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People Divulge What Ruined Their First Real Relationship

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Relationships take a lot of work, and a lot of people end up failing pretty hard before they learn to get it right.

Sometimes it's something one party in the relationship does, but sometimes it's just that they realize they're not a good fit for each other.


Relationships end for a lot of reasons, so Reddit user u/zLulatsch asked:

"What ruined your first real relationship?"

20.

She wanted to make sure it was not gonna be a one night deal before we did anything and I told her I loved her so much I wouldn't do that. She was the one to call it quits after that one night happened.

-Iwantav

19.

It was long distance, he didn't feel like trying and I tried too hard, we both were in a terrible mental state. I broke it off after having to repeatedly remind him that I existed.

....Then we tried to stay friends and that was a TERRIBLE idea. We ended up simultaneously ghosting each other.

-KieAndStuff

18.

Being too comfortable and allowing the relationship to go stale; also being too young for the level of intensity a relationship needs to progress

-NorthernRothesay

17.

I discovered she already had a boyfriend, and I was the "side dude".

-LifeOfThePotty

16.

He quit his job after telling all his co-workers that the boss had depression and anxiety. He quit before she got a chance to fire him. I became the breadwinner and started to see how financially irresponsible he was. He had cut up a debt card and then the next day tapped it together. The other part got stuck in ATM.

-animelife71

15.

My parents wouldn't let me actually hang out with him. Got grounded every time they saw us together and whatnot. It was really frustrating.

-bobbyjellybean

14.

I thought I was hilarious. For her birthday I got her a card shaped like a cheeseburger that I wrote "Happy birthday fatass" in. I'm cringing just thinking about it (BTW she was nowhere near fat). I got her other birthday presents but I was going to give them to her that evening, because again: I thought I was hilarious.

Never got to give her the real presents, because her dad came to my work and threatened to beat me up, then she broke up with me.

-Lurkist

13.

I'm still in it, so hopefully it gets ruined by one of us dying of old age.

-Renmazuo

12.

Happened a week ago. We're together for a year and a half, engaged and she told me last week she wasn't in love with me anymore and left.

-bryceisaskategod

11.

She cheated and I caught her pretty much in the act of it. I decided to surprise her one day and showed up to find her half naked in her apartment with TWO other men, also both in their skivvies.

-ChristopherRabbit

10.

I was an ahole.

-saveemisalive

Me too. It was years ago, and I feel like I've bettered myself since then. But I still regret hurting someone that I truly loved. They tolerated a lot of shit to try to stay with me. I can only hope I'm a better person than I used to be, and that they're having a good life nowadays.

-2fastSOAP

9.

It sounds like a cliche, but I only liked the idea of having a girlfriend. In practice, it turns out I don't like it.

-untakenu

Sounds like you need a boyfriend.

-Rohxypoo

Tried that too. Don't like it.

-untakenu

8.

I changed. She was an incredible person and treated me better than anyone ever has. She loved me unconditionally, did so much for me and was selfless. That was how I was at the beginning of our relationship. Eventually, other things in my life were getting to me and making me a cranky ahole and I would take it out on her. Just things like the way I spoke to her, snapping at her, just being a piece of sh!t towards her.

Even when she would tell me and I would see her crying, it's like it wouldn't get through to me. I would do and say things that it wouldn't even dawn on me how mean they were until after the fact. When our daughter was born (and through the pregnancy), it was her making the sacrifices and going without sleep in the middle of the night. I was a lousy boyfriend and lousy father. She never deserved a single bit of any of that.

It wasn't until she broke up with me that it became painfully obvious (like hitting a brick wall obvious) the kind of horrible person I had become with how I treated her. I loved her, but I obviously didn't show that a good amount of the time. I had changed for the worst and I don't blame her one bit for leaving me. It's been nearly 9 years and a day hasn't passed that I am not thinking of this all through out the day.

I think I deserve that for what I put her through. Fair enough. I can't change how I was, no matter how much I wish I could erase those memories from her mind. But that realization and learning from mistakes, I have an amazing relationship with my daughter and have for years. I'd do anything to change the past, but of course, that's not possible and that's life.

-RyanPelley

7.

Him not respecting basic boundaries like leaving me alone when I needed space, telling his friends what we did in the bedroom, pushing me to do things so I didn’t want too, even involving his friends at one point.

-Shortkitsu

6.

She wanted to bone other guys. We were young and she was honest. I was devastated at the time but realized pretty quick I wanted to bone other girls too. All works out in the end.

-IEATHOTDOGSRAW

5.

We were a couple for roughly 6-7 years and during our last year I moved in with him to his apartment.

A few months before that, he rented a room to his childhood best friend and when I moved in I discovered he had the biggest crush on him.

His friend was straight and my ex never had a chance with him but still he was so tryhard... He would do anything for him, eventually I started getting bitter about this and started hating them both.

In the end I was an ahole to his friend all the time, I was distant with my bf and he ended up cheating on me with a guy from his college.

-SteveKareha

4.

Eh immaturity. We were young, socially awkward, neither of us knew how to ask for what we wanted or what fair expectations were. Kind of wish we had just fooled around or dated lightly and went our separate ways but, again, young.

-scarefish

3.

It was my fault. I was mentally abusive without meaning to. I cut the relationship off for our own good and took a long break from dating anybody to change. I'm now in a happy 7 month relationship.

-broavs

2.

I felt she was needy but instead of communicating this to her, I dumped her out of nowhere. In hindsight, I was just doing things for her without asking, because I assumed she was helpless without me (she wasn't), and it burned me out. Not really fair to either party, but I least I learned from my mistakes.

-twelvis

1.

We were both too young and both dealing with undiagnosed mental issues. We enabled bad behavior and shut down good behavior. Shared misery in all its "glory" and a very bad idea.

We've both become better people since breaking up. And no, I'd never want to date him again.

-DaughterEarth

We are told that, if you're not confident, you should just "fake it til you make it."

This is great--in theory. In practice, sometimes "faking it" can have extremely real and terrible consequences, which these people found out the hardest of hard ways.

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