People Who Lost Spouses And Got Remarried Share What Life Is Like Now.
Losing a lifelong partner leaves a hole that can never be filled, but there can be something on the other side of it.
Below are stories of people who lost their spouses and then met somebody else. Check them out.
14. The person I was with killed herself. We hadn't been together very long, but it had been my first "true love" so it hurt. Since my family is incredibly conservative, they'd never met her -- and neither had my friends, as I was very cautious of news of my non-straight dating reaching family -- so grieving was tough, and I basically stifled all emotions for a good few years.
In the meantime, I met my current long-term significant other. It took me a while to open up about my past in terms of losing my previous partner -- I think about a year or year and a half until I told the full story -- as it involved opening up that well-sealed drawer of emotions in the back of my mind and dealing with them.
Yes, I still think about her. Recently, a book I got from her got given away to a library and promptly picked up by someone -- it took me a day to get over the loss of one of the last items I have to remember her by. On her birthday, I still get that fruit cheesecake she always wanted to have for any occasion. And on Halloween, when she died, I have a bit of a tougher time celebrating and being relaxed, and usually need to spend the day at home if I want to go out in the evening to get over emotions before I meet up with friends.
My significant other is incredibly supportive and understanding of it all despite not having similar experiences in the past (as far as I know at least). He helped me process a large portion of the grief and was open to listening to stories about her, and to take part in my remembering of her.
13. My partner passed away two years ago. I met a wonderful and supportive girl not long after who helped me through some super dark days. We are engaged to get married in June. It's still a conversation piece we try to avoid where possible as it's hard not to make her feel a little uncomfortable about it all. I keep a little part of myself reserved for my late partner, just a little corner of my heart and my mind that will stay reserved forever. I also keep a cast iron 'Love Duck' on my work desk, the matching partner of it is clenched in her hand inside her coffin, I spend a little time everyday talking to it.
12. I'm twice widowed now. It takes a good 5 years to get a grip on life again. In my own personal experience, the first one I try to date always seems to be my dud one and then I meet the one I was meant to be with. You just have to give yourself time to grieve and heal and don't rush things. I've had 2 great loves but short lived. I'm at 15 years on my first lost and 5 years on my second loss.
11. My wife passed away a couple years ago. It was a lot and not something I could even begin to put into words. Some really rough days, even tiny things you don't think about will catch you off guard. Eventually, I...(Continued)
Eventually, I met a wonderful girl who I just got it off with perfectly. We are engaged now so not married yet but in May of this year we will be and I am very happy. I still show respect for my late wife. Make sure her grave is kept and I have a lot of her stuff still that I am keeping. Pictures and what not, my fianc is totally cool with it and is very understanding. When we first started dating she ask me about her and wanted to know about her, I think that helped get past some things. But I am happy and can't wait to get married.
10. My husband died five years ago in April. We had a two year old son together. I really struggled for while, however, I eventually went down the path of healing. After lots of work and raising my son, I met an amazing man. We are engaged and expecting our first baby together. There are still days (rare) where I feel sad, but it's for what could have been. Every year, we send a lit Chinese lantern with a letter for our loss. My fianc and I are incredibly happy and he is incredibly supportive of me. My son and him are very close and have a really cool bond. There is life after death, but you need to do the work to heal and find love again. The work is painful and gritty but totally worth the journey.
9. After we graduated and both landed jobs in a city 2,000 miles away, I married my college sweetheart. We bought a house, made plans, didn't include cancer in that plan, and I lost her after six years of marriage, and an additional 9 years of being pals, friends, best friends then dating.
Three years later I met a really amazing woman. Smart, witty, resourceful, beautiful and passionate. We were married a year later. It was her first marriage (and she's older than me), but her parents, as they got to know me, respected and really appreciated my path in life. It's be 14 wonderful years now. I still miss my first wife, but not in a debilitating way, and my wife knows that, and respects it. My wife appreciates that my first wife was part of what molded me into the person I am today.
Now I've been married more than twice as long as I was before I lost my first wife. We've had our difficulties, which led us to adopt our son, who is awesome. But both of our lives are better together and better because of where we each came from. It's a beautiful thing.
And somehow I know that my first wife would have been really good friends with my wife if she had known her.
And my wife is really great with my first wife's extended family. We get together often. Yes, I hit the lottery with both sets of in-laws.
8. My husband of 11 years died in 2009. I'm not remarried, but am in a serious and committed relationship with someone now. He's a never-ever to marriage type guy so someone like me who's content not to marry having had a long, happy, excellent marriage already is perfect for him in a way.
I'm having kind of a rough week with...(Continued)
I'm having kind of a rough week with current significant other, things not related to my being a widow-- silly nitpicky things.
