People Who Got Married Because They Just Couldn’t Break Up Share Their Stories.
This article is based on the AskReddit question "Redditors who are now married because you didn't know how to break up with your SO, how is that going for you?" Majority of these answers are positive and heartwarming.
[Source can be found at the end of the article]
We made the choice to "stay for the kid" when I became pregnant at 17. Even on my wedding day all I wanted to do was run away. I didn't want it, but I knew I couldn't make ends meet on my own and he was a great dad, even as young as we were.
It's been eight years and I can't say things have always been perfect. We really had a lot of growing up to do, but I'm so happy to have him by my side. We built our lives from the ground up and it's been a privilege. We've fought, nearly split a couple of times but we always come back to each other. He's my best friend and I really don't want to spend my time with anyone but him.
About a year ago I actually found out he didn't want to get married either. He wanted to run away just as much as I did. So that was pretty interesting, because one of the reasons I didn't want to leave was because I didn't want to break his heart. Turns out he was thinking the same thing.
I was young and in the military and met a very sweet Japanese girl. However her family didn't like the idea of her marrying an American serviceman. Long story short, she ran away from her family at the risk of being disowned to come to the US and marry me. The problem was that as I stood at the altar I was just beginning to realize how different our expectations toward life were, not to mention our wildly differing libidos. She was very down-to-earth and conservative in her approach to life. I wanted adventure and had big dreams. I stood there at the altar that day and really had my doubts. But we had been through so much that I just couldn't tell her the truth. That was almost 30 years ago. Over the years we worked together and compromised. We found that her strengths complemented mine. We have often joked that we are like two halves of a jigsaw puzzle perfectly together. It has taken time and patience but we really have a very ideal relationship after all these years.
I don't have stars in my eyes when I look at him, but I think he does for me. Anything I want to do is what he wants to do too, and not just to humor me, he seems to genuinely enjoy doing whatever it is that will make me happy. With time, I've come to appreciate him more and more to the point that now I don't know what I'd do without him. But I often think that he deserves someone better than me, he deserves someone who will look at him the same way he looks at me.
My wife and I were on again off again in our early twenties. I broke up with her then she would come over in a trench coat with nothing underneath and get me back that way. She actually has severe anxiety and depression but she didn't know it then. I really liked the good times, but when she had her episodes, I really didn't want any part of that. I couldn't leave her because I felt she was just misunderstood even though my family didn't want me to marry her. I did, though, I proposed with my own free will and everything. Now, she has been to doctors and therapy and she deals much less with the anxiety and depression. I'm so happy I'm with her right now. She is my best friend and my lover. I truly expect to spend the rest of my life with her and be happy!
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Probably the best decision I ever made. 3 years ago I was so certain she was not the one for me simply because I was bored and wished I could kiss someone else. Well one beautiful road trip vacation was all it took for me to realize we are perfectly meant to be together. We've been married almost 2 years and together 6. I couldn't be happier that I stuck it out and am confident in saying she is the one for me.
I didn't break up when I could, so eventually married him because I had to do it and the eventual divorce turned into the most painful long-drawn thing out ever.
0/10 would not recommend.
Don't be a coward like me, break up while you are still young and careless.
We'd been together 7 years and it was that next step of getting married or breaking up that I suppose a lot of couples face. We'd had some great times and though she was somewhat selfish and lazy I figured I could do a lot worse.
I'd hurt my back whilst on a round the world tour (that I exclusively paid for) that culminated in me proposing at the edge of the grand canyon. Unfortunately my back got worse when we returned and I lost my job one month after the wedding.
As I'd spent all of my savings taking us round the world, getting married, buying us a house we were quickly broke. I struggled being unemployed and in pain.
She coped by going out drinking with her friends most nights and after several honest conversations it became obvious she would not be providing any support, emotional, physical etc.
It came to a head when I offered her 100 (my only birthday money) so that she could go on a pre planned weekend break and she complained it wasn't enough.
Actually I'm happy to say that it worked out pretty good. My wife was born and raised in a foreign country, is about 8 years younger than me and I was her first boyfriend. I felt like we had absolutely nothing in common and it was probably best if we broke up. But I kept thinking "she's really sweet (and probably too good for me) and waaaay good-looking." Like way hotter than any girl I'd ever get. But even though I felt like I needed a "party girl" (she definitely wasn't THAT) and someone who I had more in common with I couldn't break her heart. And I know I would've. Eventually I wised up and turned my life around pretty much because of her. And now, while things aren't perfect, we have a strong relationship and I can't imagine we'll ever get divorced.
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This was me for ten years, until I finally left. I remember knowing I didn't want to marry him, but he was dependent on me. He was occasionally abusive before, then his life circumstances made him angrier and angrier during the marriage and he took it out on me. It wasn't even the abuse that triggered me to leave (I didn't realize it wasn't a part of marriage). It was an interaction with a random stranger that told me I was beautiful. Just that little bit of kindness made me realize what a miserable hell I chose to live in every day.
He made it as hard as he could to leave, but five years later I'm much happier. I still have depression to battle, but when I think about where I came from I'd consider myself a survivor.
