Sperm Bank workers of Reddit were asked: "What is the most awkward/funniest experience you have ever had with a donor?" These are some of the best answers.
1/17 We give everyone a fresh, sterile, sealed screw-top cup for them to give their sample, along with a small paper bag. We don't want any surprises. So imagine my surprise when a gentleman walks in with his sample in an old Gerber baby food jar wrapped in a ziploc. The ziploc, of course, was because he couldn't get the baby food jar to shut all the way.
Obviously I couldn't send it to the lab that way, and nobody else would go near it, so I had to get a pipette & suction it out to transfer into one of our screw-top cups. I could smell it the entire time, plus the pipette caused it to make this disgusting slurping noise as I was transferring it. I nearly vomited everywhere. Lucky me as well, it also earned me the nickname "Ejaculate Queen" amongst my coworkers (thanks guys).
2/17 Volunteered during college for service hours. Had one guy come up to the counter, very nice looking man, and all he says is, "I heard that you can make some cash for doing this now instead of getting your couch gross."
3/17 You would be surprised how many people can't put the top on the collection cups properly. Thank god for rubber gloves.
4/17 He needed horse porn. Nuff said.
5/17 We had a potential donor come in one day. He was in a wheelchair, and I think he had cerebral palsy. I could be wrong. We know pretty much right away that we can't accept him, but we let ALL potential donors donate regardless. He goes into a room, and a minute or so later we hear him saying "help." My female coworker and I walk towards the door, slowly, and see him holding his cup. He says he can't open it and needs help. Both of us felt awkward, and ultimately I'm not sure why, but we asked a male coworker to help him. It was only awkward because I felt really bad for this guy, who was the only one who ever needed "help" donating.
6/17 This one time a guy came in and just started jerking off into cups...
7/17 Prior to medical school I worked at a fertility clinic. One of my Friday jobs was to page through our pornography selection to make sure that there were no sticky pages. There was many a discarded magazine in my tenure there...
8/17 I've witnessed a patient who came out of the collection room with pants around his ankles to say that he missed the cup. That one got some screams from the females in the office.
9/17 I've worked at a sperm bank now for two years and have had few awkward experiences with the donors. Usually it's the phone calls that are weird. We had a regular prank caller that would ask if we provides certain items in the rooms. Once he wanted to know if we had nurses to help. The last time he called he asked if we provided radios in the rooms. What the f*ck kind of porn can you run on a radio?!
10/17 I once had one come in, and directly whip it out at the counter, and just go at it.
11/17 I worked at an actual sperm bank. Probably the most awkward it got was when we surveyed the guys to see what porn they preferred. I had to sort through all the responses to figure out what porn we should buy next to out into the rooms. I learned about every weird sexual preference of these guys that I had a pretty good rapport with. The weirdest was when someone wanted specifically red headed lesbian porn, being a redhead girl I now realized why he always made sure to say hi to me (along with a creepy stare) before going into the room to donate.
12/17 When one guy asked me, "How do I get the sperm out?"
13/17 I've had a patient that cracked the specimen cup not once but twice in a row with the specimen in it. Mind you, those cups are not easy to break, they generally bend and go back to the original shape when squeezed.
14/17 I worked for a fertility clinic, not a sperm bank, and regularly had to ask men for semen samples. The most awkward times were when the man spoke little or no English and didn't understand words like ejaculate, masturbate, and abstinence (they were supposed to have not ejaculated for a couples days prior). The last resort was hand gestures, but more than once we had guys come back and try to hand us cups of urine.
15/17 We ran out of cups, and uh, donors got creative.
16/17 I was a nurse that had to deliver sperm to the sperm bank wing of the hospital. This really creepy looking guy was there to donate. I was wheeling the trolley containing the tubs of sperm and I passed him in the hallway. The guy stood in front of the trolley and leaned over it. He took a big sniff then ran his finger along the lids. I was telling him to leave when he whispered to me "shhhhh, the babies are sleeping" so definitely one for the history books.
17/17 One time a guy said "I want to make a deposit" and dropped a full soggy envelope on the desk.