Current significant other doesn't have a jealous bone in his body. He says he thinks he was somehow born without the gene for jealousy. So all along he's been totally cool if say, one of my husband's favorite songs comes on and gets me started crying. He's always let me cry on his shoulder. He doesn't mind if I talk about my husband a lot. In fact, he likes my stories about him. A few months ago I got a very, VERY emotionally charged "Facebook memory". It was the video/photo montage that I made for my husband's wake. Hundreds and hundreds of photos and videos of he and I on all our excellent adventures. It really knocked me for a loop as I hadn't watched it or even thought about it in several years. I was bawling on current significant other's lap. Thinking about it later, I wondered if after 6 years now he's getting tired of it so I asked him and he said basically, no, not at all, that he can't possibly understand what it's like but could imagine it's not something you just get over one day.
I still think about my husband every day. When I see a new movie he'd have loved, I still get angry that he never got to see it. Stuff like that. I still want to talk to him about stuff.
My overall attitude about it is that I'm lucky to have a life with 2 great loves.
7. My husband died at 34 of cancer. Our daughter was 8 months old. She is my saving grace and a blessing. It was hard then and it still is. I still cry and grieve. My daughter, now almost 7, asks questions and wants to know about her dad. I try to keep communication open with his family because my daughter needs that but sometimes I feel they blame me. I still talk to him and think about him all of the time even though it's been 6 years.
I met my 2nd husband two years to the day of my first husband's death. I love him just as much as I love my first husband but it's different. Our relationship isn't the same and he isn't the same person my deceased husband was. I am not the same person I was 6 years ago. I do feel this marriage is more difficult because I am dealing with an ex wife and step kids. I can't really compare the two relationships though because they are very different people. I love them both wholeheartedly.
My second husband is very supportive and respectful of my first husband. He understands that some days are still hard for me but it doesn't mean I love him any less. I'm sure sometimes he feels he is competing with a ghost but I try not to make him feel that way. He encourages my daughter to ask questions and spend time with her grandparents.
I will never forget my first husband and there are times I still struggle and get mad at him for dying. It's hard and it sucks but happily I made the choice to keep moving forward because I am still living and he would have wanted that.
6. It's weird sometimes. My wife passed away and just left me and my son together. He was young enough that he doesn't remember her as anything more than a picture on the wall.
I reconnected with someone from college later on and we... (Continued)
I reconnected with someone from college later on and we ended up getting married. She's one of the kindest souls I've ever known and helped me through a dark time. She's helping raise my son like he's her own and he loves her unconditionally. She's also very good about telling him about his mother to make sure that he knows about her and all she did for him.
I didn't intend to get married again it was just something that happened out of the blue. My son and I are very happy now but there's still the "What would life be like if the accident hadn't happened?"
5. My husband died suddenly four years ago. It was ... hard. It took me a few years to pull myself together but eventually I moved to a new city, found a job and made a new life. I'm 33 now and I live with my significant other, we're not married but talking about it. I still think about my husband every day. I miss him. I love him. It's hard to explain. My significant other tries to understand but he can't, which is ok. He doesn't like talking about past and likes focusing on the future. That's why I keep my past to myself but I also keep it close. The hard truth is, I think I will never be as happy as I once was. And that's also ok, because I am happy, just not so young or naive to think that things can't fall apart in split second. It's bittersweet, because there's always a bit of pain there too.
4. My first wife and I were married very young (me 18, her 17), but that was after dating through high school for 3+ years and knowing we wanted to marry for a LONG time. I knew she had a deadly illness (Cystic Fibrosis) before we started dating, but after I'd already fallen in love with her. I knew the entire time we were together that it wasn't going to be the fairy tale ending of us sitting on a porch in rocking chairs with our grand-children. But none of that mattered. All that mattered was that I got a chance to be with her and made her happy every chance I got.
When she died in my arms 9 months after we were married just about a month before her 18th birthday, it was devastating for everyone. Her mom, dad, sister, me, my family, everyone simply fell apart (Her mom and dad more than anyone). This wonderful girl who touched so many people with her positive attitude was gone from us forever. She deserved to experience so much more. It wasn't fair. I thought my life was over. I thought I'd never, ever find anyone else.
Fast-forward a few years and I met my current wife. This April will be our 25th anniversary. She knows almost every story I could tell about my first wife. She knows I still love my first wife, but she also knows that doesn't mean that I love her any less. She understands that just because she's my second wife, doesn't mean she replaced my first wife. She's very respectful of that and knows the difference and isn't threatened by it at all. If she was, we wouldn't have gotten married and we would certainly not have lasted 25 years.
I probably think about my first wife at least 4-5 times a week. Even after all these years, she's still on my mind that often. I don't have pictures up around the house of her, but I do have some on my PC and in my facebook profile. I post a link to the CF Foundation and other charities on her birthday because many of my high school friends on facebook knew her and appreciate that. It's never bothered my current wife at all.
It was a lot to deal with for an 18 year old private in the Army, but I'm glad I had the chance to make a difference in her life. I grew up a lot knowing her, and my current wife gets to enjoy the benefits of that.
3. My wife, who I had been with for 15 years died of breast cancer 10 years ago. I am since remarried (6 yrs) with two wonderful little girls. As had been said, it takes years to rebuild yourself and your life.