I'd already been married and divorced the once and feeling a bit of a failure in that respect but eventually hooked up with this woman who as time went on it became apparent she was an alcoholic. Things got progressively worse to the extent I had to have her arrested when I woke up one night with her standing over me with a knife. Any who… stuck by her, rehab the works. Five years later we got married and that was 7 years ago.
If I'd had any sense I would have ditched her but today things are much better. When things are good they're very good and when they're not it doesn't last that long. She can still be a little hard work but then I'm sure it's the same for her and that's what a relationship is all about isn't it?
Well my first marriage was one of those situations. It went ok for the first year then the next 3 years it limped along before going into a death spiral which ultimately ended up in a crap show of a divorce. If you're not happy in the relationship and can't see yourself wanting to be married to your significant other, don't do it. It's mentally and financially exhausting even without children involved unless by some miracle you can both come to agreements on everything.
Second marriage has been infinitely better, always have trials and tribulations in a relationship but we love each other and support each other.
I was going to break up with him the night he proposed. We were watching a band at a bar, drinking beer, having a good time. We had been dating 9 months and had a lot of fun, but had NEVER talked about marriage or anything.
When he asked, I was so surprised I didn't answer, then he looked so excited I couldn't say no. When I said yes, we hugged and he yelled "WE JUST GOT ENGAGED!" and everyone standing around drinking beers with us. (There was no ring of course, so one guy gave me a way-too-big skull ring to wear as a substitute.) I kept trying to figure out what to do, and how/whether to break up. I've never been great a communicating what I want or hurting people's feelings, so fast forward 9 months later and we were married.
We're celebrating our 20th anniversary next year. We're the best of partners. We laugh. We have great companionship, honesty, support, trustworthiness. We've got 2 great kids. We've supported each other through our son's cancer, the death of our dads, marital highs and lows. And we love each other. So I guess it's going pretty well.
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She had convinced me that the problems with our relationship were due to being together for 5 years and not getting engaged.
Then she had me convinced that the problems with our relationship were because she wanted kids and we didn't have any children.
Then she had me convinced that the problems with our relationship were because we had two boys and she really wanted a little girl.
Now she is trying to convince me that the problems in our relationship are due to to being in a small house with three kids when she really wants a huge house with a huge yard.
In other words, it is not going well. At all. We were never compatible. But I couldn't bring myself to walk away, so instead I tried to make us compatible. The problems never got better, they only ever got worse. I will be surprised if I am still married a year from now.
My mom set me up with someone from her hometown who was the daughter of a friend of the family. The first year was nice. We both make decent money and never planned to have kids so we always went out and did things together. Eventually we got married because I didnt know what else to do.
Once we started to settle, things changed. She started wanting kids, wanting to move back home, wanted me to change careers to a white collar one (which I later did but only because I wanted to). We had a long, long talk and are going to be splitting soon. We both agree that we do love each other but these are things she is not wanting to budge. I respect her life choices and it sucks we have to split, but it will make both of us happier in the long run.
At the time I just used to date people for a bit and then get bored and finish it. I guess I kinda had commitment issues in the sense that no one fit my 'ideal'.
I became involved in a long distance relationship, and there was a point where I really couldn't be bothered with it anymore, we were arguing, and I was bored of the whole thing because it was no longer a novelty.
I couldn't break up with him because I felt like I'd have wasted so much money on train tickets, and time on the phone blah blah blah.
In hindsight, I realised that the period where I wanted to break up with him is actually fairly normal when the relationship gets serious.
We have been married three years, we are really involved in each others families, we have a toddler and we're planning another. I like to feel that I've really supported him too, I do have to go where ever work takes him, but he's in his dream job earning the lions share of the money, and I'm studying for a degree that actually interests me.
To think if we hadn't been long distance I would have thrown this whole future away.
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I was young and in love. My now ex-husband impulsively proposed. I was 20, he was 23. I think he would have called it off but we found out we were pregnant. Our fall wedding ended up being a shot gun spring wedding. 6 months into our marriage we had our baby boy. Two months after our son was born my ex's dad unexpectedly passed away. He was emotionally out by then. He didn't come home at night. I had my friend over all the time so I wouldn't be so lonely. They ended up having an affair and are now married. Unhappily married because he always lets me know.
If he hadn't cheated, I think we would have been in an awful marriage for life. I didn't want to leave. I really wanted to work it out but I loved him more than he loved me. He didn't know how to break up with me and kept making my life hell and it impossible not to leave him.
He's now doing this with his current wife.
He genuinely seemed to care for me and love me. So, even though I knew I didn't love him as much, we could make it work. We had a fairly inexpensive wedding, moved in together and take care of each other. He pays the bills, I cook and clean, and we both put up with each other's shot.
Until this past Wednesday when I discovered his HIV medication and he told me he'd had it for over 5 years. Longer than we knew each other. So he lied every day for 5 years, and that's what I'm dealing with now. My test came out negative, somehow. But it still feels like a deal breaker. Nothing will be the same as before and he's fully expecting for it to go back to how it was a week ago.
