this comment blew up! Wanted to clarify that I am a woman and that the main sex issue was that I need time to work up to comfortably putting his manly bit into my lady bits. I did communicate this to him and we had what I thought was very satisfying sex several times after that, despite him having a bit of attitude of "this again?"
Whenever I wasn't immediately ready to be jackhammered after a minute of making out. He told me in the aftermath of our relationship that he thought our physical relationship was completely unenjoyable. There were other things too that he did that made it clear to me that he didn't care how I felt during sex like often wanting oral but never giving it and needing "reminders" to put on a condom despite the fact that I wasn't on birth control for part of the relationship. applebore12
According to her, she just "lost" her feelings for me. It's been 6 years and I still dream of her. mcmanybucks
Oof I had one like that. It's hard and there is no closure to be had. You just have to realize the things you wished they were are out there in someone else. Demibolt
7. So Petty.
He punched me in the face after a petty argument.
Firstly, it doesn't matter what the argument was about. You don't abuse your partner.
Secondly, I'm a guy too. Violence amongst gay couples is a silent issue that's rarely ever talked about and in my experience with friends it can be pretty damn ugly too.
Thirdly, I'm not a violent person. However he did more than punch me after it when following me home and I hit him when he went to strangle me. It did nothing though as I'm soft as hell.
Fourthly, I am okay thank you.
Love and light ❤ -Glitter-Herpes-
6. Power of 2....
Because we were two different people in two different places in our life. Also bc she had a nasty habit of banging my friends, but that's besides the point. MeattloafKitten
5. A Couple of Things.
It was mutual after a couple big discussions.
I wanted to travel, she didn't.
I don't want to have children, and she did.
I didn't want her screwing her ex, but she did.
Gotta decide on what your dealbreakers are, I guess. The_Town_of_Canada
4. Getting Help.
Because I started using and she cheated.
EDIT: thanks for your support everyone, I know an ex junkie talking about a break up isn't the funniest thing to listen to.
EDIT 2: thanks for the 2 gold and platinum kind strangers. EddieVedder_ismydad
He ended up being crazier than I initially wanted to believe. Years of stalking after our break-up really did turn me into a paranoid freak. But in time I am doing a lot better. Lesson learned. guyhabit
2. Joy Lost.
Because I could predict the entirety of the rest of my life and I didn't like it.
I would have taken over the family bakery and spent every day waking up at 3 AM to make donuts.
9 AM would be the start time for sausages.
Leave the bakery @ 4 PM. Deposit the daily sales before the bank closes.
Drive home and eat the unsold sausages for dinner.
Watch TV for 1.5 hours before falling asleep in a chair.
Wake up at 3 AM.
There was no joy in her father's eyes.
Joy left years ago. ambermage
1. Best Wishes....Giphy
An 8-year lasagna of me being noticeably depressed, me not making continuous romantic gestures, a long-term sense of complacency on both our parts and both of us gravitating towards opposite directions in life.
I dated her for almost a decade (I'm 25), and our time together made me a better person. I'm grateful for the time we shared and don't regret it, but I've made my peace and spent nearly 2 years swallowing that bitter, gargantuan pill.
I wish her the best and view her in warm regard, but I don't want to be her friend or even cross paths with her ever again. Getting over the breakup had to be the hardest thing I've ever done, and picking that scab just to keep up the meaningless platitude of "We can still be friends" would be a waste of both of our time. garrettgravley
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We are told that, if you're not confident, you should just "fake it til you make it."
This is great--in theory. In practice, sometimes "faking it" can have extremely real and terrible consequences, which these people found out the hardest of hard ways.