Initially you are surrounded by friends and family. Their concern and support allow you to grieve in the immediate aftermath. Eventually of course, they all return to their lives and you to yours. You wake up that first morning in a new world. You have to live with the quiet of the house, the vastness of the couch, the coldness of the bed, the embarrassment of purchasing of a single pork chop at the butcher. It is profound how alone and lost you feel. How many people look at you with pity when they see you. Your prior future plans are scrapped, of course. I still owned a house and it required just as much work as it did before, but now I had to do my late wife's share of the work. Things that I had learned to be helpless with. Cooking? Awful. Things that you relied on your spouse to remember (birthdays, that place we ate at, your friend's wife's name) are gone forever and not coming back.
Your perspective on life changes. For me, it was unexpectedly empowering. I was there for my wife during her illness. I was proud of how I stepped up to support her. In fact, supporting my terminally ill wife as they faced death is the proudest thing I have ever done. Having gone through such an awful experience, the little dramas of life that derail us in normal times, seemed easy to deal with. You learn, or at least I learned, to make peace with things I could not control. Why should I worry if I could not affect the issue. I learned to let go and focus on what I could control. My health, physically and mentally. My relationships with my friends and family improved likely due to more attention, but just as likely due to my newfound self-confidence and lack of drama. "You want to decide where we go and what we do?" "Sure, I'm just happy to spend time with you and do something fun." I no longer cared that a friend always wanted to control the agenda or for what reason. Seemed like such a small thing to worry about.
While this new, hard-earned, perspective on life helped in many circumstances, it does pose challenges as most of the world does not have the similar perspective. I used to be far more career driven and ambitious. I no longer live to work. I do my job well, certainly, but I don't worry about office drama or politics. Naturally, folks at work noticed and missed my "old version". As my life priorities changes, others didn't necessarily approve. How could I not apply for that promotion? Was I checking out? I heard these and similar for years. But my new perspective, in my mind, allowed me to focus on what I now deemed far far more important to me. My life. I was now aware of what an empty promise tomorrow is; that today is the only guarantee. Don't get me wrong, I fortunately didn't do anything stupid or short-sighted that would jeopardize my future. But I refused to put off to tomorrow, something I could just as easily do today. Travel, calling an old friend, smelling the roses, as it were. I appreciated life and it was indeed, a gift.
In many ways I was given the chance to "know then what I know now". That is, I had a new emotional maturity, courageousness, and perspective of someone who had lived 80 years, rather than 34. I was fortunate. I had a fantastic marriage with a wonderful woman. Some people never get that. Ever. Now I have a new wife and kids. They are wonderful and I appreciate them with a vigor that I would not have, nor could have, previously. I am living the life I have and living it the best way I can for me. I am not a victim. I consider myself embarrassingly fortunate.
I could go on as it really has been interesting to live through. How was dating again after years? How did I handle my late-wife's ghost in the context of my new marriage? How is my relationship with in-laws? But I'll leave it there, I suppose.
2. My first husband died 8 years ago, when I was 29 and he was 31. Cancer. I'm now happily remarried and pregnant with my first child. My second husband knows that I will always love and miss my first, and he respects that even though I'm not sure he completely understands it. I kept my first husband's last name and will be buried next to him - we were high school sweethearts and there's no doubt in my mind that if he had lived, we would still be married, hopefully with a couple of kids and a house somewhere quiet. But I love my current husband very much; he makes me happy, he's a good partner, we're very well suited to each other, and I'm so in love with our daughter already. I'll always be a little sad about what could have been, but I'm also very happy with what my life has brought me.
1. I was married for a long time, 29 years. No kids, just her and me. Sudden heart attack. I won't even try to described the loss. I still can't talk much about it. Even typing this is emotional.
I remarried after about two years and I have been married now for 12 years, so I guess my natural state is to be married. I don't talk about my first wife, or even talk about anything about that past life. I explained what happened when I first met my second wife, but she felt she might not measure up since I clearly idolized my first wife, so I just put it all inside and thats where it stays. In a box inside me.
Sometimes the grief just comes out. In the first five years or so after my wife's death, it came out a lot. Not so much anymore, but it still does and you never know when it will happen. It's sort like a wave at the beach. You are standing in shallow water, and something happens, a sight, a sound, a song, a smell, and you suddenly recall, and then without warning a giant wave of grief just comes at you and knocks you down. You try to get up, and another knocks you down. Finally you stand, and everybody is acting normal, but for you the world looks wrong. It takes a long time to get back.
My first wife lost her mother when she was just 29. One day, when she was 39, we were driving on a summer Sunday morning, windows down, music up, I looked over and she was crying. What are you crying for I asked?
"I was just thinking of my mother."
It's been ten years I said. She just looked at me with teary eyes.
"You don't understand", she said, "but one day you will." I miss her.
Racism is an insidious, and unfortunately prevalent, force in all of our daily lives. Maybe we're on the receiving end of it, being treated differently and losing opportunities because of others' preconceived notions.
Or maybe we're on the other side of things. Even those who aren't actively racist or discriminatory still have to process the world through the filters of the things they've been told about people who are different.