Was very immature in my mid 20s. I just wanted to party. I didn't know if I wanted her or not but we were in a long distance relationship.
She moved to my city because my job had the most potential to provide. At that point I was, "oh damn, she's moving up here for me, guess we are getting married."
Ended up even more madly in love. Had two kids and couldn't imagine my life any other way except I'd probably be dead or in jail considering my alcoholism. She's seriously the anchor that keeps me grounded and not shot into the sun like Icarus.
Things aren't always perfect, but they never are.
I knew in my gut that I didn't love him, but was suffering undiagnosed depression on top of grieving the death of a parent. I wanted someone to take care of me.
Here we are, 25 years later, and we can't afford to divorce. Kids are near college age, he LOVES the house but can't afford to buy me out and can't afford it on his own. I could happily walk away - but can't afford to live close by for the kids (we live in a stupid expensive area).
Hey kids: Listen to that gut feeling, that little voice in your head! The pain you suffer now is so much easier than years of torture and complications later down the road.
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He was my friend with benefits. He got mad when I wanted to stop sleeping together when I started seriously dating another guy, but I agreed to go out on a date with the friend with benefits before we "broke up."
He was very good-looking (intimidated me at first). He was also arrogant and I hated that. He hadn't been in a serious relationship before.
It took probably 6 months of him and I making that transition from a friend with benefits to a relationship. I wanted to break up with him on like a daily basis, but then I would see him trying pretty hard to let go of the arrogance and be a good boyfriend. I felt like, if I broke up with him, it'd ruin him for life, and he'd never have a functional, long term relationship.
After about 6 month-end, though, he finally let his guard down. He's still confident and kind of bossy but not an arrogant prick like he used to be. I think I loved him prior to that point, but not in a consuming, forever kind of way.
We got married many, many years ago, we have a child, and I cannot imagine living without him. He's an elemental part of my life and I adore him.
He and I had a very tumultuous relationship for the first few years together, due to emotional immaturity and trauma on both our parts. He was my "rebound" after my first true heartbreak, and we started dating way, way too soon. We fought often, broke up once or twice, and I constantly thought about leaving even after we'd moved in together. Still, I'd grown dependent on him in ways I now see were unhealthy, and while I did have feelings for him, part of me was just scared of being alone.
When he shocked me by popping the question, my stomach dropped and I physically wanted to run. Every fiber in my body was yelling "no, no, no!" in that moment, but his proposal speech was so beautiful and heartfelt, and he was so vulnerable and open, that I muttered a bewildered "yes" before I could even process my feelings. Having to call our parents immediately to share the news was just torture. Honestly looking back on that moment, I have no idea why I wasn't just honest with him, but there was a part of me that did love and care for him, and I wanted… I don't know, exactly, but I wanted to see if we could work ourselves out together, even though it all felt so hopeless and wrong.
We've been together 8 years now, married 4, and I'm so happy to say that we are the perfect partners for each other. We've both grown so much on our own, through sheer will and hard HARD work, and in that process we've also grown together in ways I couldn't have imagined. He is the most insightful, self-aware man I've ever met, and he loves me more that I ever felt I deserved. And through him, I learned how to love, genuinely and (to the best of my abilities) selflessly. He is truly my other half in life, and without him I would be so lost.
We met in May, married in October. We divorced after 6 years and two kids.
She wanted the marriage. Pushed for it. I didn't say no. I wanted to be married. Have kids, own a home. All of those things. I wasn't sure if it should have been with her. There were some red flags, but I hadn't found my voice. I didn't advocate for myself.
She wanted to get married. She was four years older, and had already picked out a dress. Since I wasn't backing out, she decided that I was the one.
The first year was good. Then, I saw the cracks in her lies. I suspected she cheated on me. She previously said that she'd cheated on every boyfriend she'd ever had (one of those red flags). Things just weren't adding up. Her going for a walk with our neighbor at 12:30am, and not coming home till 5 am?
We tried to work things through. Went to counseling for a year or so. I was still fighting for that life. Married. Wife, kids, and happy.
Then, I didn't get into a commissioning program in the Army. Our relationship went downhill with a quickness after that. I moved out. A "trial separation". We had picked up counseling again. All of the issues were me. My communication. My parenting.
Then, I found concrete proof she'd cheated two years into our marriage (with an entirely different person), and she was continuing multiple relationships, while still "working on us".
That next counseling session, I dropped the bomb. That, for the last ten or so sessions, it was all about my issues. "What about this guy? Or that guy? Or this other guy? Surely, if you want to make it work you wouldn't be sending sexts to these other guys?"
The therapist asked if I could work through this, to refocus our sessions. Or if I still loved her.
No and no. I was tired of the lies.
Racism is an insidious, and unfortunately prevalent, force in all of our daily lives. Maybe we're on the receiving end of it, being treated differently and losing opportunities because of others' preconceived notions.
Or maybe we're on the other side of things. Even those who aren't actively racist or discriminatory still have to process the world through the filters of the things they've been told about people who